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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29417856">hey, batter batter</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/lilcrickee/pseuds/lilcrickee'>lilcrickee</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>NCT (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Additional Kpop Idols, Alternate Universe - Baseball, Alternate Universe - Small Town, Coming Out, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, NCT Ensemble - Freeform, Outing, Panic Attacks, Slow Burn, Sports Related Homophobia</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 12:07:31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>84,746</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29417856</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/lilcrickee/pseuds/lilcrickee</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>As he got older he came to realize that in the world of professional sports—in the world of <em>North American</em> professional sports—anything that made a person stand out was like putting a target on their back. Jaehyun was already the odd one out, being Korean. But the colour of his skin and the slope of his eyes would never be as condemning as liking men. His ethnicity will get him taunts on the field from opposing teams; liking men will ensure that he doesn’t make it onto the field in the first place.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun/Mark Lee</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>106</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>312</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>NCTV Sportsfest Round 1</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>hey, batter batter</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>last year i went through this really weird phase of ... imposter syndrome? i suddenly felt incredibly unworthy, spent a lot of time comparing my works with those of my close friends and measuring my "success" against theirs. it sucked. i didn't feel like writing a whole lot of anything, but i started working on this fic, with the intent of posting it anonymously. now, five months later, i'm trying my best to just throw all of my insecurities to the wind and yeet this fic out of the drafts because, let's be real. five months is too long to be lingering on something, haha.</p><p>my biggest and most wholehearted thanks to brenna for beta-reading this and for answering all my dm's of various questions and taking all my pestering in stride. you are the real mvp, not just for beta-ing this, but for encouraging me and for constantly telling me that this story didn't suck (probably because you made it better with all your insightful questions and suggestions). gold glove for you, friend!</p><p>i'd also like to thank snaps and katya for encouraging me and cheerleading me, even during the period of time where i was not really divulging much about this fic. your friendship through my bouts of insecurity mean a lot to me, and i'm grateful to have you step up to the plate for me. okay. i'm done with the baseball jokes, lol.</p><p>please suspend some disbelief about reality for this story, lol. like, we're living in hallmark movie land for this one, folks.</p><p>title is adapted from a scene of <em>ferris bueller's day off</em> when they go to the cubs game and cameron yells, "hey, batter, batter, batter, <em>swing</em> batter."</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“You need to get out of there now.”</p><p>Jaehyun’s agent sounds tinny through the speakerphone, her voice high-pitched and warbling from stress. She’s been running him through what’s happening, giving him the play-by-play from Twitter while seemingly fielding calls at random from everyone from a reporter for <em>The Chicago Sun-Times</em> to the owner of the goddamn team. Any other day, Jaehyun might find it amusing to hear her cut off mid-sentence to answer a call on her work phone, but he doesn’t have time to dwell on it.</p><p>He’s got his big Tumi suitcase open on the mattress, his Louis Vuitton Keepall sitting on the ottoman at the foot of his bed. His gear bag is still sitting at the front door from when he’d come home from the game earlier that evening. The Cubs had won six to two off a grand slam from Johnny in the fifth and a diving catch Jaehyun had made on a line drive in the bottom of the ninth. </p><p>Earlier, Jaehyun had been buzzing on the adrenaline of the play. Now, he’s running on anxiety.</p><p>“Where am I even supposed to go?” Jaehyun asks, yanking open a drawer in his walk-in closet and hauling out a pile of underwear and socks. He runs back into the bedroom and tosses them in the suitcase. </p><p>“Literally anywhere,” Irene, his agent, replies. “Just get in that fancy-ass Maserati of yours and drive. I need you out of the city by day-break.”</p><p>Jaehyun looks at the clock on his bedside table. It’s two in the morning. Essentially three hours to drive as far away from Chicago as he can. </p><p>“Do you know who switched the samples?” Jaehyun asks. He pulls a stack of athletic shorts out of another drawer and tosses them into the suitcase as well. T-shirts go on top. A couple sweaters because he doesn't know where he’s going to end up, and for how long. He zips his favourite Tom Ford suit into a garment bag and haphazardly drapes it across the bed. It was the first expensive suit he’d bought after signing his new five-million-dollar contract last season. </p><p>“Do you think if I did I’d still be on the phone with you?” Irene asks. “For god’s sake, Jaehyun, I’d be on the phone with the goddamn police if I knew who’d tampered with your sample. Are you leaving yet?”</p><p>Jaehyun stares down at the rows of shoes lining the walls of his closest. He doesn’t know what to take. The vintage Jordan’s? The Balenciagas? His Yeezy’s?</p><p>In the end he takes all three, as well as a pair of running shoes that he can actually work out in, and a pair of Air Force One’s that don’t look nearly as pretentious as the other sneakers he’d thrown into the LV. </p><p>“I’m still packing,” Jaehyun admits. He runs over to the desk and grabs his laptop and its charger. It gets dumped in with the shoes, as well as his phone charger and his iPad; his good noise-cancelling headphones; his Airpods. His skincare goes into his toiletry kit—thankfully still half-packed from the last roadie they went on—and then gets wedged into the suitcase around the clothes. </p><p>“Jaehyun, I mean it, get on the road!” Irene all but shouts into the phone. Her voice crackles from the volume. “I don’t want you to talk to anyone about this, or anyone to talk to you, either. This is an investigation now, whether the reporters know it or not, and the faster you get out of town, the easier it will be for us to figure out what the fuck is going on without worrying that some Barstool low-life is going to twist all your words and get you fired before we can find the real culprit.”</p><p>Jaehyun shuts the suitcase and hefts it onto the floor. He slings the Keepall over his shoulder and looks around the bedroom.</p><p>The apartment isn’t the penthouse, but it’s pretty high up in a building in central Chicago. He can see the lights of other buildings glittering off the river, the little dots of single cars moving through the city. It’s a Wednesday night; not much happening, even in the summer. </p><p>“Okay, I’m going,” he says, heart suddenly feeling like lead in his chest. He wheels the suitcase out to the front door, hefts his gear bag on his other shoulder. There’s two bats in there, three gloves—one that’s worn in and two that he’s been using in practice to get them broken in—and his cleats. Probably a lukewarm bottle of Gatorade and other odds and ends Jaehyun’s tossed in from his locker, ferried between the ballpark and his apartment. </p><p>When the door closes behind him, it sounds heavy with finality. </p><p>The apartment is home, even if Jaehyun feels like he doesn’t spend a lot of time in it during the season. During the summer it’s pretty much just a place to sleep in between being at Wrigley and jet-setting around the country for games, but now that he’s being displaced from it forcefully, Jaehyun feels a little wistful. He doesn’t know when he’ll be back, but if Irene has anything to say about it, it’ll be sooner rather than later.</p><p>At two AM there aren’t any people lingering around the common areas of the building. Jaehyun doesn’t encounter anyone in the elevator, or on the second level of the underground parking garage where his GranTurismo sits in all its glory, custom red paint glinting faintly under the halogen lights of the garage. </p><p>Jaehyun pops the trunk and lugs the Tumi into the back. There’s just enough room for the Keepcall beside it. His wallet is in one pocket of his jeans, phone in the other. He slams the trunk closed and climbs into the driver’s seat.</p><p>When Jaehyun rests his hands on the steering wheel, he notices for the first time that they’re shaking. Not badly—not badly enough to hinder driving—but noticeable. He takes a long, slow breath in before jamming the key into the ignition and letting the car roar to life.</p><p>Jaehyun’s got no idea where he’s going as he rolls out of the garage, car purring luxuriously beneath him as he pulls out on the road. He drives the limit because the last thing he needs is to get pulled over by the cops. The radio is playing some Top 40s hit, the show a replay that the station purchased to be played for people like Jaehyun: skipping town at two in the morning with no regard to the background music for their great escape.</p><p>It takes Jaehyun just under an hour before he’s out of the suburbs, nothing but empty highway ahead of him. He takes a quick glance in the rearview mirror, eyes the faint glow of the faraway downtown core, and punches the gas. The car rumbles to life underneath him, speedometer flipping wildly as he hits 80 miles per hour in the blink of an eye, sending him hurtling down the highway, away from the only town that Jaehyun has loved with his whole heart, and the sport that has given him his livelihood.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Five hours later, Jaehyun pulls into the smallest town he’s ever seen in his life. It’s eight in the morning, sun shining brightly in the sky, reflecting off the greying asphalt, shaded slightly by the Gucci sunglasses Jaehyun found in the glove compartment and his Cubs ball cap.</p><p>The desolate sign when he’d rolled in had faintly read <em>Seneca Falls</em>. Jaehyun’s never heard of it, which is probably for the best. It’s got one main street with a few shops, and what appears to be rows of streets with charming, 18th century style houses lining the sidewalks sprawling out from the centre of town. Jaehyun’s pretty sure he could walk the entirety of the town in under an hour.</p><p>He pulls into the gas station because it seems like the reasonable place to stop. It’s only got one pump, and when Jaehyun steps out of the car he realizes that there’s nowhere for him to insert his credit card. When he takes the nozzle off the holder and puts it in the tank of the car, nothing happens. </p><p>Jaehyun blinks. He’s been awake for almost 24 hours, has driven five hours across the state and into the next. He’s hungry and tired and has zero patience left in his body.</p><p>“How the fuck do you work this thing?” he shouts, banging the pump. His voice echoes around the small town, loud enough that a flock of starlings takes off from the telephone wires across the street.</p><p>“Oh, wow,” a voice says from behind Jaehyun, startling Jaehyun hard enough that he makes an undignified yelping noise in surprise.</p><p>When he turns around, it’s to find a young man stepping out of the station’s convenience store. He’s shading his eyes against the sun, clearly eyeing up Jaehyun’s car. Even from a distance, Jaehyun can make out the bubblegum shade of pink of the guy’s hair, the faded t-shirt with the Nirvana logo splashed across the front. It makes for an all around dissonant picture.</p><p>“Uh, hi,” he says, wary. He hopes he looks inconspicuous enough in his sunglasses and hat, though he realized that driving a 200,000 dollar car around a town of roughly 50 people isn’t exactly stealthy.</p><p>“Dude, your car is, like, insane,” the guy says, stepping forward. He pretty much ignores Jaehyun as he circles the car, ogling it like he’s never seen anything as sleek as it before. Maybe he hasn’t. Jaehyun doesn’t know anything about him. When he circles back around to where Jaehyun’s standing, he seems to notice the gas nozzle sitting in the car. “Oh,” he says. “You have to pay inside beforehand. C’mon, it’ll just be a minute.”</p><p>The guy is already halfway across the station grounds before Jaehyun's brain catches up with what's been said. Hurriedly, he locks the car and scrambles after the guy. By the time he's caught up, he realizes he's missed seemingly half a conversation, but Bubblegum Hair doesn't seem to notice. Or he doesn't care.</p><p>It must be boring, working at a place like this, Jaehyun thinks as he's led into the little convenience store. The door's propped open by an old plastic milk crate that's seemingly filled with jugs of water to keep it weighed down. There's an ancient looking fan whirring away on the counter, set to a stationary position presumably where the attendant had been sitting before Jaehyun had ruined his quiet morning. On the counter, a book lays open bookmarked by what looks like a cardboard flap from a cereal box. It keeps the fan from blowing the pages over as it sits stiffly in the spine of the book.</p><p>" —Jeno and Mark are not gonna <em>believe</em> it when I tell them about your car. They’re both gonna be mad jealous, but Jeno especially. Oh, do you think I could take a picture of it? Like, the side, obviously. I mean otherwise they might just think I'm lying."</p><p>Jaehyun's stomach twists. His car isn't so over-the-top ostentatious that people will recognize it on sight, but he's certain that there's only a handful of people within driving distance of this town who own a Maserati, much less his specific make and model. </p><p>"Uh, sorry, no pictures," he says. Surprisingly, it doesn't seem to bother Bubblegum Hair at all.</p><p>“Yeah, no, that’s fair,” he says, sliding behind the counter and punching in some numbers on the cash register. It’s about as ancient looking as the pump outside, which makes the contrast of the sleek card machine the guy pulls out from under the counter to plop on the vinyl countertop even more stark. “Maybe it’s better this way. I’ll tell Jeno I saw it and he won’t know whether to believe me or not. Like, on one hand, who would drive their fancy-ass sports car through our tiny town? But on the other, why <em>wouldn’t</em> he believe me? How much do you want to put in the tank?”</p><p>Jaehyun blinks, processing. The fatigue is starting to get to him. 24 hours ago he was getting up and making breakfast, going through his pre-game routine. “Uh, 100 dollars worth I guess. Premium fuel.”</p><p>Bubblegum Hair laughs. “Sorry, dude,” he says. “We’ve just got regular old dinosaur bones here in town. Hopefully it won’t mess up the tank too much. I think the next town over has an actual proper gas station with, like, different fuel grades. Should be enough to get you there.” He punches in an amount on the card machine and turns it to Jaehyun before flicking a few switches behind the counter, likely for the pump outside. As if to confirm his suspicions, the guy says, “Pump’s ready for you when your card goes through.”</p><p>Jaehyun hesitates for a half a second, but it’s not like he’s an actual fugitive. They’re not going to track his credit cards just because he went off the grid. He’s been accused of cheating at baseball, not murdering someone. He sticks his card in the machine, punches in the pin, and waits for the little <em>beep!</em> that tells him he’s been approved.</p><p>Surprisingly, Bubblegum Hair follows Jaehyun back out to the car, though maybe it’s a good thing when Jaehyun squeezes the nozzle on the pump and nothing happens.</p><p>“Oh yeah, I forgot that normal people don’t know about the sticky trigger on this thing,” Bubblegum Hair says. “When the only people who come here to fuel up are the locals, you stop having to explain thing.” He rounds the other side of the car and manages to wriggle his hand in between Jaehyun’s and the pump. Jaehyun lets go in surprise.</p><p>“You’ve just got to, like, jimmy the thing a little and—gosh it’s a little sticky today, probably starstruck by the car it’s sitting in, haha—and, oh! There you go.”  </p><p>Jaehyun can hear the gas flowing through the line, but he’s a little afraid that if he takes the pump from the attendant it’ll stop working. Luckily, Bubblegum Hair doesn’t seem to be in any hurry to let Jaehyun fuel up his own car.</p><p>“So, are you just passing through?” Bubblegum Hair asks casually.</p><p>Jaehyun—Jaehyun isn’t really sure. There’s not exactly a lot here, but he knows for sure that he needs to sleep in the next hour or so or else he’ll be a walking zombie. What happens after that is up in the air like a pop fly.</p><p>“Dunno,” he replies, then adds, “Is there a place I can stay here? I drove pretty much all night. Haven’t slept in, like, 24 hours.”</p><p>Bubblegum Hair perks up. “Oh, yeah!” he exclaims. The pump shudders to a halt and he squeezes the nozzle a couple times to get a little more gas in the tank. “Mrs. Kim owns a bed and breakfast on 2nd Avenue. It’s mostly run by her granddaughter Sejeong, though. She’s super nice but a little intense sometimes. But I think her friend Sehun is home from school and he’s been helping her out quite a bit. He really mellows her out, which is nice, and I heard he brought his hotshot older boyfriend with him.”</p><p>Jaehyun blinks, parses through all the information Bubblegum Hair’s given him and picks out <em>Bed and Breakfast</em> and <em>2nd Avenue</em> from it all. He pushes aside <em>hotshot older boyfriend</em> and tries not to let it stick to his ribs. “Oh, okay, cool. Thanks,” he says as Bubblegum Hair pulls the nozzle from the tank and sets it back on the pump. He sticks the cap back in the tank and flicks the door shut.</p><p>“Anyway, regardless of how long you stay in Seneca Falls, I hope you enjoy your time here,” Bubblegum Hair says, rocking back on his feet slightly. He offers Jaehyun a megawatt grin, the kind of smile that should be plastered across advertisements for toothpaste or teeth whiteners. </p><p>“Uh, thanks,” Jaehyun says. He clears his throat and adds, “And, uh, thanks for all your help with the gas.”</p><p>“Oh, it’s no problem,” Bubblegum Hair replies. “Honestly, highlight of my summer. I’ve never seen a car as nice as yours before and probably never will again.”</p><p>There’s something desperately sad about the way Bubblegum Hair says this, with such certainty that he’ll never leave this town for anything else. Jaehyun understands the feeling, but he’d also broken through that wall. He’d found a way out of his small town in Connecticut, and now he lives in Chicago, plays for a storied franchise on an historic field. </p><p>“Well, uh, glad I could provide some entertainment,” Jaehyun says. He feels awkward, but there’s nothing left for him to say, really. Bubblegum Hair is still smiling at him, so Jaehyun turns and clambers back into the car. When the engine roars to life, he catches Bubblegum’s smile grow impossibly larger in the rearview mirror. Jaehyun rolls down the window, offers him a two fingered salute, and pulls out of the gas station.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>It’s not especially difficult to find the bed and breakfast, even though Jaehyun feels like he drives up and down every street in the town; despite Bubblegum Hair’s instructions, there don’t appear to be any street signs at all. The bed and breakfast, however, has a big wooden sign in the middle of an expansive flower bed at the edge of the lawn, just barely visible over the rose bushes and sunflowers and petunias.</p><p><em>Seneca Falls B&amp;B</em>. Fitting.</p><p>Jaehyun parks the Maserati on the curb and ambles up to the front door. The house is old and Victorian looking, just like the rest of the houses in the town. It’s like everything here stopped aging at the turn of the 20th century. For a moment, he feels self-conscious; he looks sorely out of place in this tiny town, but the need to sleep is outweighing all his other basic functions, so with a deep breath, he knocks on the door.</p><p>It only takes a moment before a young woman is opening the door to him. She’s dressed casually in a breezy white linen shirt and denim cut-offs, pretty in a more natural way than Jaehyun is used to seeing. The smile she offers him is bright, if a little confused.</p><p>“Hello,” Jaehyun says awkwardly. He realizes he’s still wearing his sunglasses and pulls them off, tucking them into the collar of his shirt. “Um, the guy at the gas station said that this is a bed and breakfast? I’d, um, I’d like to stay, please?”</p><p>The girl’s face lights up. “Oh!” she exclaims, opening the door wider. “Oh! Yes, please, come in!”</p><p>The inside of the house is just as old-fashioned as the outside, though meticulously well kept up. The floors are all old, polished wood. The shades on all the lights made of thick, patterned glass. There’s art hung on the walls in peeling, gilded frames, and plants situated on every antique table available. Jaehyun fidgets nervously.</p><p>“We’ll have to air out a guest room for you,” the young girl says, fiddling through a desk off to the side of the stairwell that descends into the front entry. She pulls out a ledger and a pen. “We haven’t had a guest in quite a while. Everything is clean, obviously, but the rooms can get a little stuffy. I’ll get Sehun to do it. Sehun? Sehun!”</p><p>From above them, the sound of a door closing reverberates through the house. A moment later, a man comes wandering down the stairs dressed in a pair of khaki shorts and a polo shirt, looking like he’d just stepped out of a photo shoot for J Crew in the Hamptons. Jaehyun bites his cheek to keep from smiling.</p><p>“He’s sleeping still,” the man—not Sehun—says, rubbing his eyes. He seems to notice Jaehyun then. “Oh, hello!” he says.</p><p>“This is—oh shoot, I didn’t even get your name! My bad—but he’s looking to stay here for—oh, how long did you say you were staying?”</p><p>Jaehyun blinks. “Um, I’m Jaehyun,” he offers, then inwardly curses himself for giving his name so freely. “And, um. I guess just for the night. I don’t really have any plans so, yeah. Just one night so far.”</p><p>The girl nods, scribbling in the ledger. “Okay,” she says, more to herself than to either of the other people in the room. Then she looks up. “Okay,” she says more clearly. “I’m Sejeong. Welcome to Seneca Falls B&amp;B! This is Junmyeon—” the man waves jauntily “—he’s our chef this summer.”</p><p>“I’m not getting paid.”</p><p>“You refused a cut when you got here, and now it’s too late to go back,” Sejeong scolds, then adds, “Also, can you go air out the Poplar Room? And wake Sehun up so he can help Jaehyun with his bags.”</p><p>“Oh, it’s okay,” Jaehyun says. “I’ll just bring one in for now, since I’m only staying the night.”</p><p>Sejeong’s mouth twists wistfully, like she’s disappointed to not have an excuse to get her friend out of bed this early in the morning for manual labour. “Fine,” she says. She pulls a key off a hook on the rack next to her head and offers it to Jaehyun. “This is for your room. It’s at the very top of the house.” She pulls a calculator out of the drawer, punches some numbers in, and flips it around to show Jaehyun. 75 dollars. </p><p>Jaehyun blinks. He’s never stayed at a bed and breakfast before, but 75 dollars seems a little low, especially since he could afford a much higher expense. One look at the stoic expression on Sejeong’s face, though, makes him think better than to voice this thought aloud. “Uh, do you take credit card?”</p><p>“Sure,” Sejeong replies. Her hand goes into the drawer again and pulls out a small white square dangling off a short cord that she plugs into her phone. Jaehyun’s seen the device before, mostly at the farmer’s markets that Doyoung drags him out to on their off-days. Jaehyun hands over the card, watches Sejeong swipe it through the little square before returning it and turning her phone to him as well. “Just a signature, please,” she says pleasantly.</p><p>Jaehyun, truthfully, can’t remember the last time he signed something that wasn’t an autograph for a fan. He stares at the screen for a moment before taking the phone and scribbling his signature as best he can. Maybe he should get used to it; he doesn’t know when Irene will be able to get him reinstated to the team again.</p><p>“Thanks,” Jaehyun says, handing Sejeong her phone back and pocketing the key. He blinks heavily, the fatigue starting to catch up now. “Do you mind if I head up now? I haven’t slept in a really long time.”</p><p>Sejeong clucks her tongue. “It’ll be a little stuffy,” she muses, “but of course, you’re more than welcome to. Should I have Junmyeon make you something for lunch?”</p><p>Jaehyun wants to decline, but he knows that if he sleeps for too long he’ll never be able to fall asleep at night, so he says, “Sure. Just knock on my door when it’s ready.”</p><p>Sejeong offers him a small, relieved smile. It strikes Jaehyun that he may very well be her first guest in quite a long time. “Sure thing, Jaehyun,” she says. “Don’t hesitate to ask me or Junmyeon or Sehun for anything. We really hope you enjoy your stay.”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Jaehyun manages to retrieve his Louis Vuitton from the trunk and is halfway back to the house before he remembers his toiletries are in the suitcase. And most of his clothes. He debates whether or not to drag it in as well before deciding on just opening it right there on the street and taking out what he needs. He hopes Sejeong isn’t watching him from the house.</p><p>It’s not physically difficult to navigate the house all the way to the uppermost room, but the whole house seems to lack proper air circulation, so by the time Jaehyun makes it to his designated room, he’s sweating from the stuffiness.</p><p>The room isn’t large, but it does have an adjoined bathroom. The furniture is just as old and antique looking as the rest of the house, with the exception of the bed. When Jaehyun sits on it, the give is familiar, and he can’t help but lift up the fitted sheet to see the dark blue threaded <em>Casper</em> embroidered in the side. He’d done a commercial for them last year and still acutely remembers the feel of the mattress. Jaehyun cracks a smile, trying to imagine Junmyeon and Sejeong carrying a full-sized mattress up the stairs. The Casper was obviously a good choice.</p><p>He falls asleep almost immediately, wakes up again to the sound of someone knocking on his door. Sejeong’s pleasant voice comes filtering through the wood: “Jaehyun, lunch is ready.”</p><p>She doesn’t stick around to see if he’s up; Jaehyun can hear her house slippers slapping quietly against the hardwood as she heads back down the stairs. He blinks up at the ceiling, popcorn stucco and the bright white of something freshly painted. </p><p>Jaehyun sits up and instinctively reaches for his phone. He’s got a number of messages: some from the coaches and the manager; a whole bunch from Irene; several from unknown numbers. Jaehyun scrolls through them all. Nothing from his teammates. It makes a weight settle heavy and uncomfortable in his stomach; they believe the story, then.</p><p>Irene’s messages vary from angry (“<em>They told me that the urine samples were left unattended. UNATTENDED!!!!! In this day and age where everyone’s looking for an upper hand. Goddammit.</em>”) to resigned (“<em>Your lawyer cautioned me that if I get the police involved and they don’t manage to uncover anything, the team could sue us for defamation of character. We might have to go the PI route.</em>”) to doubtful (“<em>Jaehyun, I know you and I know you’re not the type of person to take performance enhancing drugs, but you didn’t accidentally ingest something on the red flag list, did you? Like, at a party or a club or something? I just need to be sure before I launch into something back here.</em>”).</p><p>Jaehyun is—not surprised by the last question. He knows Irene needs all the information she can get in order to best help him, but it still stings a little, to have his integrity questioned like this from someone who’s known him since he was 20 years old and signing his major league contract. It’s maybe because they’ve known each other for three years now that Jaehyun hits the call button on their message thread, waiting tiredly for Irene to pick up.</p><p>“Where are you?” Irene asks, in lieu of a greeting. She sounds like she’s gotten about much sleep as Jaehyun has in the last day and a half.</p><p>“Do you actually want to know?” Jaehyun asks, rubbing a hand over his face. He needs to shave. “Or do you want plausible deniability?”</p><p>There’s a long pause on the other end. “Maybe you’re right,” Irene says, finally. She exhales raggedly. “Are you okay, though?”</p><p>Physically, sure. Emotionally, maybe not. Hearing Irene’s voice, remembering how their last conversation had been her instructing him to leave town, stirs something in him. Fuck. </p><p>“I mean, I guess,” he mutters. “Pretty tired and also just, you know, pretty confused.”</p><p>“You and me both,” Irene replies, then adds, “I can’t believe someone tampered with your drug test. Everyone and their mother thinks you’ve been doping this whole season, which is just bullshit. Fuck, I really thought you were on your way a Gold Glove this season, Jaehyun, and now you likely won’t even be considered, even when I get you back on the team.”</p><p>When, not if. Irene has a lot of confidence in her sleuthing skills. </p><p>Jaehyun is suddenly hit with a thought: the idea that maybe they won’t succeed. He could be given a ban for only 10 games, if he got really lucky, but whatever was in that test result was clearly big enough to have Irene tell him to leave. The entire rest of his season could be on the line, maybe the postseason as well.</p><p>And no matter how short or long his suspension will be, it will always be a mark on his career, unless Irene can clear his name.</p><p>“Hey,” Irene says, drawing Jaehyun’s attention out of the spiral it was descending down. “I can hear you thinking. Don’t worry. Have I ever let you down before, kid?”</p><p>“No,” Jaehyun replies quietly, because it’s true. He wouldn’t have kept Irene around this long if she had. </p><p>“Stay the week. Consider it a vacation. I’ll have this sorted out in no time.”</p><p>Her voice doesn’t betray the confidence in her words, but Jaehyun can’t help but worry anyway. Maybe he should ask exactly what he’s being accused of consuming, but Jaehyun’s also afraid to know; he doesn’t want to know exactly how badly someone has it out for him. </p><p>“Oh, and Jaehyun?”</p><p>“Yeah?” Jaehyun says.</p><p>“Don’t mention that you play for the Cubs,” Irene says. “I don’t want word getting out that you’re basically in hiding. I mean, I definitely have a story all ready to go, but the less media attention on you right now, the better.”</p><p>It’s not like Jaehyun wasn’t already keeping his identity mostly a secret for largely the same reasons, but it feels—authoritative coming from Irene, like it’s a rule now. Jaehyun swallows around the lump in his throat and says, “Okay.” </p><p>Irene utters her goodbyes, promises to text him and keep him the loop before hanging up. Jaehyun lies on the bed for several minutes afterwards, trying to process everything, when he remembers that Sejeong had come up to summon him for lunch. He sits up guiltily; if Junmyeon had gone to the trouble of cooking something for him, he doesn’t want to let it go to waste.</p><p>Sejeong never mentioned where the kitchen is, but it’s not difficult to find. Jaehyun ambles back down to the main floor and pokes his head into several different rooms before finding a brightly lit kitchen in the back of the house. The walls are painted in a butter yellow, seemingly made brighter by the sunlight filtering in through the big bay windows and bouncing off the white mosaic tile laid on the floor. Around one corner of the room are new, stainless steel appliances, the only thing Jaehyun’s seen in the house that has any sort of modern connection.</p><p>In another corner, framed by windows, is a breakfast nook. Sejeong and a young man—likely Sehun, Jaehyun guess—are seated around the banquette against the windows. Junmyeon has his back to Jaehyun, seated on one of the chairs across from them. </p><p>“Oh, Jaehyun,” Sejeong says, bouncing up from her seat. “We put your sandwich back in the toaster oven to keep warm. It should still be okay. She bounds across the room to the sleek looking countertop appliance next to the fridge and deftly slides a sandwich out onto a plate with a pair of tongs. Even from here, Jaehyun can make out the tiny whale print on the silicone. Cute.</p><p>Junmyeon gestures to the chair next to his, so Jaehyun sits down as Sejeong hurries over with the sandwich and a glass of water. “Did you want something different to drink?” she asks, wringing her hands nervously. Jaehyun blinks at his lunch before shaking his head.</p><p>“No, don’t worry about it,” he says, taking a sip of his water. He hadn’t realized how thirsty he had gotten and chugs down the glass in three large gulps. </p><p>“Oh,” Sejeong exclaims, clearly surprised. “Here, let me get you some—”</p><p>“He can get it himself,” Sehun drawls, looking at Jaehyun warily. Jaehyun can feel it when Junmyeon nudges Sehun’s leg under the table with his own.</p><p>Sehun is—startling beautiful. He could easily be a model or a movie star, with his high cheekbones and cool, calculating gaze. Like something frigid and untouchable.</p><p>“But, he’s our guest,” Sejeong protests.</p><p>“Yeah, and he’s also an adult. Just because he’s our guest doesn’t mean you need to bend over backwards to accommodate him, Sejeong.”</p><p>Sejeong’s face turns an alarming shade of pink, but her brow furrows and she puts her hands on her hips, like she’s about to mount a tremendous argument. Hurriedly, Jaehyun grabs his glass and says, “He’s right, it’s fine. Is tap water okay?”</p><p>Sejeong looks vaguely like she might murder him for agreeing with Sehun, so Junmyeon says, “Yeah, tap water is good,” before going back to finishing his sandwich. Jaehyun hurries over to the sink, fills his glass, drains it, and then fills it again before returning to the table.</p><p>“So,” Sehun says, as soon as Jaehyun sits down. Jaehyun pointedly ignores him and picks up his sandwich. Grilled cheese, with tomato and bacon. He can’t remember the last time he ate a grilled cheese sandwich. “What brings you to sleepy little Seneca Falls?”</p><p>The sandwich is really tasty. Definitely multiple types of cheese in there. Maybe a garlic aioli on the bread? Or, like, chive butter? Jaehyun doesn’t have a super refined palette, but he’s eaten at enough Chicago hotspots to appreciate good food when he tastes it. He mulls over Sehun’s question.</p><p>“Well, I was just passing through at first,” he says, “but I think I might stay.”</p><p>He doesn’t miss the way Sejeong’s eyes light up. How long has it been since someone came to stay at the bed and breakfast? </p><p>“Oh, that’s nice to hear,” Junmyeon says before Sehun can say anything more scathing. “Do you know how long you might be staying?”</p><p>Jaehyun shrugs. “Indefinitely, I guess,” he says, then adds, “Uh, if that’s okay. Like, if you have room for me.”</p><p>Sehun’s snort of disbelief is covered up by Sejeong’s excited squeal. She looks embarrassed by her outburst but says, “Of course we have room for you. Stay as long as you like, though I guess I should try and figure out how much to charge you … “ She trails off and looks pointedly at Junmyeon.</p><p>Junmyeon sighs. “I don’t know how I got roped into being your personal chef <em>and</em> giving you legal advice pro bono, but I’ll look at some options for long-term stays.”</p><p>Jaehyun raises an eyebrow. Junmyeon is a lawyer. Bubblegum Hair wasn’t kidding when he said Sehun’s boyfriend was a hotshot.</p><p>“Do you not have a job?” Sehun asks, eyeing Jaehyun suspiciously. “Like, you can just randomly show up in town and then decide to stay for <em>an indefinite amount of time</em>?”</p><p>“I’ve, uh, been temporarily laid off,” Jaehyun says, because that’s the truth even if that’s not all of it. He hadn’t really thought what he might tell people about why he’s here and where he’s from, but he figures the closer he is to the truth, the better.</p><p>“Oh, I’m sorry to hear that,” Sejeong says. There’s a thump from under the table, and judging from Sehun’s pained expression, Junmyeon’s just stepped on his foot. “Honestly, take as much time here as you need. Sometimes it’s nice to sort of detox a little before getting back out there.”</p><p>Jaehyun glances around the table at the group of people he’s seated with. Junmyeon—who’s probably close to 30, now that Jaehyun’s actually paying attention—with his law degree and his cynical but beautiful boyfriend, looking absolutely at peace with a half-eaten grilled cheese sandwich in front of him. Sehun, so strikingly attractive, with his arm draped over Sejeong’s shoulders like a protective older brother. Sejeong with her kind smile and wispy bangs falling over her forehead, looking totally at home running an empty bed and breakfast almost by herself. </p><p>These people have such different lives than Jaehyun’s. Nothing scheduled, no need to look over their shoulders. They probably know everyone in this town, friendly with half and friends with the other. It’s probably not a stretch of the imagination to say that they can be totally themselves here.</p><p>Jaehyun’s never been afforded that opportunity, and it sits plainly in front of him like the crumbs on his plate. </p><p>“Uh,” he says suddenly, pushing his way back from the table. “I think, um—I think I’m going to go for a walk.”</p><p>Sejeong looks a bit startled, but she nods. “Sure,” she says, reaching for Jaehyun’s plate, but Sehun slaps her hand away. He looks pointedly at Jaehyun, who scoops up his dishes and puts them in the sink. He would’ve done it anyway without Sehun’s scathing look. “Just be back before nine; that’s when I lock the front door. Or give me a call if you’re going to stay out later.” She reaches into her pocket and pulls out a business card that she delivers to Jaehyun, standing in the kitchen doorway. “I’ll make sure someone lets you back in,” she says.</p><p>“Thanks,” Jaehyun replies, pocketing the card. “And thanks for lunch.”</p><p>“No problem,” Junmyeon says. Sehun is rolling his eyes. “We’ll see you later.”</p><p>“Bye,” Sejeong says cheerfully as Jaehyun slips out of the room. He has to head upstairs to grab his phone and wallet and ballcap, but once he’s got what he needs he’s out the door and onto the streets of Seneca Falls.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>There's not much to see in Seneca Falls that Jaehyun hadn't already seen when he'd been driving around looking for the bed and breakfast. A few rows of houses on each side of the main street, each with similarly styled facades and turrets and front porches. Perfectly manicured front lawns with shapely bushes in full bloom under the hot summer sun. It looks a little like the town's been taken out of a Hallmark film and dropped straight into Jaehyun's life.</p><p>One thing that he hadn't seen before is a ballpark at the end of one of the streets behind Sejeong's house. It's a little overgrown, but the base lines are clear and the bags look like they've been well maintained, like someone came and put them out at the beginning of the season and will come collect them before the harsh Midwest winter sets in. Just for the hell of it, Jaehyun walks the bases.</p><p>He still hasn't heard from any of his teammates, which stings. Jaehyun thought for sure Johnny would message him, Doyoung too. Instead he's gotten radio silence.</p><p>Maybe they've been instructed to not talk to him. Maybe they're in on the scandal. That thought hurts more than anything else, so Jaehyun pushes it to the side. By the time he's made it back to home plate he's feeling irritated and more than a little sweaty.</p><p>He’s pretty sure there’s a grocery store on Main Street, but Jaehyun finds himself walking parallel to the centre of town, crossing the streets until he shows up at the gas station again. There’s no one there, but the door is still propped open with the milk crate, so Jaehyun walks in.</p><p>The inside of the convenience store looks the same as it did earlier, right down to Bubblegum Hair sitting at the counter. Maybe the only difference is that he’s reading a different book; this one is a lot thinner than the one before. Jaehyun wonders how many books the guy goes through working at the station.</p><p>When Bubblegum Hair looks up he looks surprised, though Jaehyun isn’t sure if it’s because it’s him that’s standing there or if it’s just the presence of another human being in general that’s startling.</p><p>“Hi!” he exclaims, then glances out the window, like he might see Jaehyun’s Maserati out in the lot. When he doesn’t, he asks, “How did you get here?”</p><p>“I walked,” Jaehyun replies. He glances around the store and spots the cooler in the corner, beelining it over. All the bottles in it are glass, another testament to which century Seneca Falls appears to be stuck in, but Jaehyun pays little mind before grabbing two bottles of Coke and taking them up to the counter.</p><p>“Dude, it’s pretty hot outside,” Bubblegum Hair says, ringing Jaehyun up and sliding him the card machine. When the payment goes through, he takes one of the bottles and uncaps it with the bottle opener hanging on the wall beside him. “Do you want this one opened too?”</p><p>“It’s for you, so you can open it whenever,” Jaehyun says, before tipping half the contents of his own bottle into his mouth.</p><p>Bubblegum Hair looks surprised but pleased by this development. He opens his own bottle but leaves it fizzing on the countertop while Jaehyun battles with the carbon build-up in his chest. “Where did you walk from?” he asks.</p><p>“Sejeong’s,” Jaehyun replies. “I’m staying for—a bit.”</p><p>He’s not really sure what brought him to the gas station. Maybe it’s just because Bubblegum Hair is the only other person Jaehyun’s met in this town, and if he’s going to have to stay here for a week or two, he might as well, like, get to know people. He can’t be a hermit in the bed and breakfast forever.</p><p>“That’s awesome,” Bubblegum Hair says. “Seriously. It’s so nice to have someone new in town. Ooh, do you need someone to show you around? I can do that. My shift can be over now. Oh, I guess I should tell you my name. I’m Jaemin!”</p><p>Jaehyun blinks. “Your shift can be over now?” he asks, incredulous. “Don’t you have to, like, be open in case someone comes by?”</p><p>Jaemin shrugs. He folds his book closed and turns off the fan. “Everyone here knows me,” he says. “If someone needs their car filled up and I’m not here, they can call me.” He pulls down a metal shutter on the window next to the cash register, the only hint of modernity on the entire property.</p><p>“But what if someone like me rolls into town? A stranger?”</p><p>Jaemin looks at him like he’s assessing Jaehyun. It takes Jaehyun a moment to realize he’s still wearing his clothes from last night: Gucci t-shirt, Alexander Wang sweatpants, Common Projects sneakers that are so off-colour that Jaehyun can’t really remember what colour they were in the first place. To the untrained eye, he probably looks like some slob who couldn’t bother to dress up for a walk around town. To anyone else, they’d know he’s wearing close to 1,000 dollars worth of clothing.</p><p>“Friend,” Jaemin says, which makes Jaehyun realize he never introduced himself. “Would you believe me if I told you you’re the first stranger to roll in here since New Year’s?”  </p><p>Jaehyun looks out the front door again at the gas station. The harsh August sun is bouncing off the pavement, sending up wavy heat lines that are visible to the naked eye. An honest-to-god tumbleweed blows through with a breeze. It looks barren, ghostly. Jaehyun can hardly believe his car was here just a few hours ago.</p><p>“I guess that seems—plausible,” he says after a long moment.</p><p>Jaemin laughs and scoots out from behind the counter. He scoops up his Coke, presses Jaehyun’s into his hand, and ushers him out the door. “Yeah, so, it won’t be a problem if I skip out. Mr. Moon owns the station and he’ll probably just be happy that I sold someone some gas today. Don’t worry about it.”  </p><p>The lock on the door clicks behind them and Jaemin pockets the keys before spreading his arms out wide. “So, where to first?”</p><p>Jaehyun shrugs, takes a swig of his drink because he’s starting to sweat again, even though they’ve just stepped out the door. “I don’t know,” he says. “Aren’t you supposed to be giving the tour?”</p><p>Jaemin laughs. It’s a bright, cackling sound. Unrestricted. “True that,” he says, then turns to face him. “Though I think if I’m going to be showing you around town, I should know your name. I don’t think I can introduce you to everyone as Mr. Maserati, which is what I’ve been calling you in my head all day.”</p><p>It’s not that Jaehyun is especially famous; he’s not Bryce Harper levels of famous in the sporting world, but there’s a certain apprehension that comes with telling people his name. He’s supposed to be laying low, but Jaemin is looking at him with wide, innocent eyes. It’s the same expression Sejeong had had when she’d introduced herself.</p><p>Jaehyun doesn’t know anyone in this town, doesn’t know their back stories or who they might know or what they might be interested in, but he also doesn’t know how long he’s staying. He can’t afford to ostracize anyone who he might consider a friend if he’s going to have to be here for longer than a week or two.</p><p>So, he takes a deep breath, lets it all out in a slow exhale and says, “I’m Jaehyun.”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>The tour doesn’t take very long. Jaemin starts them on the opposite side of town from the bed and breakfast and points out all sorts of random things that Jaehyun supposes is only common knowledge to the people that live in Seneca Falls. </p><p>There’s Jaemin’s house—the one he grew up in, not the one he lives in now. There’s the house that all the kids thought was haunted when they were younger. There’s the rose bush that Jaemin fell into when he was 10 which gave him a scar up the back of his leg that he still has. There’s the lamppost that Jeno crashed into on his bike when they were 16 and drunk from stolen liquor for the first time. They pass the school, which apparently only has three classrooms in it. </p><p>“We could’ve gone to Magnolia Springs,” Jaemin says, waving his hand airily, “but they wouldn’t send a bus out here to pick us up and none of our parents wanted to drive the hour and a half twice a day. So, we just stayed here.”</p><p>It’s like even though the town is small, Jaemin fills up all the spaces in it. He provides Seneca Falls with some much needed personality. It startles Jaehyun when he realizes that Jaemin wouldn’t really be out of place in Chicago, and he wonders what’s keeping him here when he’s clearly effervescent enough for bigger, busier towns. </p><p>They skip the main street with the promise to circle back around for food later, though Jaemin does run off to dump their empty bottles in a recycling bin before hurrying back to Jaehyun’s side and leading him back down the streets he’d started from earlier in the day.</p><p>“Do you like Sejeong’s?” Jaemin asks as they amble down the street. “I assume it’s nice but, I mean, I’ve never stayed there. I’ve got my own house, you know?” He offers Jaehyun a crooked grin.</p><p>“It’s nice,” Jaehyun replies. “I’ve never stayed at a bed and breakfast before so I don’t really have a point of comparison, but I think it’s nice.”</p><p>Jaemin bobs his head. “Sejeong’s grandma owns the place but she’s old and lives in a retirement home in the next town over, so Sejeong runs the place by herself.”</p><p>Jaehyun thinks of Junmyeon, making them grilled cheese sandwiches for lunch, thinks of Sehun with his protective arm around Sejeong’s shoulders and his abrupt but likely well-meaning line of questioning. “I’m glad she’s got a bit of help this summer,” he offers, to which Jaemin grins. </p><p>“Yeah. Sehun used to be around a lot more but he’s going to school in the same town where Sejeong’s grandma lives. So I guess he checks in on her and studies and hangs out with his boyfriend, whom I haven’t actually met yet but am told is very nice.”</p><p>“He is,” Jaehyun replies, then adds cautiously, “Maybe too nice for Sehun.”</p><p>Jaemin barks out a laugh. “I know he seems really prickly but he’s actually just a really big baby,” he says. “I think he’s a little bummed because a bunch of his friends moved to Chicago a few years ago. I don’t know if they visit him at school at all, but they haven’t been back here to Seneca Falls.”</p><p>There’s something about the story that reminds Jaehyun of his own phone, devoid of messages from his teammates, his friends. He understands the concept of being left behind, of being ignored for a less troublesome and bothersome existence. To his dismay, Jaehyun finds himself sympathizing with Sehun.</p><p>They wander all the way back to the ballfield. Jaehyun feels his palms itch, the desire to grip a bat and swing for the fences; the pull to put on a glove and wait patiently for the play to unfold. The Cubs have a game today. He wonders what they’ve told the media about his availability.</p><p>“This is kind of the only exciting thing in town besides anything on the main street,” Jaemin says, shoving his hands in the pockets of his cut-offs. He rocks back and forth on his heels. “We have a beer league team and we play some of the other small towns in the area and usually the rest of Seneca Falls comes out to cheer us on because they don’t have anything better to do on a Wednesday night.”</p><p>That would explain why the diamond looks like it's in decent shape. "Cool," Jaehyun says, kicking at the grass lightly. As inconspicuously as he can, he asks, "Do you play?"</p><p>Jaemin grins. "Sure do," he says, puffing his chest. "I usually play third base." Then he breaks into snickers.</p><p>Jaehyun rolls his eyes, but he can't help the small grin that turns up the corners of his lips. Before he can think better of it he says, "I'm short stop."</p><p>Jaemin stops snickering at him long enough to cast him a thoughtful look, inquiring enough that Jaehyun feels a spark of panic well up in him. Jaemin doesn't ask anything, though, just says, "Come on, we can poke around Main Street before the stores close," and leads Jaehyun to the only part of town he hasn't really looked at yet.</p><p>Main Street looks exactly like it fell out of a movie. Quaint storefronts painted in multi-coloured pastels with hand designed signs in looping, pretty cursive. The sidewalks are cobblestones, for God's sake. Jaehyun has to blink a couple times to make sure it's real.</p><p>"Cute, hey?" Jaemin asks. They're standing at one end of the street next to what Jaehyun parses to be a hardware store. It's got an assortment of summer paraphernalia outside, from Adirondack chairs to beach balls to umbrellas. </p><p>"I've never been somewhere like this," Jaehyun admits. Even the small town he grew up in Connecticut was more—established than this. If anything, Jaehyun would call Seneca Falls a village, rather than a town. </p><p>There's a beauty salon across the street, next to a small bank. Jaehyun also spots a general store and a grocery store. </p><p>On their side, they pass a bookstore and what appears to be a clothing store, the latter of which isn't open. Jaehyun pauses in front of the window to look at the mannequin, decked out in streetwear designs that Jaehyun's never seen before.</p><p>"Taeyong has the best clothes," Jaemin says dreamily, circling back to stand at Jaehyun's elbow. "He charges an arm and a leg for them—which is totally understandable but really terrible for my bank account."</p><p>Jaehyun's not really sure what to make of this. He doesn't know who Taeyong is or what he charges, but Jaehyun's certain it won't be out of the realm of his credit card limit. He'll have to check back when the store is open. </p><p>For a second, his brain stalls out. He’s already thinking about what he’ll be doing next in Seneca Falls, and while he’s reasoned with himself that he’ll be staying longer than he’d like, he doesn’t like the idea of—settling in. It feels almost too much like giving up, and Jaehyun would never choose to bow out of his career like this.</p><p>They pass a thrift shop and what appears to be a dance studio, of all things. Jaehyun picks out a walk-in clinic on the other side of the street and an auto body shop at the very end of the road. He’s so busy looking around that, for a moment, he doesn’t realize Jaemin has stopped. When he turned around, Jaemin is grinning at him, sharp and bright. It’s how he’s looked at Jaehyun all afternoon, but for some reason now it fills Jaehyun with apprehension.</p><p>He glances at the store name above Jaemin’s head: <em>The Cherry Bomb</em> it says, complete with a gaudy neon cherry sign. Upon closer inspection, Jaehyun realizes it’s a restaurant—a quaint little cafe that looks like the only establishment of its sort in town. It’s a little before three in the afternoon, not really an optimal time for eating, but Jaemin’s already pulling on one of the French doors, so Jaehyun follows him in. </p><p>Despite how ugly the neon cherry sign was outside, the cafe itself is actually quite—cute. It reminds Jaehyun intensely of Sejeong’s kitchen: white mosaic tiling on the floor, soft pastel wallpaper layered over with minimally framed black and white prints of mountains and oceans and flowers. </p><p>There’s a countertop bar running along one side of the cafe, occupied by a lone figure perched atop one of the stools and a member of the staff who’s wiping down the vinyl top. Besides them, a couple other tables are occupied, mostly older people having what appears to be an afternoon coffee catch-up with their friends. Jaemin ignores these people and goes bounding up to the person sitting on the stool.</p><p>“Hi,” the guy says, looking surprised but not alarmed. Apparently having Jaemin bounce into his arms is a regular occurrence.</p><p>Jaehyun hangs back and studies the two new faces in front of him. Jaemin’s victim has honey-brown hair and the nicest pair of arms Jaehyun’s ever seen, which is saying something considering he’s a baseball player. When he smiles at something Jaemin says to him, his eyes squinch together cutely into little crescents; a perfect eye smile if Jaehyun’s ever seen one.</p><p>The server appears nonplussed by Jaemin’s affection. His black hair is tucked under a cherry-patterned baseball cap and his round, gold-framed glasses highlight his wide, dark eyes. He’s—cute. Jaehyun can admit that to himself.</p><p>“Jaehyun,” Jaemin calls, drawing Jaehyun’s attention. “Come here, I’ll introduce you.”</p><p>Jaehyun steps closer, slides himself onto the stool next to Jaemin’s friend, who looks quite comfortable to have Jaemin draped all across his lap. He offers Jaehyun a smile and a hand. “Hi,” he says. “I’m Jeno.”</p><p>Ah, the Jeno that Jaemin had wanted to send a picture of the Maserati to. Jaehyun shakes his hand.</p><p>“I’m Mark,” the server adds, just as Jaemin says, “He’s my husband.”</p><p>Jaehyun blinks, hand outstretched to grip Mark’s. Husband?</p><p>Mark’s hand falters where it’s hovering mid-air above the counter. For a second, Jaehyun’s worried that they’ve all got the wrong impression of him, that the reason his brain has stuttered is because he’s an asshole homophobe or something, but then Mark splutters and says, “<em>I’m</em> not his husband. Jeno is.”</p><p>Like that makes things any better.</p><p>Cautiously, Jaehyun shakes Mark’s hand, offers a perfunctory, “I’m Jaehyun,” to the group and—tries to collect his thoughts.</p><p>It’s not that he’s weirded out by gay couples. He doesn’t think he was weird around Junmyeon and Sehun, and he’ll be living under the same roof as them for the next however long. People are gay. <em>Other people</em> are gay. Jaehyun swallows. He just—can’t be, not in baseball, at least.  </p><p>No, the thing that catches Jaehyun off-guard is that, well, it’s one thing to be dating and another to be <em>married</em>. Marriage implies some kind of permanence, a decision that affects a significant portion of his life. It’s something Jaehyun’s never even let himself entertain.</p><p>And yet, here it is, staring him in the face. Jaemin and Jeno. Married.</p><p>Jaehyun realizes that he’s been quiet for a long enough period of time that it might be considered rude, especially with the way Mark seems to be trying to drill a hole into the side of Jaehyun’s head with the force of his stare, so Jaehyun says the first thing that pops into his mind to break the silence: “Uh, aren’t you a little young to be married? You look like you’re 20.”</p><p>Jaemin laughs, rocking so hard that he almost topples off of Jeno’s lap. “We are,” he says. “Good guess.”</p><p>Jaehyun blinks. At 23, he’s not exactly old, but he’s not exactly married, either.</p><p>“And, you’re married,” he repeats, like if he says it enough times it’ll get through his head.</p><p>“Yeah, we got married when we were 18,” Jaemin replies. “Right out of high school.”</p><p>Jaehyun shakes his head, mostly in disbelief. “Why?” he asks, before he can think better of it.</p><p>Luckily, neither Jeno nor Jaemin seem to be bothered by his questioning. Jeno at least seems to be sympathetic to Jaehyun’s confusion, especially once Jaemin answers, “Why? Because we were in love, silly.”</p><p>“We just felt like it made a lot of sense,” Jeno adds, smoothing a hand down Jaemin’s spine. Jaemin goes boneless, like Jeno’s pushed all the energy out of him. “Like, we had been dating since we were 14. Who else were we going to find in this town? Why shouldn’t we get married?”</p><p>Jaehyun wants to laugh. Why shouldn't they? Because the world was cruel and unkind to people who didn't fit <em>the norm</em>. Because they'd always be looked at like a museum display, an anomaly in the sea of heterosexual couples. Because people would take their love and twist it into something <em>bad</em> and <em>wrong</em> and <em>disgusting</em>. </p><p>Jaehyun doesn't say any of this. How could he? Even though it's the truth, he doesn't want to burst the bubble Jaemin clearly lives in, the bubble that a small town like Seneca Falls has afforded him. It makes something hot like jealousy burn in his gut, painful enough that when Mark asks him if he wants something to drink, Jaehyun asks for a glass of Malbec without really thinking about it.</p><p>Mark laughs, a cute squeaky sound that Jaehyun immediately finds disarming. "Sorry, dude," Mark says. "We don't have a liquor license here. But there's a bar a couple doors down that could serve you."</p><p>Jaehyun thunks his head on the counter. Then he remembers: Jaemin and Jeno aren't even old enough to drink yet. It immediately makes Jaehyun feel old.</p><p>"I'll just have a coffee then, please," he mutters into the vinyl.</p><p>"I can do that," Mark replies.</p><p>Jaehyun spends a lot of the afternoon nursing his coffee and listening to Jaemin talk. He's not sure if being chatty is Jaemin's default state, or if his brain-to-mouth filter flies out the window in awkward situations, but Jaemin tries his best to both fill the silences between them and include Jaehyun in the conversation, which is admirable considering 90 percent of what Jaemin blabbers about doesn't pertain to Jaehyun anyway. Jeno listens patiently, like he’s used to Jaemin’s particular branded stream-of-consciousness—which, they’re husbands, Jaehyun reminds himself, of course he would be—while Mark flits in and out of their conversations as he helps other customers in the cafe.  </p><p>"I showed Jaehyun all around town today," Jaemin boasts once Mark’s returned from running two plates of sandwiches to a table by the window.</p><p>"Well, clearly not all around if he doesn't know about Boa’s," he points out, wiping his hands on a dish towel, while Jaemin pouts.</p><p>"We didn't make it past here," he says. "We wanted to come see you first."</p><p><em>We.</em> Like Jaehyun is already part of their collective. </p><p>"How thoughtful of you," Mark says. He makes eye contact with Jaehyun and rolls his eyes, as if to say, <em>Can you believe these two?</em> “Boa’s is the bar I mentioned earlier. We can go tonight if you want.”</p><p>“Or another time,” Jaemin pipes up. “You said you might be here for awhile? Then we don’t want to overwhelm you with all that Seneca Falls has to offer on your first day.”</p><p>It feels surreal, to be brought into the fold so quickly, though Jaehyun figures it’s not too different from when he joined the Cubs. There’s always a sense of urgency when new players join the team, like they need to be integrated as quickly as possible for the best team dynamic they can muster up. Jaehyun feels like that’s what’s happening here, too: if they don’t pull Jaehyun into their friend group now, it might be too awkward later once Jaehyun’s already been here a week.</p><p>Jaehyun appreciates it.</p><p>“So, Jaehyun,” Jeno says during a lull in the conversation, made possible only because Mark’s poured Jaemin a fresh cup of coffee and he’s greedily gulping it down. “What brings you to Seneca Falls?”</p><p>Even though he’s already told Sejeong and Junmyeon and Sehun a little bit of his story, the question still makes Jaehyun freeze up. It’s one thing to tell little white lies to his—landlords. It’s another to try and make up a backstory to tell to the people who have been earnest and honest with him and want to befriend him.</p><p>“Um, I’ve been temporarily laid off from my job,” he says, giving the same answer he’d given the staff at the bed and breakfast. “Drove all night until I found a gas station. Took a nap and decided maybe this would be a good place to just, uh, disconnect for a while.”</p><p>“Ooh, Jen,” Jaemin says hurriedly, just about dribbling coffee all down his front. “You should see Jaehyun’s <em>car</em>.”</p><p>Jeno perks up. “Oh?” he says, then adds, “I’m the mechanic in town, so, cars are kind of my thing.”</p><p>It suddenly makes a lot more sense as to why Jaemin had wanted to take a picture of the Maserati. “Ah,” Jaehyun says, scratching the back of his neck. He doesn’t know if it’s such a good idea to show off the car, but he figures they’ll see it eventually. It’s hard to miss a bright red sports car hanging out on one of the side streets. “It’s, um—it’s at the bed and breakfast if you wanted to see it?” </p><p>“Yeah,” Jeno says cheerily. He glances at Mark, who shakes his head.</p><p>“I work until six,” he says. “I’ll meet you at the ball field later?”</p><p>“Sure,” Jeno replies. He fishes some bills out of his pocket and drops them on the counter. Hurriedly, Jaehyun reaches for his own wallet, remembering that he does, in fact, have to pay for the copious amounts of coffee he’s consumed in the hours that they’ve sat around in the cafe. </p><p>“Uh, do you take credit card?” he asks, rifling through the empty bill fold in his wallet.</p><p>“Sure,” Mark says easily, printing Jaehyun’s receipt and spinning it around to him. Five dollars. Jaehyun makes a mental note to leave a 100 percent tip. He slides the card into the machine and doesn’t miss the way Mark’s eyes track over the action. It takes a moment for Jaehyun to realize he’s looking at the colour and brand of the card: Black. American Express. As soon as the machine beeps, he hastily pulls the card out and sticks the card back in his wallet. </p><p>Maybe it’s just because Mark’s been actually working while they’ve been sitting around having coffee, but Jaehyun doesn’t really know a lot about him. He hasn’t been featured in nearly as many of Jaemin’s stories as Jeno has, and Jaemin had never mentioned him while he was giving Jaehyun a tour. It makes Jaehyun—wary. Not that he wants to be suspicious about the people he’s met in this town but—he just doesn’t want it getting out that he’s hiding out in small town America while his agent tries to clean up the mess that he hasn’t made but has most certainly been dragged into.</p><p>“‘Kay, we’ll see you at practice, Mark,” Jaemin says, bouncing off Jeno’s laugh and making a bee-line for the door.</p><p>“See you,” Mark echoes. He offers Jaehyun a friendly smile and says, “If you like baseball, you can tag along to our practice. We’re actually short one player this year so we keep trying to shoehorn other people in town into a position.”</p><p>Jaehyun laughs nervously. “Thanks,” he says, because he’s polite. “I’ll think about it.”</p><p>Jeno and Jaemin are already standing outside waiting for him. He offers Mark one last wave before hurrying to catch up with them. </p><p>As they walk back to the bed and breakfast, Jaehyun can’t help but stare at the way Jeno and Jaemin’s hands are intertwined, the soft glint of a gold ring on Jeno’s left hand where it’s clasped tightly with Jaemin’s right. </p><p>Jaehyun shakes his head. He can’t let himself think about things he can’t have; it’ll just lead to heartache in the end.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Jeno looks thoroughly impressed when they stop on the sidewalk outside the bed and breakfast.</p><p>“Wow,” he says reverently, circling Jaehyun’s car. “Is this a GranTurismo?”</p><p>“Yeah,” Jaehyun says, and hopes that Jeno doesn’t ask him any more questions about the car. Irene had been the one to pick it out for him; she’s surprisingly savvy about cars and had essentially navigated the entire negotiation process on his behalf. She’d done the same thing with his condo. Essentially, Irene has helped micro-manage his life in the most non-invasive way possible, and Jaehyun suddenly feels incredibly grateful that she’s looking after his—scandal.</p><p>“Wow,” Jeno says again. He runs his hand along the hood, examines the lines of the car, kicks the tires lightly. “This is, like, the coolest thing I’ve ever seen.”</p><p>“Before, the nicest car in town was Mark and Taeyong’s BMW, and that was just because it was built in the last five years,” Jaemin snickers. It takes Jaehyun a moment to place the second name.</p><p>“Taeyong,” he repeats. “Oh. He has the clothing store we passed.” </p><p>“Yeah,” Jaemin says, leaning against the passenger side door. Even though his hair clashes with the paint, he still seems to look effortlessly cool. Like a model. “He’s Mark’s brother. They moved here—maybe two years ago?”</p><p>This makes Jaehyun’s eyebrows raise. He’d been right about Mark not having lived in town for that long, but he’s still surprised that it’s only been two years. It only makes Jaehyun’s curiosity stronger, but he guesses he should talk to Mark rather than get idle gossip from Jaemin, even though Jaemin seems to know everything about everyone in town. </p><p>Besides, Jaehyun’s not sure how much he really wants to know. It’s not like he’s ever going to come back here once he can get back to Chicago.</p><p>“Taeyong’s really nice,” Jeno adds. “A little weird sometimes, but, like, the nicest guy.”</p><p>Jaehyun’s not really sure what to say to that, but he’s saved the trouble when the front door of the bed and breakfast opens and Sejeong steps outside with a huge, floppy sun hat and a watering can. She looks surprised to see them all standing around outside next to Jaehyun’s car.</p><p>“Oh, Jaehyun, you’re back!” she exclaims. She startles hard enough that water slops out the top of the watering can onto her sandals. “Hi, boys,” she adds, addressing Jeno and Jaemin.</p><p>“Hi,” they chime back, Jaemin breaking away to offer Sejeong some help with the watering can, which she offers him appreciatively. </p><p>“I see you’ve found some friends,” she says while directing which flower pots Jaemin needs to water.</p><p>“Oh, yeah,” Jaehyun says awkwardly. “I met Jaemin this morning.”</p><p>“Right, you mentioned the <em>guy at the gas station</em>,” Sejeong says with a laugh. She reaches over while Jaemin’s hunched over a flower pot and ruffles his hair. “Thanks for the business, Jaeminnie.”</p><p>“Well, to be fair, the only other thing he could’ve done is slept in his car,” Jaemin says with a laugh. “You’re a one of a kind business here.”</p><p>Jaehyun doesn’t point out that most of the establishments in Seneca Falls are one of a kind. It seems redundant. </p><p>As Jaemin continues to water Sejeong’s flowers under her watchful gaze, she asks, “Oh, Jaehyun, since you’re here, I was going to ask: do you want any help with your bags, now that you know you’re staying longer? Junmyeon and Sehun were going to go out tonight but they’re still here if you need help.”</p><p>“Oh, we can help,” Jeno says, rocking on his feet like an over-eager puppy. Jaehyun’s never met people as eager to help others as Jeno and Jaemin. “We’re already here and we were just heading over to the ball field after anyway. It’s no trouble.”</p><p>“Yeah, let the love birds have their date night,” Jaemin says joyfully. He tips the watering can upside down over the last pot, splashing water on the porch in the process. His grin is sheepish when he returns the can back to Sejeong.</p><p>Sejeong rolls her eyes, but she says, “That’s nice of you. I’ll go let them know. Thanks for the help!”</p><p>Jaehyun watches her head back inside, the front door left open for them with the luggage. When Jeno turns to look at him expectantly, Jaehyun realizes that he’s waiting for Jaehyun to open the trunk.</p><p>“Oh, you guys don’t actually have to help if you don’t want to,” Jaehyun says. “Like, if you want to get going, I can manage the bags.”</p><p>“And miss out on the opportunity to see my husband lift heavy things?” Jaemin asks, leaning against the porch rail and batting his eyelashes. Jeno turns a violent shade of pink and coughs awkwardly into his elbow.</p><p>It’s unfortunate that Jaehyun only remembers that he’d dumped half the contents of his suitcase in the trunk once he opens the lid. Shorts and t-shirts and rolled up pairs of socks greet them, spilling out of the skewed lid of the silver aluminum case. The garment bag with his suit is crumpled, effectively eliminating its usefulness beyond keeping the suit clean. The only reasonably well put-together item in the trunk is his gear bag. </p><p>Hastily, Jaehyun hefts the gear bag out and the garment bag before going about stuffing all of his clothes back into the suitcase. Jaemin wanders over and scoops up the garment bag, eyeing the brand name printed at the top.</p><p>“I don’t really like to pry,” he says, fingers tracing the letters, “but what exactly did you do before you got laid off, Jaehyun?”</p><p>Jaehyun’s brain grinds to a halt. </p><p>He feels panicked, anxious. What's he supposed to tell them? No one can know he's here. Jaehyun hates lying, though, so he manages to choke out, "I worked in baseball," before tucking his head back into the trunk to shove the rest of his clothes into his suitcase. With a tremendous heave he manages to get it closed and then zipped up. It feels a lot heavier than when he left Chicago even though there's less stuff in it now, though he supposes now that he's not being fueled by adrenaline he doesn't have ridiculous superhuman strength anymore. He's grateful when Jeno helps him heft it out of the trunk so that he doesn't dent the back of the car.</p><p>"Why didn't you say anything when we were at the ball field?" Jaemin pouts. With the garment bag draped over one arm and a hand on his hip, he looks about as non-threatening as a bunny.</p><p>"Uh, it didn't seem important?" Jaehyun replies. He goes to close the trunk but Jeno says, "Wait. What about this one?"</p><p>He's pointing at Jaehyun's gear bag, which he left purposefully in the back of the trunk. For once, Jaehyun's glad that the one he's using is nondescript; the club one he'd been given has a busted zipper and he was in the middle of the process of getting a new one when his scandal had broken. Now there's nothing tying him to the team except for the baseball cap he's been wearing, but ball caps are common enough that no one's said anything. Still, just the sight of it makes Jaehyun's chest ache. </p><p>The Cubs game would be over by now. He wonders if they won, if he can even include himself amongst their ranks still.</p><p>"I don't really need anything in it," Jaehyun says, which is at least the truth.</p><p>"Yeah, but. What if the car gets stolen?" Jeno asks.</p><p>Jaehyun's eyes widen. "Is that a thing that's likely to happen here?" he asks. His car would be a prime target. </p><p>"Well, no," Jeno admits with a grin. He's managed to fish the bag out of the back, though, and he slings it onto his shoulder. The bats knock against each other lightly, which makes Jeno raise an eyebrow at him. </p><p>"Let's just take this stuff inside," Jaehyun mutters, shutting the trunk and making sure the car is locked.</p><p>Jaemin merrily skips along into the house while Jaehyun drags the suitcase along behind them. With each bounce in Jeno's step, the bats in his bag knock against each other.</p><p>"Do you play a lot?" he asks Jaehyun, closing the front door behind them. </p><p>Jaehyun bites the inside of his cheek as they start up the first flight of stairs. Maybe it's time to start lying. Just a little. </p><p>"I played on a beer league, too," he says, which—isn't untrue. When he was in high school he used to play on rec league teams in the summer when he wasn't practicing with his state team. It doesn't matter that he rarely got to drink the beer with the team, but. It means that he's not <em>outright</em> lying to Jeno. Just—stretching the truth. "My gear was still in the trunk when I left."</p><p>Jeno nods thoughtfully, helps Jaehyun boost the suitcase up the last step onto the second floor landing. They still have one flight to go before they make it to Jaehyun's room at the top of the house. "I know Mark mentioned it to you, but if you want to play still, we have an open roster spot. I know you're not planning on staying for long but we have a new player in every week so it doesn't matter to us much."</p><p>It's been a long time since he's played just for fun, with players who have likely never stepped into a major league ballpark, let alone played in one.</p><p>"Maybe I'll—maybe I'll just watch your practice today," he says. It sounds dumb, and he can practically hear Irene in his ear chewing him out for potentially exposing himself, but Jaehyun is weak. He craves the game, especially now that it's being forcefully taken away from him. </p><p>"I'm sure everyone will be really excited to meet you," Jeno says earnestly as they heave the suitcase up the final flight of stairs.</p><p>Jaemin is already sitting on the bed when they arrive. Jaehyun's garment bag is hanging off the wardrobe door, the lines smoothed out so that it looks pristine again. Jaehyun dreads having to open the bag and look at the state of the suit inside, though; he wonders if Seneca Falls has a dry cleaner.</p><p>"Who's meeting Jaehyun?" Jaemin asks as Jeno carefully sets Jaehyun's gear bag down in the corner next to the window. </p><p>"The team," Jeno says, interrupting Jaehyun's worrying. "Jaehyun said he'd stop by to watch us practice."</p><p>"Ooh, yes," Jaemin says happily, clasping his hands together. "We love an audience."</p><p>"Read: Jaemin likes an audience," Jeno says dryly, but he's betrayed by the fond smile that stretches across his face.</p><p>It strikes Jaehyun, suddenly, how—tired he is. Not physically, but emotionally. He sits down on the chair in the corner and asks, "What time is your practice?"</p><p>"Not till 6:30," Jaemin admits. It's only five o'clock now. </p><p>Jaehyun nods. He can hear movement downstairs, Sejeong's voice rising steadily, soothed by the calming lilt of Junmyeon's. A high pitched cackle which he assumes is Sehun. Jaemin, sitting on the bed, watching him while Jeno cards through his bubblegum pink hair idly.</p><p>All these lives that Jaehyun has dropped himself into. It feels strange and uncomfortable, if only because he now realizes how far out of the norm his own life is; how different he is from all these people he's met in just the span of 24 hours.</p><p>"Do you think—? I'd like to take a nap, if that's okay. I can meet you at the ball field later," Jaehyun says.</p><p>"Oh, of course," Jaemin says, springing up from the bed like he's been electrocuted. "No problem. And like, no pressure coming tonight either, if you're feeling too tired."</p><p>It's weird to see Jaemin as flustered as Jaehyun feels. For most of the afternoon he's looked unflappable; unfazed by Jaehyun's car and his branded garment bag and vague answers to personal questions. Apparently the one thing that will make him twitch is the idea of being impolite.</p><p>"Come on," Jeno says, tugging on Jaemin's sleeve. "We should see if Sejeong needs anything before we go."</p><p>"It's not like Sehun hasn't been living here all summer," Jaemin points out. Jaehyun watches them exchange pointed glances as they leave the room, followed by their raucous laughter as they descend down the stairs. </p><p>Jaehyun closes the door behind them and sinks onto the bed. </p><p> </p><p>Jaehyun's known he's gay for a long time. Ever since he lived in that tiny town in Connecticut, wasting away the summer days playing Little League and throwing a baseball around with anyone who would so much as smile at him. For a long time, it was fine. Jaehyun was a child and all the other kids he spent time with were as obsessed with baseball as he was. There wasn't room in life for anything—or anyone—else. </p><p>It wasn't until he got older that he realized that maybe there wasn't something—right about liking boys. Or, maybe not that it was intrinsically <em>wrong</em>, but at the very least it was not something he could share with his teammates. There would be little comments here and there, little quips about how liking certain television shows was <em>so gay</em>, or how when one of their teammates struck out too often with a girl the only explanation was that they were probably secretly gay. Jaehyun knew that the words weren't meant maliciously, but it still made his gut churn.</p><p>Because as he got older he came to realize that in the world of professional sports—in the world of <em>North American</em> professional sports—anything that made a person stand out was like putting a target on their back. Jaehyun was already the odd one out, being Korean. But the colour of his skin and the slope of his eyes would never be as condemning as liking men. His ethnicity will get him taunts on the field from opposing teams; liking men will ensure that he doesn’t make it onto the field in the first place.  </p><p>So he keeps the secret buried deep inside himself, laughs along to the jokes and rags on the guys for their failed relationships with the pretty girls that show up to their games, and tries not to let his eyes wander in the clubhouse. </p><p>Jaehyun mulls all this over as he lies on his bed in Sejeong's house, staring at the ceiling instead of napping. He can tell Jeno and Jaemin haven't left, judging from Jaemin's cackling laughter and Sejeong's happy shrieking. </p><p>He wonders what it was like to be like Jeno and Jaemin: open and unapologetically themselves, unafraid to be together in front of all their friends and families. It was something Jaehyun never really let himself think about, but now that he was faced with it, it makes something <em>ache</em> in him. </p><p>He wants it too, he realizes, and it only makes this whole situation worse. No baseball, no boyfriend. He has nothing.</p><p>Blindly, he reaches out for his phone on the bedside table and checks the clock. It's 6:15. There are still no new messages on his phone from any of his teammates, no one asking where he is or how he is or if he’s okay. It makes anger well up in his lungs, settles a bad mood across his tongue before he swallows it back down. It’s only been a day. He opens a message to Irene and types, <em>Please hurry.</em> As soon as the message has been sent, Jaehyun locks his phone, rolls off the bed, and heads downstairs.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Jaemin is sitting around the kitchen table when Jaehyun comes back down, but Jeno is nowhere to be seen. There are empty plates in front of him, which makes more sense when Sejeong asks, "Oh, Jaehyun, did you want anything for dinner?"</p><p>Jaehyun eyes the empty plates, the pot on the stove that appears to be holding a large quantity of spaghetti. He thinks about the 75 dollars Sejeong charged him for the night and says, "No, it's okay, I'm not that hungry right now."</p><p>Sejeong frowns so Jaehyun adds, "Do you have an apple? Or maybe a banana? Something I can take with me to the ball field?"</p><p>"Oh, sure!" Sejeong says, darting over to the fridge and pulling open one of the crispers. She presents a deep red apple to Jaehyun on two outstretched palms. Jaehyun thanks her and offers her his signature dimpled smile in return.</p><p>"Come on," Jaemin says, setting his plates in the sink and turning on the water. "Help me dry these and then we can meet Jeno. He ran home to get our stuff once we realized we didn't have gloves or anything." He laughs brightly, hip-checking Sejeong out of the way when she tries to weasel in and wash the plates for Jaemin. </p><p>"You don't have to do that," Sejeong says, pouting with her hands on her hips.</p><p>"Sure we do," Jaemin replies, handing a freshly washed plate to Jaehyun. Jaehyun spots a dish towel hanging off the oven door handle and uses it to wipe the plate dry. "You wouldn't let us pay you so the least I can do is wash the dishes."</p><p>"I invited you for dinner," Sejeong retorts. "Plus you and Jeno moved that couch on the second floor landing that I've been trying to get Sehun and Junmyeon to move all summer. That definitely earns you a free dinner."</p><p>They bicker back and forth while Jaehyun dries the second plate. He's not sure where they go so he leaves them stacked on the counter. </p><p>His own friendships with his teammates aren't nearly this—easy. They play video games and shoot the shit together, but Jaehyun can't help but envy the casual comradery between Jaemin and Sejeong, how easy it is for them to wander into each other's homes and help with any odds and ends that need to be fixed up and put away. </p><p>The front door opens and closes. A moment later, Jeno appears in the kitchen doorway holding two reusable grocery bags. He waves one at Jaemin and then drops the other on the counter. "I found some spaghetti at home for you, Sejeong," he says. Jaemin scoots across the kitchen to Jeno's side, motioning for Jaehyun to follow. </p><p>"What?" Sejeong asks, peering into the bag and pulling out a bag of dried spaghetti noodles. "No. You didn't have to get me food! Plus, you're a bad liar, Jeno. The receipt is still in the bag."</p><p>Ah, Jaehyun sees where this is going. He hurries after Jaemin and Jeno as they make their escape into the front hallway.</p><p>"Thanks for dinner, Sejeongie," Jaemin chimes as he shoves his feet haphazardly into his shoes, giggling as he stumbles into Jeno who's just scooped up his shoes in an effort to make a hasty retreat. "Stop by ours sometime and we can repay the favour."</p><p>"Yah, when I show up I'm bringing dinner with me," Sejeong hollers, stomping into the front entry. Her bunny slippers slap comically against the floor. "And bring Jaehyun back before nine. Or call me."</p><p>"He can stay at ours," Jeno says happily, bounding out onto the porch like an overeager puppy. He sits down on the front porch step to put his shoes on. "Don't worry. He'll be alright."</p><p>Jaehyun feels a little out of the conversation. He manages to get his shoes on and stumble out the door after Jaemin. </p><p>Sejeong stands in the door, hands on her hips looking exasperated and fond. "Thanks for stopping by," she says. "And for all your help."</p><p>"Any time," Jeno and Jaemin reply in perfect harmony.</p><p>"See you later," Jaehyun offers lamely. </p><p>"Have fun!" Sejeong says before closing the door in their faces.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Obviously there were going to be other people at the ball field, but for some reason, Jaehyun hadn’t really expected them. Maybe because this whole time that he’s been wandering around town, he’s only ever seen four people gathered together at any one time, and he was part of that group.</p><p>Now he’s faced with six complete strangers as they holler and toss baseballs back and forth to each other. Despite how uneasy he feels about meeting new people, Jaehyun is comforted by the familiarity of the scene. He and his teammates behave similarly when they’re at practice: just goofing around and letting off some steam.</p><p>“Ah, look what the cat dragged in,” someone says. He has sandy brown hair and a full face, tan skin flawless in the late evening sun. “And who’s your friend?”</p><p>“This is Jaehyun,” Jaemin says, for which Jaehyun is mildly grateful for. “He’s staying in town for a little while to figure out his big quarter-life career change.”</p><p>Unsurprisingly, everyone looks a little surprised about Jaehyun’s choice to <em>stay</em>, but Jaehyun brushes it off. “I’m just here to watch,” he says awkwardly.</p><p>“He used to work in baseball,” Jeno adds. He tugs a pair of gloves from the reusable grocery bag and glances at Jaehyun. Wordlessly, Jaehyun takes the bag from him, busies himself with refolding it so that it will tuck neatly into his pocket.</p><p>“No shit,” their teammate says. He peers at Jaehyun suspiciously before saying, “I’m Donghyuck.”</p><p>The others get introduced in turn as well: Chenle, Jisung, Renjun, and Lucas. Mark waves at him awkwardly from where he’s standing across from Lucas. None of them seem to be older than Jeno and Jaemin; if they are, only a year or two. It makes Jaehyun feel old, and he’s only 23. </p><p>It’s a little weird to be hanging around with a large group of people whom he knows nothing about. Jaehyun settles on the grass at the end of their throwing lines next to Mark and listens to the threads of conversations around him. There’s talk about work and families and what people are going to do in the fall; did Jisung send his final payment in for Loyola? Is Chenle still planning a trip out to the west coast? Little things.</p><p>“So,” Lucas says, interrupting Jaehyun’s thoughts. He tosses the ball to Mark, an easy, arcing throw that has Mark stretching to reach it as it comes up short. “It’s cool that you’re staying in Seneca Falls for a bit.”</p><p>Jaehyun shrugs and says, “Yeah, I mean. It wasn’t intentional but the town seems nice and all the people I’ve met are really kind. It’s not super far away from home either, so I don’t feel like I’m uprooting my life or anything. Just—a vacation of sorts, I guess.”</p><p>Lucas laughs. It’s boisterous and booming. Sort of like him. It doesn’t escape Jaehyun’s notice how good looking Lucas is: tall, handsome, dark black hair and heavy brows. Large, curving smile that lights up his face. He wouldn’t look out of place on the Cubs with Jaehyun. “Most people that come to Seneca Falls were never looking for it,” he says, “but we end up staying anyway.”</p><p>The <em>we</em> catches Jaehyun’s attention. “You’re not from here originally?” he asks, curious. </p><p>Lucas laughs again and catches the ball Mark throws back. It’s a good throw, and Jaehyun makes a note to watch Mark’s form more closely. “No,” he says. “Me and Mark are the outsiders. The rest of them have been running around together for their entire lives.”</p><p>Jaehyun picks at the grass under his legs. “How did you end up here, then?” he asks.</p><p>More laughter from Lucas. Does he ever stop laughing? Jaehyun wonders what it would be like to be so carefree all the time.</p><p>“I followed Mark,” Lucas says, whipping the ball into Mark’s glove. It makes a resounding <em>smack</em> as it makes contact, and Mark winces at the sting. Jaehyun grins. “I was on my way to Chicago but Mark convinced me to come here instead. Or, well, I still go to Chicago but I spend a lot of the summers here now because it’s fun.”</p><p>The mention of his city makes Jaehyun’s stomach flip-flop nervously. “Uh, what do you do in Chicago?” he asks.</p><p>“Model, mostly,” Lucas says with a huge grin. “Though I don’t have as many opportunities here as I did in New York so I work at a dog cafe, too.”</p><p>Jaehyun blinks. “A dog cafe,” he says.</p><p>“Yeah! It’s actually, like, an adoption centre. You can come and hang out with the dogs, have a snack, maybe take one home if you like them. I mean, we do screenings and everything and make sure the person taking the dog home is capable of taking care of them, but, you get the idea!”</p><p>Jaehyun’s never heard of such a place in Chicago before, but it’s a big city. The cafe could be 20 miles out from where Jaehyun usually spends all his time.</p><p>There’s a nagging thought, though, at the back of his mind. If Lucas is a model, it’s not unreasonable to think that they might’ve crossed paths before, that they might run in the same or overlapping circles. Lucas clearly hasn’t recognized him, and Jaehyun hopes he would’ve remembered meeting such a striking individual, but it unnerves him to think that maybe they’ve occupied the same space before: stood in line one behind the other at a coffee shop; puttered around the same grocery store; occupied spaces in Wrigley Field at the same time. </p><p>“And, uh, you guys moved from New York?” Jaehyun asks, trying to distract himself from his downward spiral. “Must be a bit of a difference. Why the big change?”</p><p>Mark’s smile is a little rueful as he throws the ball back to Lucas. His wrist is a little stiff, Jaehyun notes; he loses a lot of power right from the release. “My brother needed a change of scenery,” Mark says. “And I couldn’t let him go alone. We were actually in LA at the time, but we drove until the car couldn’t go any further, and that’s how we ended up here.”</p><p>“And aren’t you lucky you ended up in a town with a kick-ass mechanic, hmm?” Jaemin asks, popping up next to Mark and draping himself across his shoulders. Mark just laughs and swats at Jaemin with his glove. “Come on, we’re moving on to batting practice.”</p><p>It’s weird to watch them go through the motions of practice, mostly because it’s so different from Jaehyun’s own experience. They all line up behind the metal backstop, except for Donghyuck who steps onto the pitcher’s mound. Professionally, they don’t usually all get together like this to hit, mostly because they have more than nine players and can stagger the number of people who are practicing hitting at any one time. It looks—weird to see everyone waiting. Just as weird is the fact that they seem to only have three bats amongst themselves.</p><p>Jaehyun shudders. He can’t imagine using someone else’s bat for practice, let alone a game.</p><p>It becomes pretty clear after a few throws that Donghyuck is their regular pitcher. He throws consistently into the strike zone, easy fast balls that Jaehyun will admit are not bad. They’re the kind that everyone can hit, the stuff his little league coaches would toss just so they could get used to the mechanics of hitting a ball now that it wasn’t sitting on the t-ball stand anymore.</p><p>It’s interesting to witness the potential of the team. Not the same kind of potential that Jaehyun is used to: the idea that a breakthrough is around the corner; a 20 home run season; an earned run average under four; a grand slam for the World Series. </p><p>No. As Jaehyun watches, he can pick out the little potentials: if Jaemin’s shoulders were a little looser he’d be able to put more power in his swing and the ball would go further. If Renjun kept his wrists tighter the bat wouldn’t move around as much and he’d connect with more balls. If Jisung angled his swing just a little he wouldn’t hit so many pop-flies. </p><p>Little things that would lead to minor improvements, which could eventually lead to more notches in the win column on the score sheet. Better personal stats. </p><p>Jaehyun blinks and shakes his head. He’s analyzing too much. They’re a beer league team. A recreational team that plays baseball for fun because there’s nothing else to do in town. They don’t need Jaehyun breathing down their necks about how to fix things. Technically, nothing is broken.</p><p>Jaehyun loves baseball, and he loves playing professionally, in part because he’s competitive. He loves to win, and he loves the thrill of playing at the highest level, stretching towards an illusive trophy. There’s nothing he would change about playing for the Cubs.</p><p>But there’s a tiny part of him—a part he wasn’t really aware existed until this evening—that misses this, too. The ease of playing. The chance to get out on the field and just play for the sake of playing. Hanging out with his friends. Going for drinks at a casual bar afterwards. Now everything is bright lights in the stadium and neon lights in the clubs they get VIP tables at afterwards. There’s still a camaraderie there, but it’s not like this.</p><p>The lack of messages on his phone from his teammates is proof of that.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Jeno and Jaemin drop him off at Sejeong’s, which they didn’t really need to do. They wave at Jaehyun as they amble off down the street, arm in arm, chatting happily between themselves. Jaehyun watches as Jaemin drops his head on Jeno’s shoulder. It slows their walk, but they don’t seem to mind. He watches them until they disappear around the corner, out of sight.</p><p>Sehun and Junmyeon don’t seem to be home yet, and for once, Sejeong isn’t puttering around the main living area of the house, which relieves Jaehyun. It’s not that he doesn’t like her, but he’s not particularly in the mood to talk to anyone at the moment. He’s had enough socializing for the day.</p><p>His bedroom is hot at the top of the house, but no longer stuffy thanks to the window that has been left open. Jaehyun flops on the bed and stares up at the ceiling. </p><p>The entire day has felt a bit surreal. Seneca Falls itself doesn’t seem real. Everything about it—from the people to the buildings to the businesses—feel like it’s been transplanted out of a movie and into Jaehyun’s life. Can people really be content living in a town as sleepy as this? Especially people like Mark who moved from New York, or Lucas who splits his time between the middle of nowhere and Chicago. Jaehyun doesn’t understand.</p><p>It doesn’t matter, though. He won’t have to understand. Before he knows it, Irene will be whisking him back to Chicago and he won’t have to give a second thought to Seneca Falls. He’ll be back to playing professional ball again, doing what he loves. This day will just be a blip on the radar, a footnote in the story of his life.</p><p>It’s still fairly early, but Jaehyun is exhausted. It’s only been a day but it feels like a lifetime since Jaehyun left the city. It may be a lifetime before he gets back. With a resigned sigh, Jaehyun hauls himself out of bed and into the tiny bathroom attached. He washes up, brushes his teeth, and falls back into bed. Sleep comes to him easily, and Jaehyun dreams about his phone buzzing with messages from his teammates and Irene telling him he can come home.    </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>When Jaehyun wakes up the next morning he’s immediately disarmed by the bird that’s chirping outside his window. He lives on the 45th floor of his building; the birds don’t even land on his balcony railing.</p><p>But there’s a bird outside his window now, and when Jaehyun opens his eyes he immediately realizes why. He’s not at his apartment building in Chicago. No. He’s in the Seneca Falls Bed and Breakfast. In Seneca Falls, Iowa. </p><p>God. He’s in Iowa. </p><p>Jaehyun groans and rubs a hand over his face. He’d forgotten to close the blinds the night before so now there’s hot, summer sunshine streaming in through the window. It catches on the tree branches outside and casts shadows across the wood flooring. Jaehyun watches the shadow of a bird hop across its hazy branches before flying away.</p><p>There’s a voicemail on his phone from Irene and nothing else. Jaehyun scowls but opens the message anyway, sinking back into the pillows as Irene starts talking.</p><p>“<em>Okay, hi. So, understandably, the team was quite upset that you were not at the game yesterday—which they lost, by the way, I don’t know if you’re checking scores. And they’re not very happy that you won’t be available for the near future, either. And also about your supposed doping, because, I mean, I guess that is something that they would likely be upset about. But anyway, I’ve managed to wrangle your lawyer—Seulgi, do you remember her? She was there when you signed all your contracts—out of all of her current projects to focus on this because we now have a decent reason to believe that you’re being set up. As in, we received an anonymous message. Super old school but at least it wasn’t done with cut up letters from a magazine. All it says—and if I read it to you, you have to promise to delete this voicemail after because I</em> cannot <em>have this message getting out to anyone, okay, or else Seulgi will have my head. But it says, </em>’Jaehyun, I know your secret. If you know what’s good for you, you’ll leave the Cubs.’<em> So, yeah. Pretty incriminating. But also. Jaehyun Jeong, if you are hiding a secret from me you better get yourself on the phone and start explaining because I will not have anything that can be used against us in court unknown to myself or Seulgi. Anyway. Call me, soon. Love you.</em>”</p><p>A note. Jesus fucking Christ. Jaehyun rubs a hand over his face, listens to the message again, and then deletes it like Irene had asked. Then, he rolls over, sticks his head under the pillow, and screams.</p><p>He knows what the note must be talking about. It has to be the fact that he—likes men. It’s the only thing that Jaehyun’s kept closely guarded to his chest, the only secret he’s ever kept from Irene. Jaehyun knows that it was probably dumb to not be upfront with his agent, but when he’d signed with Irene when he was 20, he’d been afraid that if she had known how much potential trouble he’d be, she wouldn’t work with him at all. </p><p>Now it’s all blowing up in his face anyway.   </p><p>Jaehyun allows himself five more minutes to lie around in bed and wallow in his guilt before mustering up the energy to call his agent.</p><p>“I’ve been waiting for your call,” Irene says irritably. Jaehyun pulls his phone away from his ear and glances at the time.</p><p>“It’s eight o’clock in the morning,” he says, voice raspy from disuse. “How long could you have been waiting?”</p><p>“Three hours,” Irene replies. “Though I left that message at two.”</p><p>“Jesus, Irene, have you slept at all?”</p><p>“Here and there,” Irene says, then adds, “Seriously, though, don’t worry about me. I’m fine. How are you? Surviving in a cornfield?”</p><p>Jaehyun has yet to see a cornfield. He might’ve passed one driving into Seneca Falls, but it had been the middle of the night and dark out. “Yeah, it’s been alright,” he says. “Everyone’s been really nice.”</p><p>Irene hums. Jaehyun can hear the sound of her house slippers slapping against the cool marble tiles of her kitchen. “Well, that’s good at least. Don’t get too attached, though. We’ll get you out of there soon enough.”</p><p>“I appreciate it,” he says. He wonders if there’s any breakfast downstairs or if he should go to the diner. Then he remembers that he’ll have to pay Sejeong for another night, or whatever fee Junmyeon will have concocted for his indefinite plans. It makes his head hurt, almost as much as what he knows is waiting for him at the end of this conversation. “What did you want me to call you about?”</p><p>“Besides wanting to know if you were alive, I need to know what the secret is that the note was talking about.”  </p><p>Jaehyun tries to even his breathing even though he can feel his heart rate pick up. He hates it because even just the presence of this note is doing exactly what it says it would do: expose him. Regardless of whether or not it’s to Irene or to the entire fanbase of Chicago Cubs fans, Jaehyun has to out himself before he’s ready.</p><p>“I—I can’t tell you,” he says, hating the way his voice breaks around the words.</p><p>Irene lets out a barely concealed sigh. “You <em>can</em> tell me,” she says, “You just don’t want to.”</p><p>“Yeah,” Jaehyun whispers, though the idea of physically being able to get the words out doesn’t seem possible right now. “It’s—it’s nothing illegal. I just. I don’t think—I can’t—”</p><p>Fuck. His chest feels so tight with emotions that he can barely keep in check. He wants to scream again, wants to hurl his phone out of the room, wants to break every branch in the tree outside his window so that a bird can never land there again.</p><p>“Jaehyun,” Irene says, soft and comforting, the way she’s talked him through a hundred breakdowns throughout his career. Everything from frustrating commercial takes to bad games, innings, and at-bats. “If you need a little time, that’s okay, but—Seulgi and I really need to know what this secret is if we can combat it properly. You know all the measures I’ve put in place to protect you thus far. This isn’t any different, and I can’t fight what I don’t know.”</p><p>“I understand,” Jaehyun says miserably, pinching his eyes shut. He wants to go back in time half an hour to before he woke up to the bird in his tree. “I’ll—I’ll try and sort it out.”</p><p>“Okay,” Irene says, then adds, “I know it’s really hard to do in person, but try not to send a message. I can’t risk anything getting out and the best way to do it is just a phone call between us, but we can do a voicemail, too. Just. Soon, please, Jaehyun.”</p><p>“Okay,” Jaehyun says.</p><p>“Sit tight, be careful, but don’t stress too much,” Irene says. He can hear her slippers again as she moves around her house. “Love you.”</p><p>“Love you, too,” he murmurs back and lets the line go dead. </p><p>Jaehyun wishes he knew who it was who had found out about his—gayness. It’s something he’s never indulged himself in; he never looks at other men, has no profiles—secret or otherwise—anywhere that would link him to gay proclivities. Hell, he hardly even <em>thinks</em> about other men. There’s no point when it will never be his reality, no point when it’s the only part of him that could cost him his career.</p><p>It makes anger burn hot in his belly. He never asked for this. He never wanted to like men. There wasn’t ever a point where he woke up and decided, <em>You know what? A change of pace would be nice.</em> This is just how he is, how he was programmed, and it’s not—it’s not fair.  </p><p>A moment later, the bird returns to the tree, its shadow swaying gently across the hardwood floor. Jaehyun’s heart feels like it’s splitting right down the middle.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Much like the day before, everyone is sitting around the kitchen table when Jaehyun finally manages to wander downstairs. He feels self-conscious as he pours himself a mug of coffee and grabs a muffin from the basket Sejeong has left out on the counter. “Good morning,” he says, sitting down in the seat he’d occupied the day before.</p><p>“Good morning,” Sejeong replies happily. “Did you sleep well?”</p><p>Honestly, he had. Before his rude awakening to reality, Jaehyun had had a very pleasant sleep in the room at the top of the house. “It was really great, thanks,” he says.</p><p>“Good,” Junmyeon says. He looks extremely relaxed this morning, easy cotton t-shirt that looks like a size too big and sensible khaki cargo shorts. On anyone else it would make them look … old, but on Junmyeon it just seems to add to his quirky charm. “Because that’s going to be your room for the remainder of your indefinite stay.” He slides a piece of paper over to Jaehyun and offers him a kind smile.</p><p>It’s not—it’s not, like, super official. Jaehyun knows what an official contract looks like. This is just a word document typed up in the standard size 11 Calibri font that outlines Jaehyun can pay<br/>
500 dollars per week (Jaehyun notes that it’s broken down to be about 71 dollars per night, which is less than what he paid for last night’s stay), even if he doesn’t intend on staying the whole week.</p><p>“That’s fine,” he says. He’ll have to see if he can take some cash out of the bank in town because he’ll need to leave a pretty hefty tip. “Do you have a pen so I can sign it?”</p><p>Sejeong and Junmyeon both look a little surprised, like they thought Jaehyun was going to put up more of a fight. Sehun just rolls his eyes. Jaehyun is handed a pen and he scrawls his signature along the bottom and dates it, too. Junmyeon looks impressed.</p><p>“Can I pay the week with my credit card again, or do you prefer cash?” Jaehyun asks, peeling the wrapper off his muffin. Sejeong looks flustered.</p><p>“Oh!” she exclaims. Jaehyun can bet Sehun’s got a hand on her knee to keep her from levitating from the table. “Either is fine. I can get the stuff for credit if you want.”</p><p>Jaehyun waves his hand. “It’s fine,” he says. “I’d have to get my wallet from upstairs anyway. I can stop by the bank today if you don’t mind me paying a little later in the morning.”</p><p>Sehun looks like he wants to protest but Sejeong says, “Whatever works for you! I’m good with that.”</p><p>“Cool,” Jaehyun says. </p><p>The table lapses into silence, and normally Jaehyun wouldn’t feel compelled to fill it, but he hates the weird, glaring look Sehun is shooting him from across the table, so he adds, “How was your date last night?”</p><p>Beside him, Junmyeon straight up <em>giggles</em> while Sehun’s mouth flattens into a thin line. “It was really good,” Junmyeon says with a smile. “We went to Magnolia Springs, which is where we live during the rest of the year. Sehunnie took me to my favourite restaurant and then—”</p><p>“We don’t have to tell him about the rest,” Sehun cuts in.</p><p>For one moment Jaehyun feels absolutely mortified, certain that Junmyeon was about to divulge some—some aspect of their <em>sex life</em> to the kitchen table, but one look at the resigned look on Sehun’s face eases that fear. It does pique Jaehyun’s interest though.</p><p>“Oh?” he asks as Sejeong giggles. He stuffs the rest of his muffin in his mouth and raises an eyebrow at Junmyeon.</p><p>“And then we went to the arcade,” Junymeon continues. He meets Jaehyun’s eye and doesn't look away. “Sehun wanted to win me a stuffed animal from the claw machine. The one that looks like a baby chick.”</p><p>“Oh my god,” Sehun mutters.</p><p>“We spent half an hour and 20 dollars on that machine,” Junmyeon crows before cackling. “You should’ve seen the look on Sehun’s face every time he dropped it or missed it. Priceless.”</p><p>Sehun makes a sort of bereft, dying whale noise while Sejeong falls into him laughing. Even Jaehyun can’t keep a smile off his face. “You know those games are rigged, right?” he asks, thinking of a claw machine he’d tried at Navy Pier. Much like Sehun, he’d spent entirely too much time and money trying to win a prize, but they don’t need to know that.</p><p>“Well, sure, but after three tries I couldn’t let it just—best me!” Sehun exclaims. “It was too much.” He flops dramatically on the table, but Jaehyun still catches the hint of a smile. It’s nice to see an expression other than a scowl on his face.</p><p>“What are you going to get up to today, Jaehyun?” Sejeong asks around her lingering giggles. </p><p>Jaehyun hadn’t really thought about it much. The tour Jaemin had given him the day before didn’t exactly leave a lot of room for exploring on his own, and there wasn’t really a whole lot to see otherwise. He had to go to the bank for sure now, but what else was there to see? Maybe just Taeyong’s clothing store. </p><p>“Not sure yet,” is what Jaehyun replies with. “Guess I’ll just make it up as I go along and see how it goes.”</p><p>“Sounds like a nice day,” Sejeong says wistfully. “I have so much gardening to do. There’s a rose bush in the back that just needs so much <em>wrangling</em>.”</p><p>“I’ve got some work to do,” Junmyeon admits. “Summer truly is coming to an end.”</p><p>“Ugh, don’t remind me,” Sehun grumbles from where he’s still facedown on the table. “I have to do my course selection soon. If I don’t I’m going to end up with all the freshmen again and they’ll all look at me weird.”</p><p>It strikes Jaehyun suddenly that Sehun is a lot older than the typical person that goes to school. Not that there’s anything wrong with getting an education late or doing continuing studies. He was just suddenly reminded of Jisung mentioning he’d graduated high school this spring; he could be one of the freshman Sehun sits with in classes next semester. The thought, at least, makes him smile.</p><p>“Guess, I’ll get going, then,” he says, draining the rest of his coffee and taking his dishes over to the sink. He snags Sejeong’s plate as well and rinses everything before popping them in the dishwasher. “Get that money for you, Sejeong.”</p><p>Sejeong’s face turns pink. “Oh, sure,” she says, then adds, “No rush.” Sehun shoots her a pointed look but breezes out of the room on Junmyeon’s heels, not bothering to spare Jaehyun a second glance. </p><p>“Have a nice day with your rose bush,” Jaehyun says kindly, and follows Sehun out the door so he can get his phone and wallet.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Getting some money out of the bank is more of a hassle than Jaehyun would like. It’s technically a credit union, which means his bank card doesn’t work at the machine or with the clerk at the single desk inside. The only thing Jaehyun can do is take a cash advance out on his credit card which is—manageable but not ideal. </p><p>“There’s a bank in Magnolia Springs,” the clerk says. “It’s the next town over and it’s just an hour and a half drive from here. If you’re really strapped for cash, I recommend you take a little gander over there and withdraw from them.”</p><p>“Thanks,” Jaehyun says, tucking his wallet back in his pocket and stepping back out onto the street. It’s a blisteringly hot day today, so Jaehyun wanders down Main Street until <em>The Cherry Bomb</em> pops into view. He only lets himself second guess himself for a minute before ducking inside.</p><p>There’s a bell that jingles overhead when he walks in. Jaehyun hadn’t noticed that the day before when he’d been following Jaemin around like a lost puppy. The cafe is reasonably busy at this hour: people seated at most of the tables, customers scurrying around Jaehyun and out the door with to-go cups of coffee clutched in their hands. Jaehyun immediately feels out of place, like he’s disrupting a well-learned flow.</p><p>“Hi,” a waitress says, popping up next to Jaehyun’s elbow. She has kind, wide eyes and a soft smile. “Can I find you a table?”</p><p>“Oh, uh,” Jaehyun stutters. He glances around the diner but doesn’t see any sign of Mark. “Is Mark working today?”</p><p>The waitress—her name tag says Mina, Jaehyun notices—widens her eyes and nods. “Yeah. Can I grab him for you?”</p><p>Jaehyun shakes his head. They’re obviously busy. “Uh, no, that’s okay. Can I—sit?” He gestures at the bar top that they’d sat at yesterday and Mina nods. She hands Jaehyun one of the menus she’d been holding and says, “Sure thing. I’ll make sure Mark knows you’re here. What was your name?”</p><p>“Jaehyun,” Jaehyun replies, before she’s scurrying off into the kitchens. Jaehyun seats himself at the mostly vacated countertop and watches her come whizzing back out with a tray laden down with pancakes and eggs and toast.</p><p>Jaehyun doesn’t have to wait long for Mark to come out. He looks surprised to see Jaehyun but still smiles pleasantly. “Hello,” he says. “Breakfast not up to snuff at Sejeong’s?”</p><p>Jaehyun splutters. “No,” he says, trying to ignore the smirk creeping up Mark’s face. “I just had a muffin.”</p><p>“And now you want something real to eat,” Mark replies. He leans against the counter, taps the menu. “Did you have a look at this yet?”</p><p>“I just sat down,” Jaehyun replies. </p><p>“Sure, okay,” Mark says easily. He straightens up and asks, “Do you want some coffee? Orange juice?”</p><p>“Orange juice is fine,” Jaehyun replies as Mark turns around and grabs a glass from the rack and tugs open the mini fridge under the opposite counter. He pulls out a ceramic jug and pours a full glass for Jaehyun.</p><p>“Thanks,” Jaehyun says. He sips at it delicately and then peers at the menu. It looks pretty standard. “Uh, do you have any recommendations?”</p><p>Mark shrugs, an easy full-body movement that makes Jaehyun feel relaxed just looking at him. “Everything here is good,” he says, “and I’m not just saying that because I work here. You look like you could use some pancakes today, though.”</p><p>Jaehyun can’t remember the last time he ate pancakes. It’s not particularly high on his list of foods that make it into his mid-season diet, but they do sound nice. Maybe it’s the person suggesting them …</p><p>“Sure,” Jaehyun says before he can let himself follow that particular train of thought. “Pancakes sound great. I haven’t had them in a long time.”</p><p>Mark shoots him a grin. “Sounds good,” he says. “I’d love to stay and chat more, but I do actually have work to do.”</p><p>Jaehyun suddenly feels a bit silly. Did he think he could just walk in here and steal all of Mark’s attention the way that he and Jeno and Jaemin had the day before? They’d stopped by the cafe at four in the afternoon when hardly anyone came in. Now they were in the peak of the breakfast rush.</p><p>“Sure, sure, of course,” he says. </p><p>He’s not sure if Mark senses some of his embarrassment, but he says, “I’ll be back in a bit. Don’t worry,” before disappearing into the kitchen. Stupidly, it makes Jaehyun feel a tiny bit better.</p><p>He tries to let the business of the cafe distract him, tries to let his phone occupy his mind, but Jaehyun can’t help the way his eyes follow Mark around the cafe. He feels attuned to the other man in a way that he hasn’t let himself be for a long time. </p><p>Jaehyun has a crush, and it feels like a live grenade sitting in his hand.</p><p>Is this not the entire reason that he’s sitting in this cafe in the first place? The burden of his secret inclinations is what could tear his career from his hands, and yet here Jaehyun is, ogling a server in the smallest town Jaehyun’s ever seen. He knows he needs to stop, and not just because he can’t jeopardize his career. Even if Jaehyun pursued anything with Mark, what would even come of it? Jaehyun’s going to leave Seneca Falls in a couple weeks and Mark will—what? Come with him? Jaehyun laughs into his orange juice at the thought.</p><p>Mark rushes by every once in a while to duck into the kitchen to get more food. He and Mina seem to move around each other in a well-practiced dance, platters of food being raised above heads and curt orders barked across the countertop at each other. A seamless, well-oiled machine.</p><p>A plate of pancakes gets dropped off in front of Jaehyun, breaking the almost hypnotic trance Jaehyun had fallen into watching the business of the cafe. Mark offers him a bemused smile. </p><p>“You okay there, buddy?” he asks, nudging a roll of cutlery towards Jaehyun. He grabs his empty orange juice glass and refills it.</p><p>“Yeah,” Jaehyun says around a tiny laugh. “Yeah. Don’t worry, I’m good.”</p><p>“Good stuff,” Mark replies. He reaches under the counter for something and comes back up with a small condiment holder full of syrups. “Weapon of choice?”</p><p>Jaehyun observes the bottles closely. There’s ordinary maple syrup, but also blueberry and strawberry and one with a fancy hand-made label that reads <em>caramelized Pineapple</em>. Jaehyun snags it out of the rack.</p><p>“Good choice,” Mark says, nudging the rest of the syrups off to the side. “Mina’s mom makes that and everyone’s obsessed with it.”</p><p>“I didn’t even know you could get other kinds of syrups,” Jaehyun admits, drizzling the topping all over the stack of pancakes. “Like, I thought everyone just used maple.”</p><p>Mark’s eyes widen. Jaehyun’s instantly caught up in how big and sparkly they look and he has to pinch himself under the counter to get himself to focus. “Oh, dude,” Mark says, leaning against the counter. “You’re missing <em>out</em>.”</p><p>“I told you,” Jaehyun says, cutting into a pancake, “I don’t eat pancakes very often.” He takes a bite, lets the robust sweetness of the syrup burst on his tongue, chased sharply by the bite of the pineapple. It leaves his mouth feeling tingly, soothed by the pillowy softness of the pancake. “Oh my god,” he moans around his mouthful. </p><p>Mark smirks. “It’s good, right?”</p><p>“So good,” Jaehyun affirms. He cuts up more of his breakfast and eats it hastily, like if he leaves it too long Mark will find a way to swoop in and steal it. “Where has this syrup been my whole life?”</p><p>Mark just laughs, straightening up. “Right here, in Seneca Falls,” he says, before ducking out from behind the counter to go help another customer.</p><p>Jaehyun gobbles down his breakfast in record time and briefly considers ordering a second helping before he remembers that he does still technically have to be in-shape for the season. He spends a distressing amount of time scraping the tines of his fork through the leftover syrup on his plate, though, and only reluctantly allows Mina to take it away for him when she passes by. </p><p>“Does your mom sell bottles of this stuff?” Jaehyun asks, shaking the bottle of syrup.</p><p>Mina laughs. “How many do you want?” she asks.</p><p>Jaehyun resigns himself to driving to Magnolia Springs to access a bank for cash.</p><p>The rush of people doesn’t seem to dwindle at all. When Mark comes running by again, Jaehyun asks, “Is it always this busy?”</p><p>“At this time of day? Sure,” Mark replies, filling a glass on his tray with orange juice. “Breakfast sort of blends into lunch around here. Some people will stay for hours.”</p><p>Jaehyun blinks and observes the cafe behind him again. He thinks he can spot some tables that have been seated for as long as he’s been at the cafe. They’re mostly elderly ladies, chatting amicably over their cups of tea. </p><p>He’s not really sure what he expected; maybe that he’d waltz in here and Mark would take time out of his day to hang out with Jaehyun like Jaemin had the day before. The cafe is a lot busier than the gas station, though, and Mark looks extremely preoccupied, so eventually Jaehyun calls for the bill and slides his credit card across the counter without looking at the amount.</p><p>“So, what’re you going to get up to with the rest of your day?” Mark asks, sticking Jaehyun’s card in the machine and handing it over. Jaehyun tips 30 percent and punches in his PIN. </p><p>“Probably just look around town a little more. Maybe see if Sejeong needs help with anything. She mentioned something about a rose bush at home.”</p><p>Mark’s brows furrow as Jaehyun hands him back the machine and Jaehyun feels his entire face turn as red as a tomato. “Oh my god, an actual rose bush. In the backyard. Like, a plant.”</p><p>Mark snickers. “Dude, I was just messing with you,” he says, handing Jaehyun the receipt. His eyebrows raise when he looks at his copy, like he’s only just now realizing how much Jaehyun tipped him. Jaehyun knows he should be careful; Mark was already wary of his black card when he’d paid for his coffee the day before, but the thrill of being faced with an attractive man has Jaehyun’s brain going haywire, like it’s been so long since he’s been with someone that his body is just acting on one stupid impulse after the other.</p><p>“I, uh—yeah, okay,” Jaehyun says lamely, pulling his card from the machine and tucking it back into his wallet. He can feel how hot his ears are and can only imagine how red they must look, too.</p><p>Mark, generously, does not comment on them. “Hey, we have another baseball practice tonight if you want to come,” he says. Jaehyun raises an eyebrow. The team must be pretty dedicated if they meet two days in a row. “Maybe you can toss the ball around a bit with us. It’ll be fun. It’s not high stakes or anything.”</p><p>“Thanks,” Jaehyun says, sliding off his stool. “I’ll think about it.”</p><p>Mark’s smile is nothing but friendly and kind. He probably smiles that way to everyone; he’s a server. A customer service smile is pretty much a requirement. Jaehyun gets it.</p><p>It’s a little after 10:30 when Jaehyun steps back out onto the street. The air already feels hotter, and Jaehyun’s only half a block down the street when he can start to feel the sweat beading on the back of his neck. </p><p>It makes him think of ball games, the sun beating down on his back, soaking into the dirt of the infield. It’s all so vivid in his mind, Jaehyun can practically hear the crack of the bat making contact with the ball, the roar of the crowd, the snap of the ball making contact with the soft, worn pocket of his glove.</p><p>It makes Jaehyun stop in the middle of the street. If he were back home in Chicago he no doubt would’ve become an inconvenience for several people on the sidewalk, but here in Seneca Falls there’s no one else out walking around. It’s so devoid of people that it looks almost ghostly, and it’s that more than anything that makes Jaehyun want to cry.</p><p>He’s 300 miles from home because someone is trying to out him and ruin his career. Even if Jaehyun never gives up his secret, he’s still going to have a drug scandal on his record for the rest of his life. It could cost him awards, a Hall of Fame induction, records. Everything that he worked hard for in his career all because he can’t like women the way the world wants him to.</p><p>He misses Chicago. He misses Wrigley Field and his teammates, who haven’t even bothered to check in on him. He misses Irene and going out for dinner with her while she complains about the stock market or her nail tech or a new vegan recipe she tried. Jaehyun misses his life.</p><p>He has to bend over for a moment, hands on his knees, to catch his breath. There are tears prickling at the corners of his eyes, but he refuses to let them fall. The last thing Jaehyun wants to do is cry about how woebegotten his life has become. He knows he could’ve ended up in way worse places than Seneca Falls.</p><p>“Oh, are you alright?”</p><p>Jaehyun looks up.</p><p>There’s a man standing a few feet away from him, hand poised on the door handle of the shop Jaehyun’s stopped outside of. When he turns to look, he sees that it’s the clothing shop that was closed yesterday. Taeyong’s. Jaehyun didn’t even check what the name was, but from this angle he can see the sign above the pastel-blue awning. It reads, <em>Cloud Nine Clothing</em>.</p><p>“I’m, um. Yeah,” Jaehyun mutters, straightening up. His face feels blotchy and his nose feels a little clogged, the way it always does when he’s on the verge of tears. It’s extra embarrassing because now that he’s looking closely, he can see that Taeyong—who else would be unlocking the door to the store?—is beautiful. </p><p>While Mark is cute in a boyish way, with round eyes and a smile that only accentuates his pronounced cheek bones, Taeyong is sharp and feline-like everywhere: from the slope of his eyes to the sharp points of his eyebrows. His hair is dyed a faint grey with lilac mixed in, the length grown out so that the ends just about brush his shoulders. He’s delicate looking, but Jaehyun can see the corded muscle of his arms as he twists the door open.</p><p>"Well, come in," Taeyong says, looking at Jaehyun expectantly. Jaehyun just stares so Taeyong huffs, offering him a kind smile. "I'm not going to leave you out here looking like you're going to keel over. Come in. I'll get you a glass of water."</p><p>There's something almost—magnetic about Taeyong's personality. Jaehyun follows him inside in a bit of a daze, eyes flitting around the space. It's dark until Taeyong flips on the lights, and then Jaehyun can see the minimalist set-up: white box tables displaying a few graphic t-shirts; wire mannequins dressed in wispy mesh shorts and boot cut denim; clothing racks draped with jackets and shirts and pants. Every article of clothing Jaehyun looks at is more different than the last, unique and beautiful and intricate.</p><p>"Wow," Jaehyun says, peering closely at one of the mannequins. There's a series of shimmery pearls threaded through the ruffles on the front. "These are amazing."</p><p>"Thank you," Taeyong says, appearing at Jaehyun's elbow, startling him. He smiles apologetically and hands Jaehyun a bottle. "They're all one-of-a-kind."</p><p>Jaehyun blinks, twisting the cap off his water and mulling the words over. "You … <em>made</em> these?"</p><p>Taeyong's cheeks turn a faint shade of pink. "Well," he says, scratching the back of his head, "It's hard to find clothing manufacturers in a town like Seneca Falls."</p><p>Jaehyun moves to the next mannequin, takes in the slate grey military style jacket with white lace trim, contrast both in colour and imagery. Gold chains drape across the shoulders and catch the light. Jaehyun could definitely see himself wearing something like this to a night out with the guys. "How much is this?" he asks, lifting the sleeve of the jacket.</p><p>Taeyong's brow furrows. Jaehyun can't tell if he's trying to remember a price or is making one up on the spot. "1,700 dollars," Taeyong says finally. </p><p>Comparable to luxury, but the temptation of its uniqueness is definitely tugging on Jaehyun's rationale. </p><p>"What are the chains made out of?" he asks casually.</p><p>Taeyong's face breaks out into a grin. "Solid 14 karat gold," he replies. That in itself would make up almost half the price of the jacket.</p><p>"Did you make the lace, too?"</p><p>Taeyong laughs. "God, no," he says. "I'm not that talented. Sourced it from a friend who's living in Beijing at the moment."</p><p>Jaehyun remembers what Lucas had said, about knowing Mark and Taeyong from New York. Taeyong would undoubtedly know lots of people in the fashion sphere. </p><p>"That's cool," he says, running his fingers over the brass buttons on the front of the coat. "Can I try this on? If it fits, I think I'll take it."</p><p>"Sure. I can always alter it if it's too big," Taeyong says, gently nudging the coat off it's mannequin and holding it open for Jaehyun to step into. Jaehyun slips his arms into the sleeves and helps Taeyong shrug the coat onto his shoulders. It's a little tight across the back, and Taeyong seems to notice right away.</p><p>"Hmm," he says, smoothing his palm across the stretched fabric on Jaehyun's shoulder blades. "It's a little tight here. Changing shoulders is hard, though. I could fit you for a new jacket instead, if you want."</p><p>Jaehyun thinks about his timeline. "I don't know if I'll have time," he admits. He shrugs the jacket off into Taeyong's waiting hands and watches regretfully as Taeyong hangs it back up.</p><p>"Well, the measurements wouldn't take that long. The design process might take more time, but we can also do that remotely if you leave town. And I can ship worldwide. Most of my business is online anyway."</p><p>"Not a lot of people here buying one-of-a-kind pieces?" Jaehyun jokes, catching Taeyong's eye in the mirror.</p><p>Taeyong’s mouth twists—a barely noticeable change in his expression—before smoothing out into a cautious smile. Something practiced and polished. It’s familiar in the sense that Jaehyun’s been crafting a similar smile for as long as he’s been playing in the majors. </p><p>“I have a decent clientele base from before I moved,” Taeyong says pleasantly. He steps away from Jaehyun and adds, “Wait here for a moment. I’ll just grab my tape measure.”</p><p>Jaehyun watches him disappear into what must be his office just off the side of the main room. When he returns, there’s no trace of the discomfort Jaehyun seemed to have caused before.</p><p>Taeyong chats idly about life in Seneca Falls, talking about how nice it is in the fall when the leaves change colour; how hard it was adjusting to midwest winters compared to the cool but bearable weather of LA—which is where he was living immediately prior to Seneca Falls—and how it’s somehow worse than the New York winters he experienced when he was going to school at Parsons.</p><p>Jaehyun whistles lowly; he’s just cultured enough to know that getting into Parsons is a pretty big deal. </p><p>“Oh stop,” Taeyong says with a laugh as he nudges Jaehyun’s arms out to measure his wingspan. “I’m just lucky Mark was willing to follow me to the city. I would’ve been a mess without him.”</p><p>“He seems—nice,” Jaehyun says, for lack of better things to say. He hasn’t known Mark long enough to know what else to comment on. Taeyong must pick up on it, because he just giggles some more.</p><p>“He’s the nicest,” Taeyong admits. “Probably nicer than I deserve. I’d give him the world if I could, and instead I gave him Seneca Falls.”</p><p>Despite the forlorn look on Taeyong’s face as he measures the length of Jaehyun’s torso, Jaehyun can’t help his curiosity. He wants to know what brings people to a town like this, what makes them stay when they could live anywhere else. Mark and Taeyong have lived in New York and LA. Chicago is right around the corner. What’s keeping them rooted here?</p><p>“What brought you guys here?” Jaehyun asks quietly. </p><p>Taeyong’s fingers tap gently across Jaehyun’s shoulders, not a request for anything, but more like a nervous habit that he can’t shake. He won’t look at Jaehyun in the mirror. Finally, he says, “I needed a change of pace and Mark wouldn’t let me go alone. We drove until the car broke down, and here we are.”</p><p>“Jeno fixed the car for you?” Jaehyun asks, even though he already knows from what Jaemin had said the night before. Taeyong scribbles the last of his measurements down on a piece of paper and tucks it into his pocket. He folds up the tape and says, “Yeah.”</p><p>“But you didn’t leave.”</p><p>Taeyong shrugs. “By that time Mark had made friends with people here and Sejeong was telling us about a house that was up for sale on the other side of town and—it just made sense, I guess. It was like all the stars aligned so that we would end up here.”</p><p>Jaehyun wonders if that’s what his story is like, too: a twist of fate. The Maserati easily would’ve gone another hundred miles with what he had left in the tank. He could’ve ended up in Magnolia Springs, or a bigger town. Stopping in Seneca Falls was by chance, really, and meeting Jaemin and then Sejeong, Junmyeon, and Sehun was starting to feel like a series of small miracles all lined up together.</p><p>“Well, it seems like a nice place to be,” Jaehyun says. He turns to face Taeyong and offers him a smile. “I should probably get going. We can meet another day to talk about designs?”</p><p>“Sure,” Taeyong replies, chipper and happy like they didn’t just spend the last 15 minutes walking a knife’s edge along their emotionally charged conversation. “Let me grab your phone number. I’ll text you.”</p><p>A couple minutes later, Jaehyun is stepping back out onto the street. He doesn’t necessarily feel any lighter than when before he went into Taeyong’s shop—there’s still a heavy longing sitting in his chest like a chill he can’t shake—but he feels somewhat reassured that he’s clearly not the only person in this town that found their way here because they were running from their problems. Misery loves company, after all.</p><p>With nothing better to do, Jaehyun heads back towards the bed and breakfast. He has to pay Sejeong anyway, maybe muster up the courage to call Irene again. If that phone call doesn’t kill him, maybe he’ll make it out to the ball field after dinner.</p><p>Jaehyun isn’t too confident in himself.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Paying Sejeong is easy. She seems happy to accept the credit card payment and when everything is all squared away, she brushes some hair that’s escaped her messy bun from her eyes and tells Jaehyun if he needs anything she’ll be in the back garden where the rose bush is. Jaehyun has never seen the rose bush, but from the general commentary on it that morning as well as Sejeong’s current disheveled state, he figures it won’t be too hard to find.</p><p>The climb to the top floor feels like reaching the top of a mountain. By the time Jaehyun has reached his room, he’s sweating and shaky, and he knows it’s not from exertion. It’s from what’s to come.</p><p>He knows he needs to tell Irene. For the good of his career, Jaehyun needs to tell her the truth but—it’s so hard when he’s barely admitted it to himself.</p><p>Jaehyun sinks down onto the bed. That dumb Casper mattress. Would he have gotten that promotional slot if he was honest with himself? If he had voiced, out loud, to anyone, that he—that he liked men, would he have even made it far enough in his career to be asked to be in a commercial for a mattress that gets delivered in a box? He’ll never know, but what Jaehyun does know is that everything that he does have—his career, his apartment, his Maserati and his Tumi suitcase and his Louis Vuitton duffle bag—have all come to him because he worked hard and kept his mouth shut.</p><p>But wasn’t his career now crumbling for the same reason?</p><p>Jaehyun buries his face in his hands. It helps to block out some of the sunlight streaming in. He takes a deep breath, tries to inhale as much of the fresh air as he can while turning over two little words inside his head.</p><p>
  <em>I’m gay.</em>
</p><p>It makes his heart race just thinking about it. Jaehyun groans. How can he ever tell Irene if he can barely even think the thoughts without wanting to shake out of his skin? His entire career he’s grown to resent this part of himself, this blemish in his programming that means he’ll never be like the other guys. He’ll never be happy to see the lineup of women who trail after him at a club, never get to post dumb couple-y pictures on Instagram, never get to have the kind of relationship that his teammates can have. If Jaehyun could scrub his preference for men from his skin, scour it from his veins, he would. He doesn’t even have to think twice about it. </p><p>Maybe he’ll skip the phone call with Irene and go straight to the garden to find Sejeong. Jaehyun needs more time. If he spends a few days working up to it, he’s certain he can muster up the courage to say the words out loud. Maybe by that time Irene and Seulgi will have figured things out anyway and he’ll never have to say anything.</p><p>Jaehyun knows he’s just running away from the problem, but he can’t bring himself to care.             </p><p>He changes into some of the workout gear that he brought and traipses back down the stairs. The door to the back garden is in the kitchen, and when Jaehyun steps outside he finds himself on a wide, back porch. There’s a small patio set off to one side and a barbeque and a couple Adirondack chairs on the other. Beyond the porch is a wide expanse of lawn, interspersed by stepping stones that are starting to become overgrown with grass. There’s a bird bath and a small pond and what looks to be a vegetable garden near the back of the property.</p><p>And a rose bush.</p><p>At first, Jaehyun thinks it’s a tree. It’s easily taller than he is, but the blooms on it are unmistakable: huge pink-petaled roses that burst from the branches of the bush like an explosion of fragranted fireworks. </p><p>Sejeong’s surveying the bush with a huge pair of pruning shears clutched in her hands. There’s already a sizeable amount of snipped branches in a pile off to the right, and a small basket filled with roses. When it becomes clear that she’s not going to notice him, Jaehyun lightly clears his throat and asks, “Uh, do you need any help?”</p><p>Sejeong startles, and for a moment Jaehyun is afraid she’s going to drop the pruning shears, but she manages to keep her grip as she turns to offer Jaehyun a sheepish smile. “Hi,” she says, then adds, “I don’t want to trouble you. You are our guest, you know.”</p><p>Jaehyun shrugs. “Sure,” he says, “but I feel like I’ve sort of exhausted a lot of things to do today before baseball practice.”</p><p>Sejeong’s eyebrows raise in surprise even as she hands Jaehyun the pruning shears. “You’re going to go practice today?” she asks.</p><p>Jaehyun pauses. He’d been largely undecided that morning when he’d talked to Mark. Even now it doesn’t feel like a conscious decision, like something he had mulled over and decided upon. It feels—like the natural conclusion to his day.</p><p>“Yeah,” Jaehyun says, raising the shears. Sejeong points to a branch that’s above her head but within Jaehyun’s reach before stepping out of the way. “I didn’t really participate yesterday, but it might be nice to swing the bat a couple times.”</p><p>The branch is thicker than Jaehyun anticipates, and he can feel his muscles straining as he works the shears closed on it. The sun is so hot that he’s already sweating. </p><p>“Jeno was saying you were working in baseball before you came here?” Sejeong asks as she gathers up the fallen branch. She carefully plucks the undamaged roses from it and puts them in the basket before tossing the branch onto the pile with the others. “So you might actually be good at baseball?”</p><p>Jaehyun laughs. “The team isn’t bad,” he defends. “For a recreational team, they’re actually pretty good.”</p><p>“Yeah,” Sejeong comments idly. She points out another branch and says, “I mean, I don’t know very much about baseball. I know they win more games than they lose, but I think it would be nice for them to have a really stand-out season, you know?”</p><p>Jaehyun grunts as he hacks away at the branch.</p><p>“Just, these boys—like a lot of us—have devoted their time and energy to this town. A lot of them could be doing bigger or better things in places much more exciting than this, but they choose to stay. The fact that Jisung is going to college in Chicago is a big deal because no one ever really leaves Seneca Falls, and never for the big city. I just thought they could have one nice big summer baseball season before things change in the fall.”</p><p>Jaehyun rolls the words over in his head. Something about Sejeong’s comments remind him of a different conversation, and it takes him a moment to place it.</p><p>“All of Sehun’s friends left town, didn’t they?” he asks. When Sejeong looks at him with a mixed look of guilt and sadness, he adds, “Jaemin sort of mentioned it in passing yesterday.”</p><p>Sejeong fiddles with one of the blooms they’ve retrieved from their pruned branches and says, “It’s not really anyone’s fault. Sometimes people yearn for different things. Sehun’s always been a bit of a homebody. He likes Seneca Falls because it’s comfortable, but his friends wanted to see the world. They’re older than him, so they left before he graduated. Some of the friends closer in age to him had greater ambitions; I heard Jongin is in New York now.”</p><p>Jaehyun prunes a branch at random to turn the thoughts over in his head. He can sympathize with Sehun, but he can’t relate; he’d always wanted to leave his small town, and now that he’s in Chicago he hardly ever thinks about going back. Jaehyun figures that makes him more like Sehun’s friends than Sehun himself. He wonders if there are people he left behind at home that mourn a lost friendship with him. Jaehyun hasn’t thought about anyone from his hometown in years.</p><p>“Jaehyun?” </p><p>Jaehyun snips another branch off the bush and glances over at Sejeong. She’s standing very still, except for her hands, which she wrings together nervously. Jaehyun nods at her to show her he’s listening. </p><p>“What’s—what’s it like, wherever you’re from?”</p><p>It strikes Jaehyun, suddenly, that he hasn’t told anyone where he came from. Maybe they all inferred from his car and his clothes and his mannerisms, but to everyone he’s met so far Jaehyun has just—materialized from nowhere. A stranger in the truest sense.</p><p>“Oh, I’m, uh, from Chicago,” Jaehyun says. He sets the pruning shears down and drags the branches he’s snipped onto the growing pile. “It’s—nice.”</p><p>“Did you grow up there?” Sejeong asks. She gathers up the shears and leans them against the porch railing before picking up the basket of roses and gesturing towards the chairs. Jaehyun trails after her.</p><p>“No, I was born in Connecticut,” he admits, “but Chicago feels like home now.”</p><p>Sejeong curls up in her chair so that she can face Jaehyun properly, but Jaehyun finds he can’t quite meet her eye. There’s something painfully earnest about her expression that makes his heart clench. Something like hope and longing. Something that makes him want to be honest.</p><p>“I grew up in a small town, kind of like this,” he says. “A little bigger, but—same idea. Small town, everyone knows each other, people don’t really leave. I think, even when I started getting good—uh, showing potential, I don’t think people thought I’d leave, but I wanted something more than what my town could give me.”</p><p>Freedom. More than baseball, Jaehyun had wanted to be free. He had wanted the opportunity to be himself, whoever that may be. Maybe deep down he had wanted the opportunity to—be gay, but the irony of it now is that Jaehyun’s more in the closet than he ever was back in Connecticut. </p><p>“Chicago feels like—a breath of fresh air,” he continues when Sejeong doesn’t say anything. “It’s so big. You can go anywhere, be anyone. Dress in a different style everyday and be someone brand new. My job sometimes felt—restricting, but I miss it. I miss the city.”</p><p>When he glances over, he’s mildly alarmed to see Sejeong wiping the corners of her eyes. He looks over his shoulder on instinct—he’s pretty sure if Sehun caught him outside making Sejeong cry he’d be chased out of Seneca Falls before lunch. “Are you okay? I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you upset.”</p><p>Sejeong laughs, but it comes out sounding a little watery. “Yeah,” she says. “I guess—I’ve never left Seneca Falls. Well, I went to Magnolia Springs to help my grandma move into her care facility, but I spend all my time sitting in this big, empty house waiting. Waiting for guests. Waiting for the summer when Sehun will come home. Waiting for—my chance, I guess. Hearing you talk about Chicago like that … it makes my heart hurt, I guess.”</p><p>Jaehyun hadn’t really thought much about the bed and breakfast, but it’s true that it’s the only place to stay in Seneca Falls. He’s walked all over this town by now and there’s not another hotel or lodgings anywhere. Anyone wanting to stay would have to keep driving to Magnolia Springs if Sejeong wasn’t here. </p><p>“Could you hire someone to run the business while you went traveling?” he asks, tentative.</p><p>“I mean, I guess,” Sejeong replies. “I’m sure Taeyong would do it if I asked. He could still run Cloud Nine out of here, but I couldn’t impose on people like that. Besides, where would I go? I’d be by myself, probably.”</p><p>“You could come visit me,” Jaehyun says before he can think better of it. He hates to see Sejeong look so sad. “In Chicago. When I go back. You could come visit. My apartment has a guest room. And Lucas lives in Chicago doesn’t he? And Jisung will be there?”</p><p>Sejeong wipes at her eyes again, “Yeah,” she says, a little breathlessly. “Yeah, I—I guess you’re right.”</p><p>The wheels in Jaehyun’s head are already turning. “I know lots of people in cities all over the US,” he continues. “They’d be more than happy to let you stay. And I’m sure Mark and Taeyong and Lucas know people in New York. Oh, and Taeyong said he knows someone in Beijing. See, you don’t have to be completely alone.”</p><p>Sejeong smiles. “No,” she says, plucking one of the roses from the basket. “I suppose you’re right.” She inhales deeply, lets the tension bleed out of her body when she exhales. “Thanks, Jaehyun. You’re a really good friend.”</p><p>It feels—nice to hear. Jaehyun hadn’t realized how heavily all his half-truths and lies by omission had been weighing on him until now, but Sejeong’s words make him feel a little less like a terrible person. Like despite everything he hasn’t told these people, he can still make them feel better when they’re down.</p><p>It makes Jaehyun’s heart beat faster in his chest, makes impulsive words form on his tongue.</p><p>“Sejeong,” he says, catching Sejeong’s attention as she makes to stand up. She folds herself back into her chair and looks at him with wide, curious eyes. “Uh, can I tell you something?”</p><p>“Sure,” Sejeong replies, offering him a kind smile. “What’s up?”</p><p>This time, it’s Jaehyun that plucks a flower from the basket. He needs something to do with his hands to make them stop shaking. There’s no reason why this should be easier with Sejeong than it would be with Irene, but Jaehyun somehow feels the admission falling from his lips without much hesitation: “I’m—I’m gay.”</p><p>Sejeong blinks, seemingly mulling the words over, so Jaehyun feels compelled to add, “I’ve, uh, never told anyone that.”</p><p>“Oh!” Sejeong exclaims, looking both surprised and mildly pleased. “Oh, Jaehyun, thank you. That’s so—wow! You’re so brave! And thank you for trusting me with this. I’m so—” She flaps her hands in front of her eyes, like she’s trying to dry the tears that are welling up again. “It means a lot to me. And, like, I don’t know if you could tell or not but we’re all very accepting, here in Seneca Falls.”</p><p>There’s a lump in Jaehyun’s throat. Isn’t he supposed to feel better after admitting something like this? All he feels is the contents of his stomach turning to lead. His chest feels so tight. Why does it feel so tight?</p><p>“Jaehyun?” Sejeong asks, as if from very far away. Jaehyun blinks, glancing up from his lap to find Sejeong crouched in front of him. “Are you okay?”</p><p>Jaehyun doesn’t think he is. He knows, logically, that he shouldn’t feel bad about this. There’s nothing wrong with being gay; Jaehyun doesn’t care if other people are gay, but it’s something he’s never wanted to associate with himself. Being gay is a difference, and in baseball, he can’t be different. Not more than he already is, being Korean.</p><p>“I don’t—I don’t—” he stutters.</p><p>Gently, Sejeong reaches out, smoothes some of the hair off his forehead where it’s starting to stick from sweat. Is it from the heat or from how panicky Jaehyun’s starting to feel? He can’t tell. She shushes him softly and says, “It’s okay, Jaehyun. Really, it’s okay.”</p><p>It’s not, and Jaehyun knows it. It’s going to cost him his career, his lifestyle, his everything. This one secret that he’s been carrying inside of himself for all this time is going to destroy him, but maybe he always knew that. Maybe a part of Jaehyun always knew that whether or not he ever came out to himself, this secret would eat away at him for the rest of his life. </p><p>They sit there for a little while longer while Jaehyun gets his breathing back under control and his brain operating more logically. Sejeong sits in front of him, holding his hand gently and humming under her breath. She has a nice voice, Jaehyun thinks idly.</p><p>Out above the garden, the sun is shining. The sky hasn’t fallen. The world still turns. Everything is how it was, except for how Jaehyun has told a person that he is gay. It’s not overly reassuring, but he’s still breathing, and maybe at this moment, that’s all that matters. Maybe it’s enough to give him enough courage to tell Irene.  </p><p>Jaehyun wipes at his face, hand shaking. Sejeong sits back on her heels, observing him carefully. “Thanks for listening,” he says, rising from his chair. Sejeong follows suit wiping her hands on her shorts. Jaehyun wonders how sweaty his hand must have been while she had held it. “I, uh, have to go make a phone call.”</p><p>“Sure,” Sejeong says easily, as if nothing had happened. As if Jaehyun hadn’t just shifted half his world view in the matter of five minutes. “I was thinking of making quesadillas for lunch. Do you want one?” </p><p>Breakfast at the diner feels like a long time ago. Maybe just the anxiety of admitting a hard truth to himself and others has made him hungrier. Whatever it is, Jaehyun finds that he’s quite hungry. “Sure,” he replies. “Hopefully the call won’t take too long. I’ll come help when I’m done.”</p><p>“Okay,” Sejeong says. She squeezes Jaehyun’s arm as she gathers the flowers and heads inside. “Good luck with your phone call.”  </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>When Irene picks up she says, “I wasn’t expecting you to call so soon.”</p><p>Jaehyun fiddles with a loose string on the quilt that’s on the bed. It’s nice. Homey. Helps make the room more lived in, like it could be someone’s bedroom and not just a room in a bed and breakfast. Like it could be his bedroom.</p><p>Jaehyun shakes his head. His bedroom in Chicago is done up in monochromatic colours. The sheets on his bed are black. Jaehyun’s pretty sure there isn’t even a throw blanket in the room. It’s all just very—functional. Nice enough that if he has to post an Instagram picture of a Casper pillow or something everything is perfectly aesthetically pleasing. It’s nothing like this room at the top of the house.</p><p>“I feel like I gathered some nerve and didn’t want to waste it,” Jaehyun admits.</p><p>“Sure, fair enough,” Irene replies. Jaehyun can picture her leaning back in her desk chair, one leg crossed over the other. He wonders how high her heels are today; if she’s been doing lots of running around on his behalf, probably no taller than two inches. If she’s just been sitting at her desk typing out angry emails and taking heated phone calls, they’re probably closer to four. “What’s up, Jaehyunnie?”</p><p>It feels so much harder to admit it to Irene than it had been to say anything to Sejeong. Maybe because it had been reciprocal with Sejeong: she had opened up to him, told him her own secrets. Maybe because there are real consequences if Irene—doesn’t approve. If Irene decides he’s not worth the trouble because of this, Jaehyun will lose more than just his agent. He loses the closest thing he has to family, too.</p><p>“So, um, yeah. The secret,” he stutters. He can hear Sejeong in the kitchen, can hear the creak of the floorboards as Junmyeon or Sehun emerges from their room to go help her. Maybe both. Jaehyun’s certain Sehun’s stomach would motivate him enough to get him to help out. Maybe some soft kisses from Junmyeon over the counter.</p><p>Jaehyun’s stomach rolls. His hands are shaking and his chest feels tight; shouldn’t it feel easier now than it did on the porch? He’s done this once already, can’t he do it again?</p><p>He squeezes his eyes shut, tries not to think about Sehun and Junmyeon: the relationship he wants but can never have, but especially if he can’t muster up the courage to tell Irene. She’s been quiet for a change, waiting him out patiently, so Jaehyun takes one long breath in, squares his shoulders, and spits out, “I’m gay.”</p><p>Jaehyun’s not quite sure what he thought Irene would say. Hopefully something affirming, like what Sejeong had told him on the porch. Despite how nervous he had been, he doesn’t expect her to say, “Shit,” under her breath, like what Jaehyun’s said has personally offended her. If Jaehyun didn’t feel like throwing up before, he does now. </p><p>His breath sits uncomfortably in his chest as he tugs harshly on the thread from the quilt. “Sorry,” he chokes out, trying his best to not do something stupid, like cry. Still, he can’t help the tears that well up in the corners of his eyes. How come he could tell someone who is closer to a stranger than a friend that he likes men and have everything be okay, but when he tells someone he considers to be something like an older sister to him it feels like his whole world is falling apart? </p><p>“Oh, Jaehyun!” Irene exclaims, a frantic tinge to the edge of her voice. “Oh, baby, I didn’t mean—Jaehyun, I’m not upset that you’re gay. There’s nothing wrong with that. I’m so sorry. It was an involuntary reaction, but an entirely inappropriate one.”</p><p>Jaehyun sniffles and wipes furiously at his face where the tears have started to fall. “You’re not—you’re not mad at me?” he whispers.</p><p>“Professionally, I’m a little upset you didn’t tell me this when we met, but personally, no. I could never be upset with you about something like this, Jaehyun. It’s who you are, and I love you. All of you.”</p><p>The vice that had been gripping Jaehyun’s chest loosens. He hadn’t realized how difficult it had been to breathe before, but he feels immeasurably lighter now. It feels—freeing. </p><p>“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you before,” Jaehyun says quietly. “I wasn’t—ready. I don’t even think—I wasn’t ready today, either, but I know that this kind of information will be really helpful for your investigation so. So, I had to be ready, I guess.”</p><p>Irene makes a soft noise on the other end of the phone. “Jaehyun,” she says softly. “I know that these are extraordinary circumstances, but I want you to know that you shouldn’t have to tell anyone about this before you’re ready. Your story is yours to share on your own time, not because some asshole is forcing your hand. I’m really sorry it had to be this way, but I’m also really proud of you. It’s an honour to be your agent, really.”</p><p>Great, now he’s crying again. Jaehyun sniffles and wipes at his nose and says, “Thank you for all your hard work. I really appreciate it, Irene.”</p><p>“Of course,” Irene replies. Her voice sounds suspiciously watery. “Now let me get back to work. I’ve got a lot of digging around to do, and I have to call Seulgi with this update. Other than her, no one else will know what’s going on. You have my word, Jaehyun. Love you.”</p><p>“Love you, too,” Jaehyun echos before the line goes dead.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>The rest of the day passes in a bit of a blur, not so much because it’s busy, but because Jaehyun feels like he floats through it in a bit of a haze. If Irene has called Seulgi already, then three people in the world know he’s gay. Three more people than the count from the day before. Is this how it will always be? Jaehyun wonders. Everyday, tacking more people onto the count until one day he comes out and then—and then everyone will know?</p><p>Jaehyun shakes his head. No. If he comes out publicly it’ll be a long time from now, well after his career is over and after his name has fallen out of Hall of Fame talks. </p><p>He must paint a particularly despairing picture, though, because even Sehun keeps his snide comments to himself. Mostly, he just shoots Jaehyun wary glances as the four of them putter around the kitchen making lunch and then washing dishes. Jaehyun trails around after Sejeong for most of the afternoon, helping out here and there and getting the opportunity to explore the house.</p><p>There’s a formal sitting room off the front entrance that Jaehyun had noticed yesterday when he’d arrived. On the opposite side of the house is a more casual family room where Sehun has rigged up a huge television and a Playstation, both of which look sorely out of place in the antique grandeur of the home. There’s a laundry room and a small office on the main floor, both of which Sejeong shows him more as part of a tour than for any functional reason.</p><p>“You don’t have to do the laundry, and Junmyeon uses the office mostly, so you don’t really need to go in these rooms ever,” she says with a laugh, shutting the office door behind them.</p><p>Sejeong’s room is on the second floor as well as Sehun and Junmyeon’s. There’s a shared bathroom and three additional guest rooms as well.</p><p>“This is a big house,” Jaehyun comments. A six-bedroom home as nice as this in the suburbs of Chicago would still cost well over half a million dollars. </p><p>“Yeah,” Sejeong says. “It can be a little lonely when Sehun goes back to school, but sometimes Mina comes over to stay and that’s nice. People are always stopping by.”</p><p>Friends, but not guests. Jaehyun wonders idly how Sejeong makes enough money to keep herself fed.</p><p>By the time six o’clock rolls around, Jaehyun’s gotten the grand tour of the house, changed three lightbulbs in the empty guest rooms, and helped Sejeong wash the tile floor in the kitchen. Sehun had been in and out of the house—once with groceries and once with empty hands—and Junmyeon had spent most of the day in the office doing lawyer work, Jaehyun guesses. It’s not a relief, per se, when there’s a knock on the front door, but Jaehyun thinks he’s seen enough tile grout to last him several years.</p><p>Mark is standing on the front porch, rocking back and forth on the balls of his feet. He’s got a nondescript black baseball cap on and has his baseball glove tucked under one arm. When Jaehyun appears over Sejeong’s shoulder, he grins.</p><p>“Hey,” he says, halting his rocking. “Uh, you want to come to baseball practice?”</p><p>Even though he’d mostly made up his mind about going to practice earlier, the events of the day make Jaehyun feel worn out. Still, he’d like to get out of the house, so he agrees easily enough, but when he makes to put his shoes on and step out the door, Mark holds up his hand. “Whoa,” he says, stopping Jaehyun in his tracks. “Where’s your glove?”</p><p>Jaehyun pauses. “My glove?” he asks.</p><p>Mark shrugs. “Sure,” he says. “Jaemin said that you had a bag of baseball stuff here. Why don’t you bring your glove and toss the ball around with us today?”</p><p>Jaehyun bites his lip. Even though he’s tired, the temptation is right there, low-hanging fruit easy for the taking. Normally, Jaehyun would hesitate, but something inside him urges him to go for it. What is he worried about anyway? He’s already revealed enough clues about himself that if anyone in town were an actual baseball fan, they’d probably know who he is. Jaehyun’s been staying off of social media, but he’s certain that there’s speculation as to why he isn’t on the roster at the moment. It wouldn’t be hard for people to connect a missing baseball player and a random Maserati-driving mystery guy showing up in Seneca Falls.</p><p>Besides, Jaehyun misses baseball.</p><p>He misses it the same he’d miss a limb if it were cut off. Jaehyun has spent his entire life working up to a career in the major leagues; even after a few days he’s itching to get back on the field. It hurts that his return to the game has to be here, in the middle of nowhere, and not Wrigley Field, but Jaehyun realizes that beggars can’t be choosers. It’s this little taste of the game he loves, or nothing at all.</p><p>“Okay, sure,” he says. He doesn’t miss the way Mark’s grin widens before he turns around and runs up the stairs all the way to the top of the house to grab his things. </p><p>The glove feels like slipping on a comfortable hoodie after spending all day in a suit and tie. It’s only been two days since Jaehyun last played a game, but he’s used to being on the field everyday. Falling out of that routine even for a short while has been unnerving. He flexes his hand in the glove for a moment before taking it off and grabbing one of the bats and his batting gloves on a whim. </p><p>Mark and Sejeong are chatting idly when Jaehyun reappears. He bounces down the last few steps and shoves his feet into his running shoes, much to Mark’s amusement. “Eager?” he asks, which makes Jaehyun blush, but Mark just socks him in the shoulder and hops down the porch steps. </p><p>“See you later,” Sejeong says cheerfully, closing the door behind Jaehyun as he stumbles out, still trying to worm his feet into his shoes properly.</p><p>“We can take a moment,” Mark says around a laugh. “Sit down and put those on properly before you trip and fall down the stairs.”</p><p>Jaehyun huffs and sets his things down before flopping dramatically onto the top porch step to untie his laces. Out of the corner of his eye, he can see Mark examining his bat. “You use wood?” he asks, sounding surprised.</p><p>It takes Jaehyun a moment to realize why: most recreational teams opt to hit with metal bats because it gives them the extra distance. Jaehyun’s not allowed to use a metal bat in the majors, but it doesn’t matter; he can crush a 400-foot home run with a bat made out of maple wood just fine. </p><p>“It, uh, feels more authentic,” Jaehyun says. It seems to be the right thing to say, because it just makes Mark giggle. Jaehyun wants to listen to the sound forever.</p><p>“Okay, well, we’re counting on you to be our number one slugger, then, Mr. Authentic.” Mark picks up the bat and glove and hands them both to Jaehyun. It’s only then that Jaehyun notices the etching on the barrel, the <em>JJ77</em> Louisville Slugger etches into all of his custom models. Jaehyun swallows and hopes that anyone who sees it will just think it’s a serial number of some sort.</p><p>Mark chatters about the rest of his day at the cafe: he tells Jaehyun about Old Mrs. Kim who runs the laundromat who tried to swindle him out of a free lunch, and the bridge club that came in and took up two of Mina’s tables and spent the afternoon talking loudly over one another. </p><p>“Mina’s getting pretty good at bridge now, and I don’t think she’s ever played a game,” Mark says, laughing hard enough that he tips into Jaehyun’s side as they amble down the sidewalk. Jaehyun tries not to linger on the warmth of their bodies together.</p><p>“Hey,” Mark says as the ball field comes into view. There’s already several people there, warming up. “I have the day off tomorrow. Do you want to hang out?”</p><p>Besides the fact that Jaehyun has a monumental crush on Mark, this seems—important. It’s not that Jaehyun doesn’t have friends in Chicago, but sometimes being teammates with someone isn’t the same thing as being <em>friends</em>. Jaehyun’s known plenty of guys that he’d hang out with on the regular just to fall out of touch when they were traded away or signed with a different team in the off-season. There’s a special relationship that comes with teammates, and Jaehyun’s been around the majors for long enough now that he understands that it’s not the same thing as friendship.</p><p>Jaehyun has some people on the Cubs he’d consider actual friends, people he’d hang out with and make an effort to keep in touch with. Or, at least, he thought he did. He hasn’t heard from Doyoung or Johnny or Yuta since he came to Seneca Falls. Not so much as a meme from Jungwoo or a shared recipe from Taeil. Just quiet message threads and inactive Instagram accounts.</p><p>Maybe that’s part of the reason why he says, “Sure,” so easily. That, and the crush.</p><p>“Great!” Mark exclaims as they step onto the grass. Donghyuck waves at them from where he’s tossing a ball with Jeno and Jaemin. “Meet me at the cafe at nine? I have some idea of what we could do.”</p><p>Before Jaehyun can say anything else, Mark gives him a blinding grin and hurries off towards the others, hollering a greeting as he goes. He leaves Jaehyun standing just off the sidewalk, alone but not lonely. All he has to do is follow Mark to the others, and without so much as a fortifying breath, Jaehyun does just that.  </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>It feels good to get back out onto the field, even if it’s just a barely maintained ball park in the middle of nowhere and not Wrigley. At this point, it doesn’t matter to Jaehyun. He tosses the ball lazily with Mark and Lucas, feels the muscles in his arm shifting to accommodate a motion that already feels out of practice. </p><p>“You’re a lot better at this than Mark,” Lucas comments as Jaehyun lobs another easy throw right into the palm of his glove. “Like, I don’t even have to move. You just throw them right to me!”</p><p>“Hey,” Mark complains. “I’m just trying to make sure you get some exercise. If you keep eating pancakes every day for breakfast your agent is going to have something to say to me.”</p><p>Lucas just laughs, loud and raucous and filling up the empty spaces of the field. Jaehyun wonders how he can be so blasé about his career. </p><p>“It’s fine, Mark,” Lucas says. “I go back to Chicago at the end of the month and I’ll have, like, two weeks to get into shape. It’ll be fine!”</p><p>“One day your age is going to catch up to you and your metabolism will abandon you and then where will you be?” Mark asks. He tosses the ball to Jaehyun, who has to stretch to catch it. Lucas winks at him.</p><p>“Probably sitting on my couch at home with a bag of potato chips because my career will be over but at least I can eat whatever I want!”</p><p>Mark just shakes his head, but there’s a grin stretching across his face. </p><p>They line up for batting practice after and everyone has something to say about Jaehyun’s bat. Jaemin gives it a couple of experimental swings before saying, “It’s heavier than I thought it would be.”</p><p>Metal bats are typically hollow inside, making them light and airy in comparison to Jaehyun’s solid maple wood bat. It helps make them easier to swing, too, and the more force you can put behind the swing, the further the ball will go on contact. Jaehyun and his teammates have fooled around with aluminum bats in practice before, just to see how far they could hit. Johnny had knocked his clean out of the park.</p><p>“You can give it a try, if you’d like,” Jaehyun offers, to which Jaemin offers him a blinding grin and bounds up to the plate.</p><p>It’s obvious the difference the bat makes when Jaemin takes his first swing at one of Donghyuck’s pitches. The bat is too heavy and he swings through too late, the momentum spinning him around in a pirouette, which makes the entire dugout erupt into laughter. Donghyuck’s practically doubled over on the pitcher’s mound.</p><p>Jaemin giggles. “Jaehyun,” he calls, swinging the bat experimentally. “How do you use this thing?”</p><p>Jaehyun’s palms tingle. They always do right before an at-bat. He feels self-conscious as he tugs on his batting gloves, but he can’t imagine trying to hit without them. His grip on the bat would be different; it would impact the way he holds it, the angle that he can position the bat. All these little things that add up to a swing that Jaehyun has been tweaking and perfecting for his entire life.</p><p>“Come on,” he says, “I’ll show you.”</p><p>He trades Jaemin the aluminum bat he’d been holding for his own slugger and steps up to the plate. There’s no batter’s box painted into the ground, just a slight depression where dozens of amateur players have stood before him. Jaehyun takes a couple experimental swings before settling into his stance, eyes on Donghyuck. Donghyuck offers him a salacious grin.</p><p>Jaehyun tracks the movement of Donghyuck’s arm. It’s always hard when facing a new pitcher, someone the other team has called up from the minors to fill a rotational spot. Jaehyun treats this situation the same; he’s had minimal exposure to the way Donghyuck pitches and all he knows is that Donghyuck isn’t consistent. If Jaehyun wants the perfect pitch he’s going to have to wait for it.</p><p>He lets the first three balls whiz by; one too high, one too low, one that curves in towards Jaehyun’s knees. </p><p>“Are you ever going to hit anything?” Donghyuck asks as Jaehyun tosses all the balls back to him.</p><p>“Are you ever going to pitch me something I can hit?” Jaehyun teases back.</p><p>It only takes two more throws. Jaehyun lets the first one sail by—somewhere in the vicinity of his shoulders, but the second one. Oh. It’s here.</p><p>Jaehyun knows it’s weird. Really, there are only seconds between when the pitch leaves the hand before it arrives at the plate, but everything slows down for Jaehyun. He can see the ball clearly, sees the trajectory he’s certain it will take, and then, it’s like a dance. His front foot raises off the ground before it replants, his body uncoiling like a spring. Hips, shoulders, arms following through. The bat makes contact with the ball with a satisfying <em>crack!</em>, so different from the metal <em>pings</em> from the aluminum bats.</p><p>The ball rockets out of the park, a straight line drive that clears the fence at the end of the field and disappears into the tall grass growing on the other side. Jaehyun’s probably lucky that the field is at the end of the block; if there had been a house there he undoubtedly would’ve hit it.</p><p>Normally, with a home run, the crowd would cheer. Jaehyun would be able to hear the yelling of his teammates from the dugout as he rounded the bases. Today, there’s nothing, until after an extremely long pause Jaemin says, “Holy shit, dude. You <em>have</em> to join our beer league team for the next game. Please, please, please, please.”</p><p>When Jaehyun turns around, the rest of the team looks just as hopeful as Jaemin sounds. They’re all looking at him with wide eyes and bright smiles. Jaehyun can’t help but let his eyes meet Mark’s. Behind the surprise, there’s a touch of fondness in Mark’s eyes, something like pride. They’ve known each other for two days and already it makes Jaehyun’s heart thump painfully in his chest.</p><p>He bites his lip, leans against his bat. “When is it?” he asks, smiling as his teammates finally cheer.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Nine o’clock the next morning rolls around far too quickly for Jaehyun’s liking. He’s up at eight, trying to figure out what to wear, which—shouldn’t be this hard. It’s not a date. Mark is just being a nice guy and trying to entertain Jaehyun during his exile. Jaehyun shouldn’t care about what he’s going to wear.</p><p>Except for how he goes through the entirety of his suitcase in despair. All he’s managed to have packed are athletic clothes and some of his more expensive pieces. He can’t wear Prada to a hangout session with Mark, but tossing on one of the plain white Hanes t-shirts he’s had since he started playing in the majors doesn’t seem like any effort at all. Plus, Jaehyun seems to get unbearably sweaty in Seneca Falls.</p><p>He finally settles on a black t-shirt—better to hide the sweat—and a pair of denim cutoffs that he seemed to have hiding in the bottom of his Louis Vuitton. He opts for the Jordan’s for shoes, tosses a Cubs hat on, and runs out the door with 10 minutes to spare. </p><p>Mark is standing outside <em>The Cherry Bomb</em> when Jaehyun shows up, looking like he hadn’t put nearly as much thought into his outfit as Jaehyun had. He looks effortlessly comfortable in his everyday clothes: graphic t-shirt and charcoal cargo shorts. Jaehyun’s never looked twice at a pair of cargo shorts but Mark’s seem to suit him. He’s got a pair of Adidas Superstars, beat up and scuffed around the edges, to complete the look.</p><p>“Hey,” Mark says, flashing him a blinding grin. “You made it.”</p><p>Jaehyun’s brain is still trying to boot up, so all he manages to reply with is, “I like your shirt.”</p><p>Mark glances down at himself, at the delicate floral pattern spiralling out from blocks of ocean photography screen printed as the background. He says, “Thanks. Taeyong made it.”</p><p>It shouldn’t surprise Jaehyun, not after spending time with Taeyong in his store the day before, but Jaehyun can’t help but be impressed … and a little curious. Taeyong’s designs are clearly good enough to have their own storefront in New York or LA, and yet, he’s here. Seneca Falls, Midwest USA. The middle of nowhere.</p><p>“You need to hook me up,” Jaehyun says with a laugh as Mark tugs the door to the diner open and gestures for Jaehyun to step through.</p><p>“Yeah, like I don’t know you stopped in yesterday for a custom fitting,” Mark teases. “Taeyong’s busy spinning ideas like no tomorrow, you know. It’s been a while since he’s designed anything for someone other than myself.”  </p><p>They seat themselves at the countertop bar again. Jaehyun orders another stack of pancakes, which makes Mark laugh around his sunny side up eggs. Breakfast is—easy. They don’t have to talk too much, and when they do it’s mostly just comments on the other patrons in the restaurant. </p><p>“Try not to be too obvious, but the ladies in the corner table? They’re regulars and all they do is talk about leaving their husbands and moving to California.”</p><p>“The guy that just came in for his coffee secretly runs a blog about hentai.”</p><p>“My brother’s friend Ten came to visit last year and we all went to Boa’s and he drank too much and threw up on that girl’s shoes over there.”</p><p>“That girl supposedly tried to break Jeno and Jaemin up in high school because she wanted to date Jeno.”</p><p>There’s a lot of gossip for a small town. Jaehyun feels like his neck is constantly on a swivel as Mark narrates the lives of the people in the room around him. It makes Jaehyun wonder what people say about him when he’s not there. </p><p>Do the people in his hometown ever talk about him? About how he grew up on their streets and played ball in their ballparks? Do his teammates in Chicago talk about him fondly? Are they worried? Or are they too busy talking shit about him and his scandal? He checked the box scores from the night before and had seen the Cubs had won—without him. Jaehyun pushes the last piece of pancake around on his plate, watching it soak up the caramelized pineapple syrup. He suddenly doesn’t feel quite as hungry anymore.</p><p>When they finish and Mina has scooped up their empty plates for them, Mark swivels around on his bar stool to face Jaehyun. “So,” he says. “I know Jaemin showed you all around town the other day, but I’m pretty sure he didn’t show you the—arguably coolest—part of Seneca Falls.”</p><p>Jaehyun blinks at him. “You mean,” he says slowly, “there’s something cooler than—” he pauses to gesture around them “—all of this?”</p><p>Mark laughs. It’s addictive to listen to: high pitched and squeaky and unselfconscious. Jaehyun hates his own laugh, hates how deep and <em>ha ha ha</em> like it sounds. Mark’s laugh is. Cute.</p><p>“Yeah, dude, don’t worry,” Mark says. “It’ll be good.” </p><p>Jaehyun pays for his breakfast—Mark gets his for free, which pretty much spoils Jaehyun’s plan of treating him—and they amble out onto the main street before turning down one of the side streets to the residential area on the opposite side of the town from Sejeong’s house. Mark leads them down the cracked sidewalk until they stop outside a lemon-yellow house with a wide front porch and a rotunda. There’s a dusty white BMW X5 sitting in the driveway.</p><p>“Let me just grab the keys,” Mark says, gesturing towards the car. “Hold on a second.” He launches himself up the front steps and disappears into the house. It all takes so little time that Jaehyun’s still standing on the sidewalk when he returns.</p><p>“Well, come on,” Mark says around a laugh, unlocking the car and gesturing for Jaehyun to get in the passenger side.</p><p>When Jaehyun opens the door he’s met with a binder of fabric samples sitting on the seat. Mark smiles sheepishly at him and awkwardly hefts the binder into the back seat. “Sorry,” he says as Jaehyun climbs in. “Taeyong uses this as a personal storage centre sometimes. I don’t understand why he doesn’t just keep this shit at the store. Or in the house. He always complains about not being able to find things later, and it’s always because it’s sitting out here in the car.”</p><p>“It’s okay,” Jaehyun says. He buckles his seat belt and Mark puts the car in reverse. He seems to do a cursory shoulder-check before pulling out into the road; Jaehyun is apparently not the only person to notice the lack of traffic in the town.</p><p>Jaehyun had driven into Seneca Falls from the east side of town, but Mark drives them west down Main Street and out the other side. With a start, Jaehyun realizes that with every mile they drive, he’s getting even further from Chicago.</p><p>It’s a startling realization, coupled with the fact that Jaehyun hasn’t given Chicago much of a thought today. He’s been so caught up with Mark that he hasn’t had time to think about how he’s not at home, not getting ready for a baseball game, not driving out to Wrigley Field. It stirs a sense of guilt in Jaehyun’s stomach; he’s getting comfortable in Seneca Falls, starting to settle. The fire in him to get back to the city is burning low, and Jaehyun needs to find a way to reignite it. </p><p>The CD player in the car is looping through Justin Bieber’s latest album. Jaehyun pushes aside his panic and guilt and raises an eyebrow at Mark when Mark starts to sing along.</p><p>“Okay, one,” Mark says, holding up one finger while maintaining his perfect ten-and-two grip on the steering wheel. “There’s no radio signal in Seneca Falls, so you have to provide your own music. And two—” another finger lifts off the steering wheel “—this album is great.”</p><p>“Sure,” Jaehyun says, “if you’re into that sort of thing.”</p><p>“Alright, Mr. High-and-Mighty,” Mark giggles. “What kind of music do you listen to?”</p><p>Most of the time Jaehyun listens to whatever the guys in the clubhouse want to play, but Jaehyun’s got a pretty sweet record collection back at his apartment. “I don’t know,” he says sheepishly. “Like, Frank Ocean? And Cigarettes After Sex?”</p><p>“Oh, dude, no way,” Mark says. He jabs blindly at the media controls for the car and Jaehyun watches as the CD player shuffles through the discs in it. “I love Frank Ocean. One sec.”</p><p>Little snippets of songs blare out from the speakers as Mark cycles through the albums until finally the opening notes of <em>Nikes</em> fill the car. Jaehyun hums along immediately. </p><p>“I’ve never met anyone who likes Frank Ocean as much as I do,” Mark says. “Or at least, not here. I had friends back in New York who liked him.” </p><p>"Yeah, something about this town doesn't strike me as the Frank Ocean crowd," Jaehyun snickers.</p><p>They lapse into silence for a few miles. There's not a lot to look at outside the car: rolling hills and cornfields as far as the eye can see. The land here is so flat, though Jaehyun supposes Illinois isn't that different. At least in Chicago he had a skyline to help break up the monotony. </p><p>Eventually, Mark breaks the silence. "I know Seneca Falls is kind of sleepy," he says, "but they're all good people. They've helped me and my brother out more than we ever could've asked for when we first came here. We'll spend our whole lives trying to repay them but no one will take anything we try to give them. I'd hate to see anything bad happen to them."</p><p>It's said casually but Jaehyun hears the well-concealed threat all the same: don't hurt my family. Jaehyun gets it; it’s the same sentiment Jaehyun feels during a game where the tensions are running high and the opposing pitcher throws a ball that’s not aimed for the plate, but for the player. In those instances, Jaehyun would do anything to protect his teammates, even if it meant a bench-clearing brawl.</p><p>It feels like a poor comparison to Mark’s, but it’s the closest thing Jaehyun can think of. It hurts to think that maybe none of his Cubs teammates feel the same way about him, that they wouldn’t walk through fire for him. That they haven’t.</p><p>Maybe it’s time to let all of that go.</p><p>When he gets to go back to Chicago, Jaehyun’s going to have to play out the rest of the season with the same people who have hung him out to dry. He should let go of the anger and the grief brewing inside him, sever the emotional ties he’s made with his teammates. Keep things strictly professional.</p><p>He sees Mark glance over at him from the corner of his eye and realizes he’s spaced out, watching the scenery go by outside the window, lost in thought about the Cubs and the people he’d previously considered something of a family. "I was just looking for a place to detox after getting laid off," Jaehyun says, mouth twisting when Mark winces involuntarily. "Seneca Falls just happened to be the landing spot."</p><p>"Yeah, it really seems to draw people in," Mark says with a laugh. He puts on the blinker and takes a turn at a seemingly random road that's veered off the two-lane highway they'd been following since they left town. Eventually, the car slows as the road comes to an end. Jaehyun looks around.</p><p>"Uh?" he says intelligently. </p><p>Mark laughs, toggles something on the dash and says, "Hold on. It's gonna get a bit bumpy."</p><p>Before Jaehyun can question further, Mark heads off the road and down a well-used dirt path.</p><p>Just because it's well-used, though, does not mean that it's smooth. If anything, it feels bumper. Jaehyun keeps one hand on the door handle and the other on his seat belt as Mark seems to hit every single pothole the road has to offer. Jaehyun feels his ass lift off the seat after a particularly large bump. </p><p>"Jesus," he mutters. "Is your car even equipped for this?"</p><p>"Sure," Mark replies. "It's a sport utility vehicle, right?"</p><p>"Yeah, but like, it's a Beemer," Jaehyun says. His grip on the door handle tightens. "This kind of shit is for, like, Jeeps."</p><p>Mark just laughs, the same high-pitched giggle Jaehyun has gotten used to. "Nothing Jeno can't fix," he says. "Seriously, that kid is a miracle worker."</p><p>"Oh my god," Jaehyun mutters. "I hope the car survives long enough to get us back to Jeno."</p><p>"Oh, don't be such a baby," Mark cajoles. "We're almost there anyway."</p><p>It's interesting how the landscape changes. They drive into the rolling hills, soft slopes that help break up the monotony of farmland. The further they drive, the more the world outside the window changes. Mark follows the dirt road until it winds to the left, running in a valley between the hills. They take one more turn and suddenly there's a river running parallel to the car. </p><p>"Whoa," Jaehyun says, peering out his window at the water. It's fairly clear and not too deep.</p><p>"Oh, just wait for it," Mark says mysteriously. They follow one more bend in the river before Jaehyun sees what they've driven all this way for.</p><p>There's a waterfall tumbling off the side of one of the hills. It's so set back in the valley that the small cliff face can't even be seen from the road.</p><p>As far as waterfalls go, it's not overly impressive, but it's a nice change from the relatively flat Iowan landscape they've been staring at for the past 20 minutes. There's a small pool at the bottom of the falls before it funnels out into the river.</p><p>"And here you'll find our dear town's namesake," Mark says, putting the car in park before turning it off. "Jaehyun, welcome to Seneca Falls."</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>In hindsight, Jaehyun figures he probably should've asked Mark what they were doing today. As it is, he gets out of the car and stands at the edge of the pool, socks and shoes removed so he can dip his toes in the refreshingly cool water.</p><p>"I didn't bring swim shorts," he admits. Mark raises an eyebrow at him. "I mean, obviously I didn't bring them here but, like, I didn't bring any with me at all when I left."</p><p>Mark laughs and tugs his shirt off. "What, you've never gone swimming in your underwear before?" he asks, and before Jaehyun can even answer, he's shimmying out of his shorts, too.</p><p>Jaehyun has grown up in baseball clubhouses. There's always guys in various states of undress, but Jaehyun knows better than to look. Here, though, at a secluded waterfall in the middle of Iowa with a pretty boy with a bubbling laugh, Jaehyun can't help himself.</p><p>Mark's body is different from those of his teammates. He's lithe, wiry muscle corded over broad shoulders and knobby knees. Jaehyun tracks the notches of his spine, prominent against the creamy plane of his back before disappearing beneath the elastic waistband of his boxer briefs. <em>Armani.</em> Fancy.</p><p>Mark steps into the pool and then keeps wading until he's up to the middle of his chest somewhere near the centre. He turns around and waves at Jaehyun. "Come on," he says. "The water is really nice."</p><p>It's not even noon and Jaehyun's already starting to sweat, so he tugs off his shirt before he can convince himself not to. It's not that he's self-conscious; Jaehyun knows he's got a hot body, but he's never done something like this before. He tugs off his shorts before he can second guess himself and follows Mark into the water.</p><p>It feels like instant relief. Jaehyun sighs and dunks his head once he's up to his waist, swims his way over to Mark so that he's mostly submerged by the time he surfaces. Mark's grinning at him when his head breaks the surface.</p><p>"Good find, eh?" Mark asks over the rumbling of the waterfall. "Found it on my own one day, just driving aimlessly. I used to do that a lot when we first moved here."</p><p>Jaehyun bobs in the water, watches the falls tumblr behind Mark's shoulder. He wants to ask—about how Mark ended up in Seneca Falls—but doesn't know if he's allowed to. Is it a topic that Mark shares regularly with strangers that wander through his sleepy town?</p><p>"I can see the question on the tip of your tongue," Mark says, splashing Jaehyun lightly. "Go on, spit it out."</p><p>Jaehyun lets himself bob in the water for a moment longer, lets himself muster up the courage to ask, “Why did you really move here?”</p><p>Mark smiles, but it’s tinged with sadness instead of the usual boyish enthusiasm Jaehyun’s come to recognize. He tips backwards until he’s floating on his back, like it’ll be easier to explain this all to Jaehyun if they don’t have to make eye contact. Jaehyun gets it.</p><p>“Do you know a lot about fashion, Jaehyun?” Mark asks.</p><p>Jaehyun shrugs, then realizes that Mark can’t see him from where he’s lying on his back. “I guess,” he says. “I like clothes.”</p><p>“So does my brother,” Mark replies. “He’s always been into clothes and accessories and all that jazz, and when he graduated high school he got into Parsons in New York and took off to chase a dream.”</p><p>Jaehyun inhales. He knows Taeyong went—heard it from his own mouth, even—but it’s still surprising to hear. Anyone who’s anyone in fashionable America aims to go to Parsons, and Taeyong went. </p><p>“We were living in Maine at the time,” Mark says lazily, “but my parents moved us to Queens after Taeyong got in. He would come home on the weekends and I used to sneak into Manhattan after school to see him and just, you know, be in the city. We’d always lived in smaller, more moderate cities before, but being in New York. Man. I never wanted to leave.</p><p>“By the time I was ready to apply to colleges, Taeyong was graduating, but he had plans to stay in the city, so I moved in with him. I applied to Julliard and got in. We were set to take on the arts world by storm. The Lee Brothers. We had plans.”</p><p>Jaehyun tries to imagine it: a starry-eyed 14-year-old Mark wandering through the streets of Manhattan with a younger Taeyong by his side. Two boys with dreams that landed them in Seneca Falls, Iowa, of all places.</p><p>“Wait,” Jaehyun says, splashing himself with how quickly he moves. “You went to Julliard?”</p><p>Mark grins up at the cloudless sky. “Yeah,” he says. “I went for musical composition. Dropped out after second year, though.”</p><p>Jaehyun’s heart aches, but Mark doesn’t notice, too fixated on the sky. He keeps talking, like the revelation isn’t killing Jaehyun.</p><p>“For a couple years, things were pretty good in New York. I liked my classes, made lots of friends. We met Lucas. Taeyong was interning at a small fashion house and working on his own designs on the side. He was set to showcase them at New York Fashion Week in one of their smaller runways … “</p><p>He trails off, and Jaehyun waits patiently until he can’t stand the silence anymore. “And then?” he prompts.</p><p>“And then everything kind of—blew up,” Mark says. He sits up meeting Jaehyun’s apprehensive stare with a stone-cold expression. “Our parents were involved in some back-alley robbery gone wrong. Very Batman-esque. Our dad died on the scene, our mom in the hospital three days later. Taeyong threw himself into his work, got so worked up about every little detail that he’d work all night just to sew a sequin on the right way. His doctor prescribed him some medication, and then before we knew it he was taking every concoction of prescription drugs he could get his hands on. I—I sent him to rehab in LA in my second year.”</p><p>Jaehyun had been wondering how LA fit into the story, how two boys from the east coast had wound up in the California sunshine. “Mark,” he starts, but Mark waves him off, like if he doesn’t finish the story now he’ll never get through it.</p><p>“Taeyong finished up right around the same time my school year was over. I packed my things, took a flight to LA, and thought, <em>okay, we’ll just go back to New York and everything will be fine</em>. But Yong wasn’t fine. Like, he was better, obviously, or else what would’ve been the point of rehab? But he was anxious, nervous, nothing like my effervescent older brother I’d known my whole life. I suddenly knew we couldn’t go back to New York; Taeyong would just fall back into old habits.”</p><p>“So you drove to Seneca Falls,” Jaehyun says, heart in his throat.</p><p>Mark laughs. It’s not quite as high pitched as usual, a touch of sadness tinging the tone, but it’s something close to—accepting. Like Mark’s made peace with this story a long time ago.</p><p>“So we bought a car with some of Yong’s money and I drove it here until it broke down, literally, on Main Street. Jeno fixed it up for us, but by the time it was ready, Taeyong had already taken a liking to the town so—we stayed.”</p><p>Jaehyun looks at Mark—really looks at him. Takes in a boy with black hair plastered to his head from the water, with sharp cheekbones and wide eyes and a smile that rivals the sun. He was on track to do great things, to <em>be</em> somebody, and he gave it all up to sit around in a town of less than 100 people with his older brother. Mark could’ve been a music producer and now he’s a waiter at a cafe.</p><p>“It doesn’t—bother you?” Jaehyun asks.</p><p>Mark sits up and shrugs, the water rippling around his shoulders. “I mean, sure,” Mark replies. “I miss New York. Hell, I miss <em>people</em>, but Taeyong has always been there for me, always encouraged me to chase my dreams. Now we’re all we have left and I wouldn’t have been able to go back to New York and live my life knowing Yong was just. Here. That hardly seemed fair. Besides, I can make music anywhere; I don’t need classes to teach me what I already know how to do.”</p><p>Jaehyun—doesn’t get it. He doesn’t understand how Mark can be dealt such a bad hand in life and just roll with it. Jaehyun’s dealing with his own bad cards and he hates every minute of it, hates whoever has unearthed his secret and set him up for failure, hates whoever is trying to take away his livelihood. If Mark really does resent Taeyong, he hides it well. Jaehyun can’t relate.</p><p>“I mean, sure,” he says slowly. “But, didn’t you have a life in New York? Friends? A—uh, someone special?”</p><p>Mark laughs. “Friends, sure,” he says. “I message with some of them still, but they’re all busy doing school work. And Lucas is here sometimes, so that’s chill.” He pauses, and Jaehyun feels the silence swell between them.</p><p>“And—?”</p><p>“And I didn’t have a boyfriend, so no issues there,” Mark says with finality, a challenging glint in his eyes.</p><p>Jaehyun bobs his head, like it’s normal for him to travel into the middle of America’s midwest and apparently find the one small town where all the men he meet are gay. Jaehyun’s lived in Chicago since he was 20 and has never befriended a single gay man—at least, none that have told him at least. Not that he has much of a leg to stand on.</p><p>“Ah, well, at the rate this town is going, you might not ever get one,” Jaehyun says, trying for something light and funny. “There’s not really a ton of people in the dating pool.”</p><p>It has the desired effect. Mark laughs, bobbing in the water gently. “Yeah,” he says. “There’s a couple night clubs in Magnolia Springs but, yeah. Here in Seneca Falls it’s pretty quiet.”</p><p>The way he looks at Jaehyun makes him shiver. There’s something curious to the glint of his eyes, something questioning and hopeful. Jaehyun sinks a little lower in the water.</p><p>“Luckily,” Mark says, tipping onto his back again. “Every once in a while, a cute boy rolls into town in a cherry red Maserati. They always make for good company.”</p><p>Jaehyun’s glad Mark can’t see the brightening blush on his cheeks, but he ducks under the water anyway, willing the cool water of the pool to wash the colour away.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>The days start to blend after that.</p><p>Jaehyun falls into a routine of sorts, which on some level is comforting but on the other, freaks him out, too. </p><p>It’s just—it hurts. Jaehyun’s trying his best to make due with what he has, but sometimes he has these moments of absolute clarity: standing on a baseline, throwing a ball to Chenle who seems to drop it half the time even though Jaehyun lobs easy tosses; standing in the kitchen at the bed and breakfast, so homey and warm compared to his penthouse in Chicago; sitting at the falls with Mark and not being surrounded by the hundred of people that flock to the beaches around the lake. It doesn’t matter that the people in Seneca Falls are nice, or that they’re genuinely becoming his friends. Jaehyun wants to go home. Some mornings he wakes up and contemplates not getting out of bed, of just lying around and wallowing in his misery. </p><p>The only thing that gets him going somedays is the idea that that feels like giving up, and Jaehyun hasn’t spent his entire life chasing his career to be a quitter, so he rolls out of bed each morning and falls into routine. </p><p>He talks to Irene in the mornings, waking up to her ringtone everyday with his heart already caught in his throat. There’s never any time to check the news beforehand, so Jaehyun always wonders, groggily, if today is the day that Irene tells him that the headlines on the Chicago Sun-Times is finally, <em>Cubs Shortstop Outed as a Gay Man</em>. It never happens, but it takes half the day for Jaehyun’s heart to stop trying to climb it’s way out of his mouth.</p><p>Instead, he listens to Irene rage about whatever little inconvenience is blocking her, Seulgi, and the private investigator they hired. </p><p>“Things shouldn’t be this difficult,” Irene grumbles. “We’re just trying to trace the goddamn piss samples and I can’t tell if the drug testing company is being paid off or if they genuinely don’t know anything.”</p><p>“You’ll figure it out,” Jaehyun replies, which has been his go-to answer every phone call they have.</p><p>“Hang in there,” Irene tells him. “We’ll get you out of there soon enough.”</p><p>“No worries,” Jaehyun says, and hangs up.</p><p>It’s not that he likes hanging around Seneca Falls, per say. He would, 100 percent, much rather be back in Chicago playing baseball games, but—he’s starting to realize that there are much worse places he could’ve ended up. </p><p>He’s given up on his teammates from the Cubs. They haven’t sent him any messages since he landed in Seneca Falls, and by now, Jaehyun’s tired of waiting. Whether it’s orders from the front office, or a decision they made themselves, none of them want to be associated with Jaehyun anymore. It’s fine; the feeling is mutual.</p><p>After talking to Irene, depending on his mood—or rather, depending on Sehun’s mood—Jaehyun will either eat breakfast at the house or go to the cafe. Sometimes Mark is working and he’ll serve Jaehyun pancakes without him ever having to order. Sometimes Mark isn’t there as a waiter, but as a customer, with Jeno and Jaemin. The four of them sit at a sunny table in the window and chat about whatever gossip they’ve managed to scrounge up since the last time they saw each other. Most of the time, it’s Mark providing the entertainment.</p><p>“Nothing really happens at the gas station,” Jaemin moans, tipping his head onto Jeno’s shoulder. “But I did finish another book.”</p><p>“You’ve read, like, three since I met you,” Jaehyun points out.</p><p>“Yeah! Did you know that I’ve read all the books in the town library? Ms. Taeyeon had to order more books in for me.”</p><p>Jaehyun thinks about how empty and desolate the gas station is and finds that this little trivia tidbit doesn’t surprise him at all.</p><p>Jaehyun cycles the mid-morning between helping Sejeong out around the bed and breakfast and hanging out with Taeyong at his store. They’re working through the design process, and now that Jaehyun has way more options to work with, he’s finding himself straying pretty far from the military style jacket and instead leaning towards something more modern.</p><p>“Something more, like, an aviation jacket,” Jaehyun says, scrolling through Google Images. He shows Taeyong a brown leather jacket with a shearling collar. “You know?”</p><p>“Ooh, yes,” Taeyong replies, scribbling notes across his pad of paper. His hand flies across the paper as he sketches out the rough outline of the jacket. “I bet I could work lace into the cuffs. Maybe some chains across the back? One-of-a-kind iron-on patches?”</p><p>“Yeah,” Jaehyun breathes, watching the design come to life on Taeyong’s sketchbook. “Yeah, that would look sick.”</p><p>Sometimes Mark is there too. </p><p>Mostly he putters around the store, collecting items off the racks or displays to be packaged up and shipped out for one of Taeyong’s online orders. Jaehyun catches sight of the ledger one day, notes addresses in Italy and Japan and France, major fashion hubs of the world. Taeyong could easily have boutiques set up in Milan, Tokyo, and Paris, but instead he has one tiny storefront in Seneca Falls. It makes Jaehyun’s heart ache.</p><p>Sometimes Mark will wander over to the little table they’re seated at. More often than not he’ll drape himself across Taeyong’s back, watch the sketch in the book come to life, but sometimes he’ll sling an arm around Jaehyun’s shoulders and lean into his side. Jaehyun can pick out every single point that they are touching by the warmth that radiates off of Mark, like sunshine bottled in a body. </p><p>In the afternoons, Jaehyun tends to dedicate himself to actually keeping in shape. He runs as far out of Seneca Falls as he can manage before he remembers that he has to run back in the sweltering summer heat. After that first run, he does half the distance so that by the time he runs back he only mildly feels like he’s about to pass out and die. He doesn’t have any weights in Seneca Falls, but he finds a couple of boxes of old books in Sejeong’s garden shed that he takes to hefting around the house.</p><p>“There’s a gym in Magnolia Springs, if you’re so desperate,” Sehun sniffs at him one afternoon. Jaehyun just ignores him and continues the climb up to the third floor.</p><p>He attends every baseball practice in the evening, too. For one, they need to practice as a team if they want to win their next game. That, and Jaehyun misses the sport. Every day that Irene calls to tell him that they haven’t solved the case, makes his skin itch. He goes out half an hour before everyone else is set to arrive and puts the weight on his bat, swings through imaginary pitches and pretends he’s at Wrigley Field, or Yankee Stadium, or Camden Yards. </p><p>And then his teammates—his <em>new</em> teammates—arrive, and the illusion is shattered.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Jaehyun spends his first week in Seneca Falls cycling through the same day over and over again, and he thinks he’d probably find it monotonous if not for Mark Lee.    </p><p>At first, Jaehyun isn’t really sure if Mark spends so much time with him because he understands what it’s like to arrive into this town and discover there’s nothing to do, but after a few days, Jaehyun stops caring. His heart pounds traitorously in his chest each time Mark so much as smiles at him, and Jaehyun wonders how he let it get to this point. How the affection of one confirmed gay, single man has allowed Jaehyun’s mind run wild with fantasies of a life he can’t have.</p><p>They spend time together at the actual falls, or at the baseball park, or in Taeyong’s shop. Sometimes, Sejeong will invite Mark in for lunch, and Jaehyun will watch him fall seamlessly into conversation with Junmyeon about lawyer-like things. Even Sehun’s frosty exterior seems to melt under the sunshine that is Mark’s disposition. </p><p>One week into his stay in Seneca Falls, Donghyuck gathers them all on the pitcher’s mound at the end of practice and says, “The game against Crow Tail is tomorrow at two o’clock. Be here no later than one for warmup and, like, emergency call-ups.”</p><p>“That was one time!” Chenle exclaims, much to everyone else’s amusement. Jaehyun can hardly hear it over the roaring in his ears.</p><p>He hasn’t played a baseball game in a week. It doesn’t matter that this is a beer league, a recreational small town team with no stakes but pride and a 100 dollar league entry fee. Baseball is all Jaehyun ever wanted, and at this point, he’ll take what he can get.</p><p>“Okay, so the field positions are largely going to be the same as always,” Donghyuck continues. “I, of course, will be pitching.”</p><p>“Great.”</p><p>“I’ll take none of your sass, Renjun. Anyway, Mark will be our catcher—”</p><p>“—no wonder his ass is so fat.”</p><p>“Jaemin, you have a husband already. Stop lusting over the eye-candy. Renjun on first, Chenle on second, Jeno on third. Jisung, you’re our shortstop.”</p><p>Jaehyun doesn’t say anything. He’s played shortstop his whole professional career, and it feels weird to not be slotted into the space he finds most comfortable on the diamond, but it doesn’t matter. In his head, he just keeps telling himself that he gets to play baseball again.</p><p>“Which leaves Jaemin, Lucas, and Jaehyun in the outfield.”</p><p>“I call centre,” Jaemin shouts.</p><p>Lucas glances over at Jaehyun and offers him a wide grin. “Do you have a preference?” he asks. </p><p>Jaehyun takes a moment but then says, “Right field.” He knows it’s the harder position to play, knows that if the ball is coming his way, he’s got the better arm to get the ball back to Jeno at third. More balls get hit out to left field, but Lucas is good at catching. It’ll be fine.</p><p>“Cool,” Lucas says, ruffling Jaehyun’s hair. “This is going to be fun!”</p><p>They disperse not long after that, but Jaehyun lingers, his eyes taking in the ballpark. He wanders out to right field, takes a look around at the ground he’ll have to cover. Nothing too serious, way smaller than a professional outfield, but there’s already a surge of competitiveness bubbling up in Jaehyun’s belly. No ball will get past him and his little patch of grass.</p><p>“Are you going to wait out here all night?” Mark asks, sauntering up behind Jaehyun with his glove under his arm and his bat slung over his shoulder. “I knew you liked baseball but that seems a little extreme.”</p><p>Despite Mark’s easy grin, Jaehyun can’t help the twinge of anxiety in his gut. Mark knows he likes baseball. Is that something he inferred from how passionate Jaehyun is about the sport, or does he know something more? Jaehyun blinks. He can’t afford to fall down that particular rabbit hole.</p><p>“I haven’t played outfield since I was in Little League,” Jaehyun admits. “I don’t mind, but I guess maybe I’m a little nervous I’ll suck or something.”</p><p>Mark laughs, steps forward and touches Jaehyun gently on the shoulder. “Jaehyun,” he says. There’s a playful lilt to his voice, but also sincerity. “You are undoubtedly the best player on the team. You could throw the ball straight into the dirt and you probably wouldn’t suck as much as Donghyuck.”</p><p>This startles a laugh out of Jaehyun. “What?” he asks.</p><p>Mark just grins at him. “There’s a reason Hyuckie’s the pitcher and not a position player,” he says cheekily. The hand on Jaehyun’s shoulder shifts so that Mark can tug him in and steer them back towards the road. “Dude can hardly catch anything.”</p><p>Huh. Jaehyun never would’ve guessed, but then again, he doesn’t spend a lot of time with the guys outside of baseball practice. Sometimes Jaemin will pop around the bed and breakfast to gossip, and of course he and Jeno show up at the cafe some mornings when Jaehyun is there, but the others—Jaehyun feels bad that he’s sort of neglected getting to know the others better.</p><p>As if reading his mind, Mark gives his shoulder a reassuring squeeze. “Don’t worry,” he says. “We always go to Boa’s after a game, win or lose, rain or shine, regardless of whether or not most of the team is underage and isn’t supposed to drink anyway.”</p><p>Jaehyun turns his head just to find Mark’s already looking back at them. From the way they’re standing, with their arms slung across each other’s shoulders, their faces are close. Far closer than Jaehyun would like. He can see the late summer sun reflecting in Mark’s eyes, the sharp jut of his cheekbones, the soft pink of his lips. It would be so easy to lean in and close the distance—</p><p>Surprised by his own thoughts, Jaehyun pulls back, and Mark frowns at him. “Are you okay?” he asks, seemingly otherwise unfazed by Jaehyun’s strange behaviour. </p><p>Jaehyun wonders if Mark even felt anything, if he had had the overwhelming urge to kiss Jaehyun the same way Jaehyun had wanted to kiss him. Probably not, judging from the curious expression on Mark’s face. It makes Jaehyun want to laugh. He’s such a fool, practically falling over himself the second a man shows him any sort of affection. </p><p>Still, the feeling of humiliation and despair sits heavy in Jaehyun’s stomach and makes him want to cry. </p><p>“I’m fine,” he says, starting back towards the sidewalk. “Thought I saw a wasp.”</p><p>Mark looks unconvinced, but he lets Jaehyun have this tiny lie. It just adds onto the multitude of half-truths Jaehyun’s told this town already.</p><p>“Sure,” he says, catching up to Jaehyun. He doesn’t try to touch him again, but his presence is still overwhelming. Jaehyun tugs his hat down further over his face to try and hide the embarrassed flush to his cheeks. “Whatever you say, Jaehyun.”  </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>The day of the baseball game dawns bright and hot, much like every other day Mark has woken up in Seneca Falls. He spends some time staring at the shadows dancing across his ceiling from the tree outside his window, listens to the bird chirping amongst the branches, before rolling over and grabbing his phone.</p><p>He should stick to his regular routine for game day, but he needs to call Irene. It’s a regular part of his every day here, now, and besides. It’s been over a week and even though Jaehyun is excited to be playing baseball again, he’d really rather be doing so in a setting that’s going to pay him a significant amount of money.</p><p>“You’re up early,” Irene says when she answers the phone. Jaehyun almost tells her about the game but then thinks better of it; he doesn’t think playing baseball, no matter how minor the team, would be high on the list of approved activities involved in <em>laying low</em>. </p><p>“It’s a nice day,” he says instead. “Why sleep it away?”</p><p>“Fair enough,” Irene replies. Jaehyun can hear the sound of her long, manicured fingernails tapping away at her computer. “I think we’re getting closer to uncovering the truth about what’s happening here,” she says. “Our PI found a promising lead and has been chasing that for the last couple days. Hopefully we’ll have some intel on that soon.”</p><p>“Oh,” Jaehyun says glancing at the calendar on his phone. They’re tipping into September this weekend, and the Cubs are sitting nicely in the standings at the moment. Even if they can solve the case soon, Jaehyun has no idea if they’d reinstate him for playoffs or if they’d just let him sit on the shelf for postseason. Whatever combo they’ve got going on their roster now seems to be working well to their advantage.</p><p>It just—it makes Jaehyun angry. He knows, rationally, that the delay isn’t Irene’s fault, and that she and Seulgi are working as fast as they can but. The anticipation is killing Jaehyun. He hates the feeling of being on pins and needles while he waits aimlessly for either a phone call that’s going to tell him that someone’s been caught and charged on his behalf, or if someone’s just outed him to the world. </p><p>“Jaehyun?” Irene asks. Jaehyun startles; clearly he’s been in his own head for too long.</p><p>“Sorry,” he mutters, trying to bite back his bitterness. He knows Irene can hear it in his voice anyway, judging from the long-suffering sigh that rattles down the line. “It just sucks. The waiting. I’ve just got low-simmering panic sitting on the backburner at all times.”</p><p>Irene sighs again. Jaehyun’s emotions war between guilt and annoyance; he forces the pendulum to swing towards guilt.</p><p>“I understand,” she says quietly. “I can’t imagine how hard it is for you, waiting for the other shoe to drop, but we’re really trying over here. I wish I could call you with more good news everyday, but it’s just a waiting game at this point. In this case, maybe no news is good news.” </p><p>“I know, I know,” Jaehyun replies. What else can he say? The reasonable part of him knows this already. It’s the emotional side that’s rearing its ugly head now. “Thanks for all your hard work.”</p><p>“Of course,” Irene replies. “Sorry, I can’t chat for longer; I have some other work I need to get done. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”</p><p>“Sounds good. Bye,” Jaehyun says, accustomed to the brief dismissals from his agent. It’s fine. He has things to do today anyway, too.</p><p>There is, surprisingly, no one in the kitchen when Jaehyun comes downstairs. It’s almost unnerving, to see the room so empty, but Jaehyun quickly snaps himself out of his daze and heads over to the fridge. He’s been living on his own since he was 20; he knows how to make himself breakfast.</p><p>By the time he’s got eggs sizzling in a pan and toast in the toaster, the house has started to come alive. Sejeong wanders in, quiet and sleepy still, and immediately starts washing and cutting up fruit for a platter. When Junmyeon comes in, he gets the coffee maker working. Jaehyun serves both of them before cracking his own eggs into the pan.</p><p>“Should I—should I make some for Sehun, too?” he asks, watching the edges of the egg crackle and brown.</p><p>“Don’t bother,” Junmyeon replies. “He’s still sleeping. Probably won’t be up before 11.”</p><p>Sejeong sighs into her coffee as Jaehyun plates his eggs and brings them over to the table. “Must be nice to sleep in,” she says wistfully. From beside her, Jaehyun feels it when Junmyeon kicks her under the table, making her yelp.</p><p>“You could sleep in, Sejeongie,” he says, nudging the bowl of fruit towards her. “You could even take a vacation.”</p><p>Sejeong blinks. “And what would I do with the B&amp;B?” she asks. It reminds Jaehyun of the conversation they had on the porch last week. </p><p>“Uh, Sehun and I are still here for another week,” Junmyeon points out. “Plus, you have a semi-permanent resident now. I’m sure Jaehyun could keep the place from burning down if you took off for a couple days.”</p><p>Sejeong makes a face, though Jaehyun suspects it’s more the idea of taking a vacation than the idea of leaving him in charge of her house. At least, Jaehyun hopes so. </p><p>“Ah, Junmyeon, I don’t know,” she says. She glances at Jaehyun, clearly remembering their conversation as well. “Where would I go? I don’t want to go by myself … “</p><p>Jaehyun rips apart a piece of toast and uses it to sop up the egg yolk on his plate. “Why don’t you go to Magnolia Springs with Sehun and Junmyeon when they go back?” he offers. “You can relax, do some shopping, visit your grandma. You said Taeyong would probably come by and look after the place if you wanted to take off.”</p><p>Junmyeon raises an eyebrow at him, as if to ask, <em>When did you talk about this?</em> Jaehyun ignores him. </p><p>Sejeong looks like she’s waffling, on the edge of caving in. Jaehyun knows the feeling, the idea of freedom being so close but being nervous about taking it. “You can think about it,” he offers, standing up and clearing their plates. “Junmyeon, you said you guys are here for another week still? You have plenty of time to decide, Sejeong.”</p><p>He puts the plates in the sink, washes them with the little scrubby brush that lives in the little holder fixed to the side of the sink, and tucks everything into the drying rack. The kitchen is quiet otherwise.</p><p>“Uh, I’m getting ready for the baseball game, so I won’t be around the house much this morning,” he says, rubbing the back of his neck. “Were you guys—did you want to come?”</p><p>This seems to perk up the room a bit. “Ooh, yes,” Sejeong says, clapping her hands delightedly. “We want to see you in action, Jaehyun.”</p><p>“Okay,” Jaehyun says. Inexplicably, his cheeks heat up, which is wild. He does this for a living, he shouldn’t be shy about his prowess on the field. “The game is at two.”</p><p>“We’ll be there,” Junmyeon says earnestly. “We can probably even convince Sehun to get out of bed.”</p><p>Jaehyun smiles. Over the past week he’s come to appreciate the quiet support the people in this bed and breakfast have offered him. Things will be weird once Junmyeon and Sehun leave.</p><p>If Jaehyun’s around that long. </p><p>He leaves Junmyeon and Sejeong sitting at the breakfast table as he runs back up to his room to grab his gear bag. He’s never brought the whole thing to the ballpark before, but he tosses a water bottle and his headphones in, contemplates his cleats sitting at the bottom of the bag. He’s just been wearing the running shoes he’d brought with him, but maybe he’ll bring out his cleats for the game. Like bringing out the fine China for a special meal.</p><p>Jaehyun breathes out slowly as he zips the bag back up and hefts it over his shoulder. This feels—monumental, somehow. Like, if Jaehyun’s life were a movie this would be the climax: they’d win the baseball game, Jaehyun would kiss the boy, and Irene would call him after and say they got the guy that tampered his drug test and he could go back to Chicago. Fade to black, roll the credits.</p><p>It feels like a good day. Jaehyun grins as he hurries back down the stairs and out the door towards the ball field.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Jaehyun’s more than early enough for their meeting at the ballpark, which is fine. On a normal game day he’d be at Wrigley a couple hours beforehand, warming up and stretching and reviewing game tape. He’d talk with the batting coach: who’s the pitcher? What are his strengths and weaknesses? What’s the bullpen like? Find the manager and ask about whether the other team’s best hitters tend to pull the ball left or right. Check out the weather; was it going to be super sunny? A little overcast? Any breeze?</p><p>Jaehyun doesn’t have any of that intel here. It hits him, like a bolt of lightning, the stark differences between the games he plays professionally and this game he’s playing … for fun. He’d been pretty excited to get out and play a game again, regardless, but now Jaehyun can’t help but overthink it. What if this is what his life is reduced to? Baseball games that don’t mean anything, in a town that’s hardly big enough to show up on a map? Jaehyun’s been trying to not worry too much about what might happen to his career, but has he been too passive about it? Is he settling in? He can’t afford to; he needs to stay hungry, stay motivated to get out of this town and back to his life in Chicago.</p><p>He runs a few laps of the field with AC/DC blasting through his headphones, trying to shake free the invasive thoughts about how lax he’s been about his entire career potentially going up in smoke. Even though he can’t let himself lose sight of the end goal, he still has a game to play today, and Jaehyun’s never been one to let down his teammates, regardless of the game. By the time he’s feeling a little warm under the collar, the rest of his teammates have started to trickle in.</p><p>“How long have you been here for?” Donghyuck asks when he notices how Jaehyun’s shirt has started to stick to him. Jaehyun plucks at it self-consciously. </p><p>Jaehyun shrugs; he doesn’t have a watch on right now. “Couple hours, I guess,” he says. When Donghyuck raises an eyebrow at him, he adds, “Old habits die hard, I guess.”</p><p>This seems to delight Donghyuck, though, because he turns to the rest of the team and says, “See! This is the mark of a dedicated player. Maybe we should all start getting here two hours before gametime, too.”</p><p>“Or I could sleep in and eat breakfast at a normal hour,” Jaemin retorts, filing past Donghyuck to drop his bag in the area designated as the home team’s dugout. </p><p>“Look, just because you and Jeno were probably up all night—”</p><p>“That’s enough,” Jeno cuts in, though he doesn’t look upset. He offers Jaehyun a shy smile, complete with his usual crescent moon eyes, and ducks his head. </p><p>“Okay, well, let’s warm up, then,” Donghyuck says. “That way we can look half as decent as Jaehyun.”</p><p>When the other team arrives, Jaehyun has a brief moment of panic. It’s one thing for Seneca Falls to not know who he is, but their opponents are from a bigger town, something closer to the city. Certainly they must watch baseball? They would likely get the Cubs broadcast, would still fall under the team’s geographical broadcasting rights. Part of him wants to bolt, wants to take off back to the bed and breakfast and hop in the Maserati, drive straight out of town.</p><p>But a bigger part of him roots him to the ground. He gets to play a baseball game, and baseball has always been worth the risk to Jaehyun. Whether it was detention at school or being grounded by his parents, Jaehyun has always put baseball first; today should be no different.</p><p>By the time the game is ready to start, Jaehyun finally feels locked in. There’s something so familiar about the way the sun beats down on the back of his neck, the way the grass feels under his cleats. His glove feels familiar and comfortable on his left hand.</p><p>They’re in the field first because they’re the home team. Lining the grass behind the backstop, people have started setting up their lawn chairs. Jaehyun catches sight of Sejeong, Junmyeon, and Sehun and offers them a small wave. To his surprise, Sejeong waves a large foam finger back at him.</p><p>Donghyuck steps up to the mound. The game begins.</p><p>The thing about good feelings is that, they’re just that: feelings. Jaehyun wakes up some mornings and feels like crap and then goes to Wrigley Field and hits a home run out of the park. He has good days when nothing happens at all, just a lazy off-day spent in front of the television. He has days when there’s no associated feeling at all, just another day in the life of Jaehyun Jeong.  </p><p>The most dismaying thing about having a good feeling, though, is that when the day inevitably goes downhill, it hurts the most.</p><p>The first few batters that they face hit easy ground balls to the infield, but the fourth batter hits a solid line drive straight out to right field where Jaehyun is. Jaehyun should’ve been expecting it; most teams put a solid slugger in the fourth batting spot to try and get anyone that’s already on base home. He squares up to the ball, tracks it with his eyes, follows it through the sun and—misses it.</p><p>He’s got his glove stretched out as he back pedals through the grass, but he misses it by an inch. The ball hits the ground with a <em>thud</em>, bounces once, and rolls further out into the field. Jaehyun scrambles for it, and when he picks it up the guy is already on his way to second.</p><p>He has a split second to make a decision: aim for third and cut the guy at second, or throw to home in case the guy is faster than Jaehyun thinks and will pass third before the throw makes it in.</p><p>Jaehyun opts for third base.</p><p>One of the reasons Jaehyun had chosen right field was because he knew if he had to make the throw, he could get the ball to third place no problem. It’s usually the longest throw to make, so Jaehyun puts some muscle into it.</p><p>Maybe too much. It rockets past Jeno on third, who makes a desperate dive for it and then goes scrambling after it as it trails off the dirt. Crow Tail’s player rips around the base line and runs into home still standing. Jaehyun feels his entire face burn bright red from embarrassment.</p><p>If he were at home, with the Cubs, he’d get reamed out by the manager for that one. A mistake like that could be the difference between winning and losing the game, the difference between a playoff spot and packing up the clubhouse when it still feels like summer. <em>Sorry</em>, he mouths at Jeno, who just waves back at him with his usual, crescent moon smile.</p><p>Jaehyun tries to get himself to focus again after that, but it feels like he’s having an out of body experience. He misses more balls than he should, tries to make up for his disastrous throw to Jeno by lobbing all his other throws short. When they get up to bat—down by four runs already—Jaehyun’s hands are shaking so badly he’s not even sure he can hold the bat, and it’s just the first inning.</p><p>“Hey,” Mark says, appearing at his elbow from behind the backstop. He flashes Jaehyun a reassuring smile. “Don’t worry. It’s just a game.”</p><p>It’s not, though. Not to Jaehyun. Baseball has never been <em>just a game</em> to him. It’s been his escape, his salvation, his entire life. It doesn’t matter that this is a beer league game in the middle of nowhere. Jaehyun hadn’t realized until the game started, but he wants to win just as badly as he does when he’s at Wrigley Field. And he knows how it’s not because the stakes are high or because the game will become a statistic in their season’s numbers, but because of the game itself. </p><p>Jaehyun loves baseball more than anything because even when he had nothing, he had the game. When he was stuck in his hometown, chasing a dream, baseball was what kept him going. When he was lonely and sad in his beautiful 45th floor apartment in Chicago, he had baseball. And now, here, in Seneca Falls, he’s found the game again. It’s like for the first time in his entire life, baseball is giving up on him.</p><p>They lose the game by two runs, with no help from Jaehyun. He didn’t contribute to any of their own runs, and he’d only made it on base twice. Everyone knows that the key to winning baseball games is getting people on base.</p><p>No one else seems to be too ruffled by the results. </p><p>“Obviously it would’ve been nice to win,” Donghyuck says as they clean up their dugout, scooping up empty Gatorade bottles—courtesy of Jaemin and the gas station—and sweeping up sunflower seed shells. “But we’ll get ‘em next time, boys. Anyway, meet at Boa’s in half an hour? Go home and shower; you stink.”</p><p>The dugout clears out, groups of people trickling off, game already forgotten. Jaehyun feels himself grip the handle of his bat hard enough that his knuckles crack. He wishes they had a ball machine, just some automatic mechanism that’ll allow him to hit baseballs for another hour. It’s what he used to do after a bad loss when he was a rookie, until Irene talked him out of the bad habit.</p><p>“You’ll mess up your swing,” was all she’d said. </p><p>Now, Jaehyun couldn’t care less.</p><p>He knows baseball is a team sport, but they should’ve had this. Jaehyun should’ve been the difference maker, and instead he’d made too many mistakes. He hadn’t fielded well and he hadn’t hit well, which made him no better than just an extra body on the team to keep them from forfeiting automatically. It makes his blood boil. He’s better than this, and it stings that he hadn’t been able to show it.</p><p>He becomes aware, however, that there’s still a couple people lingering in the dugout with him. When he turns his head, he catches sight of Mark and Lucas, heads bent together talking lowly. Jaehyun’s blood goes hot and he turns away, trying not to let the overwhelming feeling of jealousy overtake him. </p><p>A moment later, a touch on his elbow startles Jaehyun. When he turns, it’s to find Mark looking at him with wide, curious eyes. Lucas is nowhere to be seen.</p><p>“You gonna stand here all day?” Mark asks. It should be teasing but there’s a touch of gentleness to his tone, like he’s speaking to a spooked animal. Maybe that’s an apt description for Jaehyun.</p><p>“I don’t really feel like going to Boa’s,” he says.</p><p>“Okay,” Mark acquiesces. “But you can’t stay here either.”</p><p>Jaehyun turns and glares as best he can at Mark. “Why not?” he asks. “I wanted to hit a few more balls.”</p><p>Mark shrugs. “I mean, I can’t really stop you if you want to stay, I guess,” he says, “but I know that look, and I don’t think you should be out here by yourself. You’ll just get in your head about everything and that doesn’t really lead anywhere good.”</p><p>Jaehyun bites the inside of his cheek. Is he really that transparent? “How do you know that?” he asks. Mark’s already turned away and is ambling towards the street, and before Jaehyun can think about it, he’s grabbing his gear bag and following.</p><p>When he catches up to Mark, Mark offers him a sad smile. “How do I know?” he repeats, nudging Jaehyun back down the street towards the bed and breakfast. “You look just like how my brother used to when we still lived in the city together.”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Jaehyun can faintly hear Mark chatting with Sejeong and Junmyeon and Sehun downstairs while he runs up and hops in the shower. He doesn’t really feel any better when he comes back out, but at least he feels less sticky. He puts on a pair of basketball shorts and a t-shirt and ambles back downstairs. </p><p>Everyone’s gathered in the kitchen, but when Jaehyun enters they all turn to look at him. </p><p>“Oh,” Sehun says, contempt dripping from his voice. Jaehyun feels himself bristle immediately. “You need to go change.”</p><p>“What?” Jaehyun asks.</p><p>“Mark told us what you’re getting up to tonight, and you can’t go to the club looking like that.”</p><p>Jaehyun blinks. The club? </p><p>Sehun sighs long-sufferingly. “Like, I know that we’re not the big city or anything but the club in Magnolia Springs isn’t actually a dump. You’ll want to wear real pants, probably.”</p><p>Jaehyun’s head spins. “I thought we were going to the bar?” he asks weakly, even though he’d made it clear that he hadn’t really wanted to do anything but wallow in his own self-pity for the rest of the day.</p><p>“We can go to the bar another time,” Mark says with a smile. He pushes himself up out of his chair and adds, “Now go change and grab your car keys. We just have to stop back at my place so I can shower and then we can go.”</p><p>Jaehyun lets himself get ushered up the stairs again so he can dig through the weird assortment of clothes he brought for the single pair of dark-wash jeans that made it into the suitcase. He shimmies into them, tousles some product through his hair, and grabs his wallet and keys. When he makes it back downstairs, it’s just in time to see Junmyeon press something small into Mark’s hand.</p><p>“Thanks again,” Mark says with so much sincerity that Jaehyun almost trips down the last step.</p><p>“Don’t do anything Sehun wouldn’t do,” is all Junmyeon says, much to Sehun’s squawking protests.</p><p>It’s weird sliding back into the front seat of his car. It’s been just over a week since Jaehyun’s driven it, and he’s vaguely worried it might not start at all. But the engine roars to life as Mark slides into the passenger seat, grinning widely as the car purs. </p><p>“Jeno’s gonna be really jealous,” is all he says as Jaehyun puts the car into gear and drives two blocks over to Mark’s house.</p><p>Mark lets him in while he goes upstairs to take a shower and get changed. Jaehyun tries not to pry too much, but he’s not sure what else he should do. Check the Cubs score to torture himself with how they may or may not be doing well without him? Jaehyun laughs out loud at that. No. He’s already in a foul enough mood.</p><p>Despite having lived in the house for a year, the first few rooms in the house seem—barren. Cursory furniture sits in the front sitting room, dated enough that Jaehyun suspects it probably came with the house. The next room he stumbles upon is the office, filled to the brim with an assortment of cardboard boxes and USPS mailers. Among them lie tissue paper wrapped articles of clothing and piles of printed invoices. </p><p>The only other room that looks lived in on the first floor is the kitchen. It’s similar to Sejeong’s in that it’s bright and airy, but the colour scheme is a lot modern. Farmhouse chic. There’s a big wooden table stationed in front of the big bay windows at the back, half of which is covered under binders of fabric samples and what appears to be sheets of music. </p><p>What draws Jaehyun’s eye, though, is the little credenza near the back door. There’s a little rack with keys hanging above it, and a small potted succulent sunning itself in the light from the window. All the other available space is taken up by photos.</p><p>Several of them are older pictures, photos of a family of four: mom, dad, Taeyong, and Mark. There’s one of them at the beach when the brothers were quite young, another of them when they were teenagers at what Jaehyun suspects is Central Park in New York City. There’s photos of just their parents, too: a wedding photo, another photo at the beach, a snapshot from a restaurant. </p><p>There are more recent photos, too. A Polaroid selfie of Mark and Taeyong with their faces pressed together comically to fit into the frame. A shot taken by someone else of the two of them stretched out on a picnic blanket together. A solo picture of Mark at bat, likely taken by Taeyong.</p><p>It doesn’t matter how impersonal some of the other rooms in the house are. Jaehyun’s been here for five minutes and knows there’s enough love in this single corner of the room to permeate through the entire property. He doesn’t think he’s ever felt that way before.</p><p>It makes him realize how lonely his own apartment feels in Chicago. He’s lived there for three years now and there’s not a single photo on the wall, just decorative artwork that Irene sourced for him and had framed. There’s nothing in that apartment to make it special or feel lived-in, though. It’s a house, but not a home.</p><p>“Ah, are you looking at all the silly photos?” </p><p>Jaehyun is only slightly embarrassed to admit that he physically jumps at the sound of Mark’s voice. He takes a step back from the credenza and smiles sheepishly, but when he catches a glimpse of Mark as he rounds the kitchen counter to stand next to him, he feels the smile go slack.</p><p>Mark looks—<em>good</em>. He’s styled his hair to frame his face and he’s got the faintest trace of makeup smudged around his eyes and across his lips. His t-shirt is an old one, a graphic print that Jaehyun’s seen before, but it’s tucked into a pair of black skinny jeans with rips at the knees. Jaehyun’s mouth feels insanely dry.</p><p>Mark smirks at him, but doesn’t comment on the way that Jaehyun is definitely staring too much. Instead, he turns to the photos, hands on his hips. “Taeyong insisted we put them up,” Mark says, eyes flickering over the photos. “I didn’t want to at first. It felt too—weird. Like a shrine just for them. But we added some newer photos and now it feels more like a nice little keepsake. Like a table of memories.”</p><p>Jaehyun bobs his head, voice caught in his throat. “They look nice,” he offers lamely, but it just makes Mark laugh and clap a hand on Jaehyun’s shoulder.</p><p>“Thanks, man,” he says. It feels distinctly different from the way Mark had spoken to him when he’d entered the kitchen. That had felt almost—flirty. This feels more like they’re just friends again. Jaehyun tries to shake the idea from his head. He’s just making things up, seeing what he wants to see.</p><p>Mark leads them back out of the house and locks the front door behind them. When they climb back into the car, he says, “I can’t wait to see how fast this thing goes down the highway.”</p><p>Despite having owned the car for a year and a half already, Jaehyun hasn’t really had the opportunity to let it go, the only time being when he’d left Chicago a week ago. He rolls them out of town at a respectable speed, but as soon as they pass the sign that says, <em>Thanks for visiting Seneca Falls!</em> Mark says, “Punch it,” and Jaehyun obeys.</p><p>The engine roars and Jaehyun feels himself slam back in his seat as the car takes off down the endlessly straight road. Beside him, Mark whoops, grin as wide as Jaehyun’s seen it before. He lets the speedometer hit 100 miles per hour before easing it back down to somewhere closer to 85.</p><p>“Shit, dude,” Mark says around giggles. “That’s insane.”</p><p>“I’ve never driven it that fast before,” Jaehyun admits. “It was pretty cool.”</p><p>Mark just laughs, like Jaehyun’s assessment does the car any justice. “Guess tonight is a night of firsts then, my friend,” he says. “I’ll show you the best that Magnolia Springs has to offer.”</p><p>A week, even five days ago, Jaehyun would have rolled his eyes. What could Magnolia Springs possibly offer him when he’s lived in Chicago for the past three years? But now, flying down the highway with Mark at his side, Jaehyun finds he’s actually looking forward to seeing the famed bigger town. </p><p>Hell, he could be driving into a cornfield and as long as he was with Mark, Jaehyun knows he’d be happy. The revelation should scare him, but Jaheyun can’t find it in himself to feel anything other than reckless hope.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Despite what Sehun had said about a club earlier, by the time they pull into Magnolia Springs it’s still only six in the evening.</p><p>The town itself reminds Jaehyun a lot more of where he grew up: small enough to be considered a small town, but large enough for it to have a shopping mall and a Wal-Mart and a Target. If Seneca Falls only has 100 people living in it, Magnolia Springs must have 100,000.</p><p>Mark navigates Jaehyun through the town until they arrive at some swanky newly developed high-rise in what Jaehyun determines to be the downtown core. He recites the passcode to the garage off a text message on his phone, and tells Jaehyun to park in stall number 19.</p><p>“Where are we?” Jaehyun asks, stepping out of the car and stretching. </p><p>“Junmyeon and Sehun’s place,” Mark replies. He tousles his hair and offers Jaehyun a sharp grin. “When they found out I was taking you to the club they offered us their place so we wouldn’t drive home drunk or anything.”</p><p>“And by <em>they</em> you mean <em>Junmyeon</em>.” Like Sehun would ever willingly let Jaehyun within 60 feet of his home.</p><p>Mark just laughs. “Yeah, you’re right,” he says. “Come on. We’ve got some time to kill.”</p><p>Jaehyun’s glad that he has his sunglasses on, because once Mark starts to lead him down the street, he suddenly becomes much more aware of how many people are around. This isn’t like Seneca Falls. These are people who have cable subscription packages to ESPN and NBC Sports and who might actually care about baseball and what’s going on with his life. He tucks his hands in his pockets and tries to look natural, like any other 23-year-old walking down the street with his friend, but Jaehyun can’t help the crawling sensation of being watched creep up the back of his neck. He’s suddenly very glad they could park the Maserati in the garage.</p><p>They grab a bite to eat at a fancy sushi restaurant close to the apartment building. Jaehyun tries his best not to moan into his food; he hasn’t had sushi in almost two weeks. Mark laughs.</p><p>“You know,” he says, deftly scooping up a dynamite roll with his chopsticks. “I don’t think Jeno or Jaemin have ever eaten sushi.”</p><p>Jaehyun just about drops his roll back into his soy sauce. “What?” he asks.</p><p>Mark shrugs. “I mean, they’ve never left town before for anything besides our baseball games, and we don’t usually stick around anywhere after the games. Besides, I can’t really see them occupying a place like this, can you?”</p><p>Jaehyun looks around at the fancy wooden slat dividers artfully placed around the dining room, the varnished wood tabletops and the neat cushions placed on everyone’s chairs. When Jaehyun tries to picture Jaemin and Jeno here, all he can think of is the weird vinyl countertops of the diners and the worn barstools that they sat on the day Jaehyun first met everyone.</p><p>He shakes his head, banishing the visual. “Yeah, see, I don’t get that, the whole <em>never leaving a small town</em> thing,” he says, pointing his chopsticks at Mark. “And you wouldn’t either, would you? You grew up in Maine but you moved to NYC. You’ve always wanted more.”</p><p>“Sure,” Mark says easily, “and sometimes we settle for less.”</p><p>Jaehyun blows out a frustrated breath and shoves another piece of sushi in his mouth. He knows about settling for less, but he doesn’t have to like it. </p><p>“Look,” Mark says. For the first time, he seems a little—frustrated, like he’s upset with how stubborn Jaehyun is. “Maybe you look at Jeno and Jaemin and see a pair of kids who are too naive and stupid for the world, but they’re not. Or, at the very least, Jeno isn’t.”</p><p>Mark glances around them and then spreads his arm in a wide gesture. “Look around us,” he says. “What do you see?”</p><p>Jaehyun looks around, takes in the other patrons at the restaurant, tracks the people that walk by the window. It takes him a moment but then, with a startling realization he says, “They’re all white.”</p><p>“Yeah,” Mark says with a laugh. “Seneca Falls is this weird little oasis where all these Asian families got together and dropped roots. Magnolia Springs is a true representation of a small town in the midwest. Not a lot of diversity. Not a lot of—tolerance, or at least, not a lot of open acceptance.”</p><p>Mark takes a sip of his tea and continues. “Jeno knows this. He knows what lies outside our sleepy little town and so he tells Jaemin that he loves it in Seneca Falls.That he never wants to leave. That he’s happy with their lives and their friends, and for the most part, it’s all true. But sometimes, he yearns. We all do. Sometimes we long for something that we know we should chase, but are reluctant to because of what we’ll give up.”</p><p>Safety. Comfort. An unchanging, idyllic life. It makes Jaehyun think of Sejeong and Sehun and their reluctance to leave, of Taeyong with his need to stay. He’s also reminded of his own life: knowing he’ll never have the life and the relationships he wants if he doesn’t come out, but afraid to buck the status quo. Jaehyun knows what happens to openly gay athletes in the four major sports: they don’t get to play.</p><p>“Sorry,” he mutters into his teacup. “I didn’t mean to be insensitive.”</p><p>Mark shrugs. “I was like that, too, when I first got here,” he admits. “Even though I tried to hide it, I was upset with Taeyong for uprooting our lives. I had the same ideas as you: why would anyone stay? What could you possibly get out of a life in a place so stagnant? But I gained a community, friends who will have my back through thick and thin. People will lift me up when I need help getting back on my feet.”</p><p>He looks Jaehyun in the eye, expression crossed somewhere between hopeful and wistful. “You could have that, too, Jaehyun,” he says. “I know you’ve been wanting to get back to the city but—you could stay. You could make a life here, too.”</p><p>For one brief moment, Jaehyun allows himself to imagine it: waking up in the top room of the house at the bed and breakfast for months before finding somewhere more permanent to stay. His own house, identical in architecture to every other house on the block. He has more than enough money to renovate it into something a bit more modern. Jaehyun can picture sunlight streaming through the windows and afternoons at the ballpark and dinners at the cafe.</p><p>He can picture Mark in every piece of that life, but it’s not the life that Jaehyun wants. He’s not good with still, with being content. Jaehyun is hungry, and the only way to satisfy his cravings is to go back to the city.</p><p>“I’ll think about it,” is all he says, because that much is true. He’ll always think about what could have been if he’d stayed, but he also knows it will never be enough.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>They buy some cheap vodka from a liquor store around the corner and then go back to Junmyeon and Sehun’s place to pre-game. By the time they head out again at 10 o’clock, Jaehyun is pleasantly tipsy and has discovered that Mark can sing and play the guitar—though that shouldn’t surprise him, knowing Mark went to Julliard—and that he can balance three of Sehun’s heavy school textbooks on his head. And that he gets a little clingy when he drinks, which Jaehyun doesn’t mind at all.</p><p>There’s a surprisingly long line outside of the club when they arrive. Most of the people look to be around their own age and Mark leans in close to whisper, “College night,” in Jaehyun’s ear, hand curled warm around Jaehyun’s shoulder as he presses in close.</p><p>In a city like Chicago, college nights in the summer are almost unheard of; there’s usually not a lot of college students in town. But in a place like Magnolia Springs where a lot of the college students were local anyway, it seems reasonable to keep the event going throughout the summer. Jaehyun doesn’t really care. It’s a nice night out—not so hot that he’s sweating in his jeans before he even hits the dance floor—and he doesn’t mind waiting in line too much. He’s just glad that it’s starting to get dark enough now that he doesn’t feel overly self-conscious about keeping a low profile. That, and the alcohol.</p><p>They chat a little with a couple girls in front of them as the line moves. When they get to the front, Jaehyun pulls out his ID and pauses. It says his name on the card. He hesitates for just a moment, but the security guard is watching him warily, so Jaehyun hands it over. If he’s lucky, the guy will just be looking at his birthday and maybe a cursory glance at the picture. What’s a name to a guy like this that has to look at hundreds of IDs every night?</p><p>Luckily, Jaehyun gets his card back without a comment and he lets Mark drag him into the club.</p><p>It’s been a long time since Jaehyun’s been to a club. He lets the pounding bass thrum through his veins as Mark drags them over to the crowded bar. Jaehyun pays for a couple of shots each and they down them in quick succession before stumbling out onto the dance floor.</p><p>Jaehyun’s surprised when Mark plasters himself to his front almost immediately, arms draped over Jaehyun’s shoulders, hips swaying from side to side. It makes Jaehyun’s face heat up, and he’s suddenly glad for the alcohol they’ve consumed because he’s certain it will hide his flush. That and the dim lighting. He’s never danced so closely with another man before and wonders what other people see when they look at them. Will they assume it’s just some friendly bro dancing, just for the laughs because they’re drunk? Or will they immediately speculate whether he and Mark are … <em>involved</em>? The DJ is playing some weird remix of a Katy Perry song, but Jaehyun can barely hear it over the blood rushing in his ears.</p><p>“Relax!” Mark yells over the music, but Jaehyun finds it a little difficult to do that with the object of his affections clinging to him. He at least lets his hands come up to rest on Mark’s waist, tries not to think too much about how small he feels here.</p><p>Jaehyun has spent most of his life both hating and ignoring the fact that he’s gay. Any reminder of this part of his life has always been unwelcome, an unwanted reminder of the only thing that could tank his career worse than any real scandal. Maybe here under the flashing lights with a bass beat thrumming through his veins—despite the fact that he’s left the protective bubble of Seneca Falls—Jaehyun can take Mark’s advice.</p><p>They sway and bop and shimmy their way through enough songs that eventually, Jaehyun lets himself relax. He forgets about the baseball game, about the bouncer at the door, about the reason that he’s out here in Iowa instead of at home in Chicago. He forgets that the Cubs won today, information he gleaned from the box score he’d checked when they’d been at the apartment. He forgets that eventually he’ll have to leave all this behind and go back home once Irene figures out who framed him and Seulgi sues them 10 ways till Sunday.</p><p>Instead, he just focuses on Mark and how he keeps looking up at Jaehyun from under his lashes, bites his lip to make himself look more coy. It’s distracting. It’s tempting. Jaehyun wants to lean in and kiss him, and he’s certain that Mark would let him. But they’re drunk and in public and Jaehyun knows that despite how badly he wants to kiss Mark, he wants to be able to remember it, too. So he presses their foreheads together, lets Mark breathe his gross alcohol breath on him, and dances until his feet hurt.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>When Jaehyun wakes up the next morning, he’s still fully dressed, lying half on Junmyeon and Sehun’s fancy black leather sofa and half on the floor. Mark is nowhere to be seen.</p><p>His mouth feels like something’s died in it, so Jaehyun hauls himself to his feet and stumbles into the kitchen. Luckily, his stomach seems to be doing well, but his head feels like it’s about to split open. After some bumbling around, Jaehyun manages to find a wine glass in one of the cupboards he opens and fills it to the brim from the kitchen tap. He drains it and fills it again.</p><p>The night before feels less like a blur and more like someone had taken all his memories and hit fast forward on them. He hadn’t drank so much that he couldn’t remember things, but they feel almost like they’d happened to someone else. Jaehyun sinks back down onto the couch and tries to parse through them.</p><p>He remembers dancing. A lot of dancing. Mark’s arms looped around his neck, their faces pressed close together. Mark turning so that they were back to chest, Jaehyun’s hands settling comfortably around Mark’s waist. He remembers other people who’d tried to offer themselves up, but Jaehyun had only had eyes for Mark; he hopes that he hadn’t kept Mark from anyone.</p><p>The air had been electric between them, though, and it had made something uncomfortably familiar stir in Jaehyun’s belly. Something like hope. Beyond the fact that Jaehyun couldn’t have a boyfriend, he had no idea whether or not Mark actually <em>liked</em> like that, but last night he had thought—maybe. </p><p>As if he could hear Jaehyun thinking about him, Mark stumbles out of a room down the hall, hair sticking up in every direction and clothes from the night before rumpled. He takes one look at Jaehyun sipping water from a wine glass and cracks a smile. “Good morning,” he rasps.</p><p>“Morning,” Jaehyun replies. </p><p>He watches Mark bump his way through the kitchen, finding a proper glass in one of the cupboards Jaehyun hadn’t looked in and filling it with water. Much like Jaehyun, he chugs the first glass while standing at the sink before filling it again and coming to join Jaehyun on the couch.</p><p>“I don’t really remember how we got home,” Mark admits, “but I still have all my belongings so, I’m doing alright, I guess.”</p><p>“Oh, shit,” Jaehyun says, standing up. He hadn’t even bothered to check if he had everything, but a quick pat of his pockets tells him he still has his phone and wallet, which is a relief. His phone has a message on it from Irene, and before Jaehyun listens to it, he tries his best to discreetly Google his own name. There’s no headlines declaring his gayness, no public announcement from the team, so Jaehyun breathes out a sigh of relief, even as his heart continues to race in his chest. He knows that the low simmering anxiety will stick with him all day, now.</p><p>He shoots off a quick text to tell Irene he’s alive and he’ll call her tomorrow. Mark’s grinning at him as he sits back down.</p><p>“Did you have a good time?” he asks, sipping delicately at his water.</p><p>Jaehyun feels himself blush involuntarily. “Uh, yeah,” he says. “I haven’t been clubbing in a long time and, uh, I guess it was what I really needed.”</p><p>When he glances back at Mark, Mark’s looking at him with a critical gaze. He sets his water glass down on the coffee table and turns so he can tuck his feet under himself and face Jaehyun more directly. Jaehyun takes a sip of water to fortify himself. He’s had enough chats with Irene that start out like this to know they’re tipping into <em>serious</em> territory.</p><p>“I know it’s none of my business,” Mark says, “and you’ve been pretty tight-lipped about your life and what you did before you came out here, but you seemed pretty rattled by the game yesterday. I know the others will tell you it’s just a baseball game and that the stakes aren’t high, but whatever you were feeling yesterday was valid.”</p><p>Jaehyun forces out a laugh. He thinks he might start crying if he doesn’t try and deflect with humour. “Do you have this chat with all the friends you take to the club to get them to forget how depressed they are?”</p><p>Mark doesn’t laugh. Instead, he leans in close, rests a hand on Jaehyun’s forearm where he’s braced it against his thigh. “I’ve had a lot of practice telling people that it’s okay to feel things,” Mark says kindly. “And I’ve had people tell me the same thing when I’ve been so sad I thought I’d never be happy again. Whatever is going on in your life, Jaehyun, you’ll get through it, and if you ever want to talk about it, I hope you know that I’m here for you.”</p><p>They’re close enough that if Jaehyun wanted to, he could close the distance between them with a kiss. He wants to—<em>lets</em> himself want to— but he won’t. Still, Mark is looking at him with imploring eyes, wide and sparkly, and Jaehyun closes his own so he won’t have to see the kind, earnest look on Mark’s face. “Thanks,” he whispers. </p><p>He feels it when Mark presses a dry kiss to his cheek, runs a hand through Jaehyun’s hair. “Of course,” Mark replies. He stands up, the couch cushions recalibrating with the absence of his weight. “Come on, let’s go back to bed for a bit. We’ll just wash the sheets before we go.”</p><p>When Jaehyun opens his eyes, Mark’s got a hand extended out to him. Jaehyun has a feeling if he takes it, things will change, and he doesn’t know if it will be for the better. But he can’t keep living like this, so, tentatively, he reaches out and accepts Mark’s hand and lets himself be pulled down the hallway to the bedroom.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>They spend the rest of the day in Magnolia Springs, nursing their hangovers and doing some shopping. Jaehyun buys gifts for everyone he can think of: a pretty bag for Sejeong; an expensive bottle of wine for Sehun and Junmyeon; a ridiculously overpriced name-brand t-shirt for Jaemin and a pair of shoes for Jeno. Anything Mark takes interest in, Jaehyun adds it to the credit card.</p><p>“Dude,” Mark says as they stroll down the street, arms laden with shopping bags. “I mean, I guess I knew you made bank because of your car, but. Dude. You’ve spent a lot today.”</p><p>Jaehyun shrugs. “I mean, I guess I did some saving for the past week or so since I haven’t exactly bought a lot in Seneca Falls,” he says with a laugh. “I think the most expensive thing i”ve purchased is the down payment on that jacket your brother is designing for me.”</p><p>“Taeyong’s really excited about that, by the way,” Mark says, scuffing his toe along the sidewalk. He pauses in front of a window, so Jaehyun stops too. “Thanks for that.”</p><p>Jaehyun looks at him quizzically. “For what?”</p><p>“For giving him a taste of what’s out there,” Mark says. He sighs, shoving his hands into his pockets so that his shopping bags knock against his knees. “I don’t know if Yong will ever feel comfortable moving away from Seneca Falls, but I want more for him than what he’s got. I’ve sort of been hoping that this creative process with you will ignite some sort of ambition in him.”</p><p>Jaehyun bites his lip. “You can’t force Taeyong out of his comfort zone if he doesn’t want to leave,” he says gently.</p><p>Mark sighs and offers Jaehyun a small smile. “I know, I know,” he says. “And I would never force him to do something he doesn’t want. I just think maybe he forgot part of why he got into fashion as an industry in the first place: to make clothes for people. To see his designs come to life. It’s one thing for all our friends in Seneca Falls to wear his designs. It’s another to see them walk down a runway in Paris or Milan or New York.”</p><p>Jaehyun feels his heart squeeze in his chest. He wonders if there’s anyone in the world that cares about him as much as Mark cares about Taeyong. Maybe Irene, but she’s technically being paid to care about him. Her career is tied to his own, which isn’t exactly a strong foundation to build a relationship on. But she’s the only person he can think of that has pushed him to reach for more, to be better on and off the field. </p><p>She’s the closest thing he has to family in Chicago.</p><p>“Maybe you should talk to him about it instead of speculating in front of a store window,” Jaehyun suggests.</p><p>When Mark looks over at him he’s back to grinning a wide, full smile. “Yeah, you’re probably right,” he says with a laugh. “Which reminds me, I should probably pick up something for him while we’re here. What should I get him? Probably not clothes … “</p><p>Mark trails off as he continues down the street. Jaehyun pauses for a moment, watches Mark’s figure cut a path through the other pedestrians. <em>He’s too good for me,</em> he thinks as Mark turns his head and calls, “Hurry up! We should look for lunch, too.”</p><p>“Coming,” Jaehyun calls, smiling, and hurrying to catch up with Mark, who’s already halfway down the block.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>It’s dark by the time they pack the back of the GranTurismo with their shopping bags and set a course for home. They’d spent a good chunk of their evening after dinner just cleaning up around the apartment, and Jaehyun feels reasonably confident that Sehun and Junmyeon won’t find anything incriminating when they come back in a couple of weeks. Not that they did anything, but Jaehyun has the sneaking suspicion Sehun will examine every inch of the apartment to see if anything is out of place.</p><p>They don’t drive quite as fast on their way back as they did on the way to Magnolia Springs, but Jaehyun still makes sure to rev the engine a few times just to hear Mark giggle. </p><p>It feels weird, to have been so disconnected from everything throughout the day. Jaehyun hadn’t checked to see if Irene had messaged him back, hadn’t checked the Cubs score or gone on Google to see if there were any new alerts for him. He’d spent the whole day with Mark, pretending to be something he wasn’t.</p><p>But isn’t that just how his life is anyway? Pretending.</p><p>“Oh, hey, pull off here,” Mark says, nodding to their left. It takes Jaehyun a moment to see what he’s gesturing towards.</p><p>“Dude, my car is not going to make it to the falls,” he says, but he pulls off the highway anyway and drives until they hit the end of the paved road. Jaehyun kills the engine.</p><p>“It’s okay,” Mark says. He’s already unbuckling his seatbelt. “We can walk the rest of the way.”</p><p>Jaehyun ogles at him. “It’s dark out,” he points out.</p><p>“Are you scared?”</p><p>“I’m not going to leave my car here! Do you know how much this thing cost?”</p><p>“What, like someone is going to come by and steal it?” Mark teases. He’s got one hand on the door handle but he adds, “If you’re really worried about it, Jae, I won’t make you, but I think it’ll be nice, don’t you think?”</p><p>Jaehyun does think so, but he’s still apprehensive, and not just about the car. He can already picture what the scene will look like: the two of them sitting on the banks of the falls with the moonlight overhead. Jaehyun’s not a romantic by nature but—he thinks he knows what Mark’s doing and he doesn’t know if he wants to take that step.</p><p>Well, he wants to, but he doesn’t know if he’s ready.</p><p>Mark is looking at him with wide, pleading eyes, though, and Jaehyun feels the last of his resolve crumble. “Okay,” he mutters, pushing his door open and climbing out. He locks the car and shoves his hands in his pockets, following Mark down the dirt road and into the hills.</p><p>They use the flashlight from Mark’s phone to follow the path. Jaehyun takes extra care not to step in any potholes—the last thing he wants is to be cleared to come back to the team only to have twisted his ankle in the countryside. After the second time he stumbles, Mark reaches back blindly and grabs Jaehyun’s hand. It’s nice—warm and dry, compared to how Jaehyun’s sure his palms feel extra clammy, but Mark doesn’t comment on it. They don’t speak the entire way to the falls, the only sounds being the crickets in the surrounding hills and then the water of the river, and eventually, the falls themselves. </p><p>They sit down at the edge of the pool. The ground is still warm from the sun even though sunset was hours ago, and Jaehyun lets himself bury his fingertips in the dirt just to have something to do with his hands. Beside him, Mark draws his knees up to his chest and stares out over the water.</p><p>There’s tension between them, but it’s not unpleasant. Jaehyun can feel it thrumming in time with the rhythm of the falls, and for a moment he thinks that maybe they’ll just sit here and nothing will happen. Maybe Mark just needed a break from being in the car. </p><p>But then Mark speaks and the tension is broken, like a stone being tossed into a pond, waves rippling out around it. “I wasn’t sure about you at first,” he admits, fingers drumming nervously against his shin. “When Jaemin first brought you to the cafe. You were so—shifty. I was afraid you were going to be an asshole and turn our little town on its head.”</p><p>Jaehyun doesn’t say anything. He understands. The town is more than a community, it’s a family, and Jaehyun was the outsider. </p><p>“But you were nice and quiet and so … <em>sad</em>. It sounds terrible, but you reminded me of myself when I first moved to town. I thought maybe I should help you out a bit.”</p><p>Mark turns his head, takes in Jaehyun and adds, “I didn’t think I’d like you as much as I do.”</p><p>Jaehyun’s stomach lurches. It could be platonic, he reasons. Mark could mean his words in a friendly manner, but Jaehyun has the sneaking suspicion that it’s something more. Something different.</p><p>“Mark—” he starts, but Mark shakes his head, turns away again.</p><p>“I never asked, but the way you look at me sometimes … the way you look at Jaemin and Jeno when they’re together. It’s like—longing. Like you want that for yourself.”</p><p>Jaehyun holds his breath, lets it out in a <em>whoosh</em> when his lungs start to burn. Under the cover of darkness with only Mark and the moon and the falls as his witnesses, he whispers, “I do—want that for myself.”</p><p>The sound of the sand and rocks shifting as Mark shuffles closer sounds deafening to Jaehyun’s ears.</p><p>“With me?” Mark asks quietly. A hand touches his chin ever-so-gently, tilting his head until Jaehyun is looking at Mark eye-to-eye. They’re so close. </p><p>He doesn’t trust his words, doesn’t know which truth will come tumbling out of his mouth: he wants Mark more than almost anything, but he also wants to push him away until there’s enough space between them that Jaehyun can breathe. He knows what he should do, knows that he shouldn’t let himself fall to the temptation, but it’s almost like the baseball practices. The fruit is right there for the taking, and what would be the harm in one little confession? Seneca Falls is hardly a garden to be cast from.</p><p>So, he nods his head.</p><p>Mark’s lips are dry but soft when they press against Jaehyun’s. For one brief moment, Jaehyun sits completely still, frozen in place by the enormity of the moment, but as soon as Mark makes to pull back, Jaehyun finds himself reaching out, fingers tangling in Mark’s t-shirt and bringing him in close again.</p><p>It’s not like Jaehyun hasn’t made out with people since getting to Chicago. If he’s drunk enough, a makeout session is a makeout session, regardless of the person he’s kissing, so he at least doesn’t feel self-conscious and out of practice. Mark seems a little more cautious, a little more hesitant, and it makes Jaehyun wonder if he’s had many people to kiss since moving to Seneca Falls. Does he go to the club they had been to the night before and kiss strangers on the dance floor? Has he kissed any of the members of the baseball team? Jaehyun wouldn’t put it past him.</p><p>They sit on the banks of the falls, cautiously making out until Jaehyun’s lips feel bruised and his eyes feel sleepy. It reminds him that they still have to drive back into town unless they want to sleep out here, which Jaehyun very much does not want. Reluctantly, he pulls back, smiling at the dopey expression on Mark’s face.</p><p>“We should head back to town,” Jaehyun says kindly. He can see the hesitation in Mark’s posture, the way he braces for a gentle rejection, so Jaehyun leans forward and presses a kiss to the corner of Mark’s mouth; a promise that he knows he won’t be able to keep. “We can get breakfast tomorrow morning. Or lunch, if you want to sleep in.”</p><p>Mark smiles, tilting his head so he can press one last chaste kiss to Jaehyun’s mouth before he clambers to his feet. He tugs Jaehyun up next to him, lets their bodies collide messily. That’s what this is, Jaehyun thinks. A mess. </p><p>He knows he’s running on borrowed time, but at this point, he’ll take what he can get. Jaehyun wants this so much that it startles him; he’s never wanted anything with the same intensity, save for baseball, and it surprises him that he can feel this way about Mark. His heart is racing. If anyone finds out about this, it will spell the end of Jaehyun’s career, but he can’t quite bring himself to care as much as he should in this moment. </p><p>Besides, as long as the secret of whatever it is that’s simmering between them stays a secret, it won’t matter in the end. Jaehyun will leave Seneca Falls, and he’ll leave Mark, and that’s all there’ll be to it, even though his heart aches at the thought. He has to do it, though. It’ll be fine. He burnt the bridges that led back to his hometown; he can burn the bridges to this tiny community, too, when he has to leave.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>The days drag on, and even though Jaehyun talks to Irene daily and checks the Cubs scores and social media fairly regularly, he finds that the passing of time doesn’t bother him quite as much anymore.  </p><p>There’s still a looming sense of dread, a subtle anxiety that he wakes up to every morning, but with every phone call from Irene telling him nothing has happened, Jaehyun almost feels himself being lulled into a false sense of security. He knows he shouldn’t relax too much, but it’s hard not to when, for the first time in his life, Jaehyun feels like a semi-normal and acceptable human-being.</p><p>It’s still hard to consolidate these two people that Jaehyun realizes he’s defining himself as: there’s Jaehyun Jeong, baseball player for the Chicago Cubs, and then there’s just Jaehyun, who’s passing through Seneca Falls for an undetermined amount of time. Baseball player Jaehyun is desperate to jump start his career again, eager to go back to what he’s always known, but this new part of him is curious. He wants to know who he could become, if given the chance. Jaehyun wants to know what his life could be like if he hadn’t devoted every waking minute of it to baseball up until now.</p><p>Mark is a large part of that.</p><p>On mornings when Mark works at the diner, Jaehyun goes for breakfast. He orders the same pancakes that he always gets and smothers it in the same caramelized pineapple pancake syrup. Mina brings him a bottle from her mother and Jaehyun happily forks out 20 dollars for it. He puts it in a shaded corner of his room at the bed and breakfast, saved for when he goes back to Chicago.</p><p>On the days when Mark doesn’t work, he comes over to the bed and breakfast and lets Jaehyun cook him eggs and toast and then helps tidy up around the big old house. Sometimes, Taeyong tags along, too.</p><p>The panicked, fluttery feeling Jaehyun feels whenever he thinks about actually <em>being</em> gay doesn’t go away, but it does drop from a raging boil to a patient simmer in the pit of his belly. Every kiss he shares with Mark seems to simultaneously ease Jaehyun’s anxiety and fuel it. He doesn’t think he feels quite as loathsome anymore, but there isn’t an ease to—whatever they have. Not for Jaehyun, at least. </p><p>There’s baseball practices that stretch well into the evening that help to occupy his time. Trips to the bar with the team that leave Jaehyun doubled over from laughing too hard at Chenle’s jokes or the time Jeno accidentally snorts beer out his nose. They play two more games, and Jaehyun hits a rocket so far over the fence that they don’t find the ball. They win both games handily and Jaehyun feels something ease in his chest.</p><p>Life becomes a routine, one Jaehyun didn’t think he’d be living—at least, not this early in his career. He falls into the patterns of the days easily enough, though, which is maybe why it’s slightly jarring when the pattern is disrupted by Sehun and Junmyeon’s departure for Magnolia Springs, and Sejeong’s vacation.  </p><p>“And you’re sure you’ll be okay looking after everything?” Sejeong asks after Taeyong agrees to house sit while she goes to Magnolia Springs. “I don’t want to be too much trouble. I know you have your own business, Taeyongie.”</p><p>Taeyong just laughs. “It’s fine,” he says, waving his hand. “For one, Jaehyun will be here—” Sehun scoffs at this, “—and Mark will be around. And I can do a lot of my own work from here anyway. I’m mailing packages this week, so it’s not too much trouble.”</p><p>It’s strange, watching the town come alive in different ways over the next week. They tidy the bed and breakfast, but even when they step out the door, it seems busy. Jisung misses two of their baseball practices because he’s busy trying to pack up his life to move to Chicago. Lucas has been in and out of town for meetings and contract negotiations. Even Jaemin’s had to duck out of lunches at the diner a couple times to hurry over to the gas station to help someone out.</p><p>It feels like life is moving on for everyone else, except for Jaehyun.</p><p>Or—maybe that’s not correct. </p><p>Because days with Mark now involve a lot of kissing. And hand-holding. And little touches to Jaehyun’s shoulder or his lower back, reassuring and comforting. It’s never in public, and never where anyone else can see, but Jaehyun doesn’t mind. He doesn’t even consider it sneaking around—it’s not like they’re running off places for a quick make-out session. Just—whenever they comfortably have time. It feels like a relationship they’ve settled into over the years, rather than something new and budding that Jaehyun is holding gently in his hands.</p><p>And then, in no time at all, Junmyeon and Sehun are packing up for the year, and Sejeong is packing up for a week.</p><p>“You’re sure you’re going to be okay for a week?” Sejeong frets as she adjusts the brim of her floppy sun hat over her bangs. “You can call me, okay? If things are too tough?” </p><p>While Taeyong and Sejeong argue over the management of the house, Jaehyun feels a tap on his shoulder. When he turns, he’s surprised to see Sehun standing behind him, eyebrows knitted furiously and scowl looking more pronounced than ever. </p><p>“Can we chat for a moment?” he asks, gesturing to the stairs. Swallowing heavily, Jaehyun nods and follows Sehun up to the second floor.</p><p>Jaehyun’s never been into any of the personal bedrooms on the second floor. Sejeong had showed him where each of them were when she’d given him the house tour, but she hadn’t opened any doors. Maybe it doesn’t matter. Sehun and Junmyeon’s room is stripped bare of mostly anything personal: the sheets are pulled from the bed, already waiting downstairs to be washed; the spots on the dresser where there might have been photos or knick knacks or little bottles of perfume have been dusted clean. It looks like any other rentable room in the house, now.</p><p>"Okay, so … "</p><p>Jaehyun turns around to study Sehun. At first glance he looks as unflappable as ever, but the more Jaehyun looks, the more differences he notices. There's a tenseness to Sehun's shoulders, a slight downward quirk to his mouth. His arms are crossed defensively over his chest.</p><p>"So," Jaehyun echoes, squaring his own shoulders. He feels like he's at bat, facing down the other team's ace.</p><p>"Okay, so, I hope you know that just because I'll be in Magnolia Springs, doesn't mean that I won't drive all the way back here and kick your ass if you upset Sejeong."</p><p>Jaehyun's not really sure what he was expecting out of a conversation with Sehun, but it wasn't this. He opens his mouth and then closes it again with an abrupt snap. What is he supposed to say?</p><p>Luckily, Sehun seems flustered enough that it's loosened his tongue. He runs a hand messily through his hair and adds, "I just—look. Running the bed and breakfast is really stressful for her and it's expensive and you and I both know she's way undercharging you but she's just so goddamn nice. She's like my little sister and I won't have some—some mysterious stranger whirl through here and put dumb thoughts in her head."</p><p>Jaehyun blinks. "Dumb thoughts?" he repeats.</p><p>"Just, like. I don't want you seducing her or something and then have her run away and get her heart broken!"</p><p>Sehun's face has turned an unflattering shade of red, and if it weren't for that, Jaehyun would think he's lying. As it is, Sehun looks incredibly flustered, and Jaehyun can't help but laugh.</p><p>"Oh my god, Sehun, I told her to take a vacation, not elope with me."</p><p>"Yeah, well, she's very impressionable," Sehun sniffs, though he won't meet Jaehyun's eye.</p><p>"I think you underestimate her," Jaehyun points out kindly, and then quickly adds with as much false confidence as he can muster: "Also, I'm gay."</p><p>Sehun blinks at him, looks him up and down with a discerning eye. "Really?" he asks, skeptically. "You don't dress like it."</p><p>Jaehyun looks down at his athletic shorts and t-shirt. "What's wrong with my clothes?" he splutters, anxiety vanishing under the weight of his incredulousness. </p><p>The indifferent, cocky smile is back on Sehun's face, and as much as Jaehyun hates the smugness of the expression, it feels like the world is tilting back on its axis. Like it's being righted after the strangeness of their conversation.</p><p>"You look like a frat boy," Sehun says primly. "Or a himbo. A himbo frat boy."</p><p>Jaehyun thinks about the designer labels in his closet in Chicago, about the Tom Ford suit that’s still hanging in its garment bag in the closet where Jaemin had put it when he’d first arrived. It all feels like a million years ago.</p><p>He thinks maybe, two weeks ago, a comment like that would have made his head spin. Jaehyun would have spent hours after Sehun’s departure over-analyzing how he dresses on a regular basis: did the sweater he wore to dinner with his teammates in the spring scream <em>gay</em>? What about his cropped pants and sockless dress shoes for the gala he’d attended in the summer? </p><p>Now, the anxiety that bubbles in his chest is less intense, his worries less paralyzing. They’re still there, but Jaehyun can push them aside, put on a brave face for this conversation.</p><p>“Well, I guess there are worse things to be than a himbo frat boy,” he says diplomatically. Sehun rolls his eyes. He spins on his heel to stalk out of the room when he pauses, turning back to face Jaehyun.</p><p>“I mean it, though,” he says. “You’re a lot better than I thought you’d be, but seriously. Don’t fuck with Sejeong.”</p><p>“Don’t worry,” Jaehyun says, and he means it. “Sejeong’s been nothing but exceedingly kind to me. I’d never do anything to hurt her. Not intentionally.”</p><p>Sehun gives him a long look, hand braced against the door frame. He purses his lips and lets a slow, whistling breath out. “That’s what I’m afraid of,” he says quietly before finally slipping out the door. Jaehyun can hardly hear the sound of his footsteps on the stairs over the beating of his own heart. </p><p>He’s not—Jaehyun’s not a careless person. Guarded, maybe. A little closed off. Maybe he’s turned a blind eye to the broken hearts and disappointed glances that girls have shot him over the years, but are those the only things he’s been ignorant of?</p><p>Jaehyun shakes his head, but he can’t help the heaviness that settles in his chest. He’s known Sehun for just over two weeks. That’s not enough time for Sehun to get a read on him. Plus, they hardly ever saw each other. Jaehyun’s just reading too much into it.</p><p>He traipses downstairs just in time to give Junmyeon and Sejeong goodbye hugs and Sehun a cursory handshake. “Don’t worry about anything,” he tells Sejeong. “We’ve got this under control.”</p><p>Sejeong glances between him and Taeyong, catches Mark’s eye just over his brother’s shoulder. “Well, I guess it was either you guys or Jaemin and Jeno, so I’m sure I’ve made the right choice.” She smiles when they laugh. “Have a nice week, boys. See you soon!”</p><p>It’s easy, after that, to fall into new routines. The house is big enough that Jaehyun and Taeyong don’t cross paths unless they want to, and Mark usually spends the nights at their own house just to make sure it’s doing alright (though Jaehyun is still skeptical about the crime rates in a town this small; they don’t even have a police station). Taeyong takes over the informal sitting room near the back of the house with piles of clothing and flat folded boxes and piles of tissue paper.</p><p>“Whoa,” Jaehyun says when he wanders in one day. “Are these all orders?”</p><p>“Yeah,” Taeyong replies. He’s sorting through invoices, shuffling around the room plucking clothes out of different piles and forming new stacks in the middle of the room. “I need to get them shipped out pretty soon.”</p><p>That’s where Mark finds them for the first couple days, sitting amongst all the orders as Taeyong prints out shipping labels and Jaehyun painstakingly tries to fold the boxes properly.</p><p>“You haven’t really done this before, huh?” Mark asks, taking the box from Jaehyun’s hands and pressing on the flaps until it pops open. Jaehyun blinks. He’d been wrestling with it for the past 10 minutes.</p><p>“No. Usually I’m the one opening the boxes,” he admits. It just makes Mark laugh, which is a sound Jaehyun thinks he’ll never get over.</p><p>He spends a lot of time trying to make Mark laugh while they sit around in Jaehyun’s room at the top of the house, window thrown open to the breeze and the damn songbirds that love to sit in Jaehyun’s tree and wake him up. It feels easy to talk to Mark, to tell him about the time that he, Johnny, and Doyoung bought out half the ice cream aisle at Whole Foods one evening when they were mostly drunk. Or the time he and Jungwoo got chased by a swan at the park. Or the time Taeil tripped and fell in front of Taylor Swift when they were in New York for—for a work trip. He tells Mark more about himself than he’s told anyone ever, let alone in this town, and it makes Jaehyun realize that, aside from Irene, he doesn’t really have any friends outside of baseball. He’s never told these stories to anyone because anyone else he’d tell them to lived the events with him. </p><p>Spending time in the bed and breakfast with Mark and Taeyong is different from spending it with Sejeong and Junmyeon, and it lulls Jaehyun into a weird sense of—peace. For the first time all summer, he forgets about baseball and his career and the looming dread of picking up Irene’s calls and hearing that nothing has changed.</p><p>It’s maybe why the call at two in the morning feels even more jarring than expected.</p><p>Jaehyun wakes to the shrill trumpets of Lady Gaga and Arianna Grande’s collab blasting from his phone, Irene’s designated ringtone that she chose for the year. It takes Jaehyun a moment to reorientate himself, to go from dead asleep to frightfully wide awake. Irene would only call him now if it was important, but Jaehyun isn’t sure if it’s good or bad. Still, he picks up, mindful of Taeyong sleeping one floor below him.</p><p>“‘Lo?” he grumbles out.</p><p>“Jaehyun,” Irene replies. She sounds breathless, but Jaehyun can hear the underlying excitement in her voice, the reckless joy lacing through his name. “We did it.”</p><p>Jaehyun sits straight up in bed. “Yeah?” he asks, barely breathing. His lungs feel like they’re shaking with the force of how laboured his breaths have become. “For real? No shit?”</p><p>“No shit,” Irene replies, laughing, voice raising. “We fucking did it!”</p><p>It’s been almost three weeks. Jaehyun has been in Seneca Falls for almost three weeks, and amidst a light summer breeze drifting through his window and the scent of peonies from the vase on his bedside table, Jaehyun realizes that he can go home to Chicago.</p><p>“Tell me everything,” he demands, sliding out of bed. His suitcase is propped in the corner, and he hefts it into his arms and onto the bed as Irene tells him about the investigation. He’s stuffing drawers full of t-shirts and basketball shorts into the bottom of the case while Irene talks about how they’d gone back to the lab and managed to backtrack through the employees until they found someone who had been in the Cubs system around the same time Jaehyun had been getting more attention from general management. </p><p>“I’m surprised you didn’t think of him before,” Irene admits as Jaehyun stretches under the bed for one of his Yeezy’s. He doesn’t even know how it ended up way back there. “Do you remember, back in the year before your official rookie season, there was another rookie also vying for a roster spot, specifically as the short stop?”</p><p>Jaehyun pauses in his hunt for his stray shoe, half under the bed as he combs back through his memories. “I mean, I guess,” he says, then tries to sit up as he fully recalls the person Irene’s talking about. He hits his head on the underside of the bed frame, hard enough that for a moment, Jaehyun sees stars. “Shit,” he groans.</p><p>“Are you okay?” Irene asks. “Dammit, Jaehyun, I did not solve this scandal for you just for you to concuss yourself in the middle of nowhere before you can even make it back onto the field!”</p><p>Jaehyun does remember, barely, another young guy who had been called up to the majors the same season he had. Some rich, white guy who was talented but lazy. <em>Brady,</em> Jaehyun thinks, crawling out from under the bed. <em>Brady Matthews</em>.</p><p>Jaehyun honestly hadn’t thought of him in the time since Brady had been sent back to triple A and Jaehyun had stayed up with the Cubs. Just another blip on the radar, another obstacle to overcome through hard work and grit. It stings, then, to think that this guy had been trying to take away Jaehyun’s career because of jealousy.</p><p>“How did he find out about—you know?” Jaehyun mumbles, still rubbing the soft spot on the back of his head.</p><p>“He didn’t,” Irene admits, so quiet that for a moment Jaehyun thinks he’s imagined her speaking. When the words register, it sets his stomach rolling.</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“He didn’t know, Jaehyun,” Irene replies, voice more even and strong. Familiar. Like herself. “He had a suspicion, a hunch, but no concrete proof. The blackmail was an attempt to get you to go public and out yourself or leave the Cubs like he asked, but he never really knew the truth.”</p><p>Jaehyun leans heavily against the bed. “So he didn’t—I didn’t—I told you for no reason?”</p><p>Irene <em>tsks</em>. “It wasn’t for <em>no reason</em>,” she scolds. “Like I said, I needed to know to protect you, and look where we are. Besides, aren’t you—aren’t you glad you told me?”</p><p>Jaehyun thinks back to that day, thinks about how he told Sejeong first, then Irene, then Sehun. He thinks about how he never told Jaemin and Jeno, but how he’s sure that they know anyway, from the mischievous glitter in Jaemin’s eye whenever the four of them meet up for breakfast. And he’d never said it in so many words to Mark and Taeyong but—he didn’t have to. Jaehyun went from living in the closet in a huge, open-minded city, to coming out to half a town of people that could fill one section of stands at Wrigley Stadium. </p><p>Is he glad he told Irene?</p><p>He feels, maybe, more accepting of himself. Three weeks ago, Jaehyun would rather have run into Lake Michigan in the dead of winter than admit to himself that he likes men. Three weeks ago, being gay wasn’t an option. Now, he feels like it’s a pill he can swallow, like it’s something that he can live with instead of being afraid that it will be the thing that kills him.</p><p>“Anyway,” Jaehyun says, ignoring the question. “When do I get to come back?”</p><p>“As soon as possible,” Irene says, smoothly rolling with the punches. “I take it you’re not very far out from Chicago, right? You could be back in the city by noon?”</p><p>Jaehyun looks at the clock. A little after four in the morning. If he guns it he can be back at the city limits by eight, and then probably spend another hour in rush hour traffic back down to his apartment in the heart of the city. He could be home before the sun even hits the highest point in the sky.</p><p>But something holds him back.</p><p>Leaving Chicago without so much as a word was easy. What did Jaehyun have to lose except his career? His teammates, while all people he liked and cared about, are used to friends coming and going. In an industry where people move around like cards being shuffled in a deck, the sting of people leaving barely even bites anymore.</p><p>Jaehyun’s spent three weeks in Seneca Falls, though, and has gained more friends in that time than all the time he’s spent in Chicago. Friends who care about him and who like him for his personality instead of his fame. Friends who would care about him if he disappeared without a trace for three weeks.</p><p>And then there’s Mark.</p><p>Mark, who had him from the first day. Who opened his heart up and showed Jaehyun all the unpleasant secrets and insecurities. Mark, who always told Jaehyun the truth when all Jaehyun did was lie—outright or by omission—in return. </p><p>He can’t leave without saying goodbye.</p><p>“How about tomorrow?” Jaehyun asks, heaving himself back up onto the bed. Irene makes a soft noise of surprise, so he adds, “I have to pack and clean up a bit and pay my bills and everything. It’ll just be better if I come home tomorrow instead.”</p><p>“Alright,” Irene says, but she sounds skeptical. “I’ll get in touch with head office as soon as it’s a respectable hour. You’ll be back on the field in no time, Jaehyunnie.”</p><p>There’s a palpable relief that Jaehyun feels, mixed with an odd sense of foreboding. It makes Jaehyun’s skin prickle as he tugs his suitcase off the bed again and crawls back under the top sheet. Outside, the wind shifts some of the leaves in the tree outside his window.</p><p>It takes Jaehyun a long time to fall asleep again.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>When Jaehyun wakes up again, he checks his call log to make sure he didn’t just dream the entire conversation with Irene. But there it is, a conversation with a timestamp of 54 minutes. It’s official: tomorrow, Jaehyun will be on his way home.</p><p>He’s not sure why there’s such a heaviness to his heart as he gets up and rummages around in his half-filled suitcase for something to wear. Plain t-shirts and a pair of denim cutoffs. Is this an appropriate outfit to say farewell in? Jaehyun shrugs. The only other option would be the suit in the closet that he hasn’t taken out once.</p><p>Downstairs, Taeyong is slumped over the kitchen table, pencil idly doodling across the corner of a sketched out model. It reminds Jaehyun that he’ll have to give Taeyong his address so he can have his jacket mailed out.</p><p>“Good morning,” Taeyong says sleepily. “There’s coffee in the pot.”</p><p>“Thanks,” Jaehyun replies. He takes Taeyong’s empty mug and refills it before grabbing his own cup from the cupboard. It’s the same one he’s been using for the past three weeks: pink with little patterned hearts all over it. It’s a far cry from the black and white mugs Jaehyun has in his cupboards back home in Chicago. He wonders if Sejeong will mind if he leaves her five dollars for it and takes it with him.</p><p>He settles down along the banquette opposite Taeyong, watching Taeyong carefully add a few more details to the model’s outfit. Long flared skirt with an embroidered, sequinned pattern; oversized hoodie with the clouds screen-printed across it in greyscale. Chunky boots and arms adorned with bracelets. </p><p>Jaehyun just comes out and says it. “I’m going home tomorrow.”</p><p>Taeyong blinks at him. “That seems—sudden,” he says carefully. He doesn’t sound judgemental, but he does sound surprised.</p><p>Jaehyun shrugs his shoulders helplessly. “I—my job rehired me. I start pretty immediately. My boss wanted me to come back today but—” The rest doesn’t need to be said. Jaehyun can tell that Taeyong’s picked up on what he was going to say anyway.</p><p>“Well, I guess it’s nice that they gave you time to get your things in order,” he says. “You’ll have to call Sejeong, though. She’ll be sad she missed you.”</p><p>“Yeah, yeah, of course,” Jaehyun says.</p><p>They lapse into silence for several long minutes, Taeyong diligently sketching away at his piece while Jaehyun drinks his coffee. Finally, Taeyong sighs, puts his pencil down, and fixes Jaehyun with an unnerving stare.</p><p>“You know, I think you’re a pretty nice guy, Jaehyun,” Taeyong says. Jaehyun swallows noisily around his coffee. “And Mark thinks so, too.”</p><p>“Um, thank you,” Jaehyun says. He puts his mug down and then immediately picks it back up again just to have something to do with his hands. “I like you guys a lot, too. Um. I like Mark, probably, like, <em>a lot</em> a lot.”</p><p>Taeyong nods his head, like they’re having a perfectly normal conversation and not one where Jaehyun suspects he’s going to get chewed out skipping town and leaving Mark broken-hearted. Which—Jaehyun has definitely been turning over the idea of what leaving Seneca Falls—and Mark—means, but. They survived this long without him. He doesn’t think three weeks will really have changed much in their lives anyway. </p><p>“Yeah, so. I mean. Look. We may all be living the country bumpkin lifestyle, but we’re not stupid. We know that there’s a big secret that you’re hiding from us as to why you left the city and ended up here, but we’ve all been kind enough not to pry. But you should consider telling Mark the truth. He won’t tell anyone if you don’t want him to, but I think you owe it to him, at least. I suspect it will eat at your conscience anyway, if you don’t.”</p><p>Jaehyun blinks. He’s not sure he’s ever really heard Taeyong talk this much about anything that’s not clothing. “Um, yeah,” he sutters. “Okay.”</p><p>“He’s at the diner right now, but he’ll be off after lunch,” Taeyong continues. “Maybe you can use the time to go tell everyone else.”</p><p>It’s a clear dismissal, blunt but not rude, yet still jarring. Taeyong’s always been exceedingly kind and bubbly whenever Jaehyun’s sat down with him, but it seems like this news has frosted him over. Jaehyun hadn’t thought anyone here cared about him that much. He slides out of the banquette and hustles off down the hall to the front door, eager to leave Taeyong and his mood behind.</p><p>Once he’s out on the sidewalk in the sweltering summer heat, Jaehyun balks. He doesn’t even know where to start. Who should he talk to first? Frankly, Jaehyun’s not even sure what some of his new teammates do during the day when they’re not at the baseball diamond, so Jaehyun finds his feet automatically taking him to the gas station.</p><p>When he arrives, Jaehyun takes a moment to just—take it all in. The fading paint on the awning above the door; the rusted facade of the pumps, unsheltered and victim to all manners of weather. When he’d first arrived in Seneca Falls, this was the first thing he’d seen. This worn-down gas station and its bubbly attendant.</p><p>It’s odd, maybe, to think about how Jaehyun came to this town with an idea of what friendship is, only to have it turned on its head. He hasn’t heard from his teammates on the Cubs in three weeks, and Jaehyun has definitely considered the fact that maybe management has told everyone to not contact him, but it still hurts. He’d like to think that if the situation was reversed he’d still be texting a missing teammate on the downlow. </p><p>Now he has another group of people he’d call teammates, a group he knows would—literally and figuratively—go to bat for him. It’s such a weirdly, stark difference between the people he thought he knew, and the people he met, and maybe even weirder still that it all started at this gas station.   </p><p>For once, Jaemin is actually at work when Jaehyun tries the door of the little shop. He looks up, surprised, when Jaehyun walks in, but his expression quickly morphs into something more joyous. “Hey!” he says happily, tucking his bookmark into his book. It’s still the same well-used piece of cardboard from a cereal box that Jaemin had been using when Jaehyun had first met him. Strange how some things don’t change.</p><p>Jaemin himself is also rather unchanging. His hair is a little more faded and a little longer, but his grin is still the same and the perpetual glimmer in his eyes remains. Jaehyun wonders if he’ll always look like this: boyish and handsome and stuck behind the counter of this gas station.</p><p>“Hey, uh, I have some news,” Jaehyun says, scuffing the toe of his Yeezys against the floor. </p><p>“Oh?” Jaemin asks, but Jaehyun can already see it in the slump of his shoulders that Jaemin knows what he’s going to say. This was always the inevitability that hung over them.</p><p>“I’m going back to Chicago tomorrow.”</p><p>Jaemin’s head bobs. “So, I guess you’re going to miss our next game on Saturday,” he says with a wry smile. </p><p>If all goes well, Jaehyun will be in Miami playing against the Marlins on Saturday.</p><p>“Yeah, I guess so,” he replies quietly. </p><p>Jaemin’s fingers drum on the linoleum countertop for a moment before he says, “Well, we’ll have to organize a bit of a going away party for you. Don’t worry, leave that up to me. We’ll meet at Boa’s at seven? Everyone will be there; even Chenle and Jisung even though they’re technically not old enough. Oh, and I guess we’ll have to find another outfielder … do you think Taeyong will say yes if we ask him?”</p><p>It’s weird watching Jaemin’s nervous energy manifest in this way, and it takes Jaehyun a moment to realize it’s probably because whenever Jaemin gets like this, Jeno’s always around to temper him. It’s such a small thing, but it makes Jaehyun’s chest ache. The fantasy that he could have something like that, too—something with Mark—grows further and further away the closer he gets to Chicago again.</p><p>Jaemin’s done a lot for him since Jaehyun first came to Seneca Falls. He helped him here at the gas station, redirected him to Sejeong’s, and gave him a tour of the town. They’ve had breakfast together at least three times a week for the past three weeks. Somehow, saying goodbye doesn’t feel adequate enough to encompass all of Jaehyun’s gratitude.</p><p>“Are you busy right now?” Jaehyun asks, cutting Jaemin off mid-sentence. Jaemin blinks at him owlishly, then gestures at the desolate gas station.</p><p>“No. Never. Not for you.”</p><p>Jaehyun snorts. He strides over to the door and flips the sign from <em>Open!</em> to <em>Sorry, We’re Closed</em> and beckons to Jaemin.</p><p>“Come on, then,” he says. “Let’s go collect Jeno. I have a surprise for you.”  </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Jeno looks extremely uneasy when Jaehyun opens the door to the Maserati and gestures at him to get in.</p><p>“I don’t know,” he says dubiously while Jaemin whoops and slides into the passenger seat. He rubs a hand over the roof of the car and asks, “Are you sure you’re okay with this? Jaemin didn’t coerce you into it?”</p><p>Jaehyun just laughs. They’re parked on Main Street, just outside <em>The Cherry Bomb</em> and a small crowd has gathered on the sidewalk, including a bunch of their teammates. Jaehyun isn’t sure where they all crawled out of, but Jaemin had at least gotten the chance to advertise his big going-away bash. Everyone in town seemed to know, now, that the drinks would be flowing at Boa’s tonight.</p><p>“Jeno, it’s fine, seriously,” he says, pushing on Jeno’s shoulder until Jeno ducks into the driver’s seat. He hands over the keys and watches Jeno’s fingers flex around them. </p><p>Truthfully, Jaehyun wouldn’t do this for anyone. He’s pretty sure he’s hardly let any of his Cubs teammates sit in the Maserati, let alone drive it, but something in his gut had told him that this would be the best thing he could give Jeno and Jaemin as a going away present. A chance at living another life, no matter how brief. A chance to leave the town, even if they would have to turn around and come back.</p><p>Jaehyun can feel the weight of the gazes of all their friends, but it’s almost like Mark’s presence rises above it all. He’s inside the cafe, serving people their breakfasts still, but Jaehyun had caught his eye when he’d pulled up, had noticed the furrow of his brow as Jaemin had started jumping excitedly on the sidewalk. Maybe it’s better that it’s not a surprise, that Jaehyun isn’t the one blindsiding him directly.</p><p>“Okay,” Jeno says, breathless and joyful. Jaehyun watches him glance over the gear shift at Jaemin in the passenger seat and feels something twist in his gut. Longing. “Okay. We’ll go for a drive. Wow! Okay.” Jeno laughs, dropping the keys in the cupholder momentarily before doing up his seatbelt. Jaehyun gently closes the door.</p><p>The roar of the engine disturbs the quiet summer morning. Around Jaehyun, the small crowd of their friends cheer. Jeno revs the engine once, just for fun, before slowly pulling onto the road. It doesn’t take them long to pass the last building on the block, but it is a long time before they disappear into the horizon. Jaehyun shields his eyes against the starkness of the sun and for one split second he wishes.</p><p>Wishes Jeno and Jaemin would steal his car and drive off into the great unknown. Wishes that would be enough of an excuse to stay, his only mode of transportation gone. </p><p>“Don’t worry,” Donghyuck says, appearing at Jaehyun’s shoulder. He slaps him on the ass, startling Jaehyun, and adds, “They’ll come back.”</p><p><em>That’s what I’m afraid of</em>, Jaehyun doesn’t say. Instead, he says, “I sure hope so!” with a fake, cheery laugh, and follows everyone into <em>The Cherry Bomb</em> for breakfast.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Despite the promise of meeting at Boa’s later for drinks, the team takes over a series of small tables in the middle of the cafe, disrupting the routines of countless people Jaehyun has watched over the past three weeks. Donghyuck’s demanding lilt can be heard all the way down the table, accompanied by Chenle’s high-pitched, squeaky laugh. Beside Jaehyun, Renjun and Jisung have begun arguing about … grocery shopping.</p><p>“You have to be smart about budgeting,” Renjun says, stabbing viciously at his fried eggs so the yolk breaks, bright and sunny all over his plate. “You have choices now, Jisungie.”</p><p>Jisung huffs, pout on full display, cheeks puffed out. He looks adorable. Jaehyun hopes his innocent world-view isn’t crushed in the city. “I know that, dude. But what if the budget grocery store is, like, 10 miles away and I live next door to the Whole Foods?”</p><p>Renjun shoots him a look that could curdle milk. “Then you hop on the bus for 10 miles and go buy your groceries at the budget supermart.”</p><p>Jisung pushes his pancakes around the pool of syrup pooling at the bottom of his plate. Then he perks up, glancing at Jaehyun shyly. “Jaehyun,” he says, “you’ll help me, won’t you?”</p><p>Jaehyun hadn’t really spent any time with Jisung over his time in Seneca Falls, so he feels just as flustered as Jisung looks. He opens his mouth, the <em>Yeah, sure</em> on the tip of his tongue, when he snaps his mouth closed. He can’t really help Jisung out on the regular without revealing to him who he is. Then again, maybe Jisung would find out on his own, anyway. There are banners with his face on it hanging around Wrigley Stadium. Pictures of him in sports bars. Maybe Jisung’s college roommate will be a fan and have his poster hanging in their shared dorm room.</p><p>Jaehyun’s palms itch, but he can’t exactly turn down Jisung’s wide, puppy-dog eyes, so he says the closest thing to the truth that he can: “I’ll try.”</p><p>He gets suckered into a few more conversations about Chicago, to which Lucas joins in halfway through a discussion about places Jisung should visit even if they are sort of tourist traps. </p><p>“You should go to a baseball game,” Mark says as he comes by with more coffee for everyone. Jaehyun just about upends his half empty cup on himself in surprise.</p><p>“Okay, okay, but are you a Cubs fan or a White Sox fan?” Donghyuck asks, leaning halfway across the table to butt in. </p><p>Jisung looks visibly flustered. He flaps his hands nervously and then tussles his own hair. “Uh. Is there a correct answer to this question?”</p><p>“Cubs,” Jaehyun says automatically, just as Donghyuck answers, “White Sox.”</p><p>The table falls silent, apart from Mark filling up coffee cups. </p><p>Finally: “You’re a Cubs fan?” </p><p>Jaehyun blinks. “I mean, yeah,” he says, because even if he didn’t play for the goddamn team, he’s pretty sure he’d prefer the Cubs over the White Sox. </p><p>Donghyuck shakes his head in mock disgust. “And to think, I’ve been playing with the enemy for the past three weeks,” he bemoans. </p><p>“Yeah, and the enemy is probably why we’re going to win the league,” Mark says, flicking Donghyuck in the forehead, which just makes him complain more loudly. Mark shoots Jaehyun a smile, but there’s tension in the corners of his mouth. Jaehyun finds himself losing his appetite. </p><p>He has to talk to Mark about this. After a week and a half of careful but heated kisses, Jaehyun knows he owes him that much—even without Taeyong’s warning—but the prospect of sitting down and having the conversation is—daunting. Jaehyun’s never dealt well with confrontation; that’s what Irene is for.</p><p>“Oh, yeah, god, we’re gonna need someone to take Jaehyun’s place for the game,” Donghyuck bemoans. “And Sejeong’s out of town. Who else is there left to ask?”</p><p>“At this rate, just Mina or Taeyong,” Renjun replies as Mina sweeps by with a plate of pancakes. She flicks Renjun in the back of the head as she goes, which makes Chenle burst into giggles.</p><p>It’s almost weird, watching them plan their lives for <em>after</em>. After Jaehyun leaves. He’ll pack up his things in the Maserati and drive it back to Chicago and everyone else here will just keep going. Jaemin will continue to read through the town’s entire stock of literature as he wastes away at the gas station. Sejeong will come back and run the bed and breakfast, and Taeyong will go back home and continue making some of the coolest clothes only to put them up in a shop no one will ever see.</p><p>Lucas will go back to Chicago at some point, too, and become a model again. Jisung will move there and start school. </p><p>Will they think of him? Jaehyun can’t stomach the idea that maybe these people will forget about him, about the pretty city boy who blew into town one summer for a few weeks and then disappeared without a trace. Not when they’ll all remain fixtures in Jaehyun’s life. Not when he’ll always remember them as friends, as family. As a lover.</p><p>He pushes back from the table, chair legs scraping against the linoleum loud enough that the conversation at the table stops. Jaehyun waves his hand distractedly. “Sorry,” he mumbles. “Just—need some air. I’ll be right back.”</p><p>He scoots out of the cafe before anyone can say anything and hurries down the street a couple of buildings just so he can have some breathing room. There’s no sign of the Maserati anywhere, but Jaehyun wasn’t expecting Jeno and Jaemin back till well after breakfast. It’s fine.</p><p>He takes a moment to just breathe, to take in the overwhelming sense of loneliness that’s radiating from his body. Jaehyun wants nothing more to return to the city, but he wants to take everyone here with him. He wants to have his cake and eat it, too.</p><p>He’s so caught up in his thoughts that he doesn’t notice Mark approaching until they’re standing toe-to-toe, Mark’s scuffed up Converse pressing up against Jaehyun’s 300 dollar Yeezys. When Jaehyun looks up, he takes in Mark in his diner apron and with a smudge of jam along his jawline and coffee grounds under his fingernails. He takes in Mark’s wide, concerned eyes and the slight pout to his lips and thinks that he’s never seen anyone better.</p><p>“I’m sorry,” he says, because he doesn’t think there’s anything else <em>to</em> say.</p><p>Mark shrugs, one shoulder rising and falling with the movement of his breath. “I mean, I guess I knew you weren’t staying forever,” he says, but his voice sounds hollow, even to Jaehyun’s ears.</p><p>“I should’ve told you, though,” Jaehyun says, rubbing at the back of his neck. “I should’ve told you first.”</p><p>Mark looks at him with a critical eye before saying, “Who did you tell?”</p><p>“Taeyong.”</p><p>The smile that creeps onto Mark’s face is small but genuine. He reaches out and tangles his fingers with Jaehyun’s, lets their hands hang in the space between them. “That makes sense,” he says. “He was probably the first person you saw.”</p><p>“Well, then I told Jaemin.”</p><p>“He was the first person you met in town.”</p><p>“Yeah, but you’re—you,” Jaehyun finishes lamely. </p><p>Mark just laughs. Jaehyun tries to capture the sound in his brain, exactly as is. He wants to hold onto it for the rest of his life. “I appreciate the sentiment,” Mark says, squeezing Jaehyun’s hand, “but it’s fine, Jaehyun. <em>I’m</em> fine.”</p><p>Jaehyun swallows and nods his head. He stares down at their hands intertwined. In 24 hours that won’t be the case. Jaehyun will be on his own again.</p><p>“I know we haven’t really been—together that long,” Mark says, his slight stutter the only indication that he’s as nervous about this as Jaehyun. When Jaehyun looks up, though, Mark is still smiling. Still trying. “But if you want, we can keep going with this. It’s not that far away to Chicago. I could come on the weekends. Or you could come back here if you wanted, or whatever. No pressure.”</p><p>It’s this, more than anything else, that makes Jaehyun want to cry. The weight of crawling back into the closet, of hiding away a part of himself that he’s freed out here in Seneca Falls, feels heavier by tenfold with Mark offering him something he can’t have. He hadn’t even thought Mark would want to try to do long-distance with him; it was an idea so far-fetched to him that Jaehyun hadn’t even bothered to entertain it, and now here it is, being handed to him on a silver-platter and Jaehyun can’t accept it. </p><p>“I—” he starts, but he can’t finish. Not when he can already see Mark’s heart breaking in front of his eyes.</p><p>“Oh, I get it,” Mark says when the silence stretches on too long. “It’s fine, Jaehyun. Seriously. It’s fine. I get it.”</p><p>Jaehyun shakes his head because Mark doesn’t get it. He <em>can’t</em>. Jaehyun spent his entire time in Seneca Falls making sure people would never know who he is. “Mark—” he begins, but Mark cuts him off with a squeeze of his hand.</p><p>“Trust me, it’s fine,” he says, and he sounds … fine. He sounds alright. A little pinched, but more disappointed than devastated. The opposite, perhaps, of how Jaehyun is beginning to feel. “No hard feelings, of course, but it would be nice if we could stay in touch. Lucas will probably want to hang out with you a lot in the city, so I might as well live vicariously through both of you, haha.”</p><p>Jaehyun feels like he’s watching a trainwreck, witnessing a relationship spiral out of control before his very eyes. He wants to say something, grip Mark tightly and never let him go, but Mark’s already untangling their hand where they were still linked. When he lets go, it feels like Jaehyun’s been unmoored.</p><p>“I’ll see you at Boa’s later,” Mark says. “I have to get back and finish my shift. Don’t worry about your pancakes; they’re on the house.”</p><p>He doesn’t look back as he walks away, like Jaehyun is that easy to let go of. Jaehyun watches as Mark ducks back into the cafe before walking back towards the bed and breakfast on shaky legs. He has a lot of packing to do, still, and he should call Sejeong and say goodbye and settle up. Despite having only been in town for three weeks, Jaehyun has a lot of loose ends to tie-up.</p><p>But that’s how it should be, he tries to reason to himself. All wrapped up and packaged like a pretty present. Pleasant memories that he can uncover once in a while, when he’s on the road or sitting at home in his apartment, or driving around the city in his fancy sports car. He thinks about Mark, leaving New York City and a dream behind to do the right thing. That’s what Jaehyun has to do now. The right thing.</p><p> </p><p>He packs up.</p><p>Jaehyun manages to collect all his clothes and shoes from around the bed and breakfast and fold them neatly back into his suitcase. Now that he has the actual time to pack properly, he’s finding he has a lot more room than when he had arrived with everything tossed in haphazardly. Jaehyun stares down at the suitcase, three-quarters full, and marvels at how he’s managed to pare down his life to three little bags. </p><p>He scribbles out his address for Taeyong and adds it to the stack of paperwork in the office, along with an extra 500 dollars as a bonus. The rest of the cash that he’d pulled from the bank off his credit card gets put into an envelope and slipped under Sejeong’s bedroom door along with a thank-you note. It’s about 1000 dollars more than what he owes her, but it’s not like Jaehyun can’t afford it. He’ll probably write a cheque for her at Christmas anyway and mail it back here; he still has the business card Sejeong had given him on his first day, with the bed and breakfast’s phone number and address on it.</p><p>Jeno and Jaemin drop off the car in the afternoon with a full tank of gas, which surprises Jaehyun.</p><p>“You didn’t have to,” Jaehyun says as Jeno drops the keys into his hand. He’s got a wistful, blissed-out expression on his face.</p><p>“Sure we did,” Jaemin replies, slinging an arm over Jeno’s shoulders. “We burned through, like, half the tank. Besides, did you forget where I work?” He winks at Jaehyun and adds, “We’ll see you at Boa’s later?”</p><p>“Yeah,” Jaehyun mumbles as he watches the two of them stumble off the front porch and down the sidewalk. It almost feels like watching a future he can’t have walk off into the hot afternoon sun. He shakes the metaphor out of his head and heads upstairs to grab his suitcase to toss into the trunk.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Over the course of his stay in Seneca Falls, Jaehyun has been to Boa’s a few times, but he’s never seen it packed like this. It feels like half the town has found its way into the bar—or at the very least, the half of the town that’s under 30. When Jaehyun manages to squeeze himself through the door he’s immediately accosted by Lucas, who tosses an arm over his shoulder and thrusts a beer into his hand.</p><p>“I’ve only had one sip,” Lucas admits, which just makes Jaehyun laugh. Real and unrestrained, the first time all day.</p><p>It’s hard to move around in the bar, but Lucas is tall enough that people see him coming, and with Jaehyun—the man of the hour—on his arm, people are eager to move out of their way as they weave their way back to the table that the team has taken over. Jaehyun gets a lot of pats on the back from strangers for his efforts, and it almost feels like being back in Chicago already. Almost.</p><p>There’s a large stone sitting in the pit of Jaehyun’s stomach that feels suspiciously like premature grief. Jaehyun takes the empty seat between Renjun and Mark and takes a look around the table. Jaemin and Donghyuck look halfway drunk already, a neat row of shot glasses lined up in front of them. Jisung and Chenle each have a healthy red flush colouring their cheeks, even though they’re underage. </p><p>Maybe Jaehyun will have to package up his memories in a neat little box, but maybe he can make room for one more. With a deep breath, he chugs the beer that Lucas had given him and lets the glass slam back onto the table, catching everyone’s attention.</p><p>He can grieve tomorrow. Today, he’s still here.</p><p>“Well?” he asks with a wolfish grin. He tugs his wallet out of his pocket and pulls out his credit card, black plastic glinting slightly in the dull bar light. “Shall I open a tab?”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>The night gets a little blurry from there.</p><p>Jaehyun has the wherewithal to not get completely smashed because he does have to drive back to Chicago tomorrow and he doesn’t really want to do that hungover as hell, but it doesn’t stop the others from taking advantage of his generosity. It’s fine. Jaehyun’s buying a 1,500 jacket from Taeyong; the least he can do is drop another two grand at the bar.</p><p>The seats at their table empty and fill as people come and go for drinks or dancing or to catch up with someone on the other side of the room. Jaehyun stays where he is, watching the current of the town ebb and flow around him. The only constant is Mark at his side, and Jaehyun can’t quite figure out if it’s a good thing or a bad thing.</p><p>He gets his answer at quarter to 11. Jaehyun watches as Jisung stumbles back into the crowd after a rather drunken but cute conversation about the kinds of people he’ll meet in the big city at school. Jaehyun doesn’t think he’s much of an expert, not having gone to university himself, but he’d tried his best to tell Jisung that people are going to be a lot more open and outgoing at school. </p><p>“You’ll be fine, you’ll be fine,” he had said quickly when Jisung’s face had paled. “Just call Lucas when you’re getting worried.”</p><p>He hadn’t said <em>call me</em>, and Jaehyun is certain that Jisung had noticed.</p><p>“Hey.”</p><p>Jaehyun turns his head, takes in Mark’s pinched expression. “Hey,” he echoes, taking a sip of his beer just to have something to do with his hands.</p><p>“Can we, uh. Can we talk?” Mark asks.</p><p>They haven’t really spoken at all, the weight of their previous conversation hanging over them. Or maybe, the weight of the things Jaehyun didn’t say. Regardless, the stiltedness between them is Jaehyun’s fault, and he’s not unaware of that.</p><p>“Sure,” Jaehyun says. He drains the rest of his beer and stands up, watching Mark wobble out of his chair before leading the way outside.</p><p>It’s almost a parody of their conversation early: just two doors down, standing under a moonlit sky instead of the sweltering sun. Jaehyun shoves his hands in his pockets and tries not to hope too much. He doesn’t think there’d be much of a point.</p><p>Now that they’re standing face to face, Jaehyun lets himself really look at Mark. He’s wearing a simple black t-shirt with a looping white design swirling around the waist and up his chest, tucked into a pair of black jeans and belted. It’s unfair, really, how good Mark looks. It reminds Jaehyun of the club they went to in Magnolia Springs, how dancing under the neon lights had somehow elevated Mark in his own head. Now it’s moonlight and the streetlamp they’re standing under.</p><p>“I, uh, wanted to apologize for earlier,” Mark says. He won’t meet Jaehyun’s eye, instead preferring to stare at the ground between them. “I think—or, well. I was a little emotional. Probably a little heartbroken, which is silly because we haven’t really known each other for that long, but I really like you, Jaehyun. I guess maybe I’m just a little upset that you don’t want to even, like, try? Like, am I just a waste of time to you?”</p><p>Jaehyun had been paying attention to how much Mark had been drinking. Not too much; not like Jaemin and Donghyuck, but enough that he’s not entirely sober right now. Probably a little tipsy on both alcohol and emotion.</p><p>“No,” Jaehyun says, because this much, at least, is true. “Mark, I—the past three weeks with you have been some of the best three weeks of my life.”</p><p>“Then why not try?” Mark asks, voice rising and cracking. He looks embarrassed, but he pushes on. “Why not give us a shot? I get that you don’t want to stay, especially if you got your job back, but like I said before, it’s not that far to Chicago. We could commute. I could come visit. We could make it work.”</p><p>The stone in Jaehyun’s belly, the one made entirely of grief, begins to stir. It flares to life, spurred on by the emotion in Mark’s voice. Jaehyun’s not dumb; he knows that loss can often lead to anger.</p><p>“I know you live in your idyllic little bubble out here in the middle of nowhere, but some of us aren’t afforded the luxury of being ourselves in our day to day lives,” he says, trying to keep his voice even. “I like you a lot, Mark. More than anyone else I’ve ever met, but I have my reasons for not wanting to see you once I move back to Chicago. Why can’t you let me keep them?”</p><p>“Because Taeyong told me you’d have secrets!” Mark exclaims. “He told me that if you really liked me there wouldn’t be secrets between us. You’d tell me whatever it is and we could work through it together.”</p><p>Idly, Jaehyun wonders if this is something Taeyong learned at rehab: to not keep secrets from the ones that shower him with love. Jaehyun’s whole life has been secrets, though, and if he’s learned anything since turning pro, it’s that he can only afford to have one secret keeper, and she’s sitting 300 miles away.</p><p>“You don’t really know anything about the world, do you?” Jaehyun asks cruelly. “You lived your perfect little life in New York and then when things got tough you ran away. Well, guess what? I did the exact same thing, but I have to live with my consequences. I have to go back, and I have to pretend everything is the same and that I didn’t just spend three weeks in the smallest fucking town on the planet because someone wanted my job.”</p><p>Mark looks like Jaehyun’s physically slapped him, eyes wide with surprise and hurt. Jaehyun knows he should stop, knows he shouldn’t twist the knife, but maybe this is the only way he can let it all go. He’d wanted the pretty box with the bow, but instead maybe he’ll have to cut this memory out. Just carve out every piece of Mark inside himself and throw it all away.</p><p>“You want to know what my secret is?” he asks, voice low and dangerous. Instead of backing down, though, it makes Mark stand up straighter and square his shoulders. Makes him prepare for Jaehyun’s worst.</p><p>“Tell me,” Mark says quietly.</p><p>For a split second, Jaehyun can see the road ahead of him split. He could tell Mark the truth, the <em>whole</em> truth. Or he could tell him a portion. Just enough to get Mark to leave him alone.</p><p>“The secret is: I have a life in Chicago. A life where I’m a baseball player for the Chicago Cubs. I make millions of dollars every year to hit baseballs out of the ballpark and make smart defensive plays and endorse everything from boxed mattresses to charity calendars. Every night that I go out to a bar or a club, in dozens of cities across the U.S., women throw themselves at me, begging for a dance or a kiss or the chance to get down on their knees for me in the bathroom. And you know what? I let them.”</p><p>What he doesn’t say is how lonely he feels in Chicago, and how much worse he knows he’ll feel when he goes back having tasted friendship in the sun here in Seneca Falls. He doesn’t talk about how all he ever wanted was baseball and he tolerates all the commercials and advertisements he does because it’s what will keep him playing. And he certainly doesn’t mention that he never enjoys any of his forays with women because they’re not men. He can’t say that at all.</p><p>“So, what?” Mark asks. His voice wavers, but more from anger than anything else. “Your stop here in Seneca Falls was just an image rehabilitation project? Are you going to go back to Chicago and talk about all the <em>charity work</em> you did for this town? Because if you are, you can fuck right off. If you drag Seneca Falls into whatever mess you’ve dug yourself into, I will personally come to Chicago and kick your ass. Fuck you.”</p><p>It’s not a clean break. It’s messy and ugly and it’s probably exactly what Jaehyun deserves. He doesn’t say anything as he watches Mark storm back inside, and once the door has swung shut on the explosive music and raucous laughter, Jaehyun turns on his heel and hurries back to Sejeong’s. If he weren’t tipsy he’d jump in the Maserati as soon as he got back, but as it is, he has to drag himself up the stairs to the room at the top of the house and set an alarm for five o’clock in the morning. </p><p>Jaehyun plans to be gone before the sun even rises.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>When Jaehyun pulls into his parking garage the following day, the first thing he notices are several reporters stationed outside the front door of the building. The second thing he notices is Irene, standing outside his personal front door. </p><p>“Jaehyun, hi,” she says, offering him a tired grin. She takes the suit bag from where Jaehyun’s hooked it over the strap of his gear bag. Jaehyun merely grunts in response as he opens the door to his apartment.</p><p>Everything looks exactly how he left it: from the cup he left out on the coffee table, to the shoes that had fallen off the rack when he’d been trying to shove his feet into anything on his way out the door when he’d left. Three weeks has made the apartment feel even more impersonal than it had been before, and for one brief moment, Jaehyun longs for his room at the top of the house at Sejeong’s bed and breakfast.</p><p>He shakes the thought out of his head. After his disastrous break-up with Mark the night before—can it even be called a break-up if they weren’t really dating in the first place?—Jaehyun had decided it was best not to dwell on any part of his stay in Seneca Falls. The last thing he needed was even more heartbreak.</p><p>“Does it feel good to be back?” Irene asks, oblivious to his inner turmoil. “Sorry, I should’ve had a cleaner come by but everything was happening so quickly at the end it just totally slipped my mind.”</p><p>“It’s fine,” Jaehyun mumbles. He drops his gear bag by the door—in the same place he’d left it when he’d gotten home from the game the day he’d fled town—and wheels his suitcase over to the little closet where he keeps his washer-dryer unit. “Probably be good to give me something to do today.”</p><p>Irene doesn’t say anything, but Jaehyun listens to the <em>click, click, click</em> of her heels as she strides off to the bedroom to hang his suit up in the closet. It’s nice, to be able to have a moment to just breathe.</p><p>Jaehyun had thought that coming back to Chicago would fix everything, but a lot changes in three weeks. Suddenly, the minimal design of his apartment feels cold and desolate. The idea of making himself breakfast every morning instead of buying pancakes at <em>Cherry The Bomb</em> seems unappetizing. Even the idea of seeing his teammates again has Jaehyun balking; how can he face them again after they ghosted him for three weeks? </p><p>It’s like Jaehyun’s been given a new pair of glasses to view the world through and everything looks wonky now.</p><p>“Alright,” Irene says, striding back into the room. “You have a meeting with the brass for dinner; hopefully they’ll wine and dine you to hell and back because they’ve been nothing but <em>unhelpful</em> during this whole process. And then you’re all set to be back at practice tomorrow, but they probably won’t slot you into the lineup until the weekend. The Cubs are starting a new series against the Pirates, and I think they’ll want you in for that, especially because everyone’s been preparing for your—replacement.”</p><p>It takes Jaehyun a moment to process everything. Dinner. Practice. Games starting on the weekend. Everything feels like it’s operating at hyperspeed.</p><p>“Okay, sure,” he says, running a hand through his hair before yanking open the door on his washer and shoveling his clothes out of the suitcase and into the drum. He doesn’t know why, but this makes him think of Jisung, starting school in the fall in the city. Does he know how to use a washing machine? Jaehyun hadn’t known when he’d left Connecticut. Irene had taught him. Who will teach Jisung? </p><p>Before he knows what’s happening, tears are pricking at the corners of his eyes. Apparently, this one stray thought about who will teach his friend the finer points of living alone is what will undo him, but it leads his train of thought spiraling. He hadn’t left anyone his phone number when he’d left Seneca Falls, no way of contacting him unless they find him on social media and slide into his DMs. All those people in that town that care about him and Jaehyun had given them nothing in return. He doesn’t think he’s ever felt this lonely before.</p><p>Hastily, he scrubs at his eyes and says, “Where’s dinner?” He’s proud of how his voice doesn’t crack on the question, but he can hear how thick it sounds, regardless.</p><p>If Irene notices, she doesn’t say anything. She’s looking at him with concern, and Jaehyun hates it because it feels almost like pity. Pity that he was caught up in some revenge scheme, pity that he had to live in a small-ass town for three weeks. Pity that he’s gay.</p><p>“Jaehyun, are you okay?” Irene asks at the same time Jaehyun says, “Can you leave, please?”</p><p>They stand in silence for a moment, looking at each other. Jaehyun sees a beautiful woman, a woman with long black hair and pretty pale skin and legs that look like they go on for miles even though she’s at least half a foot shorter than Jaehyun, even in heels. Irene is the type of woman that a lot of his teammates would go for, but Jaehyun has always looked at her and seen attractive, but not someone he’s attracted <em>to</em>. </p><p>Finally, Irene seems to unstick herself from the floor. She strides across the room and tugs Jaehyun in for a hug. Jaehyun feels stiff in her embrace, which just makes his heart ache more. He feels so confused.</p><p>“I’m really glad you’re back, Jaehyunnie,” Irene whispers. She steps back and cups his cheek, runs a thumb across his cheekbone. It only intensifies Jaehyun’s desire to cry. “I’ll send you the address for dinner. Would you like me to be there?”</p><p>As his agent, it wouldn’t be out of place for Irene to be there. Probably even advised, but Jaehyun can’t stomach the idea of having all this tenderness surrounding him when he doesn’t deserve it. </p><p>“I’ll be fine,” he grunts. Then, attempting humour, he adds, “I wouldn’t want you to scare them.”</p><p>Irene rolls her eyes. “I’m sure I did enough of that yesterday when I went storming into the owner’s office to chew his ear off about the injustice of everything. If they offer you a small bonus under the table, well. I’ll be expecting a new Prada by the end of the month.”</p><p>She doesn’t say it because she wants Jaehyun to go out and buy it for her; it’s because she knows Jaehyun would have done it anyway and wants to steer him in the right direction. This, at least, feels somewhat normal. Jaehyun offers her a small smile as she grabs her purse from the kitchen counter and sweeps out of the apartment, hair billowing behind her. A moment later, the door clicks shut, and Jaehyun allows himself to sink down to the floor.</p><p>He spent the last three weeks in Seneca Falls wishing he were here in Chicago, but now that he’s back in the city, he feels hollowed out and empty, like he’s left part of himself behind in rural Iowa when he made his hasty retreat. Jaehyun stares into the drum of the washing machine, looks at the cut-offs and the basketball shorts and the strange multitude of white t-shirts he had taken with him and thinks about afternoons at the diner and evenings at the ball field. He remembers sitting on the porch with Sejeong and swimming in the cool pool of water at falls and speeding down the highway with Mark in his passenger seat.</p><p>Jaehyun gives himself five minutes to sit on the floor and wallow before he pulls himself to his knees and continues to shove his laundry into the machine. Mechanically, he shuts the door, pulls the detergent off the shelf and pours it into the little drawer, and starts up the machine. A moment later, it whirls to life, the laundry tumbling around tirelessly.</p><p>It won’t do him any good to mourn the loss of his idyllic summer life. After all, he was only there because he was forced out of the city by someone hellbent on ruining his career. Jaehyun zips up his suitcase and wheels it towards his bedroom. Besides, it doesn’t change the fact that he can’t have everything he wants; he can’t have his life in Seneca Falls—his life with Mark—<em>and</em> have baseball, too. Professional sports don’t work that way.</p><p>He puts everything away methodically, tidies up around the apartment. Irene texts him a time and place for his dinner with the brass, so once Jaehyun’s got the laundry hanging on the little folding rack and his apartment looks slightly more lived in, he gets changed and heads back down to the parking garage.</p><p>His Maserati sits patiently in its parking spot. Jaehyun takes a moment to take it in, observes the dust kicked up all across its cherry-red paint. Maybe it’s time for a new car. Something less flashy. Maybe an SUV, in case he ever wants to get out of the city a bit. Jaehyun pointedly doesn’t think about how the Maserati wouldn’t make it down the road to the falls and instead sets a reminder in his phone to ask Irene about helping him find a new car. He gets in the driver’s seat, starts the engine, and takes a deep breath. </p><p>If Jaehyun wants things to go back to normal, wants to be a baseball player again, he has to let Seneca Falls go. He has to forget. It’s easier said than done, but Jaehyun’s burned bridges in the past. This shouldn’t be any different. He knows that it is, but he’s also going to try his damn hardest to make sure that this becomes one part of his past that won’t haunt him for the rest of his life.  </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Dinner with the brass goes about as well as Jaehyun thought it would.</p><p>They grovel a little, offer him their most sincere apologies, and give him a small bonus as compensation for his troubles. Jaehyun mentally sets aside 5,000 dollars of it for a purse for Irene.</p><p>“We’ll also take this into consideration when we start talking about extending your contract this winter, the general manager says. </p><p>Jaehyun nods into his steak. It’s divine: tender, like eating a cloud, and perfectly seasoned. Accompanied by a wonderful vegetable medley and a scoop of brown rice, at Jaehyun’s request. He doesn’t taste any of it, for how nervous he is.</p><p>“We’ll be expecting you back at practice tomorrow,” the team manager says, poking at a potato on his plate. “Of course, you spent three weeks on the shelf so we won’t be surprised if you’re a little rusty, but you’ll be back in shape in time for the series against Pittsburgh, undoubtedly.”</p><p>“Yeah, of course,” Jaehyun says, trying not to think about all the baseball games and practices he had with the team in Seneca Falls. </p><p>“Excellent,” the team manager says, oblivious to Jaehyun’s inner turmoil. “We’re really happy to have you back, Jaehyun.”</p><p>The idea of going back to practice with the Cubs makes Jaehyun’s dinner sit heavy in his stomach for the rest of the night. He tosses and turns in bed on his 12,000 Tempurpedic mattress, trying to find a comfortable position. Maybe there is some merit to a Casper after all; Jaehyun misses his double-wide bed in Seneca Falls. He even misses the dumb bird that used to sit outside his window and chirp every morning before the sun was up. </p><p><em>Forget about it,</em> his brain whispers, so Jaehyun turns on the tv across from the bed to some classic baseball game rerun and tries to forget about how his home feels even less like a home than it used to.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Jaehyun can feel the tension in the air pretty much the moment he steps out of his car at Wrigley Field. It seems to follow him as he makes his way through the facility to the clubhouse and settles deep in his chest the moment he pauses outside the door.</p><p>Three weeks of radio silence. Not a word from any of his teammates, even the ones he’d previously considered to be friends. Jaehyun hadn’t thought that their desertion would hit as hard as it does, but for a moment it feels like he can’t breathe. He pauses, one hand on the handle of the door, too afraid to pull it open.</p><p>“Jaehyun?”</p><p>Johnny’s voice is loud in the empty hallway. Jaehyun’s hand involuntarily clenches on the door handle again before he forces himself to relax his grip and let go. He wipes his sweaty palms on his pants and plasters what he hopes is a bored expression on his face before he whirls around. “Johnny. Hi.”</p><p>Johnny Suh is Jaehyun’s definition of tall, dark, and handsome, and if Jaehyun hadn’t so staunchly shut down any feelings he’s ever had for his teammates, he’d definitely be thirsting after him. He’s got soft brown hair and full, pillow-y lips and muscles for days. He’s hot, and even though Jaehyun’s never let himself really linger on the thought, he still has eyes. </p><p>Johnny approaches him much like he’s walking towards a skittish animal: slowly and with a hint of caution. When there’s less than a foot between them, he says, “It’s really good to see you, man,” and pulls Jaehyun into a hug.</p><p>For a moment, Jaehyun wants to melt into the touch, wants to let everything go and let bygones be bygones. He doesn’t want to fight with his teammates, but he can’t help feeling the way that he does about everything, so he pushes Johnny away, stumbling backwards until his back hits the door.</p><p>“Jae?” Johnny asks, clearly concerned, but Jaehyun ignores him, opting instead to wrench open the door he’d previously struggled with and marching into the clubhouse.</p><p>It takes a moment or two before the players in the room realize who’s walked in. Slowly, the chatter dies out. Jaehyun can feel the eyes of everyone in the room following him as he strides over to his locker and drops his bag in his stall. There’s no jersey hanging from the hook like the others—he’s not playing today, after all—but he wishes it were there if only so he could try and hide his face in it while he starts unpacking some of his stuff.</p><p>Doyoung is the first to approach him, but Jaehyun can sense Johnny hovering nearby, clearly wanting to see if Jaehyun will behave the same way with his other teammates. Jaehyun braces himself.</p><p>“Jaehyun,” Doyoung says softly, sinking into the chair at the next stall. Jaehyun pointedly doesn’t look at him. “It’s really nice to see you again.”</p><p>Jaehyun’s hand clenches around a water bottle he’s unearthed from his gear bag. He can’t remember if this is one of the stray ones that had been there when he’d left, or if it's from when Jaemin had brought a case to the field one day and this is one of those. Doesn’t matter, he decides after a moment. It’s been in his bag for awhile, so he tosses it in the garbage bin.</p><p>Beside him, Doyoung fidgets.</p><p>If Jaehyun were a bigger person—a <em>better</em> person—he wouldn’t be so petty, but he’s been sitting on these emotions for the entirety of his stay in Seneca Falls, so he can hardly help it when he says, “I see you guys have been doing well without me.”</p><p>Doyoung has the audacity to look stricken by these words. “Jae—” he starts, but Jaehyun doesn’t let him finish, whirling around in his chair to face Doyoung properly.</p><p>“I haven’t heard from you—from any of you!—in three weeks and all you have to say to me is, <em>it’s nice to see you</em>? Fuck you, Doyoung.”</p><p>“Hey,” Johnny says, stepping in. “I mean, you could’ve reached out, too.”</p><p>Jaehyun eyes him warily. “Yeah?” he says. “My agent told me I should limit who I contact because she didn’t want anyone to try and hack my location. What’s your excuse?”</p><p>“Management told us not to,” Doyoung says quietly, which is as much as what Jaehyun expected but somehow doesn’t sting any less. It still hurts, knowing that their bond didn’t run deep enough for anyone to reach out to him—or even him <em>through</em> Irene—just to see if he was alive and coping. His entire career had been on the line and no one had made the effort to see how he was holding up.</p><p>“I’m glad we’re all taking management’s word as law, now,” he sneers. He hates how his hands have started to shake, whether from anger or nerves, he can’t tell. </p><p>“Jaehyun,” Doyoung says helplessly. “Look, we’re really sorry—<em>I’m</em> really sorry—about what happened to you. It was awful, and it was crazy how fast people turned on you and had something to say. I don’t know if you looked on social media at all, but we were scared, too. If we defended you, we were accused of doping, too. If we didn’t say anything, we were accused of kicking you to the curb. It was a no-win situation.”</p><p>Jaehyun hates logic, especially Doyoung’s logic, because he doesn’t want to hear it. He wants to be unreasonable and stew in his emotions, but the more Doyoung talks, the more Jaehyun realizes that maybe it’s not just about the communication. Or, well, it is, but it’s more, too.</p><p>“I thought—” he starts, then swallows his words. It almost seems too dumb to say, like they’ll laugh him right out of the clubhouse if he says it.</p><p>“Thought what?” Johnny asks kindly, resting a hand on Jaehyun’s shoulder.</p><p>Jaehyun thinks back to Seneca Falls, remembers him and Mark swimming in the little pool of water at the bottom of the falls, spilling secrets into the night the same way the water spilled over the edge of the cliff. They had grown closer because they had trusted each other enough to share things; they had made the effort, felt the risk of opening up was worth it to earn a friend out of it all. </p><p>A relationship isn’t a one-way road, Jaehyun thinks, picking at the zipper on his bag. He can’t expect everyone else to put in the work if he doesn’t either.</p><p>“I guess I just thought we were better friends,” he mumbles, looking down at his hands. “I thought we were a lot closer than we were, that you’d reach out and ask me if I was doing okay. It hurt that you didn’t, or that you didn’t even talk to my agent or anything. I spent the last three weeks thinking you didn’t care about me at all.”</p><p>Doyoung’s expression softens, and before Jaehyun knows what’s happening, he’s being pulled into an awkward hug, hindered by the chairs they’re sitting in.</p><p>“I’m sorry,” he says sincerely. “If I could have done things differently, I would have. We were scared, but that’s not an excuse.”</p><p>“Sure it is,” Jaehyun mumbles wetly. “If I were in your shoes, I’d be afraid, too. All we have, at the end of the day, are our careers. </p><p>“But we should have each other, too,” Johnny says, squeezing Jaehyun’s shoulder. “We can’t change what we’ve already done, but we can try and be better for the future.”</p><p>“God forbid anything like this happens again,” Doyoung mutters, pulling back from the hug and immediately fussing over Jaehyun like a mother hen. He reminds Jaehyun so much of Sejeong in that moment that he almost does a double-take. “And, not that I didn’t like the guy we called up, but it’s nice to have you back. No one’s as good as our Jaehyunnie.”</p><p><em>Our Jaehyunnie.</em> </p><p>Jaehyun feels the knot of anxiety in his stomach ease. Johnny’s right: they can’t change what’s already transpired between them, but they can work on fixing it, on being better for each other in the future. Jaehyun’s done such a thorough job of burning bridges in the past that he’s forgotten that they can be mended, too. </p><p>He looks between Doyoung and Johnny—now arguing about the dumbest things that rookies have done in the past—and spins around in his chair to take in the rest of the clubhouse. He’ll have to find time to talk to Taeil and Yuta and Jungwoo, still, but that seems less daunting now that he’s ripped off the band-aid with Johnny and Doyoung. </p><p>Jaehyun eyes the schedule on the board near the door. They’ve got practice and then the boys have an afternoon game, which Jaehyun will watch from the press box. If Jaehyun’s not too out of shape, he should be slotted back into the lineup by the weekend. His friendships are on the mend, and Seneca Falls is 300 miles in his rearview mirror. With a slight smile, he leans back in his chair and realizes for the first time since he got back, that he’s glad to be home. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Jaehyun trains diligently over the week, and by the time the weekend rolls around, management is highly impressed with how well he’s doing.</p><p>“I had a lot of time to practice,” he says when the team manager asks how he managed to keep in shape while he was exiled. </p><p>“Well, whatever you did, it worked,” Manager says, slapping him on the shoulder. “We’ll see you in the starting lineup on Saturday, Jae.”</p><p>Unlike his first game in Seneca Falls, Jaehyun feels reasonably nervous before the first game of their series against the Pittsburgh Pirates. Now, there are actual things at stake; real world consequences if they win or lose. </p><p>Irene had told him that the public was on his side, that once the news had broken that Jaehyun had been set-up by a vindictive ex-teammate, the fans were suddenly incredibly sympathetic. While Jaehyun’s relieved that he won’t be booed off the field as soon as he steps out of the dugout, it does bother him that the fans’ allegiances can be swayed so easily.</p><p>“Feeling okay?” Johnny asks, sitting down next to Jaehyun. They’ve got about 10 minutes before the start of the game.</p><p>“I mean, as okay as I can be, I guess,” Jaehyun says. They have tentative plans to go out after, win or lose, just to try and ease back into things. Jaehyun might be just as nervous about that as he is for the game.</p><p>Really, though, he shouldn’t be. As awkward and uncertain as these situations are, they’re hardly new for Jaehyun. He’s played baseball games before. He’s been to dinner with his teammates before. If Jaehyun’s learned anything over the last three weeks, it’s that even when he’s not trying, things will work themselves out for the best in the end.</p><p>He swallows thickly.</p><p>“You’re gonna kill it out there today, Jaehyunnie,” Johnny says, ruffling Jaehyun’s hair affectionately before picking up his discarded ballcap and tugging it over the mess he’s made. He saunters off to talk to Jungwoo, their rookie this year, leaving Jaehyun to his thoughts.</p><p>Baseball is all Jaehyun’s ever wanted in life, and it was almost taken away from him. He should be ecstatic to get back out on the field, but there’s a tiny part of him that still mourns what could have been. Jaehyun allows himself one brief moment to imagine a life where he gets to walk out onto the field and Mark is sitting in the stands watching. Or maybe even on the team with him. A life where they could be together and it wouldn’t mean anything. Just one moment.</p><p>Jaehyun’s eyes snap open at the call from the manager. It’s time to take the field. He picks up his glove, readjusts his baseball cap, and falls into line behind the others. When he steps out onto the field, the grass giving way under his cleats and the sun shining high in the sky, Jaehyun forgets about everything else and just soaks in the overwhelming feeling of <em>baseball</em>.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Getting the first game out of the way lifts a huge weight off of Jaehyun’s shoulders that he didn’t know he was carrying. They win the game, and take the series two to one, and the dinner that they have to celebrate Jaehyun’s first game back is comfortable and only slightly awkward in the way it can be when Jaehyun doesn’t reveal where he’d been hiding out during his exile.</p><p>“I guess if it makes you play as well as you did, I’d keep it a secret to myself, too,” Yuta drawls, sipping on his beer. “Keep your secrets, Jaehyunnie. We’re just happy to have you back.”</p><p>He feels lighter, more free, and he finds it easy to fall back into familiar routines with his teammates. They’re still in the process of mending the fences, but Jaehyun figures it’s easier to do that over lunch and farmer’s market trips and shopping sprees than stewing in his own home.</p><p>The further he gets from his time in Seneca Falls, the easier it is to breathe. Hardly anything reminds him of the town, except for his car. He spends a long time staring it down while he talks with Irene on the phone about acquiring something more practical.</p><p>“Sure,” Irene says easily. After all the hard work Jaehyun put her through this summer, he’s sure she’ll enjoy shopping for a new vehicle, even if it’s for him. “And I’ll try and find a good place to sell the Maserati for you, too.”</p><p>“Oh,” Jaehyun says, running his hand over the hood. He’d taken it to the car wash and rinsed off all the dust from Seneca Falls on it, and somehow it looks duller than it had when it had a thin film of grime all over it. “Actually, I was thinking of keeping it. At least for a little while.”</p><p>He doesn’t know what for except for some far-fetched idea that he can have it sent to Seneca Falls for Jeno to keep. It’s a dumb idea, but Jaehyun can’t help but entertain the notion anyway, like it will ease some of the guilt that lingers in his chest about leaving.</p><p>He shouldn’t feel bad. Jaehyun has a life, one that was unceremoniously ripped from his hands and then shoved back into them on a silver platter. His stay in Seneca Falls was never going to be permanent, and he’s certain that everyone knew that. Maybe everyone except him.</p><p>He’d fallen into such easy patterns there, made relationships so quickly. Walking away from it all was a lot harder than when Jaehyun had left his hometown in Connecticut. So he tries his best to put it all behind him and move on.</p><p>Maybe that’s why it surprises him so much when he goes out shopping with Johnny one day and he sees it.</p><p>They’re wandering down Michigan Avenue together and ducking in and out of stores. Johnny’s got a couple shopping bags hanging off one arm, but Jaehyun hasn’t found anything that’s sparked his interest. His brain keeps getting caught up on a custom aviation-style jacket that’s being worked on 300 miles away. He browses through the stores, offers commentary and opinions about everything Johnny tries on, but doesn’t pick anything out for himself. If Johnny notices, he doesn’t say anything.</p><p>They’re standing at the intersection, waiting to cross, when Jaehyun sees it: splashed all down the front of Burberry’s Chicago flagship are pictures of Lucas. </p><p>Huge black and white stills of Lucas sitting on a stool with a jacket flung over his shoulder; Lucas staring moodily off to the left to showcase his side profile; Lucas smoldering for the camera. He looks so different from the person that he had met in Seneca Falls, but now here he is, literally larger than life, looking down on Jaehyun like he’s judging every single one of the decisions he’s made since he left town.</p><p>“You want to go in?” Johnny asks, nudging Jaehyun’s side and nodding towards the store. Jerkily, like a machine unsticking its rusty cogs, Jaehyun shakes his head as the crosswalk sign turns green and they begin to flow with the crowd, crossing the street.</p><p>“Cool,” Johnny says, none-the-wiser to Jaehyun’s inner turmoil. </p><p>It’s like, once Jaehyun has seen the images of Lucas on the Burberry storefront, he starts to see more things that remind him of Seneca Falls, like a particularly persistent ghost that continues to trail after him. They pass by an iHop and it reminds Jaehyun of the pancakes he used to eat at <em>The Cherry Bomb</em>. He sees a bus stop ad for Casper mattresses—with his own face on it—and it reminds Jaehyun of the bed and breakfast. Roses decorating a storefront window make Jaehyun think of the one in the backyard of Sejeong’s house. A lawyer’s office makes Jaehyun wonder what Sehun and Junmyeon are up to now. Practically every clothing store makes Jaehyun think of Taeyong. </p><p>And where thoughts of Seneca Falls appear, Mark’s ghost isn’t long to follow.</p><p>It’s like a wound that won’t quite heal over, like every time Jaehyun thinks he’s closed the door on that part of his life, something keeps persistently knocking. He wants to be able to let it go, but he knows why he can’t. It’s for the same reason that he’ll never be able to forget Chicago if he gets traded: he’s put part of his heart into these places, and when he leaves, that part of him will stay there.</p><p>Jaehyun has been reluctant to share what he had been doing during his exile, mostly for the reason that he doesn’t want anyone to make some casually harmless joke that will hit too deep for Jaehyun. He knows the kind of person he was when he arrived in Seneca Falls: a little too arrogant and a little too eager to leave. His teammates will be the same, and Jaehyun doesn’t want any of his memories marred by comments in passing. So he tells them he went away and spent a lot of time reflecting on everything that was going on and hit a few baseballs here and there, and that seems to be enough.</p><p>The days roll on. </p><p>Jaehyun finds his groove, falls back into the usual routines as September marches on. He plays baseball all over the country, visits what feels like the entire east coast in a couple weeks. The days start to get a little cooler and Jaehyun finds himself reaching for light jackets on occasion. There’s an empty hanger in his closet, waiting for a custom piece that he hasn’t heard about. Honestly, if Taeyong ghosted him, Jaehyun wouldn’t even be surprised.  </p><p>What does surprise Jaehyun is seeing Lucas at a bar when he’s out with the guys after a game.</p><p>Since seeing Lucas on the Burberry storefront, Jaehyun had gone to the website and browsed around the different pictorials. Lucas is featured in a number of them, looking just as dashing and glamorous as he had as a 20 foot tall poster, but now Jaehyun’s starting to get targeted ads. He gets videos while he’s waiting for Youtube, little boxes in the middle of an article he’s reading on the Sun-Times. Lucas is everywhere on Jaehyun’s screens and then, one day, he’s there in person, too.</p><p>Jaehyun doesn’t see him, which maybe makes it more jarring. He’s sitting at a table in a fancy bar downtown when he feels a hand come down on his shoulder. Across from him, Johnny raises an eyebrow, and Jaehyun braces himself, plasters a fake smile on his face so he can kindly—through gritted teeth—tell this fan to fuck off, before turning around and finding himself face-to-face with Lucas.</p><p>“I thought it was you,” Lucas says, big grin stretching across his face. “I saw you in an ad for a Casper mattress and I went, ‘Hey, I know that guy!’ And then my agent said you were a baseball player, and here you are!”</p><p>For a split second, Jaehyun’s instincts tell him to play it off, pretend that he has no idea who Lucas is or what he’s talking about, but Lucas’ earnest grin makes the lie stick in Jaehyun’s throat, so he takes a deep breath and offers Lucas a more genuine smile. “Here I am,” he says. </p><p>Johnny, who’s been watching this interaction with a very interested expression on his face, says, “Why don’t you sit down for a bit? We didn’t know Jaehyun even had other friends, so, you know, we’re all very nosey and eager to learn everything about you.”</p><p>Lucas’s laughter is loud and boisterous as he drags a chair over from a neighbouring table and wedges it in between Jaehyun and Yuta. He offers a hand for Johnny to shake and says, “I’m Lucas Wong.”</p><p>“Johnny Suh,” Johnny replies, then immediately adds, “How do you know our Jaehyunnie?”</p><p>“Oh, we met this summer,” Lucas says, leaning back in his chair casually. Jaehyun glances nervously between Lucas and Johnny. They look like they’re trying to out-handsome each other, which would look ridiculous from any two other people. From them it just looks—intimidating.</p><p>“Oh?” Johnny asks, raising his eyebrow again. “Jaehyun’s pretty tight-lipped about what he got up to while he was away.”</p><p>Lucas shoots Jaehyun an appraising look out of the corner of his eye. Jaheyun has no idea what his own face is doing, but Lucas must come to some sort of a decision because he turns back to Johnny and says, “Yeah. I spend some time out of the city with some friends every summer. Jaehyun rolled into town one day and the rest is history.”</p><p>Johnny looks like this has cleared up exactly none of his questions, but he takes a sip of his wine and asks, “And what do you do, Mr. Wong?”</p><p>Lucas giggles, like it’s the most ridiculous thing to be addressed so formally. “I’m a model,” he says. “Just wrapped up a campaign for Burberry.”</p><p>Johnny’s eyes flicker to Jaehyun, and Jaehyun takes the opportunity to become very interested in the white linen napkin still folded on the table. He’s certain that Johnny’s thinking back to that shopping trip they went on and how Jaehyun had paused outside the Burberry store. </p><p>“Cool,” Johnny says when Jaehyun won’t meet his eye. “Congratulations.” </p><p>“Thank you,” Lucas says easily. “Now, do you think I could trouble you for your opinion on my fantasy baseball team? You look like the sort of person with the know-how for that.”</p><p>It’s extremely surreal, sitting at the table listening to Lucas and Johnny talk about baseball. It’s casual, easy, like they’ve known each other for far longer than a handful of minutes. Jaehyun feels like there isn’t a casual bone in his body at the moment, and judging from the curious looks Doyoung keeps sending him, it’s pretty obvious.</p><p>A drink later, Lucas’ phone vibrates against the table, drawing the attention of everyone. Jaehyun glances down out of reflex and tries not to choke on his rum and Coke when he sees the message preview and the little <em>Markly!!</em> as the sender. </p><p>Lucas looks at the little notification, tilts his head to catch Jaehyun’s eye, and then says, “I think that’s my cue, gentlemen. I don’t want to crash your get together entirely, after all. Thanks for the drink—” he tips his glass to Johnny, “—I’ll try and take in a game sometime before playoffs, when the ticket prices are still relatively cheap.”</p><p>“Whatever you say, Mr. Burberry,” Johnny drawls. It makes Lucas laugh as he stands up, moving his chair back to the table he’d originally stolen it from. </p><p>“Jaehyun,” he says, tucking his phone into his pocket. “Walk me out?”</p><p>Jaehyun had a suspicion this private conversation was coming, but he can’t help the way his ears turn red as the guys whistle after him, like he’s leaving the bar with a hot date and not Lucas.</p><p>Not that Lucas isn’t hot, just—not the kind of person Jaehyun publicly leaves bars with, at least.</p><p>The air outside feels refreshing after the couple hours Jaehyun has spent inside. He tucks his hands into his pockets and tips his head up to the breeze, letting it cool some of the sweat that’s been gathering at his temples.</p><p>“So,” Lucas says, interrupting his thoughts. He’s leaning against the lamp post opposite Jaehyun, long legs crossed at the ankles. On anyone else it would look practiced, posed, but it looks natural on Lucas. Must be a side effect of being an actual model.</p><p>“So,” Jaehyun echoes, for lack of anything better to say.</p><p>“You know, when I got back to the city, I wasn’t sure if it was you,” Lucas says, a facsimile of the conversation they’d had when he’d first sat down at the table. “I thought, that can’t be <em>our</em> Jaehyun. Our Jaehyun doesn’t play for the Cubs! But the more I thought about it, the more I realized you didn’t really tell us a lot about yourself. You said you worked in baseball, but I thought you meant you were, I don’t know, a PT or something. You were good at baseball, but that doesn’t really mean a lot considering how bad the team was anyway, ha ha. You were just this quiet, unassuming guy who looked like he needed a bit of help, and then I come back here and find out you’re the rising shortstop on the hometown team. What a shock!”</p><p>Jaehyun opens and closes his mouth several times. He remembers when he had first met Lucas, that worry that Lucas would recognize him, the curiosity as to whether or not they had ever crossed paths before without knowing. Now he wonders how often Lucas sees him: how many ads catch his eye because Jaehyun is smiling back at him; how many times he’s walked past Wrigley Field and seen the pennants with Jaehyun’s face on them. How many times Lucas has turned on ESPN casually and seen Jaehyun on the highlight reel. </p><p>He wonders how much of this he’s told to their other friends, or even Mark. Mark technically already knows, but it’s probably one thing for Jaehyun to have told him and another to have Lucas blowing up his phone about it every day.</p><p>As if reading his mind, Lucas holds up a placating hand. “I haven’t told anyone, if that’s what’s making your face go all—” he scrunches his face up into an exaggerated frown, and Jaehyun feels his own face heat up, suddenly glad for the cover of nightfall. “I figured if you didn’t tell us yourself, I shouldn’t go blabbing about it to everyone else, but I can’t say the same for Jisung.”</p><p>“I—” Jaehyun begins, then pauses. “Jisung?” he asks weakly.</p><p>He’s a little ashamed to admit he hasn’t spent a lot of time thinking about Jisung since returning to Chicago, but he must be here in the city, too. It’s September. School has started.</p><p>“Yeah, you know, our little baseball baby,” Lucas says. “Or, giant baseball baby, I guess. Kid’s not exactly short. Anyway, he means well but he’s not as good at social cues. Probably doesn’t need to be when he grew up in a town as small as Seneca Falls. So, I don’t know if he’s said anything to anyone about you, or if he’s even had time to discover who you are. Maybe you’d like to head off that surprise while you can?”</p><p>Jaehyun’s not exactly sure if Lucas means hunt down Jisung and tell him to keep his identity secret, or to try and get in touch with the people of Seneca Falls and reveal himself to them personally. Neither sound like very appealing options.</p><p>When it becomes obvious that Jaehyun isn’t going to contribute anything meaningful to the conversation, Lucas sighs and fishes his phone out of his pocket. Jaehyun watches how the screen lights up his face for a moment before it’s being offered to him, Lucas’ arm stretching out to him across the sidewalk.</p><p>“Put your number in,” Lucas says, in a way that brooks no argument. “Just in case you need anything.”</p><p>Hesitantly, Jaehyun types in his number under a contact name <em>JJ77</em> and hands his phone back to Lucas. A moment later, he feels his own phone buzz in his pocket.</p><p>Lucas tucks his phone away again and pushes off from the lampost. He cuts such a striking figure that Jaehyun feels his mouth go dry.</p><p>“Look,” Lucas says, sounding,  for the first time, a little awkward. “I don’t know what kinds of issues you’re going through right now, but don’t be a stranger. I’d like to think that we were friends this summer. If you need anything, let me know.”</p><p>Before Jaehyun can say anything, Lucas is off, sauntering down the street. A couple of girls do a double-take as he walks by, and it snaps Jaehyun out of his stupor long enough for him to scurry back inside.</p><p>He stands just inside the door for a moment, trying to catch his breath before he goes back to his table. Lucas’ surprise appearance has given Jaehyun the most surreal sensation of being unmoored, caught in two currents that are only now bisecting. </p><p>When he’d left Seneca Falls, he hadn’t given much thought of what would happen if the town ever found out who he is. It shouldn’t matter. Jaehyun’s long gone and maybe the story of his summer stay at the bed and breakfast would just become a tale that everyone would tell their kids one day: <em>One summer, a famous baseball player rolled into town in his red Maserati and no one knew who he was until he left!</em> </p><p>But now he feels uneasy, something like guilt unfurling in his stomach. He doesn’t want the town to think poorly of him, for them to discover that he’d kept this secret from them and have it change their perception of him. For three weeks in Seneca Falls he got to be Jaehyun Jeong: better than average baseball player and guy with an almost-boyfriend. Now that he’s back in Chicago he’s the shortstop for the Chicago Cubs, and Jaehyun isn’t sure if the two people can become one.</p><p>Doyoung finds him by the door several minutes later, carrying a tray of shots in both hands. “Hey,” he says, looking like he wants to reach out and comfort Jaehyun. “Are you okay?”</p><p>Jaehyun bites his lip. Is he? He has everything he’s ever wanted in life, yet he feels like there’s a huge hole in him, a void that can no longer be filled by baseball alone. He can’t just say that, though. Doyoung wouldn’t understand, so he says, “Yeah. Maybe I’ve just had a little too much to drink,” and offers up what he hopes is a convincing smile.</p><p>Doyoung does look a little skeptical, but all he says is, “We have a pitcher of water back at the table if you want some,” and turns away. Jaehyun can’t tell if he’s disheartened or relieved that Doyoung didn’t press more. He follows him back to the table and sinks into his seat, trying not to feel haunted by Lucas’ presence back in his life.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>After Lucas texts Jaehyun his number, Jaehyun’s phone feels like it’s burning a hole in his pocket. He’s plagued with paranoia, constantly wondering what Jisung has told the others and whether or not someone from Seneca Falls is going to jump out from behind the next aisle at Whole Foods, or materialize in Nordstrom. </p><p>But no one does. September trickles it’s way down to its final days, and Jaehyun feels himself start to relax into the groove of things again. He’s playing good baseball, and he’s spent a fair amount of time with Johnny and Doyoung, re-learning how they fit together. Jaehyun knows a lot more about both their families than he ever did before and has six new recipes for smoothies, courtesy of Doyoung’s latest food interests. </p><p>On the day of their last game of the regular season, a package arrives at Jaehyun’s door. It’s a relatively flat box, no logo, just a packing slip inside its little plastic bag adhered to the top. Jaehyun looks at it for a long moment before slicing open the tape with his door key and pushing aside the tissue paper.</p><p>Inside is an aviation-style jacket: 14 karat gold chains draped delicately against the shoulders, pearls sewn into the collar, iron-on patches of vibrant colours pressed against the breast in contrast with the navy of the jacket itself. Jaehyun’s breath catches in his throat as he gently lifts the jacket from the box.</p><p>It’s perfect in every way, down to every meticulous detail of Taeyong’s careful hands, and Jaehyun knows he can never wear it. There’s more than just gold and fancy pearls sewn into this jacket: there are memories, too. Countless hours sitting around with Taeyong designing it; helping Mark and Taeyong package orders up for people living all around the world, eager for a taste of Taeyong’s genius; nights sitting around at the diner or at Boa’s, sipping on drinks and laughing about the most inconsequential things.</p><p>Jaehyun takes the jacket to his closet, hangs it on a hanger, and then tucks it into an extra suit bag he has lying around. He hangs it behind his suits so that it blends in, and then strides out of the bedroom altogether. There’s no time to dwell on the jacket and what it symbolizes; he has a game to get ready for.</p><p>It’s a perfect day for the last game of the season. The weather is sunny but a tad cool, not too breezy, just—mild. Temperate. Perfect. Jaehyun spends a little time getting ready in the clubhouse, shooting the shit, before he heads out onto the field to warm-up.</p><p>There’s already a number of people in the stands, everyone celebrating a successful season and a secured playoff spot. Jaehyun doesn’t think much of it; there’s always people milling about before the game, and always a number of them standing along the edge of the seats at the third base line, trying to attract player’s over for a picture or an autograph. Jaehyun’s usually pretty game, especially if there are kids, so he goes through his warm ups without giving the crowd much thought. He tosses a ball around with Yuta, does some stretches with Jungwoo, talks a bit of strategy with Johnny when he comes out onto the field. When there’s only half an hour left before the start of the game, Jaehyun wraps up his warm-up and turns to the fans waiting along the edge of the seats.</p><p>It takes Jaehyun too long to notice. He’s focussed more on the kids that are there, signing hats and baseballs and jerseys, posing for photos as overjoyed parents snap away on their phones. Jaehyun moves methodically down the line, smiles kindly at some girls who practically swoon when he pauses for a selfie, and literally doesn’t see Mark at all until he’s standing right in front of him.</p><p>For one single moment, everything stops. Jaehyun can’t hear the sounds of his teammates or the chatter of the fans around him. He can’t even <em>see</em> anything except for Mark, standing right in front of him, separated by the half boards that separate the seats from the field. The butterflies are so violent in Jaehyun’s stomach that he’s almost afraid that if he opens his mouth, one will fly out.</p><p>Finally: “Hey,” Mark says, though he doesn’t sound very happy to see Jaehyun. He’s got his hands shoved into the pockets of his jeans, mouth twisted in a slight frown.</p><p>“Hey,” Jaehyun echoes, feeling uncomfortably unmoored.</p><p>“You know, I didn’t actually believe you, that night outside Boa’s,” Mark says. “When you told me you were a baseball player? Genuinely thought you were just spitting out the first lie you could come up with so that I’d leave you alone. I already knew, by then, that you were a liar, so what was one more outlandish story added to the pile? But then Jisung texted our group chat, and I knew it was the truth.”</p><p>His voice goes high pitched and squeaky, a poor imitation of Jisung’s low timbre as he says, “‘Guys, you won’t believe who I just saw on a flag outside Wrigley Field. Jaehyun! Our Jaehyun! Guys, he’s an actual baseball player for an actual baseball team!’” His face smoothes out into an impressively blank mask, and Jaehyun has to grip the wall just to keep himself from doing something stupid like falling to his knees and begging for forgiveness.</p><p>For some reason, in all the scenarios that he had run through his head, Jaehyun never expected Mark to be the one to reach out. He had—foolishly—thought that Mark would just let their relationship go, the same way he’d let go of his dreams and ambitions. Jaehyun thought he had been dispensable like that, but now here Mark is, in Wrigley Field, like some apparition out of Jaehyun’s imagination.  </p><p>But then again, Jaehyun had also never thought that Mark wouldn’t believe him when he’d said he was a baseball player.</p><p>When he realizes that Mark is still waiting for him to speak, Jaehyun manages to loosen his tongue and offer an apology. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner,” he says, hating how nervous he sounds. “I just—I was supposed to be off the grid and the less people who knew where I was, the better. The fact that none of you knew me was just too good to be true, so I didn’t say anything.”</p><p>“More like you lied to us,” Mark replies without pause. “Do you have any idea how upset Jaemin was when he found out that you spent all summer lying through your teeth to us? What did you think we’d do? Run to the nearest news publication and blab that we’ve got Chicago’s rising star in our midst?”</p><p><em>Yes</em>, Jaehyun thinks, but wisely doesn’t say. He’s not proud of his mistrust, but he’s familiar with having his personal business splashed across pages of newsprint. “Look, I’m sorry. I was under a lot of pressure and stress and I was upset about the circumstances that landed me in Seneca Falls. I made dumb choices and I’m well aware of that.”</p><p>He doesn’t want to be having this conversation here, not in front of all these other fans who are watching with morbid curiosity. Jaehyun spots one of the girls from earlier with her phone pointed in their direction, and he shoots her such a scathing look that she immediately tucks it away. The last thing Jaehyun needs is for this to end up on the internet, too.</p><p>Mark laughs, this ugly, sinister sound that chills Jaehyun straight down to his bones. “<em>The circumstances that landed you in Seneca Falls</em>?” he parrots. “You mean, how you were run out of town because you used performance enhancing drugs? Because, yeah, you’re not the only one upset about that, I guess.”</p><p>Jaehyun feels the bottom drop out of his stomach, the butterflies set loose. His entire body feels like a solid block of ice. “Mark,” he starts, but Mark waves away his words with a lazy flick of his hand.</p><p>“Do you know what it felt like to find out about that through some dumb article on the internet, after I told you everything that my brother went through? It doesn’t even matter how we left things when you left, it felt like a betrayal of all the happy memories that I spent with you. Like I spent all this time getting to know someone only to have the rug ripped out from underneath my feet. If you lied about this, kept everything a secret from me, is it safe to assume that everything else about us was fake, too?”</p><p>Jaehyun struggles to string together words, to form a coherent sentence of any kind. What ends up coming out of his mouth is, “The drugs weren’t true. Did you not see the other articles about how I was framed?”</p><p>“You’re missing the point,” Mark says. Jaehyun thinks that if they were somewhere more private, Mark would be yelling. “I told you everything. We all spilled our guts to you, and you just pranced around town pretending to be someone you’re not. It doesn’t matter whether the drugs are true or not, because the point is that you knew it was a sore subject for me and you never brought it up. We gave you everything and all you gave us was money for our services and a ride in your fancy car.”</p><p>Jaehyun’s face feels hot, humiliation burning through him to melt the frigidity from earlier. “I just—” he stutters. “I couldn’t tell you. There were—are—so many things that people can’t know. Things I have to hide. I hid things from you in Seneca Falls, but I told you things that no one else knows, too. I showed you parts of myself that I can’t show here.” </p><p>Mark blinks at him, a flash of understanding crossing his face before it shutters again. “Well,” he says, taking a step back, putting distance between them. “I guess I wanted you to know that you’re not welcome in Seneca Falls anymore. Don’t ever come back; we don’t want you. I hope all your secret keeping was worth it to you, in the end.”</p><p>It’s like watching a train wreck in slow motion, where Jaehyun can register everything that’s happening with perfect clarity and still have no idea how to fix things. He can’t stop the disaster, but he doesn’t know how to soothe the survivors, either. If there are survivors. Jaehyun feels a bit like he’s been run over by the train, rather than just watching it crash.</p><p>When Jaehyun doesn’t say anything else, Mark spins on his heel and storms up the steps. He climbs further and further out of Jaehyun’s reach, until he disappears down the tunnel to the concourse, and out of Jaehyun’s life, likely for the last time.    </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>This is what overwhelming guilt feels like, Jaehyun thinks deliriously as he stumbles off the field. Mark’s words burn like acid in the back of Jaehyun’s throat, their honesty and their ferocity blurred by overtones of grief. It’s the final push, his heart toppling off the pedestal he’d placed it on in order to keep it safe. His heart and the box of memories he’d locked up about Seneca Falls, now spilling out all over the floor.</p><p>He doesn’t go back into the clubhouse, because that would be the first place they’d look for him. Instead, Jaehyun blindly stumbles down one of the offshoot hallways of Wrigley’s underground labyrinth until he finds an unused medical room and ducks inside. His breath is coming in raggedly, and he has to grip the examination table just so he doesn’t fall over from lightheadedness. </p><p>This is what overwhelming guilt feels like, but also heart-breaking sorrow. </p><p>All his life, Jaehyun had thought that if he made it to the majors, he’d be happy, that it would be everything he’d need in his life. That it would be enough to bury the fact that he’ll never have the happy family that his teammates will have, that the part of him that is gay will have to be a part of him that can never be revealed. </p><p>And for the past couple of years, it has been. Jaehyun’s a regular in the starting line-up; he’s finally making seven figures a year, locked into a contract that will guarantee that for two more years. He has the fancy apartment and the hot-shot car and endorsement deals and people lining up in bars to buy him a drink. He has teammates that have always been game to hang out, and who are now trying to get to know him better. Jaehyun shouldn’t want anything else, really. He’s done nothing to earn the right to <em>want</em>.</p><p>But then he’d spent three weeks in Seneca Falls, arguably the most desolate town in the American Midwest and that had been—enough. Enough of a taste of what Jaehyun has been missing all this time to know that he’ll never be content with his life as it is again. He will always yearn: for the freedom of being who he is; for the freedom of having friends who care about him unconditionally; for the freedom of being honest to himself, even if he still lied to everyone else.</p><p>And now Mark has come to Chicago to tell him that he’s lost it all.</p><p>Tears fall unbidden down Jaehyun’s face. He’s sobbing, but the sound of it all feels muted. The deep ache in his chest seems to demand all his attention, diverting all possible brainpower to focusing on just how much he <em>hurts</em> inside. On top of it all, blanketing everything in a thick layer of cruelty, is the knowledge that Jaehyun deserves this.</p><p>He doesn't know how long he spends sitting in the medical room crying. Long enough that someone is able to search all the other empty rooms, because suddenly the door opens and someone comes in. Jaehyun can't really tell who, past all the tears.</p><p>"Hey, hey, Jaehyunnie."</p><p>Fuck, it's Johnny. A hand lands heavily on Jaehyun's back, fingers spanning wide between his shoulder blades. It's not that Jaehyun isn't grateful that someone cares about him enough to see him through this meltdown, but more that Johnny is incredibly perceptive and stupidly stubborn. He'll edge the story out of Jaehyun sooner rather than later.</p><p>The only relief, perhaps, is that it isn't Doyoung that finds him instead. </p><p>With Johnny's hand smoothing down his spine and rubbing at the back of his neck, it doesn't take too long for Jaehyun to finally calm down. When the tears finally stop and he feels like he can get the air back into his lungs, he feels like he's run a marathon. The fact that he still has to play a two and a half hour baseball game feels like a cruel and unusual punishment. </p><p>He croaks out a hoarse, <em>Thanks</em>, when Johnny hands him a bottle of water, which he chugs half of in one go and tries to gather up the remains of his poor, shredded dignity. He knows everyone heard what Mark said—he hadn’t exactly been quiet—but Jaehyun gets it. He doesn’t blame Mark for being angry and upset. </p><p>“Do you want to talk about it?” Johnny asks as Jaehyun sips at the rest of his water.</p><p>“We have a baseball game.”</p><p>Johnny’s smile is a little wry when Jaehyun glances at him, like he’s fighting with his moral duty and his contractual one. “Yeah, so you can give me the short version now and then the long version over a couple beers after we crush the Cardinals to kingdom come?”</p><p>Jaehyun can’t help it: he laughs. He’s glad that even after everything they’ve been through—together and individually—Johnny can still make him laugh with a few silly words when he’s feeling at his worst.</p><p>“The short story,” he says, wrangling his giggles and finishing his water. He feels less like a dehydrated shell of a human and more like a semi-functional baseball player again. “The short story is that I met Mark, became his ... friend, and never told him that I had been exiled from my day job because I was accused of doing drugs, when I knew that drugs were a sore subject for him because he had to send his beloved older brother to rehab for prescription drug abuse.”</p><p>If Johnny notices the pause where Jaehyun had hesitated on how to address Mark, he doesn’t say anything. Jaehyun’s probably just overthinking things; most people would chalk up his stutter to being unsure of where their friendship stands, but Jaehyun is mostly just worried that Johnny will figure out from this one little slip that Jaehyun is … gay. The panic wells in his throat, but Jaehyun swallows it back before he can coat his tongue.</p><p>“Wow,” Johnny says after a long pause. “That’s one hell of a short story.”</p><p>“Yeah,” Jaehyun says, rubbing a hand over his face. It’s tacky with dried tears, his skin feeling almost tight. “It’s—I’m not proud of what I did this summer, I guess.”</p><p>Maybe it shouldn’t surprise him when Johnny lays a hand on his shoulder, but Jaehyun’s still stuck in the mindset that he doesn’t quite deserve any of the comfort his friends are offering. Still, it’s appreciated. </p><p>“Look, I can’t say much just knowing what I know, but we all make mistakes, Jaehyun. We all fuck up a little in our friendships, but often there’s an opportunity to fix things. I mean, look at us. We’re also proof that things don’t heal immediately, that trust isn’t mended overnight. Whatever happened with you and Mark is something I’m sure a few earnest words can’t heal.”</p><p>Privately, Jaehyun doesn’t think that anything could heal the hurt that he’s inflicted on Mark, doesn’t think that anything could heal the hurt that’s sitting on his heart knowing that Seneca Falls has turned its back on him, but he doesn’t voice this aloud to Johnny. Instead, he sits up straighter and squares his shoulders. </p><p>He shouldn’t be burdening his teammates with his unresolved shit, not when they have a game to play, at least. The best Jaehyun can do is throw himself into the game today and hope that he can get through the heartbreak when they’re not about to step into a playoff run. He remembers, momentarily, the first game he’d played in Seneca Falls, the unmitigated disaster of it, but as quickly as the memory comes, Jaehyun shoves it away. In Seneca Falls, he’d had something to prove. Here, Jaehyun’s already proved himself. There’s no one left to impress. </p><p>“Let’s just forget about it for now,” he says, tossing his empty water bottle into the garbage as he gets to his feet. Mentally, he scoops up all the memories of Seneca Falls and puts them all back into the box in his mind and sticks it back up on that untouchable pedestal. He leaves his heart, bleeding out on the ground. “We have a baseball game to win.”</p><p>Jaehyun turns to the door—trying to forget this room where he’s bared the ugliest parts of himself—but not before seeing the sad, uncertain look on Johnny’s face.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>With the flipping of the calendar page comes the end of the baseball regular season. Jaehyun doesn’t feel different physically as he rolls out of bed on the first day of their series against the Miami Marlins, but as soon as he steps into the clubhouse, he can taste on the back of his tongue the change in the air. There’s a hunger that has seeped into everyone, a carnal look to the people Jaehyun passes. His teammates are eager for a win, hunting for that elusive trophy at the end of the World Series, a month later.</p><p>Jaehyun can’t quite muster up the same emotion in himself. He still feels ruined inside by Mark’s visit two days earlier, which had ended up being a minor headline on Barstool Sports later that day. Irene had thrown a fit and had called around to have it taken down, but Jaehyun knows that people saw it. He wonders what people are saying about him now; he hasn’t had the guts to check Twitter since the ordeal.</p><p>Management hasn’t said anything to him yet, but it makes Jaehyun nervous anyhow. Two scandals in the course of a season would be enough to have a player traded to another team. Jaehyun doesn’t think he could handle the emotional strain of being shipped off across the country on top of all the shit he’s dealing with already. </p><p>Johnny and Doyoung slide into the seats next to him as soon as Jaehyun sits down at his locker. He shoots them both a tired look. </p><p>“Hello, good morning, Happy October Baseball,” Doyoung rattles off. He’s too polite to jump into a topic without a greeting, and Jaehyun can’t decide if he appreciates the beating around the bush or if it just annoys him today. “We didn’t hear from you yesterday but we thought maybe we should give you some space—”</p><p>“—but you look pretty rough today, dude,” Johnny interrupts. Doyoung glares at him. “Is there anything we can do to help?”</p><p>A more cynical Jaehyun would look at this interaction and wonder if Johnny and Doyoung are just trying to appease his desire for a better friendship, but the wounded and sad version of him is grateful for their care. He smooths over the chip on his shoulder and says, “Well, winning the game today would be a good start.”</p><p>Johnny cracks a smile and punches him on the arm. “Against the Marlins? Please. We can beat them in our sleep.”</p><p>“Johnny,” Doyoung says, exasperated. Johnny’s always been extremely optimistic, while Doyoung’s more realistic in his outlook on the games. Jaehyun gets it; no matter how good they are, or how prepared they feel, the game can go any which way on any given day of the week. To become too complacent is a set-up for failure.</p><p>“And, uh, maybe do you guys want to come over after and play video games? I’ve had a second controller for my PS5 for ages and no one’s used it.”</p><p>If either Johnny or Doyoung are surprised by Jaehyun’s invitation, they don’t show it. Johnny just offers him a wicked grin instead. “Sure,” he says. “Do you have FIFA? It’s, like, the only game I know how to play and I’m tired of losing to Jungwoo all the time.”</p><p>“I heard my name?” Jungwoo asks, popping up from inside his stall halfway around the room. “And FIFA?” </p><p>“You’re not invited,” Johnny calls back. “I need to hone my skills on some unsuspecting smuck before I battle you again.”</p><p>“Hey,” Jaehyun says, folding his arms. “Just because I haven’t played against anyone else doesn’t mean I’m bad at the game.”</p><p>“Well, you certainly can’t be worse than Doyoung.”</p><p>“Hey!”</p><p>It’s not a quick heal for the wounds he’s been dealt, but more like a balm that Jaehyun feels soothed over the tears in his heart. He has baseball and he has his tea, and while the blow of losing Seneca Falls is fresh now, it’ll get better in time. Jaehyun will get over it and things will go back to normal, and that has to be good enough. He doesn’t have anything left after that.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>They breeze through the Marlins in three games, despite all of Doyoung’s superstitious cautioning, and Johnny bowls him over in every game of FIFA that they play. Jaehyun hadn’t thought he was a <em>bad</em> player, but maybe three weeks off in Seneca Falls followed by a couple weeks of intense baseball training have made him rusty. That seems like a plausible answer.</p><p>Jaehyun likes spending time with Johnny and Doyoung. They remind him a bit of spending time with the boys in Seneca Falls: easygoing, no pressure, no expectations. Jaehyun doesn’t have to pretend that he’s cool or uphold any manner of professionalism because they see right through him. It’s fine. He sees through them, too.</p><p>It’s a bit of a stark reminder of what their relationship used to be like. Jaehyun had never thought too much about it until he was offered relationships where people actually wanted to get to know him and inexplicably liked him for just being himself, but now that he’s watching his friendships with his teammates blossom, it embarrasses him how little effort he’d put in before.</p><p>They’re eating ramen at a fancy hipster eatery Doyoung had found on Instagram when Jaehyun decides to bring it up. It’s easier in public, he thinks, because at least if things get terribly awkward or take a turn for the worse, he can just leave. If he has this conversation in his own apartment he doesn’t have anywhere to go.</p><p>“Uh, so, I just wanted to say sorry,” he says, swirling his chopsticks through the broth. </p><p>Johnny raises an eyebrow at him around a mouthful of noodles that he slurps up. “For what?” he asks. Doyoung kicks him under the table.</p><p>“I just—I know when I came back I was really upset with you guys for not reaching out and for being bad friends, but I know that friendship is a two-way street, yeah? Like, I’ve always known that, so I’m sorry if I made you think that you guys were the only ones that had to put in work for this, because I know that’s not how it works. I’m trying, too. I hope you can see that.”</p><p>Johnny’s face softens. Doyoung puts a hand on Jaehyun’s knee under the table.</p><p>“We’re all trying,” Doyoung says. “Sometimes it’s hard. We’re all used to being good surface level friends, supportive teammates and all that, but sometimes being trustworthy friends takes more work. We knew that things wouldn’t change overnight; we all have our secrets, and hopefully we’ll be willing to share those with each other because we trust each other that much.”</p><p>It feels pointed, even though Jaehyun knows that neither Doyoung nor Johnny know exactly what he’s hiding from them, but the fact that they know he’s not being completely honest makes his palms sweat a little. </p><p>“Okay, well, I mean, good,” Jaehyun says, which just makes Johnny laugh. “Glad we could have this really riveting emotional chat.”</p><p>“Yeah, we should really do it again sometime,” Johnny replies, shoveling more noodles into his mouth. “I love to see your ears turn that shade of red. Very flattering.”</p><p>“Oh my god,” Jaehyun mutters, and ducks his head. </p><p>They spend less time hanging out after that, preparing for the NLCS. Jaehyun’s never been; the Cubs have never made it past the divisional series since he’s joined the team, and the last time they’d won the championship and gone on to the World Series was back when he’d been in high school. If the team was hungry before playing the Marlins, it’s nothing like the excitement that ripples through the clubhouse on the first day of their series against the Dodgers.</p><p>Jaehyun’s sitting in the dugout, headphones in, bobbing his head to Drake’s latest album, when he gets the text message. It’s from an unsaved number, and Jaehyun almost swipes the message preview away to deal with later, when his curiosity gets the better of him. He opens the message and looks back at the thread. The only other message from the sender is one that reads, <em>it’s lucas</em>.</p><p>The current message says, <em>good luck today!</em> with a series of incomprehensible emojis, like Lucas had smashed his thumbs on the keyboard and sent whatever had come up. The selection is just as baffling as the message itself; Mark had told him that Seneca Falls didn’t want him anymore, and Jaehyun had assumed that that had included Lucas, too.</p><p>Before he can think better of it, he types out, <em>i thought u didn’t like me?</em></p><p>Out on the field, some of his teammates are still tossing the ball around. Fans have started gathering in the stands again. It’s not as clear and sunny as it had been the day Mark had come to visit, but the clouds haven’t quite started to roll in yet. Maybe in another few weeks they’ll see snow; Jaehyun’s long stopped trying to figure out how the weather in Chicago works.</p><p>Lucas has always been Mark’s friend before Jaehyun’s. Technically, they were all Mark’s friends before Jaehyun’s, but Lucas had been friendly enough to Jaehyun during practice. It seems weird that he’d want to reach out to Jaehyun when he’s so clearly angered Mark down to his bones.</p><p>The little typing bubble appears at the bottom of their message conversation, and Jaehyun waits with bated breath for Lucas’ reply. He doesn’t know what to expect, but it’s not, <em>mark can make his own decisions but he doesn’t speak for me.</em></p><p>Jaehyun’s not really sure what to say to that, but he’s saved the trouble from having to reply when Lucas sends another message. <em>if you have time this week, do you want to have lunch?</em></p><p>Jaehyun hardly ever has any time these days, but this conversation feels important. The fact that Lucas doesn’t hate him means that he has one tiny window into what happened in Seneca Falls. Maybe he doesn’t deserve it, but he at least wants to know, from a less angry party, what everyone else thinks of him.</p><p>He almost—he almost craves the pain. Jaehyun’s sitting in the dugout of Wrigley Field, getting ready for the first game of the National League Championship Series, feeling distinctly like he doesn’t deserve the lot he’s been handed in life. He’s clambered over people his whole life to get where he is, and his personal relationships have suffered because of it. It’s just never really mattered to Jaehyun before now. Now he wants to know the damage he’s dealt, wants to know how badly he hurt those that he cares about.</p><p><em>okay,</em> he types out. <em>i don’t have a game on wednesday.</em></p><p><em>cool,</em> Lucas writes. <em>i’ll let you know the place. good luck!!!</em></p><p>Jaehyun stares down at the message thread. He feels—apprehensive but also hopeful. If nothing else, maybe this conversation with Lucas will help him find some closure, help him shut the door on Seneca Falls once and for all, like some long forgotten summer fantasy seeped in sepia tones and caramelized pineapple syrup. Something Jaehyun can laugh about in the future, that time he drove off into the midwestern sunset and popped up in a little town on the prairie.</p><p>“Hey, Jaehyun!” </p><p>Jaehyun snaps his head up and glances at where Yuta is waving at him from the field, brandishing a ball at him. Jaehyun tugs his earbuds out of his ears, stuffs them into the pocket of his track jacket, and grabs his glove. He can’t afford to be dwelling on Seneca Falls now. They’ve got a game in under an hour, and winning the series against the Dodgers means a trip to the World Series. A chance for glory beyond measure. </p><p>If Jaehyun has to give up Seneca Falls and the memories that come with it, it can only be for the most prized trophy in their sport. He jogs out onto the field and catches the easy lob Yuta tosses at him. Right now—as much as he wishes differently—there’s nothing else but baseball.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>They’ve split the series by the time Wednesday rolls around. They have two days before their next game in Los Angeles, and Jaehyun has just enough time to pop out to lunch for Lucas before catching a red-eye out to the west coast. Jaehyun doesn’t want to think of it as running away from his problems but—it’s nice to have an excuse if this conversation goes as horribly as the one with Mark had gone.</p><p>Lucas had picked a relatively out of the way diner 20 minutes out of Chicago’s downtown area. Jaehyun drives his new Hyundai Tuscon and parks it on the street next to a minivan and a sedan that looks like it saw its heyday 10 years prior. The Maserati would’ve stuck out like a sore thumb.</p><p>When Jaehyun enters the diner he’s immediately struck by a wave of nostalgia. Even though the decor is different and the crowd that sits inside are chatting away about their big city problems, everything about the diner reminds Jaehyun of <em>The Cherry Bomb</em>. The smell of greasy food and the vinyl tabletops and the servers popping by with jugs of water to top up peoples’ glasses. It’s all different, and yet very much the same.</p><p>Lucas is also the same: dressed casually in a pair of dark-wash jeans and a button-up shirt in the classic Burberry plaid. His hair is swept up off his face, pushed back by a pair of big, designer sunglasses. He looks like Lucas from the summer, only—more polished. Jaehyun hopes he looks vaguely the same.</p><p>“Good game the other day,” Lucas says when Jaehyun sits down. He assumes Lucas is referring to the first game they’d played against the Dodgers, when they’d won 10 to four. The game they had played the next day had been a loss they’d suffered due to a couple of stupid infield errors and a touch of miscommunication. Jaehyun would rather forget about it.</p><p>“Thanks,” Jaehyun says. He sips at the glass of water that’s already waiting for him for something to do. Lucas is staring at him with wide, curious eyes. There’s not a hint of malice in them, but Jaehyun still feels wary, like he’s waiting for the other shoe to drop. He wonders when he’ll stop feeling this way about people he had previously thought were his friends. </p><p>He’s saved the awkwardness by the waitress coming by asking if they’re ready to order. It’s lunchtime, but Jaehyun orders pancakes because he hadn’t looked at the menu yet and doesn’t think he could handle being neck-deep in a serious conversation and have the waitress come back to take their orders. Lucas orders the house salad. </p><p>When she leaves, Lucas finally breaks the silence. “For what it’s worth,” he says, “I told Mark it would be a really bad idea to show up to the game like that. Like, obviously, I want him to have some closure, but I didn’t think that was the best way to go about getting it.”</p><p>Jaehyun shrugs. “Is there ever a really good time to have your summer fling stop by to tell you that all of your friends from the small town you stayed in for three weeks hate your guts?”</p><p>“Probably not,” Lucas says with a wry smile, “but there are probably better times than right before you’re about to play an important baseball game.”</p><p>“I’m not sure why you care so much,” Jaehyun says. “Like, why does it matter whether we win or lose a game?”</p><p>Lucas looks surprised by this question, which in turn surprises Jaehyun. He would’ve thought the Cubs potentially tanking this series because of Jaehyun’s emotional distress would have been satisfying for him and the rest of Seneca Falls. </p><p>“I know you think that the entire town hates you, Jaehyun, but that’s not true. Hurt? Yeah. Betrayed? Probably. But we also know—or at least, I know—that playing for the Cubs is your life. It’s your livelihood, and I personally would feel pretty bad about myself if I had known I had ruined the thing that makes you happy because I was feeling especially petty and vindictive.”</p><p>Jaehyun bites the inside of his cheek. The idea feels foreign to him; when he’d returned to Chicago, Jaehyun had had so much anger in him that he aimed at his teammates. He can’t quite fathom having that much empathy and understanding in him over a situation that’s clearly the other party’s fault.</p><p>“Thanks,” he ends up saying. The waitress swings by and drops off their food, and Jaehyun settles for drizzling maple syrup all over his pancakes. He has an unopened bottle of Mina’s mother’s caramelized pineapple syrup at home that he wishes he had with him now, but maybe it’s better this way. He doesn’t need to feel even more upset about Seneca Falls than he does. </p><p>Lucas drizzles the most boring looking dressing over his salad and says, “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to, but is there a reason you didn’t tell us who you were?” </p><p>Jaehyun had been expecting this question when he had run into Lucas at the bar, so it doesn’t exactly surprise him, but it does make him tense up. He’s had all this time to come up with a good answer, and he doesn’t think there’s anything he can say that will make him sound any less like a dumb coward. Maybe that’s okay. Everyone seems to think poorly of him already, what’s one more stupid mistake to add to the list?</p><p>“I mean, first of all, you know I left town—Chicago, that is—because of my … drug scandal, right?” Jaehyun asks, dragging the tines of his fork through the syrup. He watches as the plate appears in the fork’s wake, before the syrup slowly reforms in the spaces left behind. “My agent told me to leave, but she wanted me to lay low, wanted to keep me out of the press as much as possible because she wanted to investigate everything. I didn’t take performance enhancing drugs, which meant that someone had to have messed with the drug tests. I didn’t tell anyone who I was because it was supposed to be a secret that I had skipped town.”</p><p>“And you didn’t think to tell Mark about the drugs, whether they were real or not?”</p><p>Abruptly, Jaehyun slams his fork down on the table, hard enough that their dishes rattle. If other patrons are looking at them, he doesn’t care. For once, his public image is the last thing on his mind. </p><p>“When I arrived in Seneca Falls, I thought I had found the most boring town on the face of the planet,” he hisses. There’s an anger burning in him that he hadn’t realized was sitting dormant inside him, but now that Jaehyun’s taken the lid off his feelings, the words just keep coming. </p><p>It’s weird, living in two different worlds. Jaehyun hasn’t had an opportunity to rant about this to anyone, but here’s Lucas, who knew him then and knows him now, too. Lucas, who sees all the points where Jaehyun’s lives intersect, but doesnt’ know all the details. </p><p>“I thought it was the worst place I ever could have ended up, but it turned out to be the best. For as many lies and lies by omission that I told you, I also showed you parts of myself that I could never show here. I met people who wanted to know me for <em>me</em>, and not just as Jaehyun, the baseball player for the Cubs. People wanted to talk to me about things like their hopes and dreams and their plans or their lack of plans. I was someone people could be open with, and in return, I opened up a part of myself that I’d never showed before. I took a chance with Mark, and it didn’t pan out, but it was a bigger chance than I should’ve taken anyway.” </p><p>He takes a deep breath. It all boils down to this one final point anyway, the final nail in the coffin of Jaehyun’s demise. “I thought if I told Mark about the reason I had left Chicago, he wouldn’t believe me, even if I told him it wasn’t true. I didn’t want to lose him, and I never thought anything would come of our relationship once I came back here so I didn’t see the point in divulging this secret. I didn’t think he’d come here after, either.”</p><p>Lucas snaps his jaw shut from where it had been hanging open. He sets his fork down—much more gently than Jaehyun had—and says, “Fear makes us do really dumb things, Jaehyun.”</p><p>It’s not really what Jaehyun was expecting. He thought Lucas would be angry, because now that he’s voiced it out loud, Jaehyun realizes exactly how dumb it sounds. In his own head he can try and make it make sense, but now that he’s told someone else, it all just sounds so—avoidable. </p><p>“I—okay, look. I don’t really know a lot about professional sports or the people who play them, but I do know that there is a distinct lack of players who have come out,” Lucas says, careful and quiet. Even though Jaehyun appreciates it, it still makes his back tense up uncomfortably. “Maybe it’s not a good time for you. Maybe it will <em>never</em> be a good time for you, but you should know that whatever you’re scared of in regards to people knowing, uh, things about you, you shouldn’t be afraid to tell your friends.”</p><p>Jaehyun knows that Lucas is talking about his friends in Seneca Falls, but it hits home regarding his teammates in Chicago, too. He knows he doesn’t owe it to them to tell them about his sexuality, but they’ve been patient with him and indulgent and supportive. Jaehyun—Jaehyun <em>wants</em> to tell them. </p><p>And if he fucks everything up between them, at least he probably wouldn’t have too much trouble requesting a trade off the team for next season.</p><p>Lucas has gone back to eating his salad, picking through it methodically to pair pieces of leafy green lettuce with slices of cucumber or a cherry tomato. Jaehyun stares down at his own plate before realizing that his pancakes are probably quite soggy with syrup by now. He presses down the tines of his fork on the stack just to watch the syrup ooze out between them.</p><p>“If I—if I wanted to apologize,” he starts, not looking up from his breakfast. He can hear Lucas’ fork pause in its sorting. “Do you think—should I just. Go? To Seneca Falls?”</p><p>Mark had said he wasn’t welcome, but Jaehyun could feasibly drive out there and drive home on the same day. He could probably do it on one tank of gas, too. All he’d need to do is stop in for an hour, apologize to everyone under the sun, and drive back out again. </p><p>“You could,” Lucas says. “They won’t toss you out or anything. Is it for your benefit, or theirs?”</p><p>Jaehyun pauses, then says, “Both, I guess. Obviously, I want the opportunity to apologize to them for the secrets and if I abused their trust, but it would make me feel better, too. I don’t think I realized how much the town and everyone in it meant to me until I left. I don’t want this to be the way I remember my time there: marred by an ugly scar.”</p><p>Lucas hums. When Jaehyun chances a glance up, he’s smiling. He kicks Jaehyun lightly under the table and says, “You’ve made some mistakes, but haven’t we all? You’re a good guy, Jaehyun. Mark’s angry now, but he doesn’t hold grudges. It’ll be fine if you drive out to the falls after your season is over.”</p><p>Jaehyun knows that he doesn’t need Lucas’ blessing to do anything, but somehow it feels better to have his approval and opinion, to know that he won’t be driving blind into a situation that could blow up in his face. He kicks Lucas back under the table and says, “Thanks.”</p><p>“Of course, of course,” Lucas says breezily, waving his fork around. Suddenly, his eyebrows raise in surprise, like an idea has just crossed his mind. “Actually, I just thought of something.”</p><p>“Oh?” Jaehyun asks nervously.</p><p>Lucas offers him a blinding grin. “Don’t worry, don’t worry,” he says. “It’s nothing serious. I just thought … do you think you could get me and Jisung tickets to game five when you guys come back from LA?”</p><p>Jaehyun blinks, relief sliding over him like a soft blanket. He can’t help but laugh, hard enough that he has to put his fork down. Lucas smiles at him the whole time. </p><p>“Yeah, I think I can manage that,” he says. “I’ll text you the details.”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>They split the games in Los Angeles, too.</p><p>It annoys Jaehyun to no end. The Dodgers are a much better team than the Marlins had been, but Jaehyun knows that they could’ve taken both games in the California sunshine. It means they’ll be back in LA for a sixth game of the series, and that their next game back home is all the more crucial. </p><p>They have a day off between the games, so Jaehyun invites Johnny and Doyoung over to make use of his Playstation. They play MLB The Show and, predictably, take turns running up the score against the pixelated Dodgers in the ways that they couldn’t against their real-life counterparts. </p><p>They can only play one at a time this way, so Jaehyun spends a lot of time curled up in the armchair, watching Johnny yell at the television. It leaves him a lot of time to think, really, and he can’t help but let his mind wander back to the conversation he’d had with Lucas.</p><p>
  <em>Whatever you’re scared of in regards to people knowing things about you, you shouldn’t be afraid to tell your friends.</em>
</p><p>Would now be a good time to tell them? Is there a good time to come out to people involved in an industry where Jaehyun has never felt comfortable in his own skin? He suddenly feels like he’s sitting on Sejeong’s back porch again, trying to muster up the courage to tell this almost-stranger his most well-guarded secret: his chest feels tight and his palms feel sweaty, and every time he opens his mouth to say something, he ends up swallowing his words down instead.</p><p>“Yo, Jae.” </p><p>Jaehyun lets his eyes refocus, nods at Johnny to show him he’s listening. Johnny’s brow furrows all the same. “You okay over there? Want a turn crushing some Dodgers?”</p><p>Jaehyun inhales slowly. He could wait to tell them until after the series, when it wouldn’t be a distraction, but then again, it shouldn’t <em>be</em> a distraction in the first place. Jaehyun’s telling them he’s gay, the same way he’d tell them he’s getting a dog. It’s not like he’s telling them he killed a man.</p><p>“Uh, sure,” he says on the exhale, standing up and wedging himself between Doyoung and Johnny on the couch. The game has gone back to the team selection menu, and Jaehyun hits start on autopilot, watches as the digital likeness of himself settles into the dugout while pixelated Yuta steps into the batter’s box.</p><p>“You doing okay?” Johnny asks when Jaehyun earns himself his second strike. He’d been slow on the swing and had whiffed on the ball entirely. “You seem a little—tense.”</p><p>Jaehyun can feel Doyoung’s eyes boring into the side of his head. His fingers move across the controls for the game and Yuta earns himself a third strike. Out. Jaehyun cringes. He sets the controller down gingerly on the coffee table and says, “Actually, I was wondering if I could talk to you guys? About … something?”</p><p>Doyoung leans over and presses pause on the controller, then hauls his legs up onto the couch so he can turn and face Jaehyun fully. It’s a little unnerving, to have all that attention. Doyoung worries about them a lot, and Jaehyun can’t think of anything more worrying than this.</p><p>“Yeah, of course, dude. What’s up?” Johnny says, turning to lean against the arm of the couch on Jaehyun’s other side.</p><p>Jaehyun fiddles with a loose string on his sweatpants. <em>It’s fine</em>, he tells himself. He told Sejeong. He told Irene. He told Sehun, and eventually everyone else in Seneca Falls just <em>knew</em>, but telling Johnny and Doyoung will be different. They grew up like Jaehyun did: in dugouts and clubhouses where being gay was the butt-end of the joke, the scary result of not being able to score the girl. </p><p>He doesn’t realize that he’s crying until Doyoung puts a hand on his knee and says, “Hey, Jaehyun, it’s okay. Don’t cry. Whatever it is, it’s okay.”</p><p>Jaehyun’s next exhale comes out sounding more like a sob than anything else, and he ducks his head, embarrassed, burying his face in his hands. Johnny rubs his back in wide, slow circles while Doyoung continues to pat his knee and reassure him. </p><p>Jaehyun is so afraid to lose this.</p><p>The tradeoff, though, is losing himself. He knows this now, understands that the taste of freedom he got in Seneca Falls will forever make his life here in Chicago lacklustre if he continues to keep this secret to himself, and if he can’t tell Johnny and Doyoung, who can he tell?</p><p>“When I was away this summer,” he says, voice watery and muffled by his hands, “I met a guy.”</p><p>Johnny’s hand doesn’t slow on his back, and Doyoung’s grip on his knee doesn’t waver. They are steady, just what Jaehyun needs.</p><p>“I met a guy, and I didn’t want to let him go,” Jaehyun whispers, “because here—in Chicago, in baseball—I can’t have a guy. I can’t ever have a guy and have a career, so I left him behind. Him and all the friends I made in the town where I was staying.”</p><p>“Jaehyun,” Johnny says quietly when another sob wracks Jaehyun’s body.</p><p>“I was being blackmailed,” Jaehyun adds. “There was a note that my agent and the PI found. It said if I didn’t walk away from the Cubs, they’d reveal my secret. I thought—I thought they knew. I thought they’d tell everyone that—that I’m—”</p><p>He doesn’t know if he can finish the sentence, but he has to. Doyoung and Johnny are quiet, patient, and they haven’t pulled away even though they must know how the story ends. It gives Jaehyun just enough courage to say, “I’m gay.”</p><p>The menu music for their video game creates a dramatic backdrop for Jaehyun’s confession, but Jaehyun can barely hear it over the roaring in his ears. Tears fall into his hands as fear tightens its hold around his heart, his lungs, his entire being. Every moment that passes where Johnny and Doyoung don’t say anything takes Jaehyun further and further down the road of regret.</p><p>Finally, Doyoung says, “Oh, Jaehyunnie,” and the next thing Jaehyun knows, he’s got Doyoung draped across his back in a strange proximity of a hug. “Jaehyunnie, it’s okay. It’s okay.”</p><p>“Don’t cry,” Johnny adds. He manages to extract his hand from between Doyoung and Jaehyun, and slides off the couch. When he wraps his hands around Jaehyun’s wrists, Jaehyun knows he’s kneeling on the floor in front of him. “Hey, it’s okay, Jaehyun. We’ve got you.”</p><p>Something inside Jaehyun eases. A weight, maybe. A secret, fading into the background. For as long as Jaehyun is playing, he’ll probably always have the weight of his sexuality to carry around with him, like extra baggage, but for now, the heaviness lifts just a little. The fact that Doyoung and Johnny have not left him, have not recoiled from him and rejected him, makes this admission feel less like he’s confessing a sin to be judged for.</p><p>He doesn’t know how long they sit there, like some conglomeration that refuses to be separated. Eventually, Jaehyun sits up; it was getting hard to breathe with Doyoung lying on top of him, bending him in half.</p><p>Johnny’s smiling at him when he wipes his eyes. His whole face feels puffy and swollen and uncomfortably wet, but Johnny seems to ignore all this and goes in for a hug, drawing Jaehyun in and whispering, “Thank you for telling us.”</p><p>“It must have been really hard,” Doyoung adds, petting Jaehyun’s hair gently. “It makes me feel even sorrier about what you went through earlier this summer.”</p><p>“Hey, yeah,” Johnny says, pulling away and hauling himself up so he can perch on the coffee table. “You said someone blackmailed you?”</p><p>So, then—with a stuffy nose and puffy eyes—Jaehyun has to tell them all about the guy who tampered with the drug samples and set him up and blackmailed him without actually having any other dirt on him. An eventful three weeks, really.</p><p>“Wow,” Doyoung says, slumping back against the couch. “That’s—”</p><p>“—fucked up?” Johnny offers. “Like, seriously. That’s so messed up. I thought stuff like that only happened in the movies.”</p><p>Jaehyun shrugs. “Yeah, I mean. I guess the recap makes it sound kind of—ludicrous.” </p><p>Johnny laughs and manages to knock the Playstation controller off the table. It bounces on the floor and the music on the television changes. Something less—intense. </p><p>“What would you have done if Irene couldn’t figure it out?” Doyoung asks. “Would you, like, just not have come back? Or just accept a suspension from the league?”</p><p>“Or come out?” Johnny asks.</p><p>Jaehyun’s breath catches in his throat.</p><p>He hadn’t—he’d never given it much thought; he’d always just believed Irene could sort things out for him. To think any other way would have been too depressing. The only reason Jaehyun had been a functional human-being in Seneca Falls was <em>because</em> he knew he would come back to Chicago, knew that Seneca Falls wasn’t forever.</p><p>And the idea of publicly coming out—the idea is laughable at best.</p><p>“I guess the suspension would have been the best option,” Jaehyun mumbles. “It would be a major blow to my career, but I guess at least I’d still <em>have</em> a career.”</p><p>“Still sucks,” Johnny says vehemently. “At any rate, we’re glad you’re back with us, Jaehyunnie, and you being gay doesn’t change anything about you. You’re still you.”</p><p>“Thanks,” Jaehyun says. He exhales slowly, the tension leaving his body at the same time. “I—it means a lot to me that you’re okay with it.”</p><p>Doyoung frowns. “Jaehyun,” he says. He looks—sad. “I know that this sport is not really friendly about things like this, but I hope you know that anyone who knows you will accept you for who you are. Like Johnny said, you’re still you. You haven’t changed at all in our eyes just because you told us you like guys. You’ll always be our shy little rookie.”</p><p>Jaehyun groans. “Oh my gosh, please,” he mutters, but he can’t help the private little smile that creeps onto his face. Johnny and Doyoung grin back at him.</p><p>“We’ve got your back always, Jaehyun,” Johnny says, ruffling his hair. He scoops up the fallen Playstation controller from the ground and hands it to Jaehyun. “Thank you for trusting us. Don’t worry, you can count on us … to go to bat for you.”</p><p>Jaehyun groans, slumping back into the couch as Johnny cackles. He kicks Johnny’s shin and says, “Get out of the way. You’re blocking the tv.” </p><p>Johnny slides off the table and crams himself onto the couch on Jaehyun’s other side. It feels nice to have his best friends pressed against him like this, supportive and loving. Jaehyun still feels a bit jittery, residual panic trying to escape his body by way of his trembling hands on the controller, but Jaehyun feels better knowing that he’s told Johnny and Doyoung that he’s gay and the world hasn’t collapsed at his feet. Maybe he’ll find the courage to tell some of the others; maybe after the series, or after the season. Or maybe next year. Regardless, Jaehyun feels a small sliver of happiness bloom in his chest, a welcome feeling bursting through the remains of the panic and anxiety and taking root.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Despite the happiness, despite the confidence, they lose game five at Wrigley Field.</p><p>Jaehyun allows himself one long moment to look out at the field. If they lose their next game in LA, they won’t be coming back. There won’t be another game at Wrigley until next season, and there’s still a pervasive fear in the back of Jaehyun’s head that he’ll be traded in the off-season because of what’s happened to him here this season. The idea of losing Johnny and Doyoung, of having to start fresh with a new team and keep secrets from them too is. Unappealing at best. Terrifying at worst.</p><p>Nothing changes after his breakdown and subsequent confession to Johnny and Doyoung. He’s not sure why he thought it would, but it was always something he had been worried about whenever he thought about the possibility of telling them; like no matter what they said to him, they would still act differently around him in the end. He’s relieved to find that that’s not the case. Johnny still bounds across the clubhouse to show him dumb memes in person instead of just sending them to the group chat, and Doyoung still hovers around Jaehyun’s stall and complains about his latest health food trend of his haircut or this, that, and the other thing. It’s all startlingly normal, and Jaehyun is extremely grateful for that.</p><p>Lucas texts him periodically as well. Sometimes they’re photos from a fashion shoot. Sometimes they’re just little messages about his day, which Jaehyun diligently replies to. Once, it was a picture of Jisung, looking completely fascinated inside a Whole Foods. Jaehyun stares at that picture for a long time and wonders if Jisung hates him too. He wonders how Seneca Falls is doing.</p><p>He never asks Lucas; he doesn’t think he’s allowed to be privy to that information anymore, but it doesn’t stop Jaehyun from wondering. He ponders it in the car from Wrigley to home, and then from home to the airport. Is Taeyong’s business doing okay? Has anyone else stopped by to keep Sejeong company in that big empty house? How many books has Jaemin read in the time since Jaehyun left? Little things.</p><p>The other thing that takes root in Jaehyun’s head and doesn’t leave, is Doyoung’s question. <em>What would you have done?</em> Hindsight is 20/20, they say, and now Jaehyun has the luxury of being able to look back and think of what he would have done. Abandoning baseball was never an option, so that left taking the suspension or—or coming out.</p><p>How would coming out have changed his career trajectory? For a long time, Jaehyun had thought it was never an option, but now he’s—curious, and he knows the reason why his curiosity has been piqued.</p><p>Coming out to Johnny and Doyoung had been a relief, much in the same way it had been to tell Sejeong and Irene. The more people Jaehyun tells, the less tension he carries in himself. He hasn’t enjoyed lying to people to protect himself, but it had always felt necessary. Even though these are just four people, they’ve shown Jaehyun that some people will support him and regard him the same way that they always have. His sexuality doesn’t have to define him.</p><p>He calls Irene when they touch down in LA. His hands are sweaty, but Jaehyun pretends it’s because of the balmy California weather rather than nerves.</p><p>“Hello,” Irene drawls when she picks up. “Was your flight good?”</p><p>“Sure,” Jaehyun says, staring out his hotel window at the sprawl of concrete buildings in front of him. “Why wouldn’t it be?”</p><p>“I don’t know,” Irene replies. “I couldn’t think of any other reason for you to call me right now.” </p><p>Jaehyun bites his lip. It’s true that he doesn’t usually call Irene up just to chat, but somehow that makes this conversation even more daunting, like it carries weight. This is a professional call, even though Jaehyun would very much like it to be personal.</p><p>“I was just, uh, thinking about something,” he says. The air conditioner clicks on, blasting Jaehyun with cold air even though it’s probably not needed. “And I guess I wanted your opinion on it?”</p><p>Irene hums. Jaehyun can hear the sound of her nails tapping against her desk. It’s already mid-afternoon in Chicago. Is Irene thinking about when she can clock out for the day? Or does she have a lot of work piled up that she needs to get through? Will Jaehyun be adding on to that?</p><p>“If it’s about suing the Cubs for breach of contract, I can definitely get behind that,” she says after a long pause.</p><p>Jaehyun’s brain short-circuits. “What?” he asks, then, “No. That’s not what I’m calling about and that’s also not something that was even on my mind. Let’s not go down that path. I’m just happy to be back playing baseball again.”</p><p>It’s not a lie, but there’s a touch of wistfulness in his voice that Irene must pick up on. “Okay,” she says. “Then this is about … ?”</p><p>“I, uh—” Jaehyun stutters, the words sticking in his throat. He doesn’t know how to start. “I told Johnny and Doyoung about—guys.”</p><p>“About guys,” Irene repeats dryly, but Jaehyun can tell that she understands what he’s trying to say. “Eloquent as always, my dear, but anyway, good for you. I’m proud of you.”</p><p>“Thanks,” Jaehyun says. He’s sweating, despite the air conditioner. “It was really nice. Like, I feel better—about myself. I feel better about myself, yeah.”</p><p>“Jaehyun,” Irene says. It’s not a warning, nor is it cautionary. Just his name. Jaehyun swallows. </p><p>“It felt like a relief. Every time I tell people, it feels like a relief, like I don’t have to carry such a heavy burden with me all the time. Maybe it’s because I work myself up beforehand; I get so worried that they’ll turn their backs on me or they’ll be disgusted, but people never are. I know that it won’t be like that for everyone but—but I was thinking—or I was wondering …” He trails off, the wind deflating from his sails as he gets to the crux of it all.</p><p>Irene doesn’t say anything, clearly waiting for Jaehyun, but when their silence stretches out she sighs. Jaehyun feels his entire body tense. “You already said it, but not everyone will be as accepting as the people you’ve already told,” she says carefully. </p><p>“Yeah,” Jaehyun breathes. </p><p>“If  you were thinking about telling management about it, I don’t think it would be a bad idea. After the bad publicity they had when you were away this summer, the last thing they’ll want is a scandal where they traded your or sent you down to the minors because you’re gay. They’ll definitely be careful about how they handle a lot of their front office decisions regarding you and your contract if they know about this.”</p><p>Jaehyun hadn’t really factored the team brass into the equation. He’d been thinking of a bigger picture, but he realizes now he’ll have to tell management before he takes any more … drastic measures.</p><p>“And what about after management?” he asks, dismayed by how breathless he sounds.</p><p>Irene hums. The tapping of her fingernails speeds up. “As your agent, I can’t say it would be in your best interest. I will, of course, always be in your corner and will fight for your position on this team or any other, but I can’t make any guarantees for the future of your career. As your friend, though, I think you should do what will make you happy.”</p><p><em>Easier said than done,</em> Jaehyun thinks. What would make him happy is to have both: baseball and Mark, but there’s so much uncertainty about what would happen if he made some sort of announcement. </p><p>“Jaehyun,” Irene says, as if she can tell he’s starting to fall down a rabbit hole. “You do have the benefit of being an established player already—and a good player, at that. It’s not like you’re some nobody trying to break in. The league knows how good you are, and you’re young, too. You have a lot of years left in your career, and if the Cubs don’t want you during your prime, I’m certain I can find a team that would.”</p><p>“I’d like to stay with the Cubs,” he says quietly. </p><p>“Of course, of course,” Irene says. “Johnny and Doyoung are here, and I’m sure it’s the closest team to … wherever you ended up this summer. Obviously I’ll try and keep you here, but if it’s your career in general you’re worried about, I think that it won’t be a smooth ride, but it won’t be as rocky as it could be.”</p><p>“So,” Jaehyun starts, circling back around to the reason he had called in the first place. “Do you think—? Should I say something?”</p><p>Irene hums again. “Talk to management first, just so they’re not blindsided,” she says. “And then, the rest is up to you. You can be as outright or vague as you want. You can do a video or we can hold a press conference or you can toss a rainbow flag picture up on your Instagram and call it a day. I’ll follow your lead on this one, Jaehyunnie.”</p><p>Jaehyun sinks down on the bed. The idea is so tempting, but he’s afraid, too. Irene has reassured him about his career but there’s still a touch of apprehension that hangs over his decision. To open himself up and let himself be scrutinized by the public is daunting; it’s just whether or not he thinks it’ll be worth it in the end.</p><p>“Thanks, Irene,” he says. “You’ve been really helpful.”</p><p>Irene laughs. “Well, that’s what you pay me to do,” she says. “Now, rest. You have a game tomorrow and I’m expecting a win from you so that we can finish this off in Chicago in a couple of days.”</p><p>“Okay, okay,” Jaehyun says. “I’ll try my best.”</p><p>“And that’s all I can really ask for,” Irene says before the line goes dead.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>They lose the game in LA.</p><p>It’s not any one particular thing. No unforced errors, no fielding mistakes or wild pitches. Just—a combination of not enough runs scored by the Cubs and too many scored by the Dodgers. Jaehyun slinks off the field to the sound of the home team cheering along with their devoted fans.</p><p>The visitor’s locker room is quiet as they file into the room. Jaehyun takes the opportunity to look around and take in his teammates: some of them will be traded in the offseason, some of them will sign with new teams with the expiration of their contracts. They’ll never have this exact group of guys together again, and it makes Jaehyun’s chest ache. </p><p>“Hey,” Johnny says once everyone’s crowded into the room and their manager has left. He takes off his cap and runs a hand through his hair. “Obviously this wasn’t the way we wanted the game—or the series—to go, but I just wanted to say I love you guys. You’re the best group of fucking guys I’ve had the chance to play with, and I’m proud of what we could accomplish.”</p><p>“Here, here!” someone hollers back.</p><p>“Fuckin’ right!”</p><p>Jaehyun whistles. </p><p>“Have a great fucking offseason and I hope I don’t have to see your ugly mugs playing on the field across from me next season,” Johnny concludes before sitting down heavily in his stall.</p><p>The mood lightens after that. It’s never a great feeling, to lose a game and lose their chance at bringing home a trophy, but with the offseason comes the chance to relax a little. Go on vacation, spend time with the family. Jaehyun’s never done any of those things, but he knows his teammates do.</p><p>“Maybe I’ll go to Barbados for a vacation,” Doyoung muses as they pack up and board the chartered bus that will take them to the airport. “Lie on a beach and do nothing for two weeks.”</p><p>“Ugh, lucky,” Johnny says. “My mom wants us to go to Korea over Christmas to see her parents, which is fine, except that it’s always cold as balls in Korea in the winter.”</p><p>“You grew up in Chicago,” Jaehyun points out. “What’s the difference?”</p><p>“Ha ha, very funny,” Johnny says dryly. He slumps into the seat in front of Jaehyun and Doyoung and sticks his head between the headrests comically. “What about you, Jaehyunnie? What are you going to do with your offseason?”</p><p>Jaehyun shrugs as the bus starts to move. “I don’t know,” he says. He’s suddenly very aware of how—boring his life sounds now that he’s actively thinking about all the things he doesn’t do when he’s not playing baseball. “Uh, stay home and stay in shape, I guess?”</p><p>Doyoung rolls his eyes. “Come on,” he says. “I’m sure you can find something more exciting to do. Maybe you can spend some time with your friend. What was his name? Lucas?”</p><p>Jaehyun feels his entire face heat up. There’s barely any inflection in Doyoung’s voice, but Jaehyun can tell what he’s implying. “Oh my god, no,” he mutters, which just makes Doyoung cackle. “I mean, maybe I’ll see if he wants to grab coffee or something but literally just as friends. I don’t think—well, I mean, it doesn’t matter. But, I don’t think I’m ready for ... Anything.”</p><p>Johnny hums. “You could go back to wherever you were,” he says, “and see <em>him</em>.”</p><p>Jaehyun’s breath catches in his throat. Finally, he manages to find enough words to string together to say, “I don’t think he wants to see me.”</p><p>Johnny sighs. The bus rolls over a bump and his head knocks between the two headrests comically. Jaehyun can’t help but smile, despite the somber conversation. “Look, I don’t know this guy, and I do agree that you could’ve handled things differently, but he didn’t really give you a chance to explain yourself. He just came to Chicago, yelled at you in public, and then skipped town. I think the least he could do is just hear your side of the story.”</p><p>“He doesn’t owe it to me,” Jaehyun says. The lights of LAX have come into view, as well as the coming and going of jet planes. </p><p>They’re so far away from Seneca Falls. Jaehyun thinks about Mark flying here to pick up his brother and then just. Driving until they couldn’t anymore. Seeing this huge, sprawling city disappear in the rearview mirror. Running away from a problem instead of solving it. </p><p>Jaehyun bites his lip. He’s the one that made the bigger mistakes in the relationship, but for as far as Jaehyun ran in one direction from their problems, Mark ran just as far in the other. It’s what they’ve always done, and Jaehyun was more than ready to accept that.</p><p>Maybe he shouldn’t.</p><p>It’s the same as what he’d thought about when he had spoken to Irene: it’s not necessarily the fear of losing his career, or losing Mark. It’s the idea of opening himself up, letting people see the most vulnerable parts of himself and letting them judge him for it. Jaehyun’s kept everything about himself so close to his chest for so long; opening himself up feels like the insurmountable wall that’s keeping him from the happiness that people seem to think he deserves. </p><p>He should probably start believing it, too.</p><p>“Okay, well,” Johnny says, unaware of Jaehyun’s internal struggle. “I’ll be back after New Year so we should definitely get together. Oh, maybe for our birthdays. Doie, you should come, too.”</p><p>Doyoung sighs. “You want me to come from NYC just to hang out with you guys? You should come to me, instead.”</p><p>Johnny and Doyoung dissolve into bickering about where they should meet up to hang out and which week in February while Jaehyun ponders the more immediate future. The bus pulls up to the private part of LAX where their chartered jet waits. In a few minutes they’ll be up and on their way, heading back to Chicago. </p><p>Unlike Mark, Jaehyun’s not running away from anything as he departs LA. Instead, he’s flying straight into something head on, and he braces himself for the impact of the decisions that await him back in Chicago.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Three days after coming back from LA, Doyoung leaves town for New York City, Johnny takes a vacation to Florida, and Jaehyun calls Irene and says, “I think I’m going to do it.”</p><p>There’s a long pause on the other end of the line. “May I ask why?” she replies. “Not because I don’t think you should do it, but I just want to make sure that your reasons aren’t—misplaced.”</p><p>“Misplaced?” Jaehyun echoes.</p><p>“As in, I don’t want you to think you have to make some announcement for any other reason than it’s what you really, really want. I want to make sure no one is pressuring you into this.”</p><p>“Well, no one’s blackmailing me, if that’s what you mean,” Jaehyun says dryly. Irene makes an unimpressed noise in response. “I want to do this. I want to stop hiding. It’s wearing me down and I’m afraid of the kind of person I’ll become if I keep holding people at arm’s length. I feel like my whole life I’ve been hiding and I just—I want the chance to see who I can be when I don’t have a metaphorical anvil hanging over my head.”</p><p>Irene hums. “That’s fair,” she says after a moment. Then, she adds, “You’re calling because you want me to call management and tell them for you.”</p><p>Jaehyun blinks up at the ceiling and tries not to curse the fact that Irene knows him so well.</p><p>“I mean, if you don’t mind,” he says quietly. </p><p>Irene sighs, but she doesn’t sound annoyed. Merely—fondly resigned. “Have you thought about how you wanted to announce it?”</p><p>Jaehyun has thought about it. He had an entire four hour flight from Los Angeles to think about it. “Do you happen to have a rainbow flag?” he asks.</p><p>“Not one on hand,” Irene says. “I suppose you’d like me to pick one up for you, too.”</p><p>“If it’s not too much trouble.”</p><p>“And I suppose you’ll need a photographer, too. I heard Suh and Kim left Chicago already.”</p><p>Jaehyun bites his lip. “Is there, perhaps, a new handbag that you’ve been eyeing?”</p><p>Irene laughs. Jaehyun is relieved that she doesn’t sound annoyed. He knows he’s asking a lot of her: little menial tasks that will take up valuable time in her day, on top of asking her to represent him with the Cubs’ management group.</p><p>“No bag at the moment,” she says. “I’m still enjoying that Prada you got me when you came back. However, I have been eyeing a new pair of Jimmy Choo’s … “</p><p>Irene keeps him on the line for 10 more minutes, compiling a list of people she’ll need to call: his sponsors and brands that he’s been in the talks with and this reporter and not that sports journalist. The list seems to go on and on. It’s a lot of work, and Jaehyun knows he’s going to owe Irene more than a single pair of shoes by the end of it, but it’ll be worth it. He doesn’t know the exact outcome of everything, but he knows that whatever awaits him on the other side, the freedom to be himself will be worth the price.   </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Irene shows up at his apartment five days later with a tray of iced coffees, a rainbow pride flag still in its plastic packaging, and what looks like half the contents of her makeup drawer.</p><p>“I want this to look natural,” she says as she puts everything on the kitchen island.</p><p>“That’s natural?” Jaehyun asks, pointing at the makeup bag. “Just because I’m gay—”</p><p>“Oh my god, don’t do that,” Irene says, slapping Jaehyun in the arm hard enough that it stings, even through the sleeves of his long-sleeved shirt. “I just mean, I don’t want to slap a billion filters on it. I want it to look normal, which means we’re going to have to put some makeup on your face so that you look somewhat respectable.”</p><p>“What’s wrong with my face?” Jaehyun asks, feeling suddenly self-conscious.</p><p>Irene rolls her eyes and sits Jaehyun down on the couch. “Nothing, baby,” she coos. “Just, your forehead is extra oily today and you have a pimple on your cheek. Now sit still. This won’t take long.”</p><p>True to her word, Irene only takes a few minutes to even out Jaehyun’s skin and powder his forehead, which is perfect because it doesn’t give Jaehyun too much time to overthink things. Not that he hasn’t been doing that all morning anyway, but now that Irene’s here and patting makeup into his face, Jaehyun realizes that this is—real. This is really happening. He’s going to have a mini-photoshoot in his living room with a rainbow flag so he can slap it up on the internet and hope that he doesn’t become public enemy number one in baseball.</p><p>“Don’t get in your head about this,” Irene chastises as she dusts the last swipe of powder on his forehead. “I didn’t just put Giorgio Armani all over your face for you to back out now.”</p><p>It’s a joke. Jaehyun knows it’s a joke, knows he can back out any time he wants, but he’s still nervous. Irene pets a hand over his hair affectionately. </p><p>“We can also take the pictures and never post them,” she says kindly. Irene is always so business-like that it sometimes surprises Jaehyun when she acts more—human. “You can delete them in an hour if you want to, but Jaehyun. I think you want this. It’s okay to be scared—totally understandable, really—but I think you’ll really regret it if you don’t at least <em>take</em> the pictures.”</p><p>“You’re right,” Jaehyun mumbles. “I guess it just doesn’t really make things any easier.”</p><p>“No,” Irene says, “but if you get through this I’ll take you out for lunch, wherever you want.”</p><p>Jaehyun ponders this. “Can we order delivery from In-N-Out?”</p><p>He can practically see the exasperated sigh on the tip of Irene’s tongue. “Fine,” she says. “Now, get up.”</p><p>She tugs Jaehyun to his feet and then grabs the flag from its package on the counter. It’s severely creased when they unfold it, but Jaehyun’s not about to wait around for Irene to iron it. </p><p>“Drape it over your shoulders,” Irene instructs, aiming her iPhone at him. “Don’t stand in front of the window; I can’t see you. No don’t stand in front of the TV either, that looks dumb. Ugh, if you’re going to stand in front of the couch, we need to straighten the pillows.”</p><p>“Oh my god, Irene, they’re not going to be looking at the cushions of all things,” Jaehyun says, shaking the flag at her. “They’ll be fine.”</p><p>Irene bites her lip. “Fine,” she huffs, “but do you have anything nicer to wear?”</p><p>“You’re asking me this now?” Jaehyun complains. “What’s wrong with what I’m wearing?”</p><p>Irene eyes him up and down, so Jaehyun looks down at himself. He’s wearing a plain black long-sleeved shirt and a pair of grey sweatpants. </p><p>“Okay, fine,” he concedes. He puts the flag down on the couch and marches into the bedroom, Irene hot on his heels. </p><p>“Wear some jeans,” she says, ducking into his closet. A moment later, a pair of dark-wash jeans come flying out the door, too fast for Jaehyun to catch them. They land in a heap at his feet. “The shirt is fine but maybe we should put something over it?” The hangers rattle as Jaehyun struggles into the jeans. “Something fancy? Maybe just a sports coat? Or—oh. What’s this?”</p><p>Jaehyun’s not really sure what he expects Irene to come out of the closet with, but it’s not the jacket that Taeyong designed for him. He sits down heavily on the bed while she examines it with a critical eye.</p><p>“This is really nice, Jaehyun,” she says, rubbing the gold chains between her fingers. “When did you get this? <em>Where</em> did you get this?”</p><p>Jaehyun’s only half listening. Irene wants him to take a picture in the jacket Taeyong made him with a pride flag draped over his shoulders. It feels too pointed, like a statement to the people in Seneca Falls, and Jaehyun doesn’t know what kind of message they might take from it. </p><p>“Jaehyun?”</p><p>Jaehyun pulls him up from the downward spiral of his thoughts and glances up at Irene. She’s still standing there holding the jacket, looking very much like she wishes it came in her size.</p><p>“I got it when I was away,” Jaehyun says finally. “The brother of the boy I was—seeing, he’s a fashion designer. He made it for me.”</p><p>Irene’s eyes widen. “Oh my gosh,” she murmurs, running her hand along the sleeve ardently. “Could you <em>please</em> pass along his contact info? Jaehyun, if I don’t get a piece half as interesting as this, I might actually <em>die</em>.”</p><p>Despite the anxiety that gnaws at Jaehyun, he can’t help but roll his eyes at Irene’s dramatics. “Can we focus, please?”</p><p>Irene huffs, but she hands Jaehyun the jacket. “Fine,” she says, “but only if you wear this in the picture.”</p><p>Jaehyun balks. “Or, I could not,” he says.</p><p>“Look, I know whatever happened in your little hideaway was hard for you, but Jaehyun. This jacket deserves to see the world. Besides, people won’t know whether to talk about your cape or this magnificent piece of art. It will be great.”</p><p>Jaehyun eyes the jacket warily. Back during the summer—during his idyllic, perfect summer—Jaehyun had thought that he’d come back to Chicago and wear this jacket through the fall and be the talk of all his friends. He thought he’d tell them all it’s a piece from Cloud Nine, and that he’d drum up a lot of high-profile business for Taeyong, that Taeyong would finally get his chance to debut his work to an audience that would appreciate the intricacies of his custom work. Instead, when he’d received the jacket, all Jaehyun had felt was a swelling sense of shame in his belly.</p><p>But Irene is right. The jacket is too nice to just be sitting around in the back of Jaehyun’s closet, and even if he can’t ever make amends properly with Taeyong, maybe Jaehyun can still give him the business. He can tag Cloud Nine on Instagram and send his 10 million followers Taeyong’s way, like a peace offering.</p><p>“Fine,” Jaehyun says, slipping his arms through the jacket. As expected, it fits perfectly. It’s not too heavy, and the gold chains and pearl details don’t hinder Jaehyun in any way. It’s truly like a piece of art, and Jaehyun feels proud to be  wearing it.</p><p>“Now that’s an outfit,” Irene says dryly, hauling Jaehyun up to his feet. She pushes him back into the living room and goes through the process of framing Jaehyun all over again.</p><p>As Irene directs him and moves around him trying to find the best angle, Jaehyun can’t help but feel just a little bit more calm than before, like an odd little serenity has fallen over them as the afternoon sun casts long beams of light through the open window. There’s a lot of things that Jaehyun can’t control about his life, but this is something he can. He’d almost had the choice of coming out stolen from him, but now he gets to do this on his own terms. He can post the pictures today, or he could wait until tomorrow. Or next week, or a year from now. Jaehyun’s giving himself this opportunity, and he feels immensely grateful for that.</p><p>“Can you look a little more, I don’t know, sultry?” Irene says, steadying her arm against one of the kitchen island stools she’s dragged into the room. She looks funny, leaning over it so she can prop her arm up on the seat. “Like, pout a little more for me.”</p><p>“Oh my god, Irene, what is the point of that?” Jaehyun asks, but does as she asks and juts out his lower lip slightly.</p><p>“Well, we have to try and win your boy back, after all,” Irene says, snapping a couple more photos and then having them shift slightly as the sunlight continues to creep into the room.</p><p>Jaehyun squawks. “What?” he asks.</p><p>“Jaehyun, please,” Irene says, rolling her eyes. “I know you’ve been miserable here because of what happened between you and your boy. We’ll just post some gay-friendly thirst traps on your Instagram and then he’ll be back here begging at your feet for you to take him back.”</p><p>Jaehyun can’t help but laugh. The concept is so absurd. “If anything, I’m the one that needs to go grovel at his feet.”</p><p>“Hmm,” Irene hums. “Well, having some thirst traps on your Instagram probably won’t hurt your cause, then.”</p><p>Jaehyun feels his ears turn an alarming shade of red, but he tries to ignore it as Irene finally sets her phone down and orders him to, “take off that jacket—and hang it up nicely!—and wash your face. I know you and if you don’t do it now you’ll forget and break out.”</p><p>By the time Jaehyun comes back from the bathroom, Irene has already chosen the best photos from the bunch and edited them on her phone. He’s always a little surprised by how deftly she handles social media related things, but that might also be because Jaehyun has the Instagram savvyness of an 80-year-old man. He watches Irene tweak a few more things and then, before he knows it, she’s emailing them to him.</p><p>“So,” Irene says, locking her phone and leaning back against the couch cushions. Jaehyun can’t remember the last time she looked so casual. “What are you going to do with those?”</p><p>Jaehyun turns his own phone over in his hands. He knows that he should do it now, while he’s got some semblance of courage in his veins and Irene to hold his hand—metaphorically or physically, Jaehyun wouldn’t mind either—but he’s scared. Of course he’s scared. It’s probably one of the only major decisions he’s ever made where he’s felt uncertain. </p><p>With baseball, he’s always known that the ends will justify the means. Whatever he’s had to give up to get to where he is now has been worth it. With this—with <em>coming out</em>—there’s no guarantee that Jaehyun will get Mark back in the end. There’s no assurance of a happy ending.</p><p>
  <em>But maybe the happy ending is getting to be yourself, regardless of Mark Lee.</em>
</p><p>“I guess—I guess I’m just going to do it,” he mutters, opening up the Instagram app.</p><p>Irene hovers over his shoulder while Jaehyun goes through the painstaking process of choosing one of the photos and pondering over the caption. Finally, she snatches the phone from his hands and taps away, her nails clacking softly against the screen. When she hands him back the device, there’s a caption of rainbow hearts and nothing else. </p><p>“Like I said,” she says softly, “it doesn’t have to be explicit. You don’t have to tell people anything, but this is enough. People will take from this what they will.”</p><p>“Okay,” Jaehyun says, swallowing nervously. His thumb hovers over the little blue check mark in the top right corner when he pauses. “Wait,” he says, more to himself than to Irene.</p><p>He brings up the page to tag a person in the photo and types in Cloud Nine’s handle, tucking the little pin drop in the corner. “People might think you’re dating the designer,” Irene points out.</p><p>“‘People will take from it what they will,’” Jaehyun echoes. He doesn’t care what people think. They’ll click on the tag and go to Taeyong’s page and hopefully spend more time buying up his clothing than speculating whether or not he and Jaehyun are dating. Finally, once the tag is ready and the caption is re-read, Jaehyun sucks in a deep breath and posts the photo.</p><p>He immediately locks his phone and chucks it to the other end of the couch.</p><p>Irene laughs. She sounds relieved, and for the first time, Jaehyun notices how tense she had been this whole afternoon. He reaches over and squeezes her knee.</p><p>“Thanks,” he says earnestly.</p><p>She smiles back at him. “Of course,” she replies. “I’d say ‘anytime’, but really, I hope we never have to do something like this again.”</p><p>Jaehyun can’t help but laugh, adrenaline forcing the sound out of him. “Don’t worry,” he says. “I don’t have any more secrets.”</p><p>“Good,” Irene says. She picks up her phone and swipes away a dozen notifications before bringing up the Uber Eats app. “Now, come on, tell me what you want. I think I owe you a meal from In-N-Out. What kind of wine goes best with burgers?”</p><p>“Won’t it be bad with the milkshakes?”</p><p>“Oh, I didn’t think about that. We’ll save the wine for later. After five. We’ll be fine by then.”</p><p>It doesn’t escape Jaehyun’s notice that Irene is speaking in a way that implies that she’ll be here for the rest of the day. He appreciates that. The idea of being alone with just the internet and its newfound opinions of himself sound unappealing at best and nauseating at worst. Having Irene around to distract him is ideal.</p><p>“Thanks, Irene,” he says again. </p><p>Irene just smiles at him and taps away at her phone. Outside, the sun slices its way across the sky, afternoon sunlight filtering in through the window. Somewhere out in the American midwest, Jaehyun thinks, the same sun is shining through the window in the room at the top of the house at the Seneca Falls Bed and Breakfast.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Jaehyun stays off social media, but it doesn’t stop his phone from blowing up anyway. He gets messages from Johnny and Doyoung almost right away, which makes Jaehyun think that they have their post notifications turned on for him. Johnny’s message is mostly just a mess of emojis ranging from surprised faces to party-hat-wearing faces to two boys holding hands. Doyoung’s is more sincere, just a brief message that says, <em>Really proud of you. I’ll support you always!</em> If Jaehyun tears up a little, no one else has to know.</p><p>He gets a flurry of messages from Lucas, too. The first few are like Johnny’s: a text box full of exclamation marks; several celebrating emojis; a gif of Ryan cheering with a pair of pompoms clutched in his tiny orange paws. The last message to come through, though, has actual sentences. </p><p>
  <em>Nothing about the town has changed since you left. Everyone will be right where you would expect them to be.</em>
</p><p>Jaehyun knows what it is: permission. Lucas’ blessing to trundle back into a town Jaehyun had previously turned on its head and try to make amends. </p><p>He ponders the decision for half a day. While Jaehyun would like nothing more than to drive out to Seneca Falls and apologize profusely to all his friends, there’s a part of him that feels apprehensive. Sometimes people want space. Sometimes they don’t want an apology forced upon them. Sometimes it’s better to let sleeping dogs lie.</p><p>It’s the weather report, more than anything, that gets him to go.</p><p>He gets the alert on his phone in the morning: the midwest’s first winter storm is expected to blow through the region tomorrow. Expect half a foot of snow. Jaehyun’s new SUV will do fine, but the Maserati will be cooped up for the winter if there’s that much snow on the roads. Jaehyun finds himself standing from the couch and wandering into the bedroom, pulling out his Louis Vuitton carry-all and staring at how empty it looks.</p><p>Then he starts packing.</p><p>He calls Irene and puts her on speaker while he does so. It reminds him—suddenly and vividly—of the night he had fled Chicago the first time: just Irene on the phone and Jaehyun packing frantically for a future he was incredibly unsure of. </p><p>“I’m gonna—go,” he says lamely once Irene has picked up. He tucks two pairs of jeans and a pair of sweatpants into his bag. He’ll need some sweaters, too. It’s weird, trying to pack for the cooler weather rather than the summer.</p><p>“Okay,” Irene says, drawing the word out.</p><p>“I’m gonna go, like, win back the boy, or whatever,” he mumbles, feeling the back of his neck turn red.</p><p>Irene makes an undignified squealing noise. “Oh my gosh, Jaehyun!” she exclaims.</p><p>“It’s just—don’t get too excited,” he says, exasperated. He finds a couple pairs of shoes and tucks them into the bag as well. “I don’t even know if he’ll want me back or, like, run me off his front lawn with a frying pan or something.”</p><p>“We could definitely sue him for that, if he caused you bodily harm,” Irene says idly.</p><p>“Irene! We’re not suing anyone!” </p><p>“Then don’t give us a reason to!” Irene replies. “Win him back and avoid the frying pan at all costs.”</p><p>“Okay, okay,” Jaehyun says. He runs into the bathroom where his toiletry bag is still packed from LA. Another round of dejavu. “I’ll text you when I get there and then I’ll call you sometime with an update.”</p><p>“Be careful,” Irene says. “The roads are supposed to be bad in the next couple days.”</p><p>“At least it will give me a reason to stay, then,” Jaehyun says with a grin, and hangs up.</p><p>He sends a text to Lucas to tell him his plan and zips up his bag. There’s not much else he’ll need; baseball season is over so he doesn’t need his gear, and he’s only planning to stay for a short while so he doesn’t need the suitcase. Overall, Jaehyun feels empty-handed, like he’s forgetting something even though he knows he isn’t.</p><p>He’s about to haul the bag out to the front door when he does think of something. Jaehyun runs into the closet and pulls out one of the drawers. At the back of the drawer, under a pile of socks, is an envelope full of cash. Jaehyun leafs through it, pulls out 500 dollars, and shoves it into the pocket of his jeans. Then, he runs out to the kitchen to find his wallet.</p><p>He transfers the money and then rifles through the small mass of random paperwork that he’s folded up and shoved into one of the little side pockets. There’s a receipt from last June for Jamba Juice, and a ticket stub from a movie he’d gone to see with Johnny during the last off-season. Finally, he finds what he’s looking for.</p><p>The Seneca Falls Bed and Breakfast business card is a little crumpled, but none of the ink has faded and, overall, looks to be in pretty good shape. Jaehyun fishes his phone out of his back pocket and dials the number.</p><p>It’s 11 in the morning. Jaehyun’s not really sure what Sejeong might be doing, but the phone rings for quite a while before she answers it.</p><p>“Seneca Falls Bed and Breakfast. This is Sejeong speaking. How may I help you?”</p><p>“Uh, yes, hello,” Jaehyun stutters. He briefly wonders if he should have thought about pretending to be someone else, but figures Sejeong wouldn’t appreciate the surprise on her doorstep later. “It’s, uh. It’s Jaehyun.”</p><p>Sejeong is quiet for a long moment, and then she says, “Oh! Hello! How are you?”</p><p>Jaehyun tries to detect whether or not there’s any forced politeness, a customer service voice, but Sejeong sounds the same as always. Kind, energetic, bubbly.</p><p>“I’m—oh, I don’t know. I’ve been better, ha ha. How have you been?”</p><p>Sejeong laughs, too, though it sounds a little sad. “I’ve been doing okay,” she says. “It’s been quite quiet here until a few days ago. I’ve had a number of inquiries about people coming to stay, which I suppose is your doing, so, thank you.”</p><p>“My doing?” Jaehyun asks, confused.</p><p>“From your Instagram post,” Sejeong replies. “You tagged Taeyong’s clothing store in it. I think people want to actually stop by and check out his shop, so people have been calling to book rooms, though I don’t know how many of them will pan out with the weather looking so bad the next few days.”</p><p>Jaehyun feels like his heart is in his throat. Half of this crazy plan he has relies on Sejeong. “Actually, I was kind of calling about that,” he says. “I mean, not that I don’t miss talking to you, but, uh. I was wondering if you would have room for me to stay for a bit?”</p><p>Sejeong hums. “For how long?” she asks. </p><p>Jaehyun pulls up the weather report. “Probably a week?” he asks, scanning the long-range forecast. The storm is only supposed to last until tomorrow night, and by the end of the week the roads should be good to drive back here to Chicago again. </p><p>“Oh, okay. Well, it depends on when you were thinking of coming?”</p><p>Jaehyun looks at the clock. “I can be there in four hours?” he says.</p><p>“Oh!” Sejeong rustles around on the other end of the line. “I mean, yeah, of course. I didn’t think you were going to be here so soon, but yes. That should work. I’ll just have to fix up your room a bit and reshuffle a different booking, but that’s all fine. Don’t worry! Four hours! I’ll see you then!”</p><p>“Bye, Sejeongie,” Jaehyun says fondly before Sejeong abruptly hangs up on him. He pockets his phone, scoops up his bag, and heads out the door.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>The roads are fine, but Jaehyun keeps an eye on the ominous dark clouds forming in his rearview mirror as he drives. He’d chosen the Maserati, even though it would have been more practical to take the SUV, and if it snows as much as the weather claims it will, Jaehyun will definitely be making use of the full week in Seneca Falls, whether or not he patches up any of his relationships.</p><p>Even though she knew he was coming, Sejeong still manages to look surprised when she opens the door.</p><p>“Jaehyun!” she exclaims, and drags him into a hug so strong that Jaehyun drops his bag. “Welcome back! We missed you.”</p><p>Jaehyun feels his throat tighten with emotion. He gently hugs Sejeong back before untangling himself from her. “Really?” he asks, and hates how uncertain his voice sounds.</p><p>Sejeong eyes him critically before reaching around him and closing the door. She nudges his bag to the side so that it’s not in the way and says, “Come have some tea. I just put the kettle on.”</p><p>The kitchen looks exactly the same, though perhaps slightly more muted now that it’s late autumn sun filtering into the room and not the bright intensity of the summer illuminating every corner. Jaehyun thinks about the last time he was here, how it was Taeyong sitting across from him at the table. </p><p>“I’m sorry I left so abruptly last time,” he says, sitting down on the banquette. Sejeong stands on her tiptoes and pulls two mugs out of the cupboard. “And I’m sorry for—everything else, too.”</p><p>Sejeong tsks as the electric kettle clicks off. She pours the water into an awaiting teapot and brings everything over to the table on a tray. “What’s there to be sorry for?” she asks. “You got asked back to work while I was on vacation. Of course you weren’t going to stick around.”</p><p>Jaehyun fiddles with a loose thread on his sweater. “And the rest?” he asks nervously. “I kept a lot of secrets from you. From all of you.”</p><p>Sejeong shrugs. Her bangs are getting long and kiss the long curled edges of her eyelashes. “You’re allowed to have secrets,” she says thoughtfully. “And, from what I recall, you divulged secrets here, too. Look, Jaehyun, I’m not upset. I know now that you were under a lot of pressure and probably had a lot of issues to go through. You hiding your occupation from us doesn’t change the fact that you were still a good friend.”</p><p>Jaehyun bites his lip. “Mark said—Mark said I wasn’t welcome here anymore.” </p><p>He hates how small he sounds, like Mark’s words have mattered this much to him that he’s let them influence his relationships with the other people in this town. It seems silly, in light of how accepting Sejeong’s been, but there are still people in Seneca Falls that Jaehyun hasn’t spoken to. </p><p>Sejeong sighs as she pours the tea into the mugs and hands one to Jaehyun. She stirs a sugar cube into her own cup before saying, “Mark doesn’t speak for all of us. He had a lot more emotionally at stake than the rest of us. We’ve also had a lot of time to come to terms with why you didn’t tell us who you were, and now with your Instagram post, things make a little more sense.”</p><p>“Oh,” Jaehyun says, fiddling with the handle on his mug. “You saw that.”</p><p>Sejeong laughs, though not unkindly. “I know we’re a small town, but we don’t live under a rock,” she teases. “Jaehyun, I’m pretty sure you must be a <em>national</em> news story.”</p><p>Jaehyun shrugs. “I haven’t looked at the internet since I posted it, really,” he says.</p><p>Sejeong looks surprised, but her face smoothes out into something kinder as she reaches into her pocket and pulls out her phone. “Are you scared of what people have been saying?” she asks.</p><p>Jaehyun nods.</p><p>Sejeong taps away on her phone for a moment before sliding it across the table to Jaehyun. Jaehyun doesn’t look at it as she keeps talking. “Of course, there are some … less than nice things that people have been saying, but there are a lot of good things, too. I know it must be hard to personally filter out what you consume, but I saved some screenshots of things just in case.”</p><p>Jaehyun doesn’t know what on earth Sejeong might have been saving these references for, and she doesn’t elaborate, but he steels himself and glances down at the little screen in front of him.</p><p>The first picture appears to be a twitter search of his name. There’s only three tweets available for him to look at, but the comments are all very much the same.</p><p>
  <em>omg is this what i think it is???? is jaehyun coming out??? T___T</em>
</p><p><em>Yes!! King!!! knew i made the right decision stanning the cubs.</em> </p><p>
  <em>This picture is a gift. Hang it in the fucking louvre.</em>
</p><p>Before Jaehyun can say anything, Sejeong reaches over and swipes right on the screen. The picture changes to a news article from the Chicago Sun-Times. The headline reads, <em>Surprise Photo from Cubs SS Jaehyun Jeong Leaves Fans in a Tizzy.</em> </p><p>Jaehyun’s Instagram photo sits just below the headline, followed by a short description and then the first couple of paragraphs of the article.</p><p>
  <em>On Tuesday afternoon, for apparently no discernible reason, Jaehyun Jeong of the Chicago Cubs posted a photo to his Instagram that has stirred up quite a conversation. In the photo, Jeong can be seen posing with a rainbow flag draped around his shoulders. The multi-coloured flag has long been a symbol for the LGBTQ+ community.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>There was no caption under Jeong’s post other than a flurry of rainbow hued hearts, but fans are already speculating. If this is Jeong’s coming out, he’ll be the first player in any of the four major North American sports leagues to come out during his career and the only openly gay athlete currently active. It’s a huge step for the LGBTQ+ community, which has not always been widely welcomed into the fold of sports fans.</em>
</p><p>The next few pictures in Sejeong’s camera roll are much the same. More articles, ranging from The New York Times to Buzzfeed News. Screenshots from Instagram of fans who are thanking him for being brave and giving them courage to come out, too. Tweets from other athletes and celebrities praising him. Half a dozen photos of niceties that people have directed his way.</p><p>Jaehyun’s first thought is, <em>I don’t deserve it.</em> All he did was post an ambiguous photo, but he quickly dismisses the thought. He’s trying to be better at being kinder to himself, at letting himself <em>have</em> things. The comments are right: he was brave. He mustered up every ounce of courage and adrenaline in his body and made a public statement that could affect the course of his career. He can let himself have nice things once in a while.</p><p>“This is—really nice,” he says quietly, nudging the phone back to Sejeong. “Thank you.”</p><p>“Of course,” Sejeong replies. She tops up Jaehyun’s mug and then her own. “It didn’t fix everything here, but I think people were more understanding once they realized that you were in a difficult position when you left. The news articles about you leaving and rejoining the Cubs all said that you had been blackmailed. We put two and two together.”</p><p>Jaehyun had never read any of the articles concerning his disappearance and subsequent reinstatement. It had been an off-limits topic for the media any time he had been asked for a quote post-game, so Jaehyun didn’t really have a good idea of what facts people were sharing and what might be mostly fiction, though he’s sure Irene would’ve dealt with any of that.</p><p>“I don’t think it excuses you from meeting up with some people and offering an apology,” Sejeong says, “but if I were you, I wouldn’t be too worried about whether or not they’ll be willing to see you.”</p><p>Jaehyun nods and sips at his tea. “Should I go now?” he asks, thinking about Jaemin at the gas station, about Mark at the diner, and about all his teammates that he’d only ever really seen at the ballfield.</p><p>Sejeong glances over her shoulder out the window. When Jaehyun follows her gaze, he sees that it’s snowing. Big heavy flakes drift aimlessly through the air. There’s already a thin blanket over the back lawn.</p><p>“Better wait until tomorrow,” Sejeong advises. “Then we won’t have to worry about you getting lost in a snowstorm.”</p><p>“Good idea,” Jaehyun says, but it doesn’t help the restless energy that thrums through him. He wants to get going, wants to put everything to bed immediately so that he can’t fester on it any longer.</p><p>Sejeong must pick up on this, because she laughs and says, “If you’re so antsy, maybe I can put you to work. I’ve had a few things I’ve needed help with around the house, and Sehun and Junmyeon haven’t stopped by lately. Can I put you to work?”</p><p>“Sure,” Jaehyun says immediately. He drains the rest of his tea and sets the mug down on the table rather forcefully, like he’s just chugged a beer. Sejeong laughs. </p><p>“Perfect,” she says, standing and taking the tray over to the counter to be dealt with later. “Go take your bag up to your old room and then meet me in the office. I need help fixing one of the legs on the desk; it’s gone wobbly.”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Jaehyun goes to sleep that night on a Casper mattress in the room at the top of the house. When he wakes up, the entire town is blanketed in a thick layer of snow. </p><p>By the time he stumbles downstairs, Sejeong is already outside in a fluffy pom pom hat and a huge red puffy jacket, shoveling the snow on the driveway. Jaehyun stands on the porch, unsure of how to help. He didn’t bring any snow boots, nor a true winter jacket, but he’s not about to just let Sejeong do all the work herself.</p><p>“How can I help?” he asks, shoving his hands into his armpits to keep them warm.</p><p>Sejeong leans her snow shovel up against the garage and comes clomping back through the snow to the porch, where she stomps off the snow on her boots. “I think Sehun probably has some snow stuff here you can borrow.”</p><p>Jaehyun thinks Sehun would rather chew off his own thumb than let Jaehyun wear anything of his, but what he doesn’t know won’t hurt him. He trails inside after Sejeong and up to the room on the second floor that had been Sehun and Junmyeon’s for the summer.</p><p>The boots are a little big, but it’s not exactly like Jaehyun’s going to be going very fast anyway, hampered by the snow. Everything else fits well, including the truly horrendous fleece covered bucket hat monstrosity that Sejeong unearths from the back of the closet.</p><p>“You want me to make amends to the town wearing that?” Jaehyun asks, pointing at the hat in Sejeong’s hands. He’s starting to overheat in the jacket.</p><p>“I mean, you don’t have to,” Sejeong says, twirling the hat on her fingers, “but I think it’ll help your cause.”</p><p>Jaehyun figures he’d rather be laughed at for his poor fashion choices than for his efforts at apologizing, so he says, “Give me the stupid thing,” and jams it on his head.</p><p>He helps Sejeong clean up the driveway and then gets started on the sidewalk while Sejeong ducks back inside to make some breakfast. Jaehyun hadn’t said anything, but she had correctly predicted he would not want to go to the diner on his first day back.</p><p>The strange thing about snow is that it muffles everything. There’s hardly any colour to anything—even the bright cherry red of the Maserati is mostly covered by snow. The light is dim, the sun covered by a hazy layer of clouds, and the snow on the ground mutes a lot of noise, which is probably why Jaehyun doesn’t hear the people on the sidewalk behind him until they’re practically walking on top of him.</p><p>“Sejeong, did you need help with your driveway? Man, I didn’t think it was going to snow <em>this much</em>. It’s still October!”</p><p>Jaehyun doesn’t slip and fall from surprise, but it’s a close thing. His shovel skids along the sidewalk before jamming into a ridge in the concrete, the handle just about catching Jaehyun in the gut in the process. He swerves out of the way and just about uppends himself onto the front lawn for his troubles.</p><p>“Whoa,” Jeno says from behind him, grabbing for his arm. “Be careful.”</p><p>He and Jaemin must be able to tell that he’s not Sejeong. He’s too tall, but the ugly hat and the fact that they’ve come up behind him must have protected his identity thus far. Jaehyun doesn’t know why he’s worrying about it now; he had plans to go find the two of them after breakfast anyway.</p><p><em>It’s like ripping off a band-aid,</em> he thinks, bracing himself against the shovel. No time like the present. He straightens up and spins around, trying to paste his most apologetic smile on his face.</p><p>Jeno and Jaemin are dressed in similarly bulky snow gear, though Jaemin’s got a comically bright pink pair of fuzzy earmuffs on instead of a normal beanie like Jeno’s. They blink at him for a moment, before Jaemin whacks him on the arm with his glove and says, “Yah! Jaehyun! You should be more careful when you shovel the snow.”</p><p>Before Jaehyun can really process the words coming out of his own mouth, he says, “I don’t usually have to deal with it. I live in a high-rise in Chicago.”</p><p>For a split second, Jaehyun thinks he’s just really fucked everything up. Jaemin and Jeno just stare at him for a long, agonizing moment before Jaemin bursts out laughing, hard enough that he has to cling to Jeno to keep himself from falling over. Jeno offers both of them a fond smile.</p><p>“Oh my god,” Jaemin gasps. “Have you ever shoveled snow in your life before?”</p><p>Jaehyun puts his hands on his hips, offended. “I grew up in Connecticut,” he says. “Of course I’ve shoveled snow before.”</p><p>Jaemin’s still laughing, bent double, and Jaehyun watches in amusement as Jeno offers him a quick wink before pushing his husband over into the snow. Jaemin squawks and goes down in a heap, shouting as snow falls under the collar of his coat and down his back.</p><p>“Oh, it’s on,” he shrieks, gathering a handful of snow and chucking it straight at Jeno’s face.</p><p>Jeno splutters before bending down and scooping up his own handful of snow. Instead of throwing it at Jaemin, though, he turns with a wide grin and tosses it at Jaehyun instead. Jaehyun lets out an extremely undignified scream. </p><p>The three of them take shelter behind various points in the yard: Jaemin’s taken to hiding behind the sign advertising the bed and breakfast while Jeno’s scrambled up onto the porch. Jaehyun’s gone and hidden himself behind the small maple tree in the front yard. They’re all a little too far away from each other, so they lob gentle snowballs at each other that either fall short or burst halfway through the air.</p><p>“So, Jaehyun, what brings you back to Seneca Falls?” Jaemin calls from across the yard. He seems busy building an arsenal of snowballs at his feet.</p><p>Jaehyun’s got a mitt-full of snow clutched in his hands, trying his best to pack it down so that it wouldn’t fall apart halfway through his throw. He can toss a baseball over a hundred feet across the diamond if he needs to; he can hit both Jeno and Jaemin with a snowball if they would stop exploding halfway to their destination.</p><p>“I, uh, wanted to apologize,” he says, finishing the first of his two snowballs and starting on the second. “For not telling you about what I did for a living and who I was. Am. You know.”</p><p>Jaemin’s laugh rings out over the yard. “Yeah, we get it,” he says. He chucks a snowball at Jeno but it hits one of the support beams for the roof over the porch and bursts. “I’ve got to say, that was quite the surprise, getting a text from Jisungie with your face on a banner outside a proper baseball stadium.”</p><p>“I mean, I suspected for a while,” Jeno says, which earns him a couple of snowballs from Jaemin.</p><p>“Oh my gosh, don’t pretend like you had this all figured out before Jaehyun even left town! You didn’t know,” Jaemin says around a cackle.</p><p>Because he’s on the porch, Jeno doesn’t have anything to throw back. Instead, he sinks into one of the chairs and says, “Okay, fine, I didn’t know. But,I was suspicious and it’s not like anyone else ever questioned anything! You guys all just accepted that this awesome baseball player just dropped out of the sky into town to save our beer league team.”</p><p>“Oh,” Jaehyun says suddenly. “How did you guys end up doing?”</p><p>Jaemin laughs and throws a snowball at him. Surprisingly, it hits the tree next to Jaehyun’s face, making him flinch backwards. “Would you believe it if we told you we won? Definitely thanks to you for the couple games you were here for.”</p><p>Jaehyun can’t help it: he laughs. It makes him happy that he managed to do one helpful thing while he was here. “Well, I’m glad your team could win if mine couldn’t.”</p><p>“Yeah, sorry about that, man,” Jeno says. “That must have sucked.”</p><p>Jaehyun shrugs. It had. Losing—losing in the playoffs—never gets easier, but Jaehyun has a lot of years left to play ball and hopefully plenty more playoff opportunities. That is, if his coming out hasn’t derailed any of that.</p><p>“Next time,” he calls before jumping out from behind the tree and firing his snowballs.</p><p>The one he throws at Jaemin would definitely have made its target, but Jaemin manages to duck behind the bed and breakfast sign at the last minute. He slips on the slope of the flowerbed, though, and falls flat into the snow, which is probably just as good as having hit him in the first place. It makes Jaehyun double-over in laughter, forgetting about Jeno entirely.</p><p>Jeno bounds down the steps of the porch to haul Jaemin out of the flower bed. Around his laughing, Jaemin is trying his best to whine about how unfair it is that he’s fallen in the snow so much. Jeno does his best to brush him off, and finally, Jaehyun catches his breath enough that he can wander over and help.</p><p>“I’m sorry, again,” he says once his breathing is under control. He plucks the earmuffs off Jaemin’s head and jams his own pink monstrosity-of-a-hat on in its place. It matches Jaemin’s hair. “I should’ve been honest with you guys, especially after how nice you were to me. I was just—scared. I didn’t want to be found, and then, the longer I stayed, the more I realized I liked getting to be … not-me. I liked being this anonymous person.”</p><p>“Jaehyun,” Jaemin says through his chattering teeth. “Seriously, it’s fine.”</p><p>“Like Jaemin said, we were pretty surprised when Jisung sent us that picture, but we weren’t offended or anything. Okay, well, maybe Donghyuck was for a hot minute, but, like, generally we figured that you didn’t tell us for a reason and we had to respect that.”</p><p>Jaehyun can’t help the sigh of relief that escapes him. Jeno offers him a kind smile, eyes crinkling into little crescent moons while Jaemin coos at the both of them. “Thank you,” Jaehyun says to them both.</p><p>“You don’t have to thank us,” Jeno says earnestly while Jaemin says, “If you were really thankful, you’d get us tickets to Cubs games whenever we wanted.”</p><p>Jaehyun blinks and then laughs as Jeno attempts to push Jaemin back into the snow. “That’s not a problem,” he says. “Seriously. They give me an allotment every year but I’ve never used them. They’re all yours, if you want them.”</p><p>Jaemin crows, tossing an arm around Jaehyun’s neck and squeezing him tightly. “All is forgiven, then, Jaehyunnie,” he says. Jaehyun thinks it should sound weird, the nickname that Johnny and Doyoung and Irene use for him coming out of someone else’s mouth, but it doesn’t. It feels—natural, like it’s meant to be shared amongst Jaehyun’s friends.</p><p>He’s so distracted by the hug that he totally misses the handful of snow Jaemin’s clutching until it’s too late. The snow gets shoved down the back of his shirt, drawing a shriek out of Jaehyun as Jaemin and Jeno scamper away towards the bed and breakfast, just as Sejeong steps out the door.</p><p>“Boys,” she says, hands on her hips. “Time for breakfast. If you bring snow into the house, you’ll have to clean up the puddles.”</p><p>“Yes, ma’am,” Jeno salutes before stomping the snow off his boots and ducking past her inside. Jaemin takes his jacket off on the porch and shakes it out before he follows his husband, leaving Jaehyun standing out in the front yard, cold and a little bewildered.</p><p>Sejeong eyes him critically. “Well,” she says. “Are you coming? I made pancakes, and while I know they’re not as good as the diner, I do have caramelized pineapple syrup waiting.”</p><p>The snow is melting uncomfortably along Jaehyun’s back, yet he feels warmer and happier than he has since the summer. “Coming,” he calls, and bounds across the yard.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Jaehyun wishes he could stay in the safe haven of their little breakfast all day. It’s nice to sit around the table and listen to the banter between Jaemin, Jeno, and Sejeong. They catch him up on the town gossip, fill him in on what Sehun and Junmyeon are doing, and discuss whether or not they think Chenle will follow Jisung to the city.</p><p>“I still haven’t seen him,” Jaehyun admits sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck.</p><p>“It’s fine,” Jaemin says. “Jisung is the most awkward human alive, it’s probably for the best.”</p><p>The morning ticks on to the afternoon. They clean up the dishes and then fall back into the banquette with fresh cups of coffee, insisting that Jaehyun tell them about what he’s been doing in Chicago.</p><p>“There’s not much to tell,” he says. “I’ve just been playing baseball.” But he does tell them about running into Lucas at random and about trying a weird smoothie Doyoung had treated him to one afternoon in an effort to keep the conversation going.</p><p>Finally, when all the coffee has been had and the dishes are clean, Jaemin glances at his watch and says, “It’s probably been long enough by now.”</p><p>“Oh, yeah, definitely,” Jeno says idly.</p><p>Jaehyun glances between them while Sejeong just offers him a serene smile. “Long enough for what?” he asks.</p><p>“For Mark to be done his shift at the diner,” Jaemin replies happily.</p><p>Jaehyun feels the bottom drop out of his stomach. Talking to Mark about everything had been at least 70 percent of why he’d come out to Seneca Falls, but it doesn’t mean that he feels ready to face him. He probably never will, really, but just like with Jeno and Jaemin, Jaehyun will have to rip the band-aid off at some point.</p><p>“Oh,” he says, fiddling with his coffee mug. “Should I—?”</p><p>“He’ll be at home,” Jeno offers. “Taeyong will probably be at the store, so don’t worry about him. He’ll probably be easier to deal with after you’ve patched things up with Mark.”</p><p>Jaehyun bites his lip. “What makes you so sure he’ll take me back?” he asks. It’s reminiscent of the conversations he’s had with Irene. “He sounded pretty pissed off at me the last time I saw him.”</p><p>“Like I told you yesterday,” Sejeong says, reaching across the table and placing a comforting hand on Jaehyun’s wrist, “we’ve all had time to process what happened. Mark’s upset, still, but he’s not angry. He’s moved past that. At the very least, he’d really appreciate your apology, Jaehyun.”</p><p>If nothing else. It’s not a guarantee, but Jaehyun’s learned by now that nothing is. He can’t count on anything to play out the way he wants it too, but especially not if he doesn’t do anything to make those changes happen himself. With a resigned sigh, he slides himself out of the booth to put his mug in the sink and head to the front door to pull on his borrowed boots.</p><p>Sejeong, Jeno, and Jaemin see him off, promising to be waiting for him when he gets back. Jaehyun doesn’t know if this is reassuring or a little embarrassing, like they’ve all agreed to wait for him in case he comes back heartbroken and miserable. It’s a very real possibility, but Jaehyun doesn’t like to think about it.</p><p>He skirts Main Street and takes the long way around to Mark and Taeyong’s house. There’s not really anyone on the street, but he’s certain that his borrowed hat and jacket have done a good job of keeping his identity well concealed. It takes him an extra five minutes in all the snow and in the too-big boots, but eventually, Jaehyun is standing at the end of Mark’s driveway, hands shoved into his pockets, stalling.</p><p>He stands outside for so long that the front door opens and Mark sticks his head out, surprising Jaehyun.</p><p>“Hey, dude, are you okay?” Mark asks. He squints, like he can figure out who it is under all the layers, standing at the end of the driveway. “Do you need help?”</p><p>The surprise is enough to shock Jaehyun’s body into functioning again. He takes a tentative step forward, one foot in front of the other, until he’s shuffling up the driveway. When he arrives at the bottom of Mark’s front porch steps, he takes a deep breath and pulls off his hat, letting Mark see who he is.</p><p>“Oh,” Mark says, eyes widening before his face shutters and Jaehyun’s left looking at a mask of indifference. “It’s you.”</p><p>There’s something about the flippant way Mark speaks to him that annoys Jaehyun. “Yeah, it’s me,” he says, trying to keep the bite out of his voice. “Can we talk?”</p><p>Mark shrugs. “I mean, I guess,” he says, then waits, like he expects Jaehyun to start talking <em>now</em>.</p><p>“Do you want to get a coat and come out? Or are you going to invite me in?” Jaehyun asks. “Because I don’t think this half-and-half thing is going to work for you in the long-run.”</p><p>Mark scowls. He shuts the door in Jaehyun’s face, and Jaehyun fully expects that to be the end of their conversation until Mark opens the door a moment later, shrugging into a coat and stuffing his feet into a pair of snow boots. He shuts the door behind him and says, “Fine. Talk.”</p><p>Jaehyun knows he should keep his temper in check. Technically, he’s in the wrong, but he can’t help it. Mark’s attitude is getting under his skin the way it never had when they were—doing whatever it was they were doing together this summer.</p><p>“Okay, well, first of all: I’m sorry I didn’t tell you anything about who I was or why I was in town. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about the drug scandal, but as you hopefully know by now, that was a scandal that some ex-teammate of mine set up because he was jealous of the job I’d stolen from him. I’m sorry I never had it in me to tell you the truth, even after we started seeing each other, and I’m sorry that I made you think that I never wanted you when all I’ve thought about since I left Seneca Falls is how much better my life was with you in it. With everyone in this town in it, but especially you.”</p><p>He takes a deep breath, watches the way Mark won’t look at him properly. The tips of his ears have gone red, but whether that’s from the cold or from some sort of embarrassment or shame, Jaehyun can’t tell. He doesn’t look like he’s going to say anything, though, so Jaehyun forges on and says, “Second of all: fuck you.”</p><p>Mark laughs, sudden and seemingly involuntarily, based on the way he slaps a hand over his mouth in surprise. His eyes widen and he tries to swallow his giggles, which in turn makes Jaehyun smile.</p><p>“I guess I deserved that,” Mark says once he’s calmed down. “Lucas told me not to go to your game, but I couldn’t help it. I was so mad. In hindsight, I realize that was a supremely bad idea, especially with what we talked about. I knew you weren’t out to the public, but I still put you in a compromising position, and for that, I’m really sorry.”</p><p>Something eases in Jaehyun’s chest. If he can’t win back Mark today, at least he’ll have this: the apology off his chest, and one that he’s received in turn. If that’s all he gets, he can live with that.</p><p>“Thanks,” he says.</p><p>Mark wraps his arms around himself and says, “I know that how I feel is valid. Like, I know I have every right to be upset, but I get it, too. I know that you were scared and that it’s hard being out in sports and that there were a lot of things that probably held you back, but I appreciate your apology. So, thank you as well.”</p><p>Jaehyun nods. He doesn’t know what to say next, doesn’t know how to go about getting Mark to agree to date him for real. Now that he’s thinking about it, it seems like a supremely bad idea. Mark would be under a lot of scrutiny as Jaehyun’s boyfriend. If it were a public relationship, it would never have a private moment. Every interaction they shared—in person or online—would be picked apart by people eager to talk about baseball’s first gay man.</p><p>“I can hear you overthinking from here,” Mark says. “Stop it. You’re making my head hurt.”</p><p>“I don’t know what to do,” Jaehyun says, because it’s true. “I don’t know—I know how I feel about you, but I’d get it if you had moved on. I’m just that guy that had affection directed at me one time and decided to cling to it forever.”</p><p>Mark rolls his eyes and steps down off the porch, snow crunching under his feet. He hasn’t cleared the walkway or the driveway, Jaehyun realizes belatedly.</p><p>“Regardless of who you are and what you do for a living, being together was always going to be a challenge,” Mark says carefully. He leaves about a foot of distance between them, and Jaehyun yearns to close it. “But at the end of the summer I was willing to face those challenges. I wanted to try something serious with you.”</p><p>It’s been two months since Jaehyun left Seneca Falls. His heart beats dangerously quickly in his chest. “And now?” he asks, barely a whisper. His breath fogging in the air is the only indication that he’d spoken at all.</p><p>Mark shrugs. “You’re not so different from the guy I met this summer,” he says, “but I realize now that there’s a lot of things I don’t know about you. And probably a lot of things you don’t know about me. So, maybe we should start over.”</p><p>“I—okay,” Jaehyun says. “Yeah, that sounds. That sounds nice.”</p><p>Mark smiles at him, soft and pleased. He takes a step forward, and then another until they’re face to face, barely any space between them. “I’d like to take you on a date tonight, if that’s okay,” he says. </p><p>Jaehyun blinks. There aren’t a lot of date options in Seneca Falls. Mark rolls his eyes, like he can hear Jaehyun thinking. “Okay, fine. I’d like to invite you over for dinner later, because there’s not a lot of places to go to in Seneca Falls that aren’t a) somewhere I work or b) where all of our friends will be.”</p><p>“Okay,” Jaehyun says. Hope is swelling dangerously in his chest, blocking all his words and trapping them. </p><p>“Okay,” Mark echoes. “And, normally, I don’t really do this on the first date, but I’ve been thinking about you a lot since you left.”</p><p>Jaehyun gulps.</p><p>“Will you kiss me?”</p><p>It’s such a simple question, but it makes a grin explode on Jaehyun’s face, the giddy, hopeful feeling in his chest bursting forth like a balloon that’s been inflated past capacity. He reaches out and fits his hands on Mark’s shoulders.</p><p>“I would love to,” he replies, leaning in.</p><p>The kiss is much like the first one they’d shared at the physical Seneca Falls: soft and exploratory and a little nervous but also just—nice. It’s almost like a whispered promise, a commitment to try and work things out. It won’t be easy; nothing about Jaehyun’s life will be easy anymore, but Jaehyun feels more prepared than ever to tackle the storms that await him.</p><p>When they pull apart, Mark is smiling. He looks like the boy Jaehyun had met during the summer: sunny and easy going and understanding. There’s a lot of things that Jaehyun has left to uncover, all the little nuances and secrets that make up Mark Lee, but he’s prepared to put in the work. There’s nothing a little hard work and willpower hasn’t gotten Jaehyun before in life; he doesn’t think this relationship should be any different. </p><p>“Good?” Jaehyun asks, feeling breathless.</p><p>“Good,” Mark replies.</p><p>There’s no map for the path that Jaehyun’s life has taken a turn down, no manual to guide him on how to go about the off-season with a boy at his side. It’s not exactly a challenge that Jaehyun relishes in facing, but he feels better prepared for it now. He knows he has teammates he can lean on, knows that Johnny and Doyoung and the others will stick with him through thick and thin. He has Irene in his corner, backing him up the same she has for the past three years. And now he has Seneca Falls, too, a safe little haven where he had allowed himself to <em>be himself</em> for the first time in a long, long time.</p><p>It’s not perfect, but it’s good, and that’s all Jaehyun really can ask for.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>wow, if you made it here, congratulations! you survived that hot mess, haha. you can get in touch with me on <a href="http://twitter.com/monstplaza">twitter</a> or <a href="http://curiouscat.me/monstplaza">cc</a>.</p><p>you can now also find some fantastic fan art for this fic by twitter user venividijoppi! check it out <a href="https://twitter.com/venividijoppi/status/1362562363514376194?s=09">here</a> :)</p></blockquote></div></div>
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